Show written for the Satar saturday dav evening el post SAN SAM SMITHS soliloquy bythe by the beard of the prophet what a th thing it is to be a bachelor I 1 wonder Iwonder when this table was dusted last I 1 wonder vonder how long since that mattrass was turned or that carpet swept or what was the primeval color colbasin of that ewer and wash washbasin basin 11 christopher columbus how the frost curtains the windows how dirge like the moan s how like a great white jall the snow falls five times ave rung that bell for coal for this ric ketty old grate but I 1 might as well thump for admittance at the gate of paradise and speaking of paradise sam smith you must be mak married ried you a button to your shirt nor a shirt to your buttons if are such ate little monkeys to manage wonder if they must be bribed with a a new bonnet every day to keep the peace wonder if you brin ring home a friend unexpectedly to dinne rif they always take to their bed with the sick headache wish there was imy any way of finding out but by experience well sam you yon are a napoleonic looking fellow if you cant take the nonsense out of a woman who can hoai shall pet th the e little caiper ill marry a blae bine eyed woman they are the mosi most affectionate she must mast not be too tall a mans wife look down upon him she must not know too much the furies take your you pert cata mounty mount y scribbling women with a repartee always rolled up under their tongues she be over seventeen but how flow to find that out sam is the question it is about as easy as to make an editor tell you the truth his subscription list she must be handsome no she either I 1 should be as jealous as bluebeard blue beard all the perfumed pop insap would be egling ogling her but then again theres days in in a year and three times a dy day I 1 must sit opposite that con connubial nu face at the table U hats to be done yes she must be handsome that is as much a settled point as that louis napolean Napo leaa leau has a jewish t horror of ham 14 wonder if wives are ex expensive pensive articles wonder if their litte hands wera ever made to sra scratch toh out husbands eyes wonder if caudle caddle lectures are all in your eye 5 or oc casio nally in your ear wonder if babies invariably prefer this the nighttime night time to crypt to marry or not to marry sam whether tia itis better to go buti onless and to shiver or marry and be always in hot water cl theres tom hillot toms married I 1 was his bis groomsman I 1 would have given a small fortune to have been in his white satin vest what with the music and the roses and the pretty little bridesmaid the bride took look bewitching with the rose flush on her cheek and the tear on her eyelash and how provokingly happy tom looked when he whirled off with berin her in the carriage a arriage to their new home lind and what a retty pretty little home it was as to be sure it is f just not a year today to day since they were married 1 dined there yesterday it esme that tom dont joke as much as he used in his bachelor days and then he had a way too of leaving his sentences unfinished then I 1 noticed that his wife often touched his foot with her slipper under the tha table what do yon on suppose she did that fori for just as I 1 wits cottoning Cit battening toning up my coat to come away I 1 asked tom if he go up to Tamm hall all with me he looked at his wife a and she be isaid eaid oh zo eo by all means mr hillot 1 when tom immediately declined I 1 dont understand matrimonial tactics but it seems to me he ought to have obliged do you know john jones and his hia wife p peculiar peculiar name that jones well they are another happy couple it is enough to make bachelor eyes turn green to see them mrs jones had been four times a widow when she married john she knows the value of husbands she takes take s precious good care of john before he goes goas to the office in the morning mo she pops laer her head out the window to see if the weathercock herdock indicates a spencer cloak or tom an and d jerry this point poin t settled she follows him to the door and calls him bick back to close his thorax button if for or fear of quinsy does a shower come up in in the forenoon she sends h him clogs india rubbers an extra flannel shirt t and an oil 1 cloth overall I 1 and prepares two quarts of toiling boil ing ginger tea to i administer on his arrival for fear the damp I 1 should strike in if he helps himself to a t second bit of she immediately re moves it from his plate and applying a pocket bocket handkerchief han ban kerchief to her eyes asks him if be ge has the heart to make her for the fifth time a widow you sou can see with half an I 1 eve that john must be the happiest doo dog alive pd id like to see the miscreant apo who dares to say be i is s not I 1 certainly matrimony is an invention of well awell no matter who invented jr it I 1 pm im going to try it whores wheres my blue coat 1 with the tr bright ight brass buttons the woman I 1 my M buff vest and necktie neck can tie too may I 1 be shot if I 1 dont offer them both to the little widow Par diggle this very night cardig alep gle phoebus what a name f for or such a 11 rosebud rose bud pd fal christen re her by the euphonious f pho name of smith shell have me of i course coarse she wan wants 58 a husband I 1 want a wife theres one point alread already y in which we 4 S perfectly agree I 1 hate f preliminaries preliminaries I 1 I 1 suppose itis it ia annece unnecessary bior or me to begin isam with the ama amatory fiory fory alphabet with ft a widow sam you cari cad skip the rudiments say what yo youve zm g got t to 0 say in a fraction of a k second women en grow row as mischievous as I 1 satan if they think you are afraid of them I 1 11 do I 1 look as if I 1 were afraid just examine ina the growth of my iny whiskers the bearded lady hold bold a candle to them I 1 though I 1 wonder she dont to her own A hm h m ml m I 1 feel as if I 1 conquer A asia i what a tj the e mischief ails this cravat I 1 it must be the cold that makes my hand I 1 tremble so there do anite an i inspiration Bru brummel minel himself go beyond that now for the widow bless her little f round face pm im immensely obliged to tb old 10 j for giving her a quit claim ill mare make her as happy as a itt 4 do you think pd id bring a tear into her lovely 00 v blue eye do you think pd id hit bit after tea 0 with roy my back to her and my feet upon ahe he sli mantle staring up chimney for three hours le together do you think pd id leave her bles diel sed aed little side to dangle round oyster sa as att loons and theatres theartres the atres do I 1 look like a man to let a woman flatten her pretty little nose against the windowpane window pane night after ro tight night trying to see nice mee reel up street A no mr and mis adam were not moro more 11 beautified in their nuptial bower than I 1 I 1 shall be with the widow I 1 rl based by a widow who ever heard of such a thing welli well theres one com f ft I 1 f fort dyll ever believe i it she is n not 0 t so very pretty after all h her er eyes are too small and her hands are rough and red reddy dy not ko so very ready either confound the gipsy what amazing pretty shoulders she has well who cares if she be not fair for me what care I 1 how fair she be 1 ten to one shed have set up that wretch of a aPar Par digg diggle ae for my y modell who wants to b be e P Par ard diggle ig ae 2nd and ai I 1 a am m glad she i h have ave in me e I 1 I 1 me mean an pm m glad I 1 have her panny fern |