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Show CLASSIF Kathleen Norris Says: How Long Will Dont Divorce an Unfaithful Father Bell Syndicate While Mr. Wlnchell Is on vacation, hi column will bo conducted by guest columnists. CAN YOU TOP THESE? ' By BARRY IIERSIIFIELD Radio humoriit and member of the "Can You Top Thi ?" trio. SENATOR ED FORD concocted a radio idea that has sent morale to a new high. Assisting him are Joe Laurie Jr., and Yours Truly. Public sends in gags it thinks will stump these supposed humor ex are read pert. The contributions by able Peter Donald. Laugh reac tion is registered on decible system meter experts, unrehearsed, must top the meter score, with a gag on same subject 130 Is highest possible score. ' TOPPERS: Qancey died and his wife decided to have him cremated, instead of regular burial. At crematory, attendant tried to sell her an urn for his ashes. "Nothing doing," she cried, "the little loafer never worked a day In his life Im going to put his ashes in an hour glass and hell be doing something from now on!" husband walked Into the radio studio of John J. Anthony of the "Good Will Hour. He stated his case: "Mr. Anthony, Im a very rich man. I am married to the most beautiful woman. We have yachts, polo ponies and mansions. We have five children and were all In perfect health what I want to know, Mr. Anthony, Is this whats my probA lem?" A citizen was describing a politi- cal dinner be had attended: "Soon as I got into my place, my watch was stolen. I went to the manager of the affair and complained. He told me to, sit tight and all wodld be O. K. In ten minutes be reWhat did turned with my watch. the crook say? I asked. Sh-h-- h he doesnt know I got it! came the clincher." Washington, D. C, IMPROVED NAVAL POSITION T Behind the Solomon islands battle are some optimistic naval facts, entirely aside from the announcement of victory. These facts had to be very carefully considered even before U. S. naval chiefs started to invade the Solomons. One of these naval facts Is that the Japs have suffered very severe losses In cruisers. Although it has escaped public notice, U. S. forces have been bumplhg off this fast, important type of warship with deadly regularity, so that Jap cruiser strength is now cut at least in half, perhaps more. k Another known naval fact Is that the Japs have lost approximately half of their airplane carriers. And with air power what it is today, this is the type of vessel they can least afford to lose. On the American side of the picture is the fact that U. S. repairs of ships sunk or damaged at Pearl Harbor have been miraculously, swift. All this obviously was taken into consideration before the United States started a major engagement and the offensive in the South Pacific. For Admiral King had to calculate the risk of the Jap admirals rushing a large force to the Soldtnon Islands. , Simultaneously he ,also had to figure the risk of a Jap attack on various other vital points Midway, Alaska, Hawaii, even the continental United States. Top admirals these days to not take chances. Not when the fate of a nation depends on them. Therefore, It requires only a mathematician to figure that the scale of American strength In the Pacific has turned. It reached Its low ebb Just after Pearl Harbor, when the navy was unable to do anything about the Philippines, Singapore, or Java. But now the Battle of Midway has shown that Hawaii and the West d coast can be defended by come No dares planes. Jap ship near planes without committing suicide.. This leaves a reinforced fleet to operate in the Pacific Top naval men are not doing any crowing yet But at least the naval picture seema to counterbalance some of the bad news from Russia which Is going to get worse. Cassidy was walking through the streets of London, paying little attention to the war. Fifteen minutes later he was running down the Strand, waving a door knob in his hand and yelling: "Let me get at Hitlers aviators let me get at his bums." "What happened?" asked a bobby. "They Just blew a saloon right out of me hand!" cried the furious Cassidy. A panhandler accosted ai citlxen on Roadway: "Will you give me a dime for a cup of coffee, buddy?" "Listen, you," growled the grouch, "I dont give money to people on pen the street!" "What should I up an ofllee?" retorted the do-o- toucher. - Hitler ordered a captured general to be brought to Berchesgarten "I wish to humiliate him!" Arriving, the prisoner was told by Adolf: "I will show you that the Natl mind Is superior to your Russian Intellect We will now hold a quiz program. And well make bets! "I qant compete with you financially, Herr Hitler, said the visitor. "Thats where the humiliation comes In," gleefully cried Adolf. "To every question I cant answer, TU give you fifty dollars. To every one you cant an dolswer, you give me twenty-fiv- e lars go ahead, ask the first question!" The Russian asked this one: "What goes up in the sky with 30 legs, makes, ten somersaults, whistles four times and then comes down with, only one leg?" Adolf thought a minute and cried: "I dont know heres the fifty dollars!" "I dont either heres twenty-fiv- e lars back!" answered the Russ know, dol- Into the patent office rushed an inventor: "I want to patent this new cigarette lighter!" The clerk smiled: "Why bring another cigarette lighter why there are already thousands on the market." "But this one is different," insisted the inventor. "With this cigarette lighter, you push a button and an arrow comes out and points to a man with a match! A supposed, moron was brought to a medico for examination. The doc asked this question: "If 1 cut off your left ear, what would happen to you? "I wouldn't be able to hear." "Fine now, if I then cut off your right ear, what would happen to you?" Then I wouldnt be able to see. The physician was now puzzled and he asked: "If I cut off both your ears, why wouldn)t you be able to ace?" "Because then my hat would fall over my eyes." To help morale, n store advertised that it would give away a pack of cigarettes free between the hours of ? a. m. and 8 a. m. Lqng' line formed. Rushing toward tm head of the queue,' Maxle Goldberg was hurled back by a big bruiser in front: "Get in line with the rest of us!" Maxie tried it a second time and again was pushed back. The third time be Vied it the bruiser knocked Maxie down. Up rushed a cop: "Did he smash you?" "Yes," moaned Maxie. "and if he does It again I wont optn the store!" - -- a-l- ot BURIED 8ILYER Ten years ago. President Roosevelt and Cordell' Hall held a series of discussions with tbs foreign ministers of Europe In preparation for tbs London Economic conference, at which one of the chief proposals of tbs United States was world use of silver. At these conferences, the late Senator Key Pittman, of tbs great silver state of Nevada, droned through s regular 43 minute lecture on silver which American experts knew almost by heart and which put HJ aimer Schacht, Germ an finance .minister, to sleep. After Pittman bad finished, the German minister woks up with s start, hastily brushed aside silver. "We accept silver. Now this, is what ws want in return." The London Economic conference was a dismal failure. But the United States had committed Itself so completely to silver In these preliminary talks, that it undertook a which silver program, actually meant that the world sold its silver to us at an artificial price and we buried it in the ground at West Point, N. Y. It was a fine thing for Mexico, China and Canada and a great victory for Senator Pittman and the Rocky Mountain states. Also it resulted in the U. S. treasury accumulating two and a half billion ounces of silver other than coin. Today,' however, there is a shortage of industrial silver. And yet the treasury will not open up the giant hoard of silver gathering mold at West Point Shortage Amid Plenty. What has happened is this. About 3,000,000 ounces of silver monthly Is being mined in the United States, which is ample to care tor war needs,' but not enough tor ordinary commercial needs, especially tor the silver Industry of New England. The silver industry, which makes knives, forks, and household ware, formerly used alloys and critical materials all of which have now been dispensed with. However, silver is not a critical material Thera is plenty mined tor tha war affort but not enough to supply the 80,000,-00- 0 ounces needed annually tor tha silver industry. So New England silversmiths now ask that they be permitted to buy a mere 80,000,000 ounces out of the two and a half billion ounces which the treasury has buried. MERRY-GO-ROUN- D .Though tha U. S. navy gave tha to tha Sea Otter, royal Germany I4 now reported building exactly this type of shallow-drafautomobile-engineboat for use on the Danube, the Black and Caspian seas against Russia. C. When the WPB node a survey of junk dealers it found 6.600.00C pounds of "scrap" silk stockings on hand. This la a "gold mine" for making silk bags to hold gunpowder for the navy. Bay War Bonds v run-arou- nd t, d Uttla.sorT CUy, laws HEW AND U8KI Sdinr . LDK8K KX s; newrta. New Analyst end Commentator. WNU Features, 1343 H Street, N. Portents" (Thomas Y. Crowell W ; Washington, D. C-How long win the war tot? Two things have happened In the lest weeks which have made people ask that question again even If the answer remains aa deep hi the mire at speculation aa ever. The first event is the significant on the passing of the first milestone Islands, little road to Tokyo. On the and about Tulagi harbor which British Admiral Jelllcoe In the laat war said contained the finest natural harbor In tha world, the marines landed and now have the situation well In hand. The first American offenalve in the war was accomplished, not without losses but with succeas and aa a result of a plan worked out nearly flva months 9 go. It was a surprise attack and yet thera were many in some-thin-g Washington who guessed that was about to pop In tha Pacific. They did not know what They didnt have any Idea that it would be on tha seal of tha battla of tha But for a full week before It took place. I found great Interest In certain quarters in the activities of the Japanese in those islands. The people I talked with probably didnt know what the navy was planning they were not naval officers hut they did know that the Japs were busy as bees completing a fine airfield 00 Guadalcanal and getting ready to prepare other complete installations on the nearby islands, especially developing and protecting the Tulagi harbor for a submarina Solo-moo- s. All thlt time ho wants her for my hutbend hot hie wifo and hoe regarded Aim a as merely aaother child; otkod mo for a divorce. , By KATHLEEN NORRIS the many years during I have been writing IN' articles, one ques-tio- n has been asljed frequently perhaps more frequently, than any other. It is Is infidelity a justification for divorce, when children are involved? My answer has inno. been evitably who have no The women children dont ask this question. They simply get their divorces. It is when there is a small son or daughter in ! tha family that. tha agonizing problem presents itself, and that a womans decision to seek a divorce brings infinite misery to the innocent as well as the guilty. Possibly very high spiritual and religious (rounds might be cite.as reasons against such divorces; but theie art not 'the grounds upon which I bate my position. It is based solely upon human happiness. A woman, who preserves the outward dignity of her home, saves her children the spiritual disturbance of losing faith in their father, maintains her position at wife, mother end house manager, despite Inward heartbreak and disillusionment, is In the end far happier than the woman who breaks ail ties, pulls up roots, - scars and horrifies young minds with devastating revelations of the details of mtrital failure. . Seine Harsh Descriptions. The proof of this la all about us. To Justify herself in the step she takes a woman describes her faulty spouse as nothing less than a monster. Keep check some time on the number of your divorced friends, who as fiends, describe their mental cases, moral degenerates. Their own mothers cant stand them. Their clubs have expelled them. They ought to be in institutions. "Ann," I said once to a friend who was . In course of being divorced. "how could you tell Tommy and Ellen that Tom struck you?" "Well" she answered defensively "he might as well have struck me as have said tome of the things he did." This is typicaL The accusing woman lowers herself; she becomes vituperative end spiteful Only a new great love, accompanied with understanding and patience and gentleness can restore her to a normal attitude toward life. She does not often find that love; she is In no condition to find it So my advice to her is to stick to it To stop suspicion, to conquer sensitiveness. to accept facts. Tom. the dear, attentive, delightful companion of only a few years past loves another woman. That part of Mary's life is over; the Joyous, beloved. confident part She has lived only tor him, adored her son and daughter, partly because they . were also his. It hasnt been enough; it hasn't saved her. Nothing can save Mary from the bitter humiliation of knowing that she hasnt been able to hold her maiv jbivorce wont save her that; divorce will only advertise It to the whole world. Divorce hands all the trump cards to the new sweetheart; the latter grabs them easily, and a few days after the divorce Is granted she marries Tom. to his enduring wretchedness and hers. Mary is also wretched. Wretched if she lives a lonely life with the children, sharing their cereal and applesauce at six o'clock and going to bed at nine. More wretched if she marries someone who doesn't understand them or love diem. . - lop-side- d, mom THE LESSER EVIL Tho woman who chooses divorce es tho golution of her marital problems runs the risk of having to face even greater unhappiness. And if there are children, even infidelity is not sufficient cause for her to make such a choice. She must face heartbreak and suspicion and yet remain calm. She must not let the loss of the coni and love of tha man ska married disturb the comfort and serenity of his home. That is, of course, asking .a great deal, but by following this course rather than the other one of divorce she will avoid adding her mistake to his. The mere semblance of a happy home is bad enough, but in this case it it the lesser evil. ( , base. pau further By BAUKHAGE - . HIGHEST PRICta Successful American Offensive Result of - Thorough Planning; Two Possibilities May Alter Picture in Russia. - land-base- d KENT BLADE! HONEY w, - land-base- ' depart razor VI Answer Remains in Doubt WNU Features. ;3 BoaweQ. USED Com- These pany) by somewhat vague 'prophecies do not intrigue me very much but they are interesting reading. One, however, which has been quoted considerably of late is more modern than moat of the rest and is remarkable to me because it actually use tha word "fascism" although it wa written in 1842, and so far as I know that word had never been used to describe a form of government. It is by Heinrich Heine, written after to Paris. his This la what Heine wrote. Just a hundred years ago: "When revolution starts spreading around the world, we ahaD witness the advent of the most frightful of aQ foe men who ever set out to fight against the established way of life. This opponent has not appeared as yet, but will arise under the name fascism, and will be the most competent enemy who ever ha countermarched against the existing order. "War will be only the first scene fat the titanic drama and will be just The second act a curtain-raise- r. will be the European revolution and world revolution, the gigantic conflict between those who have and those who lack. "The future tells us of cruelties, of blood, of atheism and of vast intrigue and plotting. I warn our grandchildren to coma Into the world with shoulders and backs padded heavily. It well may be that the ancient belief of absolutist tyranny .will step out upon the worlds stage once again, this time In new attire, with new war cries and Rolfs . USED I VS -- 4, J" W CMS-T- hn, CARS--- I Liberal Cred.t JESSh at w. CHAJi . Buy Stii 80. Main Street Wholeie BOISE. PO TELL0. oq CHEMICAL Wheat test ed for ttsal Batyeia of Feed, FerUlli, J FWfcBSON I.ACOtsw MM Slate St Sad 8. self-exi- le MUSICAL NSTRU Reconditioned Bana .... prleea. Liberal trade CO.. 71 So. Main. Salt BESsTe USED EQUIPME INTERMOUNTAIN MERCHjuiV (Dealers to Bankrsyt hJ Wa boy and tell ail kind taraa aad equip Cab rwbtai IT lee equip 61 K. 4th Sa, la i(l, When washix.? vcle bt a little vinegar to the 1 freshen the colors, ard amount of starch to give clean look to the game. In the Navy a floor it 1 doors are "bulkheads, stairs is "below, and a e is a "Camel. At least, C the favorite cigarette anc men as it is among me and Coast Army, Marines ' (Based ' on actual sales from service mens store carton of Camels is their i gift. Your local dealer k ing Camel cartons for Also, Japanese force there would be too near the island of New Caledonia, on which American forces are Where Men Are Men stationed, for comfort New Calemen, now. And now is the donia la much further south, oppo- And Women Are Absent send that carton. Adv. Just about tha time that news site the western coast of Australia. to Washington that th Japs came I mentioned this activity of the on Attu Island in the landed bad on tha air in tha Solomons more than once, right up to tha ava Aleutians I received a copy of th of tha battle, and nobody ques- Kodiak Bear. Now I hava had a , acquainttioned my script I mean there was nodding, peanut-tossin- g no question from the censor. Per- ance with a couple of Kodiak bears XT you suffer monthly ana ( haps even the censor wasnt in on at th Washington zoo for many nervousness, Sinm ache, most never like but I the aecrttl Anyhow the blow was years people lnwfularltlee" due to lot monthly dteturbencoe teyto just about to be struck. It was connected their name with an Ptnkbems Vegetable Compsw struck and it may mean the turning American bas off Alaska, where Meet Flnkhama Compass s medicine you can buy Ms I the Pacific. this Journal la published. point in the battle-ofor women. oneotaUg ' n The ' Beer is a So much on tha credit side. Take regularly tbruet t month Flnkhsms Cea newspaper with a Russian Picture belpe build up mistakes V headwriter and soma very peppery such symptoms. Polio hM t ttooe. worth trytngl B it to the same weeks which saw correspondents on Its staff. I would s this achievement of American arms, not estimate or identify its circulaLYCULPINKHJUnr the .Russian picture began to un- tion'll I could, since it is printed fold aa darkly as the pessimists tor the r American forces that la pictured H The story of tbs cam- probably a military secret. But For Happy IQ paign of the Caucasus la not over whoever the readers are they certhis that Remember cartainly are a lively lot according to yet, but the Nazi armies have a bar to is make needed ried on so far at a tempo beyond the accounts of their doings. And Aurelius Marcus fut which even tha pessimists did they have a variety of tastes. That Lot calculate upon. la clear from a headline Two things may brighten the Rus- on a page one story. It reads: sian picture: The sudden appearBaseball, Fishing, Girls, ance on the northern fronts of. a Religion, Keep Outfit Busy mysterious army at red reserves "Where men are men.Sthe story which some believe have been hid- reads, "and women Just arent, den In the long shadowa' that cloak Foe Tots T Fed something must be done to take up borne every dsy,? aQ of Russias war plans. Second, idle moments. The men have conthe revelation of much greater structed themselves g talosses on the part of the Germans bles and tournaments II mot people we are frequent" kUaere aseet than are evident at this writing. aoismt But gentle reader, dont let menpies fluid, excess matter that eannot sW Based on developments to date, tion of that Innocuous of to hsth without Injury pastime ' however, Washington "hopes for bo hotter moderates mislead you. "The whole sj stsss to epeet wb a short war," as on military man baseball has started to cleave th ty-be fuaetioa proy Barainc. Beauty or tee BOW put it to me, "but ia preparing for air,", the reporter continue, "and Hew eometimeo ware a long one." I suppose a abort one many have taken to wroof. Ye up axe and knife would be defeat of Hitler by 1944 echo, heedadM. dume?, throwing." (Not so innocuous, 1 pains, tettiat ap at stf a long one, any longer than that, would say.) Why not try Dm with the fighting in tha Far- - East ba wua( e modieia may Fishing tackle is out too. and the aowatry tnr. Done esdm to continue still longer, and then chronicler tioa at tbs kidneys eom predicta that won't be flesh eat yoieoeoee the indefinite period when United long before the smell ofItfresh fish blood. They montaie wttodj Nations troops will hava to patrol frying 00 the , Got Pooae today. Us griddle will be a dethe world to keep a semblance of light The At ail draft very idea la a delight order. right now." Tha reasons for these prognosti"Twice a week" religious meetcations are: Aral the fact that Hit-l- ings are held.. now has food and oil in bis grip; But as for the ladiea, the last second, with a strong German army paragraph reveals the sad truth. In control of the Caucasus and Ru- The news on that score is limited ssias chief area of raw materials to g account of soland war industries cut off, the Red dier who dont get those letter army can be of no positive military from back home any more. It assistance to tha United Nation teems, the writer from far Kodiak (Unless, those mythical reserves concludes, "absence makes the turn up.) heart grow fonder for Thla means that Germany cannot le. Ask the man who somebody no longer he broken by blockade; that a pow- owns one. erful expeditionary force wiQ have ert fa, to defeat Hitlers armies. that It a bad enough to bePthoa a soldier to a foreign land, but to A lore Predictions th lonely domain which the KcdUk Bear reSpeaking of predictions there have veal aa Its habitat. It must take a been many of late concerning the I of knife war and a number have been gath-reto maxe up for the throwing,to., things (totogether In a very readabl 150 nd paga book caQed "Prophet and left behind otherwise) these boys them. Jap-ane- se f - six-pag- e, seven-colum- red-ho- Todays mall brings me this letter. "I am a woman of 34. married Just ten years. I Idealized Rob .for years before we were married and for years afterward. We beve two beautiful girls, eight and five. We tour have been Inseparable, loving, admiring each other, always happy together. Seven months ago thera was a change. "The girl who has token my placa In my husbands heart is only. 11 She is orphaned; my husbands ward. She ia very beautiful innocent and artless in manner, and rich. To Robert tha thought of possessing all this loveliness, youth, charm and tha added independence la evidently acting like an intoxicating wine. Ha ia completely bewitched. Alma makes no secret of her passionate devotion to him. Since the was very small she has been in the habit of kissing him, sitting on his knee, ruffling his hair. She continues all this. All this time, until now, ha has regarded her as merely another child; but now he wants her for his wife. It Never Lasts. "I that know the wreckage of his life would follow this step. Alma ia shallow, flirtatious, as most Uttle beauties of her age. She loves to pout and tease; she wants to go to Hollywood to study for the films and he has promised to take her,' If only Sally will be an angel and say yesi Hla infatuation for her will last joniy as long as she chooses to Batter him and be sweet; then some younger man will come along, and Rob, reputation and practice destroyed, wife and children alienated, will be left in the ruins of his own life. Rob Is Just 40. "The alternative to my shrieking at him. as I sometimes want to do, Take her and get out; I never want to see eithqr of you idiots again! Is the bitter one of living with a silent, resentful man. whose attitude will be that I have destroyed his one chance for happiness in Ufa. That my own life la destroyed, 'I know. But there are my girls, innocent end sweet and completely unconscious of all this. Until very lately their ' father's devotion to them, from the very hour of their birth, has been the admiration of f ell our friends. "I can send Alma away; Indeed it is already arranged that she la to go to a dramatic school in southern California. But what sort of a husband would I have after aQ this? What am I to do?" Divorce will only bring misery to you, Sally, and in tha long run to ' him, too. self-centere- d r . two-colum- n IfttilnfvM'1 4 sass.Wisi; ping-pon- J table-tenn- is . , er heart-breakin- Ping-pon- g, d l!;:dCsaU0C9EK. LTt ifcYlsfcL - |