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Show MR. PILKINS, MARTYR SHE LIKED THE SMOKING ROOM. Unexpected Approbation of the Worn-aClub frem Aunt Mary, HE IS INDUCED" TO STUDY THE ECLIPSE. The gills bioughi Aunt Mary Into town in tin-- motor and stopped at the woman's club to dean up, ays the New Yoik Sun. It was teally to sto But Mrs. Pitkin' Uncontrollable Exthis famous place that the old lady, citement Prevented the Obierva who rarely gut nearer New Yotk than tion from Being What Might the summer home of her family on Be Called a Succes. Long Island, had been eager to come to the city. Bitkins was all excitement as bo "Ik) we dare show her the smoking jumped from his chair and shouted to room?" asked one of the younger Mrs., Bitkins who was In the next women. "You know she never heard room: of anything like that iu the womans Say, my dear, look here a minute. club in Hrattleboro. What are you doing, anyway? Read will be fearfully she "Maybe lug? Well, of all the confounded shocked," auswered the oil er, "and and Insensibility to one's oppor- we'll regtet that we ever did it. Hut tunities, this certainly gets the high just lets wait and see what happen st possible commendation! Heading at the moment." what? The Womans Weekly WishAunt Mary was delighted with what bone, of course. O, my aunt! she saw. She was bubbling over with Woman, dont jou know theres an comments of delight on the trig maid eclipse of the sun happening this very In the b room who lpod hei dressing minute? Where? Ye gods, will you to temove the of stains travel by listen to that? Why, light here. And mol or. She was just as pleased with you indifferent to the greatest and her lunch, grew. enthusiastic over th most Impressive phenomenon in na and swimming pool and gymnasium lure! could not restrain herself when th "Hustle around and get a piece ot stood somewhat abash d befort smoked glass for me. Im going to see parly the door of the smoking room. this show if I never see another. The How convenient," observed the old paper says it's the last chance to view with nppioval as the two youngei this kind of an eclipse for a hundred lady women exchanged surprised looks, years, and I don't care to wait us long and how well arranged for the pur a that. pose." "No, I don't want the opera glasses. That Aunt Mary should show sc I want a piece of window glass. Just much approbation of the smoking common, ordinary window glass. Do room was more than the younger worn you know what window glass Is? Y'ou on could as she repro stare as If you didnt. Dont you know seated all understand, was most conventional that where to get any? Well, why dont in the view of womens you provide for the eclipse? You ought conduct. She was emancipated up tc to have known at least three days ago the of a woman's club, but toleration that it was going to come along this that she should admire the smoking morning. room when she never failed to express Listen! What was that? her disapproval of that habit in worn- ' now. all were Jimmy an was Say, right beyond them. has just thrown an old shoe through "So you see," one niece said rapidly the kitchen window. to the other as they walked away Hold on! Hold on there! Youll cut from the door, "you see, you never can your fingers and then blame me for it. tell. Let me do that. Im the only one in That night they sat after dinner on the house that can the piazza discussing the visit tc "Ouch! Get me a rag, will you. Im town. bleeding to death. Cant you see I am? One thing I did not see in the I might have known Id cut myself if Aunt Mary observed, was any I tried to get glass for your blamed old club, needles and thread. eclipse. Needles and thread?" repeated her "There, now. If the eclipse would last grandniece. "Why, I think the maids all day maybe we should have a chance them. have always to get a glimpse of the last of It. "I know, dear," Aunt Mary went on and "Here, light the student lamp I I mean in the sewing room. smoke this piece of glass. Look out. "but mean that nicely arranged sewing there; dont let the baby stick her room, with the tables and the com head through that broken pane. fortable chairs. Everything for sewAll right, now. Ill go out and take was there except any needles and a look at this wonderful eclipse you ing are they kept?" Where thread. talk so much about. So it seemed, after all, that Aunt Oh, of course a cloud has gone over enthusiasm over the Marys the sun! Look what youre doing! room had been founded on asmoking misapYouve knocked my arm and got this a shame Yet seemed it soot all over my nose. I look like a prehension. to the illusion. destroy black-facesheep. I understand, aunty, answered "Oh, Well, great Jupiter Ammon! Is that one of her two escorts to the club, all the eclipse amounts to? I could get the smo sewing room. I suppose the same effect any time taking a all the members of the club who go bite of a cooky. If the sun cant put to sew take their needles and there up a better entertainment than that thread with them. - Im sure its before it goes out of the show business the rulealong must do that if they they for such a longtime It might as weil want to sew there. stay behind the clouds. You made all that fuss for Dukes Private Army. nothing, Mrs. Pilkins. I hope youre Any man may have an army of satisfied at last. The next time I cut workmen or an army of servants if my fingers and then place myself becan afford to pay their wages; but he fore the rudely staring public as a is only one private individual there black-facecomedian Ill have some Great in Britain who has the right to pretty good evidence that Im going tc maintain an army of soldiers real get my moneys worth'. The next time that is not tin ones. That you want to break your neck and hall soldiers, duke of Athol, who is on the man is kill me for the sake of a silly little of richest the peers, owning 200,00 hole in the sun you can do the labor acres of land and deer forests. Hi yourself. "Great Scott! Youve left that lamj keeps up almost regal state at Blai; turned up and its literally snowing castle, in Perthshire, and he has ar army of 300 men kilted, armed, regu soot all over the house! Well, Ive certainly paid a big larly drilled, and ready for war at anj The late Queen Victoria price for a mighty small show. I guess .moment! the army with its colors. I can worry along now for a hundred presented ancestors of the duke itsel-outime the years without the suns putting '.who, by the wTay, celebrated his sixty to entertain me. a walk ii while the house take eighth birthday recently were sov Ill to If set you hadnt goi ereigns of the Isle of Man, but gave rights. being all made this fuss you up their kingly rights to the British excited and would have shown a good deal bettei government for a consideration ol 70,000. judgment than you did. iu-ertl- Ta," said r No, you Hobble, kin I go fish-i- n' Sh had her finder In everything. Fo when he vhowed an engaKenient ring? mure than cant," retorted the old It wasnttheniuih had her gentleman from behind his newspaper. Pause. Pa, kin I go In swlmmln?" Ive told you no several times already." Pause. Say, ma. kin I go out and play with the hose?" , No, Hobble; youll get yourself soaked," replied his mother. a minute, linger In it. -- Baltimore American. Bc-foi- e Ma, kin I go acrost to Willie - Smiths for a little while?" No, my son, you cant. Willie Smith is not a fit companion for a boy like you." Pause. Pa, kin I cut the pictures out o the Sunday papers? No, siree; you cant. Im not going to have this house littered up with scraps of paper. Pause. Ma, kin I No, Bobbie; you can't! Dont make me have to tell you that again. Pause. Say, pa, is this a prohibition state? Judge. . SPIRIT OF THE AGE. Miss Dasher So you liked Paris, eh? Mrs. Parvie-NeOh, immensely, and the people ares'o intelligent Why, even school children speak French. w Coward of Conscience. Tired and dusty, the excursion was returning from the bank holiday trip, and Simkins, a little bald man with big ears, overcome with his day of happiness, dropped off to sleep. In the hat-racabove, another passenger had deposited a ferocious crab in a bucket, and when Simkins went to sleep the crab woke up, and finding things dull in the bucket, started exploring. By careful' navigation Mr. Crab reached the edge of the rack, but the next moment down it fell, alighting on Simkins shoulder. Not feeling quite safe it grabbed the voluminous ear of Simpkins to steady itself, and the passengers held their breath, and Bella But, my dear, it's a secret; I waited for developments. But Simvowed on my honor not to tell. kins only shook his had slightly. Stella Go ahead; Im listening. Let go, Eliza, he murmured. I tell you that I have been at the office Chicago Journal. all the evening. Royal Magazine. The Clarion of Victory. Mrs. Railfence (at the supper table) A Misty Evening. Theres an auttymobile horn Winks What became of you last like mad. Mr. Railfence Darn em! Must a night. Jinks? Tother I pent the evening with killed a cow tew be crowin about it you, old chap. that much! Puck. A k Numerical. Customer I want a pair of corsets for my wife. Shop Girl What number? Customer Shes number three. .t d Pause. Too True. For things with all bad taste replete That on your senses trample, house cannot be beat The near-ston- e As a concrete example. Judge. n' d d t |