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Show BATTLE OF KEEN WITS. 8amplo of Repartee at Court of tha Merry Monarch." Dr. Isaac Barrow, chaplaln-ln-ordt-nar-y to King Charles II. of England, was more appreciated by the merry monarch for his wit and vivacity than for his learning. The witty and wicked Lord, Rochester once met hla match In Barrow., Rochester, thinking to banter him, with a flippant air and a low, formal bow accosted him with "Doctor, I am yours to my shoe-tie.- " Barrow, perceiving his drift, returned the salute with My lord, I am yours to the ground. Rochester quickly returned it with "Doctor, I am yours to the center," which was smartly followed up by Barrow with "My lord, I am yours to the antipodes. Upon which Rochester, disdaining to be foiled by a musty old piece of divinity, ns he used to call him, exclaimed, "Doctor, I am yours to the , lowest pit of hell. Upon which turning upon his heel, with a sarcastic smile replied, "There, my lord, I leave you. COUNTLESS MULLHCNS FOR COOD WORKS AMERICAS TO THE 'GRAFT' AN ANTIDOTE STORIES WE HEAR SO MUCH OF If communication could be estab- prising if she does not have it within lished with Mars and a big bundle of a generation. Already the CongresAmerican newspapers and magazines sional Library at Washington ties with gent up there, the Intelligent Martians, the Royal Library at Berlin for fourth place among the libraries of reading them, might well exclaim: "Why, these people must be rotten the world In number of volumes. The to the core!" National, the British Bibliotheque The harsh Judgment would be par- Museum and the Imperial Library at donable, for the Martians would come St. Petersburg surpass It. Harvard across graft stories by the dozen university comes fifth on the list, havand the score stories of "graft" in ing more volumes than any other uniThe famous politics, graft In business, graft In versity In the world. Badleian at Oxford has only 550,000 Industry, graft everywhere. No doubt the searchlight of public- to Harvard's 910,000. If America has not yet got the best ity Is desirable and necessary, but a , Bar-row- Rare Cood Thing. blinds the eye to everyand searchlight ALLENS the object upon which It thing except been not would have without can truly suy I is directed. And there Is a great deal it so long, hud I known the relief It would In America besides graft. Why not give my aching foot. I thluk It a rare good for the side foet. look, sore or tired once, for upon bright anyone having thing of the shield? Mrs. Matilda Iloltwert, Providence, U. L Bold by all Druggists, !i5o. Ak "A materialistic and corrupt nation. That wak how America was summed Grille-WorSpecimens of Old up the other day by a writer In the In Winchester cathedral there la a Saturday Review, most door composed of four pieces of iron of all English periodicals. grille-worwhich have the distinction Materialistic, No people on earth do of being the oldest specimens of their more, or stand ready to do more, for kind In Britain. good works that are not material. Let a man bring forward any scheme for Mrs. Winslow's Ooothlnar Hjrrop. Porrhllrii-pi- i the uplifting of his kind and demontaottilnK. soften tho (rums, rlur fa amuiuluu,Uayfajui,curoawliuifloUu. Sbuabulua, strate Its claim to public support, and he will get the money and help the Consanguineous Marriages. In every 1,000 marriages In England needs more readily In America than are solemnized between anywhere else. No people on earth twenty-onfirst cousins. Among the nobility the spend anything like so much money as rate Is much higher, amounting tc the Americans do for charities, education, hospitals, libraries, In 1,000. parks, forty-fivchurches and other good works. Materialistic? The most striking Important to Mothers. Examine carefully errry bottla of C ASTORIA, protest against materialism in the a aafa and mr remedy for lufanta and children, world is being made in Ameriaad aea that It , ca. It Is the erection of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine In New York Berra the the largest religious edifice to city Signature of be started since the middle ages, when la tiro For Over 30 Yea re. thousands of zealots worked their The Kind Yon Have Alwaye Bought lives away rearing Europe's famous cathedrals. Value of Cheerfulness. The American millionaire may make Wondrous Is the strength of cheer his money In materialistic ways, but Its fulness: almost past calculation power ot endurance. A laugh Is worth he spends It nobly. During 1903 eight-tee- n Americans gave total of more a hundred groans on any market. than $63,860,000 for educational, beCarlyle. nevolent and religious purposes. Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller gave the most, the former $15,878.-60and the latter gentleman $11,990,-66Take a little more care The biggest single gift was Mr. EOOT-EAS- n payers per head Is much higher. They have all the comforts they need to make life endurable, and they are even given a good many luxuries that would make the Old World Bumbles lift their their hands In horror. Yet the number of paupers In the United States Is comparatively small when compared with that of European countries. According to the last returns they numbered 73,045, of whom 68.44 per cent were of foreign extraction. Great Britain, with not much more than half the population, has considerably more than 900,000 paupers. Materialistic America bids fair to lead tbe world pretty soon in institutions devoted to science and art. The Smithsonian is one of the finest museums in the world, and the world, and the American Museum of National History Is already the largest natural history museum In existence, and Is to be made four times larger than It is at present. t The Metropolitan Museum of Art cannot yet compare with the best galleries of Europe; but also laugh very little, It may do so when the Jacob S. Rogtheir dignity. The Spanish people, ers bequest of $6,000,000 has been ing proverbially grave, are a good ex- library in the world, she can lay claim to the best hospital. That Is the verdict of Sir Felix Semon, the distinguished throat specialist, who is one of the best authorities on the subject. He has worked and studied in the best hospitals in London, Berlin, Vienna and Paris; but when he Inspected the Mount Sinai hospital In New York city, during his recent visit to America, he said: wisely expended. The time is coming when America will lead In art of all sorts as well as In Its vast material achievements. And when American art shall be developed It will be broad, virile, aspiring In greater degree than the art of any of the older nations. It will be typical of the greatest nation that has ever existed. America spends infinitely more for libraries, benevolence, education, cLurches, parks, the advancement ot science and art and for all humanizing and uplifting agencies than does any European nation. There are plenty of rich Americans who are giving themselves, as well as their money, to the cause of the poor. The old sneer at sordid, materialistic America Is out of date. It will soon be necessary to "bring In the la evary pu-ku- of SrhUlltur'r Th bookloti Uow to Maao Oou4 Toe. M Rockefellers $7,000,000 for a postgraduate medical college and hospital In Chicago. Production of Condensed Milk. Three condensed milk factories are now la operation In the United States, with an aggregate ot $225,000 Invested capital and a dally capacity of 200,000 pounds of milk. TEA The total of the gifts and bequests of sums above $5,000 during last year exceeded $S5,000,000. They were for an Infinite variety of educational and Institutions benevolent throughout the country, and with few exceptions, the donors bestowed the money wisely and found out some new thing that needed doing. In most cases the charity was confined to America; but, Mr. Carnegie's foreign gifts. be-cld- Let us have your goodwill ; "This is unquestionably the finest hospital In the world. There Is none to equal It In London, which prides Itself on its hospitals above everything else. The buildings are better adapted for hospital purposes than any that I have seen, and the equipment You give to the poor Is magnificent. and medical comluxuries patients forts which the rich cannot purchase won-In London. It Is all magnificent let us not be strangers. Your Torr rotum four uom; If you 4m' Ilka BchiUltttf't fUMk 8paln's Cotton Industry. A recent publication puts the number of cotton spinning and weaving mills In Spain at 1,666, of which 1,237 re in the Province of llarcelona. We return every cent we get for unsatisfactory tea. am; If )m oa'l Japanese Alphabet The Japanese system of letters Is called Iroha, from the names of the first three letters, I." "ro" and ha," on precisely the same principle as that which gives to our owu system the title "alphabet." tr. Viivltl Favont fc ,. Confidences. man's pipe could tell all the medltutlons It has shared with him hey would make his wife's hair stand on cud. New York Press. If There is other gtxd tea; but you'll have a big job to find it raturaa your am; If yaa Saa'I tm erarmHoar. Uka IMklUlng'a Uss for Wests Leather. Waste leather la no longer thrown away. Manufacturers use It In a compressed form, Instead of Iron, to mskt cog wheels. g to-da- y i TEA well-know- to-da- ftamwdf ws Humi ihI tHfWiislp rellwf from I T. TrvbrUltf. Itortaci livortfvrtHtfritopiit." e John II. Rockefeller gave $500.0no for archaeological research In Egypt and Babylonia, and Henry I'hlpps gave large sums for the benefit of the teeming millions of British India. The vast sums given by the multimillionaires are. however, only drop In the bucket of money that America spends for great and good works. The state and the cities pour out hundreds of millions for schools, parks, playgrounds, hospitals and other beneficent Institutions. America has not yet got the finest I.brary In the world, but It sill be sur- - Porch. New World to redress tbe balance of An Extended Chair. the Old" In all things that are lovely When President Eliot of Harvard and of good report. As for the Insist- toured on the Pacific coast some twenent graft" scandals, there Is nothing years ago, one of the Western seats new In them. They are hardy peren- ty ot learning which he visited was the nials. There are no more of them of Washington at Seattle. than there used to be, but the increas- University He became much Interested in Prof. ing tenderness of the public con- O. B. Johnson, a figure on science makes It worth the while ot Sound In those days, who was Puget newspapers and magazines to dig one of the college's leading lights, and them up. In the course of a conversation asked Who can doubt the aecret hid tbe Western man what chair be held. Under Cheops pyramid, la that tha contractor did I am proWell, said Johnson, Oheopa out of aevcral million? Who can doubt that there is plenty fessor of biology, but I also give Inof graft" In Europe without the struction in meteorology, botany, searchlight of publicity to show It up? physiology, chemistry, entomology and William Thorp In New York Press. a few others." I should say that you occupied a whole settee, not a chair," rejoined Slow to Turkey Pay Debts. Record-Heral- d chief. Chicago Collecting money from Turkey is a Harvards Magazine. Sunday A distinenterprise. guished American once went there to Paid an Old Debt collect a debt of $500,000 owing to an "I have Just had my first actual exEnglish syndicate, which Included two members of parliament and a cabinet perience with 'conscience money, so minister. He expected to see the bus- to speak," said a prominent business iness through In two or three months. man. Seventeen years ago a man conBut a foreign ambassador undeceived him. Say three or four months and tracted a debt with me, and as I had then you will be as far off from obtain- never been able to make collection, had ing your money as you are y he to give It up as lost. There was no remarked. Men had gone out there way to collect It by law, and you can to prosecute claims, ho added, whose Imagine my surprise when I received for $500. While this hair had turned gray with the strain a check to which they were subjected and who did not cancel the amount, I appreciate had gone home thoroughly broken In It deeply, and can use It to advantage health, unable to obtain a Turkish lira Just now. It Is not often that a man owing to show for years of fruitless labor. One victim of Turkish duplicity and a debt pays after, so many years, esprocrastination died In a lunatic asy- pecially when tbe law could not reach lum. One of the embassies had been him." twenty-fivyears prosecuting claims, Masonry and Truth. without realizing a cent. In France a man, called as a witness to court, demurred to taking Indian Tonic for Marital Ilia. tha oath to tell the "whole truth," A Western lawyer was expressing because It might require him to tell to a bystander his sympathy for But Masonic secret. The grand master falo Bill as be read an account of hi of Freemasonry In France has written domestic troubles, to the court stating that there was "Any man." said the lawyer, who nothing In the Masonic oath which has been so long assoelated with the would prevent a witness telling tha Indians ought to know the sort ot whole truth. It aoythlng, tba oath tonic to take to prevent being worried made him a freer man. by his wife." "An Indian take a tonic!" exclaimed Long Servlet In India. A British regiment recently landed bis hearer Incredulously, "Sure, laughed the lawyer, "Didn't In Southampton after twenty years you ever hear that? He take an' be service In India. Only alx men ot tha licks ber. An elixir, see" regiment that aalled from England tm. turned with It. heart-breakin- TEA Toar tracer rotura. your Uk. IM. Foster-MUbur- stone-proo- n f. of building purposes, and hope that the proverb will soon have no significance. Many Children Are Sickly. Mother Gray'sSweet Powders forChlldren, used by Mother Gray, a nurse in Children's Home, New York, cure Feverishness, Headache, Stomach Troubles, Teething Disorders, Break up Colds and Destroy Worms. At all Druggists ,25c. Sample mulled FREE, Address Allen S. Olmsted, Le Hoy, N. Y. Prize Smoker. A man won a smoking derful! There nothing like It anywhere. Foreign visitors to America lotne time say that the struggle for success I keener and more cruel here than anywhere else that life l a strenuous race, with "each man for " himself, and the devil take the But there Is no country on cirih where the man who Is down and out" I more carefully and kindly looked after, lauper dependent upon the municipalities are far better treated in America than In any European re.ntrv and their cost to tha tax- 1 hind-mist.- contest In Paris by keeping a cigar alight for two hours and twenty-ninminutes. e Beware of Ointments for Catarrh that Contain Mercury, - M IB ere u nr will surely destroy the ene of tmell and completely demure the whole aystem wba mucous nurface. buck entering It through the uoed article should never be eicept on preocrlp ttonefroiu reputable phyelcUne, aa the damage they will do le ten fold to the good you can potwibiy derive from them. Hall t'aurrb Cure, manufactured by F. J.CDeney ft Co., Toledo, O., contain no me cury, and U taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucona surface of the tyatetn, It buying Haifa Catarrh Cure he aure youIn get the and made Toledo genuine. It la taken Internally Ohio, by F. J. Cheney 1ft Co. 1 esiiwonUie free. Sold by DruifKlHta. rice, 5c. per bottle. Take tiall'e Family 1111 for coiutipatton. Japanese Expression of Disapproval. When a Japanese audience wish to express disapproval of a play, they turn their backs to the stage. TEA No other tea is safe but money back tea; you- - take your chance with all other tea. - Your grocer returns your Money If you dont like BchilMng'e Best. Consumptives Retain Weight It has been found that 70 to 80 per cent of the consumptive patients at one of the Swiss sanatorlums retain for several years the extra weight gained there during several months treatment TEA - 0, Tao la have an extra? , When father built tha veranda. He kicked about tha axieuaa. said: But mu, she Don't mind it, Ed Dont think of dollurs and cents." That autumn Clara was married. It made pa glad as could be, And ma would smile Moat all the while I'm proud of that ;orch, said she. Last summer both B tie and Amy Would race for the ( orch at night; And all the rest Of us thought best To stay Indoors, out of sight. But Belle ran faster than AmyShe got her man In July; And I'll commend That porch to send A bachelor's oath sky high. Last Sunday Amy Informed us That she nad told Jimmy yes," And now us three, la, ma. and me. Can get on that porrh, I guess. Cleveland Leader. to-da- y it. Retaliation at a Dance. She was young. It was her first season, and It pleased her to snub her cub cousin most unmercifully whenever he asked for a dance. No," she protested, one evening, "you cant see my program Its all full. "But therell be extras. Cant I to-da- y d e TEA ample. People who have lines extending downward from the angle at the mouth toward the chin well marked rarely laugh, and, moreover, show a tendency to pensiveness in youth and melancholy In after life. Those who have lines raying outward from the eyes are, on the contrary, people who laugh a good deal, especially when the upper lip la framed by two deep furrows running down In the mouth. Ye es, returned the young woman, grudgingly re'lnqulsblng her card, "but dont take the first one. Its promised. Later In the evening when she looked to see which dance her cousin had appropriated she found that she had food for reflection. The young man had put Its name down for the extra. four hundred and ninety-nint- h Chicago Record-HeralSunday Magazine. e its worth Veteran Joshua Heler, of 706 South the Laugh. Walnut street, Urbana, Hi,, says: Anthropologists say that the ability the fall of 1899, after taking Doan'a to laugh comes to the child as ob-It Kidney Pills I told is tbe readers ef this grows older. The first smile served when the child Is about forty paper that they had to sixty days old, but it does not be- relieved me of kidafter ney trouble, disgin to laugh until some time that. posed of a lame pain Children and women laugh more back with than men, not because the cares of across my loins and life lie less heavily upon them, but beneath the shoulbecause the the former are more ex- der blades. During the Interval which citable, and because the moderating is has elapsed I have power of the cerebral hemispheres less in them than among men gen- bad occasion to resort to Doans Kiderally. Profound study makes men serious, ney Pills when I noticed warnings and so foolish people are sometimes of an attack. On each and every ocnoted for laughing Immoderately. Yet laughter Is not so much an Index casion the results obtained were just to Intelligence as it Is to the condi- as satisfactory as when the pills were tion of health. Healthy, vigorous peo- first brought to my notice. I just as emphatically endorse the preparation ple are proverbially of as I did over two years ago." the while Joyous, laughing natures, Co., Buffalo, N. Y, dyspeptic" Is a "sallow, gloomy-eyeFor sale by all druggists' accurate. proprietors. scientifically description 50 cents per box. The envious, wicked and malevolent price rarely laugh, because, phrenologists Throw Stones at Glass House. say, they are Impregnated with bile, Glass houses may soon be mads morose. The and are, therefore, Silesian glassmakers are the awkward and vain the haughty, bricks for all sorts out glass turning for fear of losd Magnetic Needle Untrustworthy. Over a large area of central Russia the magnetic needle does not point north or south. It Is at one part deflected to the west and at another part to the cast and at one place it points due east and west. about tea; Habits and ALL DONE OUT. In Idlosyncraclea Betrayed good-humore- d Refuge on Mount Blanc. The Grand Mulcts Is a mass of granite on Mount Blanc "rising up llko an Island In a tremendous hlllowy ocean of Iceand snow. In the face of the rock a rough shielding of stone and boards has been built where a bed and refreshments can be had. It Is In charge of a woman who ascends In the beginning of the season and remains there three months. A Am using GOOD INDEX TO CHARACTER. Moneyback makes it downhill to your grocers all round ; downhill downhill downhill downhill mini 7 our bom Yor frecer Uk. Schlllln,'. If 70. mI Lost His Thoughts. Our readers will please excuse th dearth of news this week. Ye editor returned from Knoxville Sunday and has not been able to concentrate his thoughts since. Montgomery (Tenn.) Vindicator. TEA The way to buy tea is in packages; somebody is sponsible for it Ywr enxwr Uk. SrhllUne. nUnt jour .0.17 If ft re- WY Poverty Dethrones Cupid. About 60,000 wedding rings are d posited every year at tbe municipal pawnshop of Paris. TEA Is it likely that all the good tea is sold by one firm? No; not all; a good deal; not all. Writ, for Mr f nowl.it. Book, A. SrhUUo So. rnnrIM. CoapMj, Spanish Women Taught to Fence. All Spanish womrs from their earliest yenrs I taught rj the aword, and as a result they handle are noted for their admirable figures and easy walk. d TO T.k. rt'KR A c Hr, oin W OX DAT T.W.W. All 'uni f11 Sw. lt . If gi.to rruii4 Ih. Ofmcj OruTI tigumlur. I. oa Hava Roof Gardena. Buildings In the southern part of Califoroli roof gardens are becoming foatursa ol all tha nsw buildings. TEA If you dont like it, give it away ; your grocer returns ' your money. Writ, far Mr Owiuj, h Mwlrt. fiwSM Mk A Sllf |