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Show Toughlove to deal with family crises Many parents of problem teen- agers are turning to an approach called Toughlove to deal with family crises. But a University of Utah psychology professor says the approach may create more disobedience, rebellion and unhappiness than it alleviates. Toughlove has become the vanguard of the parenting set, says Dr. James Alexander, director of clinical training and a nt specialist in problems. The goals of Tough-lo- ve parent-adolesce- cant be faulted, but the methods for reaching those goals arent necessarily the best. Toughlove was founded as a self-he- lp group for parents. Its primary intent is to restore parental authority by setting absolute rules and firmly enforcing them. The movement, which caught on quickly among parents now of uncontrollable teen-age- rs, includes more than 700 chapters nationwide. According to Alexander, such a strategy may work for younger children, but it can make a teenager more rebellious and disobedient. Handing down ultimatums has the potential of being brinkman- - WEATHER Monticello Blanding ship, he says. If you draw aline and tell the kid youre going to physically punish him if he steps over it, the difficult teen-ag- er is often going to step over the line. Then you either have to follow through or let it go this time. Research, he says, suggests that laying down the law isnt necessarily thewaytohandlepro-blem- s for all teenagers. Alexander has found that setting rules and enforcing them without understanding what the teen-ag- er is experiencing often does not cause long-ter- m behavioral changes. He urges Toughlove advocates to start keeping careful data. Testimonials and intuitive deal with human who teen-age- curfew, you can call me to tell me arent sufficient,hesays. appeal People behavior, he says. So you look at the reason hes rebelling. It may be because thats the only way he knows how to assert his independence. rs Because need independence, Alexander says parents should negotiate rules and consequences to aUowmore flexibility within limits while mainthe absolute bottom taining line. For instance, iftheteenis staying out too late, the parent can say, After curfew, I need you home or I worry. You need to be with your friends and have flexibility. To make us happy, if you are with your friends and its past have an obligation to misery evaluate their programs effec. tiveness. Toughlove, says Alexander, is particularly appealing to parents because, unlike traditional apit does not blame proaches, parents for the chile? s behavior. Subsequently, however, the parents start blaming the teen-agWhen faced with a rebellious teen-age- r, parents have a tendento go from one extreme to cy another, says Alexander. They have tried being understanding and forgiving and when that does not work, they say, Pm not going to take it anymore. They can live er. by my rules or get out. Parents need to understand how everyone in the situation is a victim, and that assigningblame only creates defensiveness and resentment, Alexander notes. They must also separate the behavior from its function of reason. The kid is rebelling, thats the where you are. You can stay out later that night, but youll have to be home earlier the next night, The reason for a rule doesnt have to be good, says Alexander, but it must be honest, immediate and personal. Make the reason your own, even if its only PU He suggests letting the worry. teen-ag- er know the rules have some benefit for them as well, you do your homework right now, youll have more time to be with your friends or watch TV later.) Offering alternatives can also help prevent a confrontation. Once the rules are agreed upon, he notes, the results of any violations should also be negotiated, and implemented if necessary. If theres no agreement, parents will have the final say. Its a real problem-solviapproach, he no automatic There are says. rules and youve built in some flexibility. Once such a frame work is adopted, he says, things at home are likely to go more smoothly. (If ng THE SAN JUAN RECORD Thursday November 17, 1983 - Page 15 It would be much easier, of to be finalized but will include course, if such an approach had banks, housing authorities and local redevelopment agencies. started when the child was 10 The funds will be distributed on years old, says Alexander. When adolescence comes par- first-serv- ed are aware ents basis a first -- come, until the grant has been exhausted. To be eligible for the loan subsidies, applicants must live in a one to four family residence and earn ip to 150 percent of of the changes but taking place, theyhavenoidea how to deal with them. When the child was young, you just told him what to do. If you still do that when hes 13, hell rebel. Parents, he says, want to remain in control, but their absolute authority decreases with the onset of adolescence. How can you be the leader when the follower doesnt want to follow? You change your leadership style. You have got to change your approach to discipline as the child grows. Energy Bank funds for improvements The Utah Energy Office is managing $220,000 in loan subsidies for home energy improvements made by participating financial institutions under the Utah Energy Bank Program. The Utah Energy Bank is funded by a grant from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Developments Solar Energy and Energy Conservation Bank established by Congress in 1980. The Utah Energy Bankprovides funds to low and subsidiary middle income homeowners who take out loans for energy conservation improvements and solar retrofits. The money can be used to reduce the principle obligation of the loans or as prepayment of interest due on loans made by local financial institutions enroUed in the program. The list of participants has yet area income, which varies depending on the geographic area of residence. median conservation measures include insulation, caulking, weather stripping, heating storm system modifications, and doors, Ughting windows and thermostat modifications controls among others. Additionally, passive solar water and space heating systems on new homes and substantially rehabilitated ($1,000 or more) homes that will be sold are also eligible for assistance. Loan subsidies will range from 20 to 50 percent of loan principles accounting for $400 to $ 5,000 per dwelling depending on the loan amount and the applicants income. 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