OCR Text |
Show TIIIC BEK 6 Miiutlilra in (nvo'c. May stccnth Well, here we aicagain, a the clown will say when Ringling Brothers trilv e Salt Lake. We have ju'i landed and. while the atmosphere seems a hit nenmonplncc, after what we have cn- I I ju i d ahi' id, till don't know hut what am glad to he on American soil again. I am sitting in my room in the Waldorf writing this. j iter, while Me and Van and Brig are mur mining the ralihte, headed hv Van W'wk who is the John Clark of New York. He ami the City Council, accompanied by a hand and several clubs chielly in the hands of the police, met us at the gang plank and escorted us up town. Me v as very much gratified with our reception and responding to the hoarse shouts of the assembled multitude, made a speech. Fact. Me has improved wonderfully in his oratory since we have been abroad. Folks have heard this effort declared that Chauncv Depew, in his palmiest days was not in it with Me. Van also indulged in a few extemporaneous remarks. Brig was called for, but he was busy inspecting a new style lavatory which they have in the hotel and sent his regrets. The whole town is ablaze with enthusiasm, red fire, and other things. The mayor told Me the Dewey reception wouldnt be a marker to this one. Hut Me was iust as calm as could Nc-uJVnr- k, be. We had a splendid voyage across the ocean. Not a thing occured to mar the serenity of the trip. Van was a little bit astonished going over to find out that the Atlantic was larger than Great Salt Lake, but on the return trip had gotten used to it. I am now going to give The Bee a I should have cabled it from the scoop. other side but was afraid to. You see llearst and Bennett and the balance of the big newspaper men are all interested in the cable and they sometimes tap the wires I and tip things off in their own journals. didnt want to take a chance. But Me is no longer a plain citizen. lie He is the is a scion of nobility. Yes sir. He bought the island Count of Corfu. while we were away. The King of Greece sold it to him and Me is going to order his He has sent out fa coronet tomorrow. notice to all the jewelry houses of the metropolis to the effect that he will receive sealed bids for the construction of one coro net until 2 noon tomorrow, with the right to reject any or all bids. Van advised him to do that. Said he could get inside figures that way and then he could readvertise and the jewelry houses would go broke cutting each others prices. Van has had a whole lot of experience with the board of county commissioners and knows how the old thing 1 works. Van was a handy man to have along. Of course when we left, I did not know Me intended becoming a count, but he confided in me as soon as be found the steamer was so far away from shore there was no chance of getting back, lie explained that he brought Van along to examine the titlcsof the island for him. Van is hot stuff on titles. He was'nt exactly on to the form of abstract, but he soon found out. While in London he consulted with the firm of Fooks, Arnold, Chadwick & O. Cs, K. C. Bs, east side, Long Acre, and obtained some very valuable information. Van sent in his card and was received with open arms. Funks said he had heard of him through the columns of the McIIerald for which he was a regular subscriber. He listened to Van's thrilling narrative of how he prosecuted people in Salt Lake, aye and convicted them too sometimes, and when Van had finished took him out to dinner. Before negoiiat'ng with the king for the island, however, Van took another precaution. He visited an attorney in Athens; I forget his name, but it sounds like a:i alarm clock running dowif, and from him obtained some good hot stuff on titles. You ought to have seen the king stare when Van talked about titles. He had to yield to the superior judgment of the American attorney. Me says lie dont exactly know what to do with the island now he has it, but inasmuch as he owns it and all the taxes are payable to himself and he has to pay them, he guesses he can stand it. I am glad we did not let out the news of Mcs promotion here in New York for if we had the crush would have been something tremendous'. Van is going to give the item to the New York papers as soon as we hear The Bee has gone to press. We have just learned tonight that Governor Wells is reported as having made up his mind to appoint Tom Kearns, a mucker from Park City, senator. Call on Wells and get him to show you a telegram. It will save me telegraph tolls. Me everlastingly reads the riot act to Hebe. We are going out for a stroll incognito had a quiet game of draw. Me Ion eight thou, but Levy proved to be a gentleman and said he would withdraw his complaint and call it even. Me was very grateful. Van (lid'll I take to it kindlv as he said he be- lieved the demurrer would have Hood, just the same. As soon as we have seen Hoboken and Yonkers we are coming home. Gracious how I hate to go appraising again. But my experience was all right for I appraised the island and made Me some monev. UlslIEK FaKKIS. 0 On the sign of a lower Main street loon is the legend, some arc not. sa- Summer drinks and The following letter wes received by a well known business man of this city yesterday, the missive bearing a Logan date Sir and Friend: The Lord in his infinite wisdom has seen fit to deny the petition of his servants Hebe Grant and Bob Sloan and has filled the hearts of the ungodly with scorn for his chosen revelators. Heap Cash Me Cune shall be gathered to his fathers May his sleep be undisturbed bv visions of Cache county Lawless bribe takers. Yours, A Cheerful Idiot. P. S. Go and get a new hat and charge the same tome. This was simply a letter announcing a willingness to pay a debt. : sen-atorles- Art Lowe and Joe Galighcr are always laying for some one. In this respect they resemble hens somewhat. But Art caught a victim yesterday. Why said Art, Is a man who has seen Niagara Falls unlike a man who has not seen Niagara Falls and a Of course that is a little ham sandwich: tough and the victim gave it up. .Because was the reply, A man who has seen Niagara Falls has seen the mist: A man who has not seen Niagara Falls has missed the But what the Then he stopped. scene. ham sandwich? queried the victim. Oh, thats where you get in and bite was the answer and then Art sold a gasoline stove worth $16.50 to a man from the country for $55.90 on a marked down card. this evening. 4 g. m. Eastern time Just came in from a stroll down on the Bower). Its a hot place. Met a fellow who keeps a saloon, whose name is Brodie. Me and he got quite chummy. Me told him all about the last legislature and how close he came to being R. O. G. Showed, of Bingham Canyon, elected. Brodie seems to be a friend of was in the city last week, in the interest of Mcs. Told him all he wanted was a big his pork ranch. Rog has a new .breed of rep., meaning a reputation. Advised him to pork which he believes will be a success in jump off the Brooklyn bridge. Me said he this community, as it can be fattened on almost anything and when completed is as would think of it. Met several nice gentleas any old brand of pork which is men. They dress rather loud down here. good marketed in the cast. It appears that by inOne of them introduced Me to his wife. Had dustrious crossing of breeds, pork fanciers a funny nickname for her. Called her his have succeeded in obtaining a hog which r Her real name is Kittie so he told will live and thrive on lucerne and wire grass pick. all summer and when fall comes can be made me. She blew Me in for a clam' chow and into hardened tenderloin, ham and side meat a whole bottle of beer, but Me was game and in three weeks by a diet of mixed barley and paid for the whole works. corn meal. Showed was in looking for some Later in the evening a fellow named one to start a packing house to dispose of Levy, a very sociable fellow, came in and we his product. , s. |