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Show THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - Page 20 The crime scene was quite grisly. Cosmo the Cougar knew that he had been up to no good because he was trying to cover up his dirty deed by burying the deer with dirt, grass, and shrubs when spotted by the sharp eye ofAdams. I am happy to report that at the time of this printing, neither man nor beast has been Local BYU Fan Kills Cosmo? able to catch my project, 4-- H Al- Bucky-the-corn-fed-de- Bruce Adams, a lifetime fan of Brigham Young University, and member of the exclusive Cougar Club, shot and killed Cosmo (a cougar) the BYU mascot. though, am a little worried with hunting season coming up so soon. It is rumored that Other newspaper stories may have you believe that, in Maughan was quoted as say I the prolific hunter, Dr. Rhett Maughan, was scoping my little two point deer out. Dr. ing, That would be a nice addition to my collection of two points that I have mounted, and may be as big a deer as I have ever shot at. Of course, BYU released a No Comment when contacted about the taking of Cosmo the Cougar by one of their own. However, this crackled up) reporter dug further and found that although Adams has denied killing Cosmo the Cougar, his strategy for defense is going to be temporary insanity. After all, school just started and Mr. Adams has six classes of 7th and 8th graders to teach. Sounds like a reasonable defense to me. Several DWR (Deer With Rights) Officers were im- mediately on the crime scene to gather facts for an alleged Grand Jury Inquiry by the Cougar Club. It is unlikely that a conservative jury of his peers, such as retired teacher Tom Livingston, known round these parts as and Judge Lyle Anderson, m is going to of their own go easy on one committing such a treacherous deed. There are some stories cir- sity of Utah fan. Although Bruces blood runs University of Utah Crimson Red, everyone that knows him says that he is Zoo Blue through and through. offered (Give-em-Life-Lyl- culating in less reputable sources than the San Juan Record that perhaps the real Bruce Adams was abducted by aliens and the man who shot Cosmo the BYU mascot was really an impostor or Univer How- ever, officers allegedly found a University of Utah sticker inside his underwear drawer. this advice for Bruce. Just tell them it was a youthful indiscretion and that anything you did before 50 just doesnt mat- ter. Of course, since Bruce just celebrated his 50th birthday last week (oops... the cat is out of the bag now), I guess there is nothing left to do but wish him a happy 50th birthday. fact, Adams was defending the town of Monticello from an un- wanted predator. But it is clear to this crackled up) reporter that there has been a cover up. I have contacted Agent Moulder from the X Files and he assure me that, The truth is out there. dont you I mean really, think it just a little suspicious that Adams gets to go hunting on Sunday (and his wife doesnt get mad at him), gets to shoot a cougar (and doesnt have to draw out a tag), doesnt have to buy a license (or that dang habitat stamp), gets to discharge a firearm in the city limits (without being cited), and gets to shoot from his back porch while eating Coco Krispies? And for all his trouble, some Guy from the Division of Wildlife Resources does not arrest him; but rather thanks him, skins the big cougar, brings in his Sunday paper, and vacuums before he leaves. This method of hunting has a certain appeal to me. Where do I 9 Vo s 4 Ar 4 ULTIMATE CD APY sign up for the Preferred Hunter Program? Apparently, the fiendish feline has developed a taste for more than just mice. It is rumored that BYUs Cosmo the Cougar whipped up on the Washington Huskies on the gridiron and developed a taste for dog, so much so that it was Introductory rate until 102799 It allows you to add money at any time. Opportunities to withdraw without penalty. It pays high market rates. pursuing Police Officer Jim Eberlings dog for an appetizer. I doubt that it was a coincidence that Cosmo the Cougar was up near my house looking for my project, In is rumored it that fact, 4-- THE ZlQ H Bucky-the-corn-fed-de- Bucky-the-corn-fed-de- er lost a long- time friend to the BYU The CD rates are arbitrarily determined. The Ultimate And with Ultimate CD, cash can be deposited whenever it lands in your lap continually earning CD, however, is tied directly to the interest rate of a competitive market rate. Plus, the rate increases as U.S. Treasury Note. This creates two advantages: First, the interest rate can be the balance grows. Stop by your local Zions Bank branch or visit us on the higher. 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