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Show THE SALT LAKH TRIBUNE, SUNDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 27, 1921. ' FOl El CP v By Ring W. Lardner Illustrated by Fontaine Fox. I I : 1. Allison. HI., May 1 I win It yesterday Inyihe ft'tiala for the Thomas. tt aint 'nothing only sport after feel eh Charley. I got the cup and I ptes'dents cup out lev the club. How la all and you getting beat alnt as much win It fair aqd square and they cant nothat for a man thgt dldent never have your fault as the man that give us the body take that away from me. And the a golf stick In hlw hands till this yr. eh handicaps. You got no business giving Mrs. Is tickled to death with it. me a strike a hole and M you say so we Chas. Your Brother'. " F. A. GROSS. - And besides me winning the cup 1 will play the rest of it even. I because found out something about the club that It wouldent be even, he keys, Allison. 111. July I dldent know about and If I had of havent gbt np body along to lead the BROTHER CHARLEY: Well Charley 1 found out something knew ;t In the 1st, place they wouldent cheer for me. never of had to coax me to get me in " WellI sayiTTw 1II teiry6U 'WHat I' will yesterday and that Is that a man tanf do to there club. do to show you lm a good sport. We 'ourself Justice playing golf when you After the game we come back to the will pertend like we havent played at gll dont feel good and it cost me $50 to find club house and I left the Mrs. setting out and this p. M. or any time you say. you It out but you can bet I wont never plav on the porch wile I went In and washed can bring your Mr, along and leave her golf again after I have eat something that dident a gree with m. up. The stewart was standing there In go around with us and entourage you The night before tost I was over to a the locker rm. and I made some remarks No, he says, I can see 1 am no match about wishing I had a drink. Bo he says for you and my wife aint nowhere near banquet at the annex and tho chief sent me over there to Just keep my eyes open what do you want and I saya a high a match for your. ball Just Jokelng. But sure enough in Your wife is probly good hearted, 1 and see that they wasent no dips getting awag with something on acct. of all the women wearing there rocks and etc Well 1 run In to some pals and we spent most of tho evening in a room together and 1 had a hole lot to drink and when I got 1 called up yeslesdav'A. Ml felt .had-a- n th hlef up and he says few m to Jake tho dav off. Bo after breakfast 1 went up to the golf dub and was gojng to play but they washent nobody else there ao J thought J would wait around till some one come to play with. Bo I waited all the A. M. and nobody come and while I was waiting I got thirsty and the stewart brought me a drink and then he brought m some more and I guess I must of had about a dosen but I should worry when I was getting them for nothing and just could signing my name so as tne stewart ' keep track of who got them. Well finely It come noon time and I was hungry and th stewart saya he could serve me my lunch so I says all right and he give m a 'unch and they must of been something that waa poisoned because I noticed later on that I was kind of dlsxy and my head spinning around. But Just when I was through lunch who should come -- In but Mr. Carpenter and Mr. Thomas. Wall. I says to them, I hope you got over your soreness about me winning the cup and If you aint sore you can set down with me and have a drink. So they looked at each other and then they both excepted the invitation and set down snd I ast them what would they have and they says they never- - drunk So I called the stewnothing only win art In and ast him did he have seme wine and sure enough he did. How Is that for a club Chss where you can get all the champagne you want to drink by Just signing your name. So I had a bottle with them and then Thomas says ho and when they would have another would stgn brought It in Thomas saya he near me so was card the but It for right I says Whats tho difference who signs It we had 3 So then I will sign It myself. more bottles , and I signed for them again and then I sung a ballld for them and then Thomas abt me how my golf game was. Its good I guess you know, I says. i enough to beat you. ' For how much, ho says. What ever you say, I says. I will play you for a hundred bucks, savs Thomas. So I savs I dldent want to rob him and I would play him for $50 and ho put up $50 and I had to writ ax:hock and we put it up with Carpenter. So then Thomas says he would give me a strike a hole and I savs he wouldent do nothing of the kind because I could beat him even. So then we got our clubs and went to it. Well Charley I knowed the minute I got out there that something I had eat had Jisagreed with ms. But I am not no vellow dog Charley and I made up my mind I would go through with It bad as 1 felt Well Thomas drove off the tea and got a pretty fair drive and then it t was my turn and 1 wss so sick I ooulde-ihardly see and I missed the ball and then I swang and missed it again and finely when I did hit it I hit it crooked and it only went about 20 ft. So then Thomas got smart and savs he would toll fnO what was the matter with me. Y'ou ewang back too fast.- - lie says, and you stood too close to the ball and vour eyes was shut am ou was trying the foxy trot with your left foot. 3Tn-The- -- the-wife ... !., May 7. .Allison. Brother Chas.: ell Chas 1 have broke In to the golf at all Mke ahinnv game and its nothing but a soon Is 1 get the hang of It I will get along O. K. I layed off yesterday T. M and came out home and hired a rig to take me out to the country club. I got out there about half paet 1 and the Stewart ast me was I a member and I told hint yes. So finally he took me out In the shed where the teacher atay and the teacher ast me did I want a lesson. No, I eays, and I never seen the game vet where I had to get play it. So any body to learn me how fitto me out with he says ell right he wpuld to start with me some clubs snd'he gtve and the 5 ere all different and got different names. The 1st 1 Is what they call a driver that you use to hit the ball the 1st. time and try and drive it as tar Is wood you can and its a long club with handle and a wood nob at the end of It. 1 And the next is e brassy thats Just like the driver only they a peace of brass .nailed on the bottom of it. And the next 1 is a click thats got a wood handle but in place of a wood nob theys a lead blade on tho bottom of It that turned up a little so aa a man can raise a bell off of the ground. And the next 1 Is a masher that graBS or you use when the balls In themore than the sand and it raises a ball up a cl'ck. And the last t ts a putter that and masher on is like the It the blade click only It dont turn up and you use it to knock the ball In tothe hole when you .. i are right close Tip. Well thev give me a hag to earrythe clubs in and ast me how many balls did I want and I says I thought 1 would be I belter take plenty, but the teacher says I or I because I waa so strong In the shoulders end arms I might drive the hall off of the coarse end loose It. So they give me S balls and a boy to carry my bag and chase up the balls I knocked and then they showed me where to start at. They was a man I know Just gotng to start too and he ast me would I play with him ao I says yes. His name Is Fredericks end he owns the garage. The 1st. thing you do Chas. you take a little chunk of mud out of a box and make a little mound with It and then you stick your ball on top of It and hit la as far is you ran tordB the 1st hole thets about 800 yds. away. Fredericks shot 1st. ard his ball went about 160 yds and then it was my turn and I missed the ball the 1st. time and Fredericks says I tried to hit It too hard. Juet go easy at 1st. he save. Bo I hit at tt easy and missed It again on acct. of hitting the ground behind tt and then I swung easy egain and hit It thla time but it onlv went 5 or ft on acct. of me not trying to hit it hard. Then Fredericks told me to use the brass club on the next shot and I hit it the 1st. time but It only went 20 ft. Well I kept getting on to the hang of the game and finally our balls was both up about a ft. off of the short grass where he had had S shots and I counted up from memory and savs I had had 8. Yes he says, but that isent counttng the times you did not hit the ball at all. How is that Chas. for a game where you count a strike every time you hit at the ball If you hit It or dont hit It. You see the Idea of thu game Is to knock the ball In to all 18 of the holes without takeing no more strikes than necessary. Well we finally got our halls In to the 1st. hole and Fredericks done It In 8 strikes and I done It In 12 not counting the times I missed the ball. Bo then we played the next hole and so on till we come to the 7th hole and I had to quit then hecauee I had lost the 8 halW the teacher let me take and 1 of Frederick's besides and he did not have no more to lone me so I quit. They dont keep the coarse In very good shape or I would not of lost the balls because tt was in the long grass and weeds where I lost them he played the last three holes and he told me to watch how he shot and I would pick up some pointers. Hemaybe save the main thing waa to keep your head still and kesp your eyes on the ball end not try and hit the ball too hard They dont take no cere of the ground here and tte got a lot of lortg grass snd trees that should ought to bo cut down and a tot of mounds that should ought" to- bo leveled off and the 7th. and 8th holes ts built right side of the river so a men mind isalong on keeping the ball from going in the water and you cant do youraelf Justice. Fredericks had Ms' automobile and sat mo to ride home with him. along Before we left the teacher ast me if I wanted to buy some clubs off of him and I says yes and he says I could keep the clubs he had give me to use Bo I got my own clubs now and dont half to for them till the 1st of the month payI suppose there about 4 a biKk a throw and the $ of them will come to $250 Your bro. FRED A. GROggi wag way off of the green with 5 strikes go it looked like I wag going to loose the hole sure, hut 1 do but put the ball clear in to the hole from where I wae end It must of been 60 ft. I wish you could of seen Grace. .She done all the danceg she knowed and hollered like an Indian. I what did Right In Allison or rather right Charley out to the golf club because I have been there Just about ah the time since a wk. ago. tomorrow. And mavbe I cant play that old game of golf now Chas Yesterday I went around the 9 hole li) t!3 strikes and r havent only lost 2 hells the last 2 times I played and 2 of them went In the river where anv bodys libel to shoot no matter how good you are. Bn the hall and the bats too costs money Charlev. I found that out when the hill come In from the cluo The balls com to a dollar a peace and the clubs was ?5 a peace and how that for a skin game Charlev. But thev wasent no use kicking because thev would tell you the prices was up on acct of the war being over like every body tells ou about every thing these devs. But you can bet I havent told the Mr about what Its oiling me because she is sore all radV on acct of me spending mv vacation here instead of takeing the famllv ncrost the lake or somewhere. There havelng some tournaments tip to the club and I am going in to the that starts next Saturday. What I am gotng to play for ig the presidents cup that put .up hv Mr. Fwlng the president of the club for the man that wins the tournament juid it Isent no common tea cup but it t" great big solid silver eup with 2 handle on It and so big of beer you full it drunk if that you would begin to sing tenor. And f I win will a make this here cup I present of it in the Mrs. and I guess that will be better than going acrost the lake especially It it ws a ro.igh dav. They ghe a man a handbap in these her tournaments and 1 seen the list of handicaps hanging on the wall up to the club jesttrdgy and I overlooked all the names but mire was not there j I went to the teacher to give me mine and he says he bad not done it before because most generally a man dont go In to the tournaments the let yr. you ptoy. But I says I was going in to this $11 right o went around the then he ast me what links in and I told him I usually made it In about 74 but once I made It in i.J So he and other tlms as high js 81 figured a wile and finelv savs he would tend that for give ms a handicap of 48 18 holes because they play 13 holes in the tournament instead of . Well Charley if I esnt beat them bird with s 48 handicap I will quit trying to play the game K. A. GROSS Your Bro. 1 1 1 Allison,- - IU.. July 23. Dear Brother Chas : Well Chas. tlje, finals comes off tomorho row A M and I am n on tnem do you think Im going to plav against Mr Thomas. Charley, th rii hot man In Allison and his wife Is the high monkey monk In soviet Vihere amt Grace i tnkehd to death because here Is her chanc to get acquainted with Mrs Thomas. Because of core Mrs Thomas will bs out to watch her husband plav the finals and I will take Grace along with me and wile thev are watching ua they can make friends between themselves and maybe fix up a party for the Thomases and we to celebrate who evr win the cup Thev will rrobly he a b'g rowd wati hlng us besides th 2 women The tournament started a wk. ago today and I played better than 1 ever did in mv life and when I turned In mv score I was way up in the list includelng mv handicap. Th next dav we played some more and when we got through thev 4 was onlv of us left and the 4 was I and Mr. Thomas snd Mr. Carlton and Mr. Bo todav I was to play Mr Carpenter. and he. phoned out from Chi Carpenter and savs he couldent get there and would I wait and plav tomorrow A M and 1 pays No of corse I wouldent wait 8o he says All right go ahead and claim your match bv the fault and you will get a goodb$!Jng In the finals but I just give him the laugh and told the teacher that Mr. Carpenter had gave up so th 1 teacher wrote It on the hoard that was going to be in the finals. Well Mr. a better plaver than Mr Carltons Thomas but Mr. Thomas has got a hanand he win his match and himself dicap the teacher announced that I and Mr. Thomas would plav It off tomorrow. Well Grace Is all excited about ms placing Mr. Thomas and meeting Mrs. Thomas and the cup and every thing and cant hardly wait for tomorrow to .come and. neither can I Chas. will let you know how I come out. Your Bro FRED A. GROSS. . Allison, tit, May 18 Dear Brother Charley: Well Charley since the last time 1 wrote you a letter I have took 2 lessons from th golf teacher out to the club The let. thing the teacher told me to do wsa to stand up and htt the ball off of what they call the tea so as he could see whet was the matter with o I bit the ball but it went off to 1 aide. So I says Well whats the matter with mo. So h say Nothing only you wont back, too .fast and you .took left ft. off of the ground, and you your took your eyea off of tho bail and you moved head and too stood your you far away from th ball and you dldent take no aim .111., July 25. Allison, at where you was shooting at and you Dear Charley r tried to kill It and you pulled away from Well Charlev what do you think I got It like It was a snake or something. Bo here on th table where am he worked with me a hole A big silver cup Charley and trying this ' me-B- i . 1 hr.-ju- st 3 h t MXihl to drive the ball off of the tee and when we was through he says I was mv Well Chas. I auppoa you thought doing a hole lot better than when 1 so it will started days was 11 over when sporting Bo I took another lesson 4 davs after tell I com Ilka a surprise to v6u you what I have pulled off how. I have the 1st. 1 and he showed me how to with my brassy and flick and joined the Allison country club Charley and the ftrat dav J can get off I am go- masher. So I been practlcelng and now You I got so as 1 dont never mlgji tl'e ball ing out and take a whirl at golf. tl y no more and I made the 7th hole the re m em b erhow FlJ'sed to pi a other day In 5 strikes and that onlv 2 Chas. and golf is a hole lot like It. But it isent on acct. of playing golf more strikes than the beat of them takes niostlv but club to It. the have Joined that I on sect, of tne Mrs. because she Is so F, A. GROSS Your Brother. and out here to in society craay to bust Allison, III . June 14 , it seems like all the high class people in town belongs to the club and If a Brother Chas : am takeing a wka 'ev off Well Chas man dont belong you dont get In on half and where do you think I am spending It whats going on. to build there like trvlng It seems makelng few club houses so thev been to get there a play for neifr membersI come to joinhow thate and money Carlton er was r0 to uslness down town that ast me to Want I join the ast me dldent onlv cost me golf club and .111 wouldfntdues tut amrum $150.01) to go in and $'.0 oulo Problv now but later on the-- pri- 1 did not be doubled. So at 1st. I save for think I had time so spare over.ft but finally I says I would think about It and told So I told her I dident have no Intentions of Joinand then she begun to argue with ing me. She says tf I Joined the elub It 'would he a grand thing- - fo her 'because all the beet women folks In theSo town she had party s and etc out there. A. M ergued me In to It and theandnext Void him Carlton Mr. I called up and he to put me down for a member all ready and says all right 1 was electedever 1 felt like could pay my fees when Chas It. So I am a full fleged membersoon as 00 si $150 the and will pav up I get a hold of It and the dues Is psv-bi- e a $12.50 3 clip so months at every a man hardly notice that part Vdont expert to get no excitement out but I dont half of a baby gaoifillke golf beto play much and the main thing I Iswant But cluh. of the a member ing nans in to ffet to play a coupla tint the other of it ao as I can talk withbecause that fellow going In on the train about. talk all bo about stems to thy Kindest to Mary Your Bro. F. A. GROSS. Dear Bro Chas I ' would of had onlf for that ketchup I had for lunch being spoiled and made me sick 1 am glad to get that news about ketchup, says Thomas, because when th country goes dry we will want something that effects a man that way. Then Carpenter says that wine was a good anecdote for a man that got poiid soned by ketchup buy a ' bottle' when we got in the dub house But , So I savs Yes you cheap skate. you wouldent buy no wine If you had to pay for it. Anv body can buy wine when all as they half to do la sign there name. Bo he says the reason he suggested him signing hi name was because he thought I was too sick to sign my name Bo 1 says, I will show you if I am too sick or not., so when we got In the elub house we had 8 more bottles and 1 signed for. them. Wall Charley they got me that time whiirh I gnt uu). ffnear as much as the cup J wortfi pretty But they from win that I Thomas. wouldent. never of got me If tt hadent been for them pickles - l eal, for Junch and I will get back t Thomas If takes me all the rest of the summer and he 1 never when beat me in the world cant havent ' eat something that was spoiled. Your BroFRED A. GROSS. aniLha-saysh--wo- ff -- -- i that sas and she it A of the Stage Fs Bur-bee- 1 e Maybe you can find some publle course around N. Y. Charley and If so Id advise you to learn the game because I was just jolling when I says It was a baby gam and its a swell gams Charley after you have mastered it. F. A. GROSS. Your Bro. P. S. I pretty near forgot to tell you a good one Charley. When I come homo the oilver cup had been stole, saya she bet the golf club people come and took It on acct- - oLme quitting The club and she owned up that she had forgot to lock the front door when she took the babys out this P. M. Well I Just scolded her a little for leavelng the door uploeked and then saya for her to not worry about the cup because I dldent think It was worth much any way-- It wasent neither Charley. I know because Allison, 111., Aug. 3. DEAR CHARLEY: I eold It to a hawk fchop on Clark St. Well Charley I am apt going to have hls morning for .$4.50. ... no chance to get bark at Thomas and mentions All Carpenter and If any body ever rights reserved. (Copyright. the word golf to me again 1 wilt take a Printed Metropoll by arrangement with York. Carpunch at there Jaw Thomaa and tan Newspaper Service, New Inclusive. penter Last night when I com here from down town I found the Mrs. crying like a baby with the collect So 1 ast her Gossip what was the matter and she says she had been to the P. O. and got the bills. Con tinned From Tw. Well, I says, this Is the 1st of the month and If you cant look at a few bills without flooding the parlor you bet that never rises above th ter of kept away from the P. O. This one Is of an esbox office level. Yes, she says, hut look at this 1. And llfe convlct from the Colorado she handed me a bill from the golf club caped who assault a ward of the padr snd how much do you think it was. In an Arizona mission (tho ward ts called Only a meaely $327.60. And it says that Sunshine!''), Is subsequently made bv $160 waa for joining the club and $12A0 her to believe in God. and who ends up by was for 3 months due and $165 my pri- marrying her. This noble tail is related vate account with the stewart. Weil in a manner that ts a mixture of Grand and moving Charley I thought of cores tt must be a Guignol, Snappy Stories mistake and 1 saya eo to the Mrs. subtitle The $150 and the $12 SO is O. K., I says, picture but they told me I dldent half to pav the Always Theatrical. $160 till 1 felt ilka it. - But X havent- - no It ' Is alwavs theatrical. In th-- sense account with no stewart and 1 dont that the Little Gem Cinema theater isa know what there talking about. it Is often as flowery as Welt she made me call up the treasure theatrical: seed catalogue, it never discloses of the club and I aet him what it all A meant and ho saya he $166 part of it an Imagination superior to that of popular magazines was something I would half to ask the writer for thein cheap Wilof echo essence, sn The play Is, stewart about. Yes. I savs, but you liam Great DiMoodys The echo. people told m I wouldent half to pay the vide, Vaughn The but a very, 'very faint Bo be says I had $160 right sway. with a written waa least at play been a member In the club pretty near Moody measure of a and of touch Imagination 3 months or over and would half to pay skill. So I hung up literary or forfeit my membership. ts crude and Mr. opus Scarborough's on him and then I called up the stewart. Conway Tearle. the motion Well Charier, he says that aM that wine literal stuff. favorite, plays the leading rols and them other drinks I signed for wasent picture and frowns. Miss of wealth with a free after alL but the way be run It Helen Menken Isgrowls as the girl as was for a man to sign your name when good, that is, aa the good lines she has to read you got it and settle the 1st. of the month. will permit her to be. Forrest Robinson Bo then I called the treasure back. the padr In hla familiar honeySuppose I dont pay that 3150, I says plavs manner. to bim, snd suppose I dont pay that suckle Another movie favorite. Miss Bessie stewart bill that I got beat out of be- Bhrrlscale, Invaded th New York theater cause they just as good aa told me the briefly with a weapon hight The drinks was free. What will you do Skirt, the labor of her affectionate about It. was one of those M. Hickman. It spouse. Nothing, ho says, only you will bs firsd cases of walking right In, turning around, from the club. and walking right out again.nor 1 that ail you will do to me, I says, her play Neither Misa Barriscale and he saya yes. showed major irague caliber. . Th play Well, I says, I am fired and you can was a weak little dingus about a girl who take your golf club and go and- jump in masquerades In mens clothing and who, the Des Plainea river with tt. though everyone Is prlvv to her Identity, 8o your going to stick us for $327.50, blissfully keep up her pretence. If had he saya. no life and no humor, and went rapidly - The staging waa AmaI savs. Yes into the All right, he eys,Tts worth more than teurish; and tho presenting company rethat to bav you quit. vealed little in the way of acting ability. I will quit oii next time I see you, I say. I will quit you right In the jaw. THE CARELESS EXTRA. And then I hung up on him. Vivian Even movie extras have their troubles! Flora Indeed! Vivian Yes; I read where one Is becorporaing sued by the tion for 37.40 worth of jewelry which she wore In the "millionaire Jiallroom scene last week. Film Fun. a few minutes he come in with a high eay. and if she aint the best looking ball and when ast him how much was woman In the world you want to rememIt and tried to pay him he eays. No you ber that beauty isent only skin deep aa just sign your name so as w can keep they say. And besides; I says, you track of who got It, this J personal wvuldent be talking that way about your licker for a guest of a private famllv. So wife If you wasent sore over the golf it seem like he has got atl kinds of game Iff was you I would tryr and fordrinks on hand and a man can get any get It and remember JJhat some body has thing he wants and dont even half to always got to doose and maybe next time will have better luck. If yomvill pav (or It and al vou do is sign your name; FreTFv sofFeh TTias. and I guesa yo'l take a little advice from me you should I will get writers cramp before this here srend a couple hrs. with the teacher and summer-t- s over. No more home brew and costlv bootleggers for me. We was to start the match at In the A. M but when I and Grace got out there Mr. Thomas hadent showed up yet and when he came his wife waaent along with him. Bo after I had Introduced lie and Grace I ast him If his wdfe wasent comelng out and he says No she had some thing better to do. So we went out to the 1st. tea and thev was a caddv a peace for us, but thev wasent no body else going along to watch us only Grace and I guess Mr. Thomas dont like to play in front of a crowd and had ast his friend to stay away Well. I savs. I will drive off 1st and give you a mark to shoot at. so I drove off good and Ihe ball went 150 yds knd good and straight. Fine, saya Grace. Then Mr. Thomas drov$ off and went over to the right. You sliced vour ball I says. You waa standing too far awav. So I helped him look for his ball and we found It amongst the weeds and he begin looking in his bag for a club to shoot with. You better take your masher. I savs to him, and sure enough he took his masher and made a pretty good shot out on the fair ways and a little ahead of where mv ball was at. But I took my wood and brass club and got a good the mound shot. and the ball went-ove- r thats on the coarse and right tords the 200 hole but mavbe yds. short. So then It was his shot again and be used a click bu he dldent get no power behind it and the hall went down In a kind of a ditch that this side of th green. Thats where you should ought to of used your biass and wood club. I says, W ell flnallv we was both on the green and I had had 4 strikes and tie had 4 strikes and mv ball was farther trom the hole than his ball so tt was my 1st put. Well Chas vou ran believe It or not but the ball went clear In the hole and come out again and laved there about 1 inch from the edge. Bo if I had of had any luck I would of made 6 for the hole and thats what the beat plavers make. I had to count 8 strikes and It waa Mr. Thomas turn and he waa about 4 ft. from the hole and If he put the ball In in 1 that would be 8 strikes H He gethei for him 1and 8 for me. so they of ua win the hole on wouldnt neither Well he leaned acct. of my handicap over snd was just going to hit the ball when I says. Bet you a buck you miss it. So that put him all up In the air and he hit the ball and it went about 3 ft. past the hole Instead of in to it. 1 for me. Well. I say, that Are you ahead, ast Grace. Im I Sure says. ahead, Well, rhea s. maybe Mr. Thomas will be luckier this time. Neither 1 of us done very good on th next hole. Mr. Thomas took 8 strikes snd was still 3 ft. from the hols yet But I should worry shout how Thomas feels. I got the cup snd I win it fair and aquare and they cant and I was Just about the same length no body take that away from me. And the Mrs. is ticketed to death with It. 7 with This he strikes. time assy put 1st. and I savs, Look out. Just as he wss going to hit the ball, portending Ilk thev was a snake or something behind Y'ou shut your mouth. I says. Well .Charley I wnsh I had of stopped bet your game would improve 50 per jcent. him. 7 guess it scared him out of makeHe showed ip in 1 lesson what was Veil Carpenter went along with us ami that check I give Thomas and then 1 lng his put because he come shout a ft. the matter with my of been nothing out only what drtveing and I guess kept score and of all the crooked acoreing short of the hole. I made a dandy shot I can drive O. K. now as you seen this I paved for the balls I lost because i seen he had It beat. Why 1 time myself and right (n to the hole she went. morning. I noticed 2 or 3 thing about heever can I sell mv bags and the dubs. guess I me hit a on when counted strike I wish vou could of hear0 Grace squeal game, I says, that the teacher could the ball with my putter swinging back And I got there sliver presidents cup So I win this hole too and now I had your I You ou In win fix for few that fair minutes. a stand and square and I would before It was even ready to bit it tonls 8 hole-yivantage. of win the $50 from Thomas only for too far from the bail and you move your the hole. Well Charley It would taks too long to left leg and you awing back too fast and some I drove off pretty good" bn the Id hole preserved peaches that I eat that tell you the hole taYne. I was 3 ahead y.q dont hold your head steady. A man but 1 got another dlzxy spell right sway poisoned me. So all and all 1 dldent of him when w got to th end of the cant help from altering and hooking when snd when corns out so bad. I tried to hit th ball with th 1st. hole and then we started out on Your Brother. db them things. F. A. GROSS. see and I hit tte brew 1 couldent 3 the 1st. I to go around again and he got yjuFlut be says now that t had told him ground back of it hardly or 4 times and dldei.t with in shout 3 ft. of the hoi with only what was the matter with hi game, what never touch the ball- - Allison, III. Aug. 8. 4 strikes and I was way off of th You ctould make holes with a BROTHER CHA8: green Mas the us of him waisting money on with 6 strikes so it looked like I wss the teacher. But If I was you, h says, I plow, savs Thomas. bigger Well Chas. who do you think I played You must think they oil on thin propgoing to loose the hole sure, but what would go to night school somewheres snd did I do but put the, ball clear In to take a few lessons in manners. golf with today. Tho chief himself Charerty. says Carpenter. 1 the hole from where I waa and it must Bo then I says I guessed a few lessons I ley and hs beat me but it was because Your both too smart. says. But of been 60 ft. I wish you could of seen Ilk that wouldent hurt him nlether and would' moke you look like sucker If I I hadent had a golf club In my hands for -Grace. She done alt the dances she myb I wasent- no dude but I thing-surAnd I aint going to- give the over hadent eat that ham for lunch. knowed and hollered like an Indian. Well they I never made the remark In public that !nt no use telling you the game up after all Chas. because 1 found I'n through, saya Mr. Thomas. Mrs. wasent a good looker So he rest of It. I waeent in no shape to play out that theye places to plays In Chi my Throagh, I says, what for. says. No It wouldent be necessary. And my game and Thomas bea' me bv 3 or 4 where It- - dont cost you a nlckle I havent got no chance, he says. I I guess I would of toqk a crack at him holes. Carpenter lays I was 18 down at I brought mv golf cluba downtown with on even terms with you If I might play for tho Mrs. being there and I dont tho end of the 1st $, but he wsa stretch- me this A. M. with the intentions of hid the hired girl out here to cheer me only btlkve in a man fighting in front of it. takeing them to a hawk shop. But the ing on. but th way things is lm outclassed. laoy or your wife. You best me all right. I av to Thomau train was late and I had to go right to So I saya. Dont taks It too hard But I should worry about how Thomaa but you know what a fat chanc yc, headquarter and leav selling them till f' 1 later and when th chief com to ho them. Bo hs say ho dldent know I waa a golf player. .So I says I wasent a golf player no more because It was a baby game and too easy for a groan man to monkey with. So he says he had boon monklng with it a .long wile and if I thought It was such a pipe he would toko mo out ar.d play me for tho drinks. So I ast Ua where we would play at and he says Gaiw field Pk. Bo thats where we went Charley and Us a public course and dont cost you nothing to belong and we are going out again tomorrow. dim-ord- . Five-and-T- DYE IT FADED Diamond Dyes Package of makes any Garment or Drapery like New. For fifty-onyears millions of women Diamond Dyes to have been usinjf add years of wear to worn, faded skirts, covwaists, coats, stockings, sweaters, erings, hangings, everything. You, too, can put new, rich, fadeless colors into your worn garments or draperies even if vou have never dyed before. Just buv Diamond Dves no other kind then vour material will come out right, because Diamond Dves nre guaranteed not to streak, spot, fade or run. Tell your druggist whether th material vou wish to dve is wool or siliC or whether it is linen, cotton, or mixed goods. (Adv.) " " "5 e Stop eating 'meat for a while if your bladder is troubling you. When yon wake up with baekach and dull misery in tho kidney region it generally means you have been eating too much meat, say a well known authority. Meat forms nrio acid, which overworks the kidneys in their effort to filter it from the blood, and they become sort of paralyzed and loggy. When your kidneys get sluggish and clog you must relieve them, lik you relievo your bowels; removing aU th bodys urinous waste, else you hav backache, sick headache, dizrr spells; your stomach sours, tongue is coated, snd, when the weather is otd, yon hav rheumatic twinges. Tho unn is cloudy, full of sediment,-channe- ls often get sore, water scalds and you ar obliged to seek relief two or threa times during the night Either consult a good, reliable physician at ones or get from your pharmacist about four ounces of Jad Balts; take a tablespoonful in a gtass of water before breakfast for a few days and your kidneys will then act fine. This famous salts is made from tho aeid of grapes and lemon juice, combined with lithia, and has boon used for generations to clean kidneys, also to neutralize acids in tk urine so it no longer irritates, thus bladder weakness. Jsd 8atts is a life raver for meat eaters. It is inexpensive, regular cannot and makes a delightful, lithia-wate- r drink. (Adr.) nd-in- g effer-vesce- t -- " |