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Show TIIK SAUNA SUN, SAUNA. UTAH CEILINGS: WEEKLY While column umnitU. Mr. Winchell If on vacation, hlf wUl be conducted by guest coV CAN YOU TOP THESE? By IURKY lllRSIlFIELD Radio humorist " Can Vou Top 1 end member oj the hit" bio. SENATOR" ED FORD concocted a radio idea that nas sent morale to a new high. Assisting him are Joe Laurie Jr., and Yours Truly. Public sends in gags it thinks will stump these supposed humor experts. The contributions are read by able Peter Donald. Laugh reaction is registered on decible system meter experts, unrehearsed, must Washington, D. C. IMPROVED NAVAL POSITION Behind the Solomon islands battle are some optimistic naval facts, entirely aside from the announcement of victory. These facts had to be very carefully considered even before U. S. j.crval chiefs started to invade tue Solomons. One of these naval facts is that the Japs have suffered very severe losses in cruisers. Although it has escaped public notice, U. S. forces have been bumping off this fast, important type of warship with deadly regularity, so that Jap cruiser strength is now cut at least in half, perhaps more. Another known naval fact i3 that the Japs have lost approximately half of their airplane carriers. And with air power what it is today, this is the type of vessel they can least afford to lose. On the American side of the picture is the fact that U. S. rerjairs of ships sunk or damaged at Pearl Harbor have been miraculously top the meter score, with a gag on same subject. 130 is highest possible score. TOPPERS: died and his wife decided Clancey to have him cremated, instead of regular burial. At crematory, attendant tried to sell her an urn for his ashes. "Nothing doing," she cried, the little loafer never worked a day in his life I'm going to put his ashes in an hour glass and hell be doing something from now swift. All this obviously was taken into on! consideration before the United States started a major engagement A husband walked into the and the offensive in the Soutn Paradio studio of John J. Anthony of cific. For Admiral King had to calthe "Good Will Hour. He stated his culate the risk of the admirals case: "Mr. Anthony, Im a very rushing a large force toJap the Solomon rich man. I am married to the most islands. beautiful woman. We have yachts, Simultaneously he also had to figpolo ponies and mansions. We have ure the risk of a Jap attack on varifive children and we're all in perfect ous other vital points Midway, health what I want to know, Mr. Alaska, Hawaii, even the continenAnthony, is this whats my prob- tal United States. lem?" Top admirals these days do not take chances. Not when the fate of a nation depends on them. ThereA citizen was describing a political dinner he had attended: Soon fore, it requires only a mathematias I got into my place, my watch cian to figure that the scale of Amerwas stolen. I went to the manager ican strength in the Pacific has of the affair and complained. He turned. It reached its low ebb just told me to sit tight and all would after Pearl Harbor, when the navy be O. K. In ten minutes he re- was unable to do anything about the turned with my watch. What did Philippines, Singapore, or Java. But now the Battle of Midway has the crook say? I asked. h he doesn't know I got it! came the shown that Hawaii and the West coast can be defended by clincher." planes. No Jap ship dares come near planes without comCassidy was walking through the mitting suicide. streets of London, paying little atThis leaves a reinforced fleet to tention to the war. Fifteen minutes operate in the Pacific, Top naval later he was running down the men are not doing any crowing yet. Strand, waving a door knob in his But at least the naval picture seems hand and yelling: "Let me get at to counterbalance some of the bad Hitlers aviators let me get at his news from Russia which is going bums. What happened? asked a to get a lot worse. bobby. "They just blew a saloon BURIED SILVER right out of me hand! cried the Ten years ago, President Roosefurious Cassidy. velt and Cordell Hull held a series of discussions with the foreign minA panhandler accosted a citizen isters of Europe in preparation for on Broadway: "Will you give me a the London Economic conference, at dime for a cup of coffee, buddy? which one of the chief "Listen, you," growled the grouch, the United States was proposals of world use of "I dont give money to people on silver. the street! "What should I pen At these the late Senup an office? retorted the ator Key conferences, Pittman, of the great siltoucher. ver state of Nevada, droned through , t a regular 45 minute lecture on silHitler ordered a captured general ver which American experts knew to be brought to Berchesgarten "I almost by heart and which r put wish to humiliate him! Arriving, Schacht, German finance minthe prisoner was told by Adolf: "I ister, to sleep.' After Pittman had will show you that the Nazi mind finished, the German minister woke is superior to your Russian intellect. up with a start, hastily brushed We will now hold a quiz program. aside silver. And well make bets!" "I cant com"We accept silver. Now this is pete with you financially, Herr Hit- what we want in return. The London Economic conference ler," said the visitor. "Thats where the humiliation comes in, gleefully was a dismal failure. But the UnitTo every question I ed States had committed itself cried Adolf. so cant answer, I'll give you fifty dol- completely to silver in these prelars. To every one you cant an- liminary talks, that it undertook a dolswer, you give me twenty-fiv- e silver program, which actually lars go ahead, ask the first quesmeant that the world sold its silver tion! The Russian asked this one: to us at an artificial price and we What goes up in the sky with 20 buried it in the ground at West Point. ten makes legs, somersaults, whis- N. Y. It was a fine for Mextles four times and then comes down ico, China and Canadathing and a great with only one leg?" Adolf thought a victory for Senator Pittman and the minute and cried: "I don't know Rocky Mountain states. Also it reheres the fifty dollars! "I dont sulted in the U. S. treasury accuknow, either heres twenty-fivdolmulating two and a half billion lars back! answered the Russ gen- ounces of silver other than coin. eral. Today, however, there is a shortage of industrial silver. And yet Into the patent office rushed an the treasury will not open up the inventor: I want to patent this new giant hoard of silver gathering mold cigarette lighter!" The clerk smiled: at West Point. Shortage Amid Plenty. "Why bring another cigarette lightWhat has happened is this. About er why there are already thousands on the market. "But this one is 5,000.000 ounces of silver monthly is insisted different, the inventor. being mined in the United States, "With this cigarette lighter, you which is ample to care for war push a button and an arrow comes needs, but not enough for ordinary out and points to a man with a commercial needs, especially for the silver industry of New England. match! The silver industry, which makes knives, forks, and household ware, A supposed moron was brought to a medicc tor examination. The formerly used alloys and critical materials all of which have now doc asked this question: If I cut been dispensed with. However, siloff your left ear, what would hapis not a critical material. There ver I wouldnt be able pen to you? is mined for the war effort to hear. "Fine now, if I then cut butplenty not enough to supply the 80.000,-00off your right ear, what would hapounces needed annually for the pen to you?" "Then I wouldnt be silver industry. able to see. The physician was now So New silversmiths now puzzled and he asked: "If I cut oil ask that England they be permitted to buy a both your e..rs, why wouldnt you be able to see?" "Because then my mere 80,000,000 ounces out of the two and a half billion ounces which hat would fall over my eyes. the treasury has buried. To help morale, a store advertised that it would give away a pack of cigarefes free between the hours C Though the U. S. navy gave the to the Sea Otter, of 7 a. m. and 8 a. m. Long line royal formed. Rushing toward the head Germany is now reported building of the queue, Maxie Goldberg was exactly this type cf shallow-drafboat for use on hurled back by a big bruiser in automobile-engme- d front: "Get in line with the rest of the Danube, the Black and Caspian seas against Russia. us! Maxie tried it a second time and again was pushed back. The C When the WPB made a survey of third time he tried it the bruiser junk dealers it found 8,000,000 knocked Maxie down. Up rushed a pounds of scrap silk stockings on hand. This is a "gold mine" for cop: "Did be smash you?" Yes, moaned Maxe, "and if he does it making silk bags to hold gunpowder for the navy. again I won't open the store! Buy War Bonds Sh-h-- land-base- d land-base- d do-o- , Hjal-ma- e 0 MERRY-GO-ROUN- D run-arou- t, NEWS ANALYSIS For Savage Russ Counterattack in North Offsets Nazi Pressure in Volga Area; U. S. Upsets Jap Strategy in Pacific; Chinese Register Important Victories (EDITOR'S NOTE: Whti pinions an expressed In these columns, they are tboii of Inton e news analysts and oel.seeeuartiy ol tbts newspaper.) Released by Western Newspaper Union. Western Newspaper Hogs, Cattle As the Office of Price Administration worked out its plans for price ceilings on hogs and cattle, J. K. Galbraith, deputy administrator, told a delegation of large stock producers in Washington that revisions of this system would eliminate inequalities between different regions and different classes of buyers. Meanwhile concurrence with the OPA plan was being considered by the department of agriculture. Ceilings were worked out in conjunction with representative groups of producers and OPA before submission to Secretary of Agriculture Claude Wickard. Beef producers were assured by OPA that this agency would taka no steps to discourage normal feeding and marketing of livestock. "While feeders must exercise normal caution and avoid paying high prices for their feeders, said Deputy OPA Administrator Galbraith, "the working out of ceilings will be undertaken in close consultation with producers and with a full and complete recognition of the market relationships involved. He said further that feeders who buy carefully may look forward to the coming year with confidence. DUKE OF KENT: Dies in Action The first casualty in Englands royal family since the start of the war occurred in northern Scotland when a giant Sunderland flying boat crashed, bringing death to the duke of Kent, youngest brother of King George VI. With him died all but one of the crew, a tail gunner who was thrown clear of the wreck. The Map shows how Hitlers 1942 conquest of Russia nears the climax duke, fifth in succession to the as his armies move into position In a pincer movement closing on Stalin throne, was 39 years old. On active grad. A million Nazi soldiers assaulted that vital city on the Volga river, military duty, he was the youngest closing in from two directions. By skirting the Caucasian mountains, of the four sons of Queen Mary and Hitlers army can push on to the Caspian sea for a junction with the the late King George V. Married Japanese. to Princess Marina of Greece in 1934, his three children were Prince NEW GUINEA INVASION: WAR RISK: Edward, 6; Princess Alexandra, 5; and Prince George, who was born Improving Situation? Costly to Japs 4. last Prince George also Indication that the convoy system bears July Despite heavy Allied air action, the name of Franklin for Preswhich cost th eenemy one transport, for Atlantic shipping was showing ident Roosevelt, his godfather. six landing barges and probably a improvement was reflected in a 5 cruiser, Japanese shock troops per cent reduction of cargo war risk BRAZIL: made another landing in Milne bay rates charged on certain voyages. on the island of New Guinea, 240 Marine underwriters revealed that Good Neighbors Speak Just a week after Brazils declaramiles east of Port Moresby and less this was the first important reducthan 500 miles from the Australian tion war risk rates in many months. tion of war against Germany and mainland. Trends had been increasingly up- Italy, the Uruguayan government However, "Our ground forces an- ward since the submarine activity announced that the two South Amerin a ticipated this movement and are in of the enemy had been intensified ican nations would "common defense against possible contact with the enemy, a spokesoff our Atlantic coast. man from General MacArthurs aggression. effect of the reMost said. duction important in Australia Thus Uruguay forged ahead of her headquarters would be in the trade beUnited Nations medium bombers tween the United States and Brazil South American neighbors in a show and fighters heavily bombed and and Argentina where the previous of solidarity with Brazil. The counstrafed Jap barges which were rate has been cut from 25 to 20 per trys national defense ministry had been authorized to adopt, in agree- heading toward shore and Jap cent. troops which already had landed. The aerial attack was carried out RED OFFENSIVE: despite adverse weather conditions, For Stalingrad Relief the communique said. the while clerks and factory Even that acknowledged Spokesmen Japanese had put into action the hands joined Red troops in the deairdrome at Buna, 200 miles north- fense of Stalingrad, Russias Central west from Milne Bay on the north front armies began a counterattack area northwest coast of New Guinea. They estab- in the German-hellished a beachhead at Buna in July, of Moscow, killing 45,000 enemy then pushed south to Kokoda, within troops in the first 15 days of a drive 60 miles of Port Moresby. that pushed back a Nazi salient 25 to 30 miles. Solomon Thrust As Soviet battled for footbattle in the holds within troops The violent sea-ai- r the streets of Rzhev, Solomon islands saw the United the Germans were reported to have States win the opening round. into the battle thrown reserves fresh American dive bombers, tor- but were compelled to retreat with pedo planes and fighters were cred- heavy losses as Russian troops ited with forcing a battered Jap thrust westward. The Russians fleet to withdraw from Guadalcanal claimed the of 610 communicapture island in the southeast Solomons, ties. less than a thousand miles from Despite the offensive action, which Australia, across the Coral sea. was intended to relieve pressure on In the original United States ofMaj. Gen. Armandox Tromposky, the situation in that inStalingrad, fensive in the Solomons, the Ameri- dustrial city was conceded to be head of the Brazilian air force, piccan marine corps vanguard ob- critical. However, the Russians de- tured at his desk in Rio de Janeiro. tained beachheads on the island, scribed it as "no worse. Brazil has a modern air force comovercoming enemy resistance and posed largely of planes manufactured in the United States. seizing an air field. Planes, bombs, CHINA: torpedoes, ground crews and gaso- Counter-Attac- k ment with military authorities of line were brought in to repel a maIn the provinces of Chekiang and Brazil, all measures designed for jor invasion. While a communique stated that Kiangsi the Chinese were fighting a better efficiency in the common deresults in the struggle for the stra- determined counteroffensive to dis- fense against possible aggressions. it lodge the Japs from important bases tegic islands are "encouraging, Minister Meanwhile, Foreign warned that a large scale spa bat- whence the United Nations might Caracciolo Parra Perez of Venezuela tle still was in progress and that launch air raids on Japan. sincere expressed his nations the outcome could not yet be deThis offensive was meeting with sympathy and solidarity with Bratermined. But one official expressed considerable success as the Chinese zil and announced that Venezuela the opinion that we are winning troops pushed toward Chusien, site automatically will treat Brazil as a the second round of the battle of the of the biggest airfield in China and nonbelligerent under a decree affectSolomons. drove hard on Lishui and Sungyang, ing any American nation that goes both vital points. In addition the to war against the Axis. ACTION IN EGYPT: Chinese forces had recaptured over a hundred mile strip of the Transport Blasted BRIEFS: railway. At one time Striking at Marshal Erwin Rom- the Japs had controlled this railroad mels preparations for a new offen- in its ADVANCE: Seven months in adentirety. Air in force fightsive Egypt, Royal batBiggest questions in the minds of vance of schedule, the 45,000-to- n ers killed or disabled hundreds of ever was where Iowa, greatest the experts tleship, warship military on in a raid transport enemy troops Japs were sending their troops now built, slid down the ways of the columns west of El Alamein. New Zealand troops saw fast ac- being diverted from this Chinese New York navy yard. RETURNS: After a summers tion when they routed an Italian front. Some sources were inclined division on the same line, and Unit- to believe that they had gone to the visit to the United States and Caned States bombers blasted Axis ship- South Pacific for the battle of the ada, Queen Wilhelmina of the Nethping in Suda bay, Crete and the Solomons and New Guinea, while erlands was back in London. unofficial reports told of mass Corinth canal in Greece. TYPEWRITERS: An OPA order Tension on the Egyptian front has movements of troops toward the was issued forbidding (after SepGerman tank Russian back door. mounted steadily. tember 15) the rental, lease or loan Chinese leaders were on the look- of typewriters manufactured since movements were observed near the Qattara depression and Italian out for a strategic retreat by the January 1, 1935, and bans the sale forces were attempting to concen- Japs which might have as its pur- of typewriters manufactured since trate their positions. pose the setting of a large-scal- e trap. January 1, 1915. As the battle of Egypt grew DRAFT: UNITY: Meeting at their 65th ancloser British newspapers described nual convention in Detroit, members this front as equal in importance to A Forecast of the American Bar association Representative Sabath of Illinois, heard Associate Justice Stanley Stalingrad. They pointed out that the smashing of Rommels army chairman of the house rules comReed of the Supreme court call on would restore the Mediterranean mittee, believes that the waning them for lawyers to promote U. S. command to the United Nations, months of the 77th congress will see unity and lead the way so that a whose forces then could start to the drafting of 18 and unified America could march on to close in on the enemy. According youths authorized by new legislavictory. to the London Daily Mail, "The com- tion. This session of congress ends A tempestuous session of the Louisiana state sening battle in Egypt may in the end in January, 1943. The congressman predicted that: reverse the fortunes of war in Rusate featured fisticuffs among legis"In all likelihood congress will be lators and spectators after a floor sia. Indications are that Rommel will have the hardest fight in his life asked this session to permit the argument over the merits of a sales in the stretch between El drafting of 18 and 19 year olds and tax proposal for financing welfare will give its approval. Alamein to Alexandria. services in New Orleans. d Land-base- d all-o- CLASSIFIED DEPARTMENT RAZOR BLADES wgSS? KENT BLADES HONEY WANTED HIGHEST PRICES paid cans furnished any quantity large or small. Write for further details. SIOUX HONEY ASSOC.. Biwt City leva. lima, Okie OFFICE EQUIPMENT NEW AND USED desk, and chain, flic, typoirritcre, ddin mrh. aftt, 8. L. DUSK EX- Si W. Broadway. 8. L. C. - USED CARS TRAILERS TRAILER COACHES Liberal Credit Terms JESSE M. CHASE Sell Trade Buy Msm Street Sait Lake City Wholesale Retail USED CARS $51 So. OGDEN POCATELLO. BOISE, CHEMICAL ANALYSIS Wheat tested for protein $1 00 Chemical analysis of Feeds. Fertilisers and Soils. PETERSON LABORATORIES 3955 So. SUte St. Salt Lake City. Utah MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS Reconditioned Band Instruments at bargain prices. Liberal trades. BEESLEY MUSIC CO., 70 So. Main, Salt Lake City. Utah USED EQUIPMENT INTERMOUNTAIN MERCHANTS SUPPLY (Dealers in Bankrupt Stocks! We buy and sell all kinds of business fix tures and equip Cash registers, meat scales, office equip. 56 E. 4th So., Salt Lake City W. N. U. SALT LAKH Week No. 4235 When washing voile frocks add a little vinegar to the water to freshen the colors, and a small amount of starch to give a crisp, clean look to the garments. In the Navy a floor is a "deck, doors are downbulkheads, stairs is "below, and a cigarette is a Camel. At least, Camel is the favorite cigarette among Navy men as it is among men in the Army, Marines and Coast Guard. (Based on actual sales records from service mens stores.) And a carton of Camels is their favorite gift. Your local dealer is featuring Camel cartons for service men, now. And now is the time to send that carton. Adv. To Relieve S MONTHLY PM! FEMALE If you suffer monthly cramps, backache, nervousness, distress ot due to functional irregularities monthly disturbances try Lydia E. Pinkhams Vegetable Compound at once I Plnkhams Compound is one medicine you can buy today made especially for women. Taken regularly thruout the month Plnkhams Compound helps build up resistance against such symptoms. Follow label directions. Worth trying! E. PINKHAMS LYDIA ggS For Happy Life Remember this that very little is needed to make a happy life. Marcus Aurelius. For You To Feel Well hours every day. 7 days every week, never stopping, the kidneys filter waste matter from the blood. If more people were aware of how the kidneys must constantly remove surplus fluid, excess acids and other waste matter that cannot stay in the blood without injury to health, there would be better understanding of h$ the whole system is upset when kidneys fail to function properly. Burning, scanty or too frequent urination sometimes warns that something is wrong. 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