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Show -, ,,,- - - - t, , - 4 . , ''''' 12 4 :0,- -- -- ...4 , LI -- .4. - i 5., 0412 polite trdtZrat 1 - 7s - - kik . - tett , ' , : . If "The World Almanac" is to be 'f , . , , .' I - ' be- lieved, every Utahn has cause both for acknowledging the disgrace and also for doing something constructively to overcome the problem. This tragic problem is divorce. as many Utah has practically one-thir- d divorces as it has marriages. The 1956 peras many dicentage rate is nearly 32 vorces (2,140) as marriages (6,691 ) The diaverage for the nation is about 24 vorces (379,000) for the total number of marriages (1.524.000); These figures are not only startling, to say the least. but also they are challenging. To explain them, If indeed they can be explained, still does not alter them. The challenge is to alter them drastically downward. and the real question 1st How? In the adjoining columns, Mary Marker. editor of the Deseret News' popular column on marriage and family problems. "ConSidentially Yours," outlines succinctly some of the qualities most needed to be developed by married persons MinIntra that their marriage will prove successful. The scope and implications of the divorce problem' are so..MultitUdinbus. that exhaustive studies have yet to produce all the needed answers. But there are several factors that readers might also consider while studying Mary Marker's suggestions And all of them might merit study by every officer and teacher of the MIA now in conference assembled in helping them to prepare the youth of the Church for successful marriage. One factor might be that our high school boys and girls spend far more time studying the "soft" subjects than did their parents. By "soft" subjects we mean those that do not require specific 110141 tions as do mathematics, chemistry and physics. Not especially trained in being required to solve problems,. today's teenagers are poorly prepared to solve the problems - aubs . , 0 .doulke 4 - easy-way-o- ut answer. Twentieth Century advertising spins on the premise that the primary reason for the acquiring of any item is '.hat It Ain bring personal happiness This" thinking .3 carries over into peopie s res. .',,i- King of the Young Mlen s MIA '17,erei-a,aw perintendency has owed ,n .I f a mar'!to :hp tat such point practire, na riage doesn't bring anmediatJ-person- al piness then many young persons feel that the marriage should be dissolved. Frequently little or no sense of responsibility is felt for the children, the family, the cornmunity or the church. Personal happiness , Is the only consideration." Leaders of youth and Nreras might also consider an obseraition of Dr Lowell Bennion who has successfully worked with and taught classes intended to prepare college students for marriage. He note; that the economic times have drastically changed the foundation of many marriages. Time wag when young women tried: to solve their problems and save their marriages because they were financially dependent upon their most trained young husbands Today women can take care of themselves as well or even better oy 'heir own employment Da-A- l -- : o- To balance this lack of feeling of depend ence a higher sense of responsibility is needed Parents, teachers nd MIA leaders ought to explore every avenue of getting into the hearts and minds of tomorrow's brides and bridegrooms that marriage involves more than just personal happinessit involves responsibility to the ,children ,. the church. and the nation. It also Involves a desire to know what one's duty is and how tn develop a capacity for tinderstanditvg, tolerance and Integrity, arms race We fervently hope that all of these reasons are behind the proposal. Our government, of course, isn't going to be fooled into interpreting this proposal Si disarmament. There is nothing that suggesta that any production be stopped of nuclear weapons: that race will continue. But maybe this proposal mig,ht be the means of letting the sun break through the dark cloud a of the weapons race, and from this agreement, we 6n go on to another agreement, eventually coming up with a workable agreement to halt the mad race Let's hope that by the time the next news release arrive' we don't learn that the proposal has been flatly rejected, that come governmental official hasn't made a blunt statement that will have to be retracted by What I saying, "I vas misunderstood. was meant ," really has un11- -Inr after-though- t. cheerfully to provide their families with all the good things and ask nothing in return except a little peace and quiet. As a a nentie suitable reward- tor if eNenfather scareely enoughespecially ,- ttlaillY must pay for it Marty Fathers recently have received rewards. far more precinus than any gifts they will receive on Fathers Day. They were given their reward when son or daughter walked off the COMMerIMMPTIt platform with a certificate or diploma, signifying that one more parental Job hal been completed Graduation from A SPrtlinAry, high school or university winds up ,,Jimething in Father's life, although he rnay be aware that his task is not entirely firushol There will he a day when the ixty will need help in getting started on the job or in nenuiring a home. Then, too, the daughter will be having sweetheart troubles, but Mother can take care of that. One thing this nation needs ix Father. In the armchair at the head of the table, carving the roast, disciplining the children, keeping the peace, settling disputes and loving his wife but reserving his pants for his own utel, -- Milers Miffed About Drug Charges The milers are miffed. So are the guarter-mil- and all other the trnck and hpla athletes in the ti:g. of A.. Great Britain and Australia. They are exercised about an accumtion by Dr. Ilerbert Berger before the American Medical Assomile recciation, that all these ords are due to the use of amphetamine, a stimulant used to release extraordinary potential energy. Dr. Berger recalled in his convention address that the mile run had been done under four minutes flat, 13 times in the last three years. whereas great runners for more than a decade, have only threatened the record. but not seriously. The learned physician, however, offered no evidence to support his startling I; tatement. Some responses from milers and others In the know: John Landy. Auctraiia's world record holder (3:58)- ''I wish someboey in this rd country would write 'roll In it in the papers. It W,r)U! he' 5 herr ' libel." Roger Bannister rt England (3 5S3 'No athlete I know has ever use&atimu ersnrift half-miler- s four-minut- e r Acc-uselo- arts " Don ilowaern, .Amerioa's frct we miser: '11 USE' of druns would he below their dignity." lecher, tratner of the Philadel- Frd phia Phils: "Several major learue h1 phyt ers have taken .thecr h"riirs tlyret. on their own, hut her has been some doubt that !he drug .accomplished the !purpose intended All of which !eAfil up to he more basic acquestion: Do these "pepper-uppers- " tually help an athlete who desires to call upon every fiher Di his being In a frantic effort to do better than his normal hest or is he merely stimulated to such a degree that he thinks the drug Is doing the .7oh' Scientists do not know for ,ure if am: I cemplete rf;ease 7,1 phe!amlne car twer!lal P r g y If an athlete really )e1:r, es !ills resuit cart iw accomplished, a mere sJuli- ,metin-e- s disgvised as a cue etfle!fnro wordl-ree-T- d .rrprot hPt",-.4,-- pet 'd''',14-c- e r4f1 f41Arr-nt"-n-yht- run, oftentimes, iS strictly 4 people D ire ing why our divorce rate is so high. and what can be done to decrease it. Dr. Ernest W..Burgess. an expert in the marriage prediction field. cites "narcissism" Ane, principal 2a (self-estee- , . a' t , . , - t, t , I I - t ,.1,,. - ti A. - '' a ,' -- , i ''',..,,. ., ,A-..i.-.-- ' k', ' ''' - ,,,,,.. ' - ' ''' , ,k, 4 ? ' ' '' N., - ' ' . ,, ,...1C '- r i,. I.' .4 , 'rk ; '',,- , I" 't ; 4. as -. . I ...-- A ' ., i . 0.1' i , . il I t. - -. I I i '".,,,..., , ,.,.. l 0 pik,, CI ' "se-Olt-', ,....--,- .' ' . 4 4 t c '' 4 7":: I - VAf ,... sAr - ,,,, -' Aar . , ,...-- i- I - '' 1 .'. 11'''...- - . .0' ,,a,',.- - A - .4.01; -' ' ' .1'1 t ' ' - 1,., . - rk' - ' , . - , '''''''''., :gip,. al 7. ,,, rt- , "' , '' ,,,, 1 '- .,,.. , ' 1 ( , I Kt , years ago, it was discovered that far more babies died In even carefully and hygienically regulated institutions than at home with their mothers, often under unsanitary conditions. As an eNample, s baby 114 months old was brought In tor care It weighed 10 ppunds and was starving itself to death because its faith in love and security and kind human beings had been destroyed. Clever persuasion eventually en. ticed him to taste food. Gradually, under regular care and with plenty of love and affection showered on him, he grew into a normal, healthy and happy child. Twenty-fi- e RELIGION HAS ALWAYS pointed to Gods love, and nowadays many people's conception of Gods love means becoming a kinder and gentler and mole understanding. of the ImpoAn understanding rtane and nature of love will make for better choices In marrying and or maintenance of the marital state. In a study, "Role of Love in Human Development," Daniel A Prescott quotes Harry Stack Sullivan's definition of Ime: "When the satisfaction I the security of another per son becomes as significant to one as is one's ovvn security. then the state of love exists." Harry Overstreets definition Is: The love of a person implies not the possession but the affirmation of that One does not truly love person. person aril yet seek to enslave him. Whenever we experience a genuine love, we are moved by the transfOrrnIng experience tOvvard a capacity Tor good will." Eric Fromm, Prescott Wig us, points out that certain basic elements are each characteristic of all forms of love. These are: care, revonsIbility. respect and knowledge. "Care and responsibility denote that ..loye is an the essence activity not a passion of love Is to labor for aomething, to make something grow. Without rebespect for end knowledge of the loved pei son. love deteriorate Into florninAtion and possesivenestv" -LETTER tn Con Mentially Your" how love can Iy indirateg 1 this time I Thor iatyard alwaya Of IS year the neigh- - looks Its best. A the hedge showa that glance through the grail over there is neatly cut, and the odgett of the flower borders are neatly trimmed. What should he green is green, and what should be color grows thus. in almost riotous protusinn. None of this can he aid of the yard that lies under foot. Ten minute after the lawn mower ha passed by, the raf,gfitTraSecOrIft; after the edger ha' don. its work. it is all too clear the border (MCP more ill have. the contours of a Jigsaw the yard next door alwas tifais the appearance of eacy affluence, while the nre this way fteems the natural child of the wastelands? I it that Why is It that a glanc over there contains a great deal of envy., while the one trained by the nearer view contains 'only mystified sadness? A great deal of work has been put Into the place. so why are the results not better? What care does that other place get which is denied to this one REVIEWING TIIE FULL case in bonety. there can be 714) explanation appearx even parr:ally satixfactot for rarnple, !he mafter of the ida n. Now it s knolan that the i nt xeettretz!:t)or L'At,x the came bra-rttn the same mixture for he oneeasked what the Proportions were, on ... ;4r A i , - IP ,,,64.,.' .' , , .Pt .011--o- '''''4".06 gLOW, A............ ' It N , . I , ' , '. CHASNI , 44,tvorielk, )1 Al "'N.--- ' ' Nii "How can one find and hold love? I have always wanted to love and be loved, but even as a child of divorce I was denied that." after letter from children of broken deteriorate into possessiveness arid domination because of lack of under standing and consideration. There is a good kind of which is necessary in marriage. But -it is different from narcissism" Fromm says, "The selfish person does riot love himself too much. but too little; In fact. he hates himself," lie is always trying to snatch satisfac tions from life. But he is always standing in his own way lbs limita lions block him horn attaining what he wishes, and the selfish prison remains unhappy. - that." Dr. Burgess lists four Cs as req . uisites for happy marriage: Childhood Happiness, Common Interests: Companionship; Church. If the souls of both mates have expanded under the warmth of productive love. the first three ingredients will be pretty well taken care of. As lot Church, Evelyn Duval says, teen-agewho has a real ground, ing in religion is fortified for many of life's tests. You will figure you are a child of God and know things for. la out h working for and waiting You will know there are a lot of things you don't hate to try, because Oleg are not your kind of stuff." To the four Cs above, we should 111Ze th add another one: Character. Of rour Sc, the term is broad and inclusive. Courage, faith, honesty, chap'. toy, fidelity, perseverance, assumption of responsibility, thrift, intelligent solving of problems, promptness In meeting obligations, ability to endure hardshipsall these are mand MI ONE WHO H At4 the proper kind self-lovalsd loves and respects otheis. IN'ith such a person love be. tomes mutual among family members, mates or friends, and produces growth. development and hapPiness. One will not acrept everything for, oneself and deprive others. Kagawi says. "Love awakens sll Love is the true that it touches nature of God." Absorbing, practicing and teaching these concepts of love sail quite Sirlilarl In our families and in. our communities IA'nul(1 undoobtelly contrib-sita great deal to reduce our ditorre rate If young people who think they are In love would wail to know each. other better, for instance, they would make fewer mistakes in marrying. of lestations of "character." But "character" is a grand old word that used to be heard frequently by growing children. Today It sN'MS conversationally almost obsolete, but It would be far better for everyone if it were vividly reinstated in our vocabularies and consciousness. AND OF (701.1LNE the children of di vorre are the real sufferers. How often they become the problem children in school, and candidates for the divorce mints later when they man l y. Too many of them become in elite delinquents, atd we have lecolved lettor Is !ways HAND with that good word went its runningmate. Duty, which we also frequently need to recollect. A man married and expected his AM) HAND-I- old GreenerNext Door this side 4t the hedge. Yet the !grass over there always Is greener, just as the old saying goes. The grass over there is like smonth velvet, while here it grows in little bumps and tufts, and these are all Mit ciovded out by dandelion, chickweed and plantain. Nor does the difference lie in the cutting or in the Iwo power mowers which do the work. Only a week ago the neighbor asked whether he could hntrow the mower from this side. as he would like is in plaoe, just right as regards toy, color, height and depth. thanks and puTzled be. wilderment, as though whatever. hail mystified him still did so But there was puule this side. too for the mower which does S o badly here made velvet over there. That were planted on the same week- quan- The spring garden so poorly run. vated on this side, however, looks as though it had bePrt planted by a child and thereafter had suffered depreda Cons from all pests that eat, chew. gnaw or cut. In short. it has a dismal appearance 85 compared with the rainbow over the way. FINALLY THERE gloomy matter IN the Of the equally egetahlp 1Yrte-- turned it with BACK OF THE LAWN there lies the case of the flower garden. Both the neighbor's and the one this way are of the type known as "spring gar. den. This trIPttn3 that the blooms are out full force in the spring. whereas there is nothing much later on. A number of advantages go with this. chief among them being the fact that with no flowers to worry about in the heat of summer the garden can be aban,lor,erl in favor of tho coolness of the. ' ball pafk. That howes,er. llos in the tomor row. In the today it is all too certart - to continue working. After sev years, she became pregnant. Ile frightened. "Why, I can't support and a child," he said. Another divorceanother child to grow up in that vast army of innocent sufferers for the mistakes of their parents. wife eral was you homes stating their sense oVadeprivatron. "How can one find and hold love? As far back as I can remember, I have wanted to love and be loved. Even as a child of divorce I was denied self-lov- Where The Grass pu77Ie Vhy !- ' ,, , ,. :,-'- '' :', , - ' .. . . A ' - ; 11 4 f ,,, i , ,. , ' ( ) 1 ' I 77 4. , ,1, ii . . . .' - : ',. ' ' a s - 'Z 1 t 1 . ' od.- n' - '' 44' a .,,,..,, ii , ,. 1 4, i ,- s''. t - '....11A '4 ; . , AN i -!'l vantagts. A -, -- - ' '' a "-,--'- , ,.. ,-- t4 . ' 1 , P',,,.., I ; f t 1 , 1 ,' '' 1 - - i 31! ! -. 1- ....... ,L,,. . t , ,,,,I. , ,. ; y t r - ,, A't "''.!. ,. ,, 4 i ,... ,. ,,, 'r , - -- ,:, - ,. ;. , , '1 -i.!t, ,,,,:-v,-c- 1 tVrt , ...111s - - -., L 11! ' 4i ' I ,.,; Ill . oft) d I ; 1VAlp t it' , - 'rut; PROBLEM of what "love" Is and what it does for human beings is being carefully looked at sociology today by science,-especiall- y and psychology and psychiatry It has long been known that must children, even when they come from underprivileged homes, wish to return to them, rather4han live away from their families with more ad- stt "r1 - 41 , k)lt ,k t i 1 , 0ii 11" ) , 17: .0"... 411'''''-- , is - ,, i' ; t c,441, . tf,.: .- .. 14.. non-suppor- 5. a -0,.. - 11 v...- - ..,;-r '' '' s'il . 4,1 :' 1 , tr2.1 as years we are still far. far from keeping the injunction. "Love thy neighbor as thyself," as the Master taught mankind. - ,r,.,1 l intin g deserves reflec1:-k in )n many specific such as Of failure. )soc marriage (I drunkenness. eConomic sk t. Incompatibilurobleins, to failure ,keep house decently ity and infidelity. But most of these causes, if examined closely, hae as their underlying cause this self absorption, this inability to make room in one's soul for another. After 2,000 thpinpo n . . ...- r, ........3 . - .ise of divorce. This , , . ask- - - - 0041,1t11116 'I OBER-MINDE- of their marriage. Avoiding the difficult task of finding solutions to their marriage problems, they seek divorce as the falVtr-noT-4- By MARY MARKER boioret Nwe gat I en- oottilootteity 40 thus , The Day We Are Kind To Father Sunday is the day We are officially kind to Father. It is one day when what he says goes: when he gets to choose what's for dinner and what the Sunday schedule shall bet when he opens packages marked: "Happy Father's Day" Thus. the whole nation pauses to pay tribute to that loveble character who our homesand "brings horne the becon!" A good Father Is one of the most unpraised. unnoticed. but withal one of the most valuable entities in this life Many are the lovely mythologiral and religious sentiments collected about Mother. Similar diligent research falls to reveal much that has been assizned to "dear old npv thus leading to the conclusion that the observance has been tossed hastily at him as an Dad does not mind that. It would be okeh by him if they didn't give him a day If they'd forget the whole thing. It le his unsought opinion that being a father is nothing much to brag about. Even the best of fathers are not so scarce that monuments must be "reeled in their honor. To a most remarkable degree. Fathers are fairly fine fellows. 'They had better be or Mother trey have somethinetb !toy about that! Fathers labor patiently and -01- -Marrine ., Let's Look First, And Reject Later Whatever the reasons that prompted Russia formally to propose that all nuclear tests be halted for a period of two or three while an international COMMISSIOn be set up to control such an agreement. the United States should not slam the door on the suggestion until the proposal is fully explored. Saturday morning the influential "Manchester Guardian" said in its lead editorts. 'Let's accept the proposal at once and bowl the Russians over by Wittig their bluff." Maybe RusIaa reasons are financial: It costs billions of dollars to keep the test,. ing program going. Maybe the Russiins ore afraid of the genetic ha7ards from fallout, Another reasnn could be a fear that causes bone radiation from Strontium-9cancer. Maybe. Just maybe, the Reds really want to slow down, curtail or even stop the , 4 Lectrning the Jai - ,., Whence Comes Divorce? . - E- it ttS? 104 COY. UNA. SO1 Mrdal We .1,1Jni fOr the Constittaion of the United States as bating been ditintly inJpired. , EDITO- klAL-PAG- - S - WHERE SHALL, WE PILACIF;es.144-blame for the immature ideas so many of our young people have le. garding Marriage? T. S. Eliot says that the power of the press has an immense influence in raising or lowering standards of behavior by the remorseless reiteration of patterns.- - Publications help to create the spirit of the age. Daid L. Cohn says very pointedly that the falsely romantic idea of marriage presented to the young by many of their elders and many magazines and movies it no more a preparation for ;oarriage than is a preparation for the ballet. "We reject the austere truths that every blessing has its price, that 'frog tration, calamity and pain are of t.he world as well as fruition and tree-sittin- Joy. 1 The attitudes among UN that destroy marriage are the result of our emotional and intellectual adoles cence as a people." We must remember in our gloomy glances at the divorce rolls that there are still among us many young people, who intelligently assume their responsibilities after marriage everi though .they may not seem prepared to do so. One such wife writes: married young for the freedom I didn't get at home. Marriage blIngs many things, hut freedom is not ,otie of them. The constant household drudgery and endless tasks can make you feel like the mechanical rabbit being chased by the greyhounds." Nevertheless, she was grateful for her "wonder ful husband and children' and was determined to do her job really well. Another woman Writes: married my first real love. Our Jove was romantic, or whatever description the love stories give to it.. After 2'2 years and a baby a year old. I still fecl I couldn't live without my husband. I still get a breathless feeling to hear his voice on the phone and still forget where I am when he kimes roe. "I think he is the sweetest andniost Thoughtful person In thP world, aril a very unselfish and considerate man.4 'I ' end the neighbor's, clearly is, running well in the lead. There can be no doubt that he long will be eating spring beans from the garden while the local pot will continue to hold fro7en ones from the supermarket. It is obvious, too. that long after be has finished canning his ripe tomatoes, the cook over here still will be frying the green ones, since none will yet have ripened. Yet there can be no ascertainable reason for any Of this. Very early in the spring the neighbor came over and asked what kind of rseed s he should buy. and fl o the exact seeds were planted each at place, at exactly the 5a me time. Yet there is that. and hrre iF this sharribles So why doe he glance over here many times each day. his - That yte Trighbors-sprirrardert it be enV'y',1 SU'relY, Lko a beautifully wolked out tle.gign, this, yard 000511.t secm, tik In a natural kaleidowope. Everything rlooles6" TIN, Now Itotk "Ttmf ) FORTUNATELV. we receive many similar letters. They come from happily married people. They are proof that rules are drperidahle, ing willing to work and saPrifice bear responsibilities lo mg one 3 mate fully as well as one loves one s self. wishing to consider the mate, to put himself or herself in the other s place. to understand and help with all marriage problems, to magnify the ,mate and want to see him or het happyto be courteous and affectionateto have characterwhen all these rules are put into effect marriage works. And many married couples walk the extra mile in spiritual undetstand ing. OPP mother with a handicapped child writes: ''We do feel we have a choice spirit in our helpless child. People remark on the good feeling that seems to be 'arrimd, ttlm: H tias taught int nary thirgsi. a few of whicil are patlenels, tolerance, sympathy, loNe." i 1 |
