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Show ' THE SPANISH FORK PRESS, SPANISH TOO LONG A CHANCE The blondes are holding their own despite the dyestuff shortage. er The good Is HIS SHARE FORK,-UTA- Contentment Is often a mere matter of clothes. housekeep- No cdllege gridiron Is complete with- mistress of the servant problem. A man maxes the most acceptable Innocent bystander. long-necke- that golf has killed a caddy it may try to break into the football After this war something should be done for tbe poor, overworked consonants. When it comes to forecasting weather, the goose pimple has it all over the goose bone. that many an old hymn got for a song. Now class. If radium isn't golngto do all the Pella Did you ask papa for my doctors claim for it, why should it continue to be so costly? . h tnd last night? Lick I didnt get a chance to ask ' Probably men change their minds him. as often as women, but they dont Celia You didnt? Dick No; he was sitting between advertise it as much. me and the hallway. Improved wireless communication will not mako tt any easler to get war news past the censors. RANK AND FILE Mr. Pewee Do you think my presence on the platform will advance the cause, of woman suffrage? Mrs. Henballot It will help some. I Intend to exhibit you as a living reason why women should vote. ROUGH ON THE PROFESSION Our corn crop is worth 12,133,000,-00D- . Would some belligerent like to borrow $1,000,000,000 in corn? 'C. a, ;. t - T4 r - . When a woman asks for Impartial advice a wise man finds out tbe kind she thinks she wants and gives tt. Travelers report a scarcity of Bllver coins In France. At times, we observe a similar scarcity In our own Individual vicinity. In 2 crossing cantaloupes with gourds to make them better "shippers" tbe growers seem to have been unneutral In favor of the gourd. Those of us who cannot live up to the styles for men fortunately will not be compelled to try. d .... says living In flats has go crazy. He's probably thinking about the exasperating ways of the janitor. are. An old maid would rather elope. even without pursuit, than to have a T church wedding that will Bet an en tire audience to guessing at her age. ' latest invention, the telegraphic system of lovers' glances still Is a lap ahead of the SUBSTITUTE In building submarines is not In making the craft go down, but In bringing it to the surface again by its own mechanism. to be enough. If Edison should put the horse out of business in this country before the end of the war we can easily sell the stock on hand to Europe. About the time cold weather drives stalwart men to abandon the sport shirt the tender women will begin to take off the furs and appear In t : $2400 2200 850 210 One Night Only, Saturday, December 18th Gaskill and MacVitty (Inc.) Announce low-cu- waists. No llmburger cheese has been received in New York in a long time. Still this can hardly be regarded as one of the horrors of war. Any cynic who doubts that a college will fit young men for tbe training strenuous battles of life should merely go out and watch college youths practicing on the football fields The duration of the war will make it a long JoJ for history to supply all the detalis of the news that have been omitted by the censors. The walking stick when combined with the high silk hat Is regarded as the badge of diploi .aey. Like tbe cane Is mightier pen. the than the sword the crowned heads of Europe would be too busy to marry Just now, Edith is surely not going to marry even if they were not already in that blissful that married the state. living skeleton of a man. He's condition, People who are afraid they are usMaid Miss De Swell says to tell nothing but skin and bones. ing tbelr eyes more than is good for you ag how ahe'll be down in a half .The announcement Ms again mate Why not? Hell make her a rat them would do well to avoid attendhour. husband. soon is that tuberculosis become to tling a ance upon some of tbe spectacles preCholly That's all right, but couldn't back Stilf, number. same predlc-tfbthe sented on the modern stage. you entertain me meanwhile? was made about war some years A POOR DANCER ago. Its an wind" says the proverb. Since tbe first few months of the AS CORRECTED Once we have this wireless pbone war sents In the New York in common use it ought to be easy Stock exchange have risen In value for suspicious wives to locate errant from $34,000 to $60,000 apiece. husbands compelled to stay late at the office. The average man wlll understand wbat Is meant by tbe serenity of deThe crowned heads of Europe appai spair when his balr grows ffb far down on the back of bis bead that be ently put more credence in war dl can no longer comb It over the top. patches than the average newspaper reader. Else, why do they congratulate each other? According to a myoologlcal expert, the colorings of mushrooms are ex? A Spanish astronomer has discovceedingly varied; Including possibly ered a planet having a rapid retrothe subsequent beautirul blue of the victim who gets a toadstool by misgrade motion. And there are some take. parts of this planet that seem to be All gold-heade- n 111 going backward, too. THIS IS NOT j MOVING PICTURE A What the Critics Say The Flay will sell the Book and vice versa. The production is acted, staged and mounted fittingly and the atmosphere of the story is well preserved. IndianapolU "New Chicago Journal From the rise of the courtain to its fall the piece was given the closest attention. This regard arose not only from the artistic developments of events, but also from the earnestness of the actors, all of whom were excellently The play should attract large and appreciative audiences for it is of exceptional charm and appeal. Philadelphia North American Philadelphia Public Ledger A simple pastoral of the Ozark s; really genuine sentiment. fitted for their restective parts. Columhut, 0., Dipatch" It Is said that tbe proportion of men to enlist in Great Britain la higher than that of bachelors. Evidently they have not found out how to be happy, though married, over married $15,000,000 worth of artificial limbs ts said to have been placed in this country by the allies. :At this rate, wbat are we going to do for railroad ties and toothpicks? there. . , Those that dance must pay the fidWomen discuss babies within tbe Let me see, was Borne founded by ; The first trousers were made by a dler. of tbe tempting odor of onion Romeo? range .London tailor In 1815. And the fittest That lets you out of contributing soup and roast lamb. No, It was Juliet who was found of them seem to still survive, Judging When you anything. bear them discussing love, tbe Ice dead by Romeo. by the ancient specimens now and cream and parfatt are wltbin balling then displayed in public on the street SURE REMEDY The Toledo Blade says you cant make a man who never ate llmburger cheese believe It doesn't taste like it smells. Those who do eat it know better. They know that tt smells like it -- ; CONFUSED tastes. A manufacturing firm of artificial lemon Juice has been forced into bankruptcy through a glut on the market of real lemons. Here Is another case where boasted human enterprise fatls to pvercome the forces of nature. Cooking experts In New York have decided that tt Is perversive of good taste to cook ham wltb champagne. This ought to enable a considerable reduction In the cost of living In tbe poorer aectlona. Philanthropists who announce intentions to devote large sums ol money to tbe cause of peace do not A writer aaya; In case of fire, keep cool." This la all right aa (ar as It goes, nut he should have added one word more of advice, ns follows;.. When you break through tbe Ice, keep warm. explain how peace can be acquired for a pecuniary consideration, except Ing under humiliating circumstances. Wise Thtre is only ono way to from being Jealous when yon get married. , Green llewt Wise Marry an ugly girl distance. Doctor Evans has been asked wny mosquitoes will bite one person and let others go unmolested. Dog doesn't know, but we have an Idea that some people don't taste good to a mosquito. i Fashionable circles In Chicago so clcty are much interested just now in lectures by a woman doctor on poetic She Of course,- - I'm not aa old as breathing, or certain postures of the head and body as a cure for pulmo you think I am. lie I hopo not 1 mean you cant nary troubles, . Anything toe tht be that ts how old are you? dough! . J' Women have always asserted that men grow bald because men wenr their hats so much. If these boudotr raps are to have a similar effect on woman's crowning glory, somebody will have to face an awful t fcfl ? v. 'i " ' ' '.' . vN m ' '- , e 175 275 SPANISH FORK OPERA HOUSE tbe world aa It Is Rome reports that the wheat crop In the northern hemisphere this year ts 3:i4.nuo,noo quintals. We do not know how much that is, but It seems The trick anTerms hdavh3 and MoaicreGood 5 acrei of land in Benjamin and a two room house. 12 acres in upper bottoms, per acre 3 -2 acre in ola field bv R.G.W. Depot, per acre 1 7 acre joining town on bench, per acre A Chicago doctor wishes wives to report the snoring habits of their husbands. as If there weren't enough do In X $3200 home one half block off Min Street 2500 home in Third wrd FULL LOT Doctor persons have begun knocking the toothbrush. School kids and hoboes will at least agree It s a menace to happiness. If not to health. mestic infelicity Wednesday evening, December 22nd, 1915 For Sale wireless. The baby submarine will have a Gruet didn't recover from his illMrs. Swell Tell your captain Id crew of only two men, but they will be ness." like the pleasure of his company to a kept so busy they wont have time to No; he died from neglect." dance next Thursday evening. get lonesome. What could he expect when be Corporal OBrien 01 will, maam, married a trained nurse? but Oim afraid some of em cant A medical man says bad teeth les ' dance. sen ones power to think. A throbbing molar rather quickens thought of tbc IF HE GETS THE AGUE profane variety. . angelus Theatre An alienist a tendency to make people Somebody ought to invent a new color. The makers of womens shoes have exhausted all the colors there , single order for - Contentment Is a fine thing when accompanied by enough ambition to keep tbe blood In circulation. that movie aetress who Maybe claims she'd rather be a scrubwoman than a film star failed to clean up enough In the movies. Dynamite Is a great aid to agriculDoubtless Europe will produce some wonderful crops some day. A ! A Paramount Feature in Five Reels ture. A J Tbe toadstool seems to be running neck and neck with the gun that was not supposed to be loaded. in price the harmless necessary egg is again becoming famous or notorious. By advancing Edison's jn "THE HOUSE OF THE LOST COURT 1 goods dealers tell us book may be Second-han- Despite : out a Red Cross station. The girl tries to make her feet her greatest attraction. long-legge- VIIOILA DANA - j- ' - Scene and Characters in the Play THE SHEPHERD OF THE HILLS SEATS ON SALE AT CITY DRUG CO. PRICES 25c, 35c, 50c AND $1.00 X |