OCR Text |
Show on B Weddings C2 H Arts C3 it.J PSSai itbal teaS Sm3 BE . a n V Jf Thursday, December 28, 1995 The Daily Herald Let 1 996 know who's When I think about New Year's Eve, I think about pots and pans. Not for cooking. For banging and clanging and raising a ruckus. It was a tradition at our house, as much a part of our annual New Year's Eve celebration as the nonalcoholic grape juice we drank to toast the New Year (in plastic champagne glasses, of course) and watching on TV while that big ball came down over Times Square in New York. Dick Clark would count down the last seconds of the old year, we would all shout '"Happy New Year!" at the appropriate moment. Mom would make her way around the room kissing everybody and then we would go outside and pound on pots and pans and make all kinds of noise. Walker By ANA o JffH ljJ VECIANA-SUARE- er Knight-Ridd- the boss Joseph Touahlove aids familie guidance from people in similar situations." Miguel's story is typical of the parents who attend the support group. The Toughlove group that Z Newspapers MIAMI Miguel and his wife tried everything when their only son started getting home late, refusing to study or work, and drinking too much. For two years, they went to psychologists, consulted with their pastor, attended church groups. To no avail. "It was money down the drain," said Miguel. So when they heard that a meets at Hialeah Hospital is the Killian born, Puerto Rico-raise- d High School counselor, decided to organize a Spanish Toughlov e after in the working with teen-agejuvenile justice system and with parents in the public schools. He something he participants attributes to lack of awareness. Undaunted, Berezdivin has made it his mission to get the word out to the Hispanic community. "My heart is in it. I deeply believe there is an enormous need for this," he said. Part of his job entails an educational process and a dispelling of myths. Many parents have never heard of rs "We've learned about firmness and consistency through the support of the group, and we've learned to improve our own conduct because we were doing things that were making things worse without realizing it." Miguel, group member support group was n being put together for willwere parents, they ing to try' ANYTHING. That was three months ago. Since they began attending the Sunday night sessions, their family situation, though far from perfect, has improved considerably. Their son has found a job and now has a place of his own. "We still have a way to go," explained Miguel, who asked that his real name not be used. "But we can see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. We've realized we don't have it as bad as other parents and we also have received Toughlove Spanish-speakin- only Spanish-languag- e program of its kind in South Florida and one of only two or three in the entire country. "We get many requests for groups in other languages, so there certainly is a need for them," says B.J. Berry, a spokeswoman for in International Toughlove it Pa. "But does Doylestown, require some effort to get them off the ground." Javier Berezdivin, a Cuban- - Spanish-speakin- Toughlove support group that meets at an area hospital, many like Miguel and his parents wife, who feel more comfortable in their native language were reluctant to attend. Yet in spite of the need, Berezdivin's efforts have met with uneven success. it , '1 I' To be honest, I never cared much for grape my tastes always ran juice more toward Dr. Pepper. The magic of the big ball coming down on Times Square evaporated as soon as I figured out it had actually happened two hours earlier. Eastern Standard Time. Mom's kisses were ... well, you know Mom's kisses. But going outside in the middle of the night and pounding on pots and pans and making all kinds of noise now, that was something. Pot pounding was generally frowned even in the middle of the upon And doing it outside for all day. the world to hear was something that simply wasn't done. Except on New Year's Eve. "I don't get it," I said to Mom one New Year's Day. "We don't go outside and pound on pans on Christmas Eve or Thanksgiving. We don't do it on Easter or our birthdays. The only time we do anything like it is when we set off fireworks on the Fourth of July, and I know why we do that. But I don't know why we pound on pans on New Year's Eve." Mom looked at me with that r y i s ( as the New Year arrived, the Indians; would yell and scream and make all of the noise they could in order to frighten the evil spirits away and motivate the good spirits to action." That seemed at least as reasonable as flying reindeer, or a rabbit that lays colored chicken eggs. "So when we're out there banging on pots and pans, we're actually chasing away evil spirits," I said, sucking it all in like the huge, sponge that I was. "But "Well, yes," she said. more than anything else, we're just out there making a lot of noise to let the New Year know who's in . charge." And that isn't such a bad idea, when you stop and think about it. New years can be a little scary, filled as they are with hidden traps and unknown obstacles. Maybe if we set our anxiety aside and enter the New Year boldly, aggressively, noisily, we'll convince ourselves that there's nothing to fear. And that we're in charge at least for ourselves. So don't go gently into the New Year. Pound on some pans. Bang on u bucket. Raise a ruckus. Even if we don't scare away evil spirits, know who's at least we'll let 9 1 the boss. And who knows? Maybe we'll remind ourselves, as well. is ff&t!. lable in some way. There are no guaranteed steps to follow, no magic formulas. It is tun , a therapy group. But as a support group, parents make suggestions and share experiences with each other. As Miguel put it: "We've learned about firmness and consistency through the support of the group, and we've learned to improve our own conduct because we were doing tilings that were making things worse w ithout realizing it." After years of counseling students and meeting with parents. Berezdivin feels Toughlove is the e best intervention program." For parents, it's somea life v est times the final step before giving up on the children. He spends much of his free time visiting media, talking to parents. spreading the gospel. He points to the English-languag- e Toughlove program's success as something he would like to emulate. Fonda Munteanu, who started an English-languag- e group three years ago. says between 10 and 25 parents attend her Sunday night meetings. "I've seen a lot of people being helped in those years by oilier parents, and I've also heard from a lot of people who wanted something "cost-effectiv- in Munteanu Spanish." , says. "Now we've got it." is a family Ana Vcciana-Siiair- z columnist for The Miami He raid. Spouse's bad habits can spread From Knight-Ridd- er Thanks for sharing!: Your spouse's bad habits can be hazardous to your health. Partners tend to adopt each other's health bad and good habits says a University of Michigan study reported in McCall's magazine. Women generally have more to lose, because smoking, heavy drinking, and eating fatty foods are more common among men. Belted bow-wow- Don't s: for- get to buckle up. Not just yourself and your children, but also Fido and Felix in the back. Seat belts" for pets are an increasingly popular item as people in general become more sensitive to animal welfare, the Miami Herald reports. Horoscope By JEANE DIXON For Dec. 29 AKIKS i March I'd: T.ikc sunk our lilc. Il ni.i Iv lime In look lm new avenues. I'ailnerships career and hiMiic launched now will proxc lucky You are intruded lo someone who slums ;jre.it nuilu ill . "'The Indians believed that every year has its own spirit," Mom continued. "If you wanted to have a good year, you needed to frighten it into submission right from the very beginning. As soon g Toughlove. Those who have sometimes confuse the words "tough love" with the actual organization. They think it is a program that advocates kicking kids out or some form of physical or verbal abuse. Not true. Toughlove is an organization with 500 chapters in the United States and dozens of others around the world. It is not composed of professional counselors, but of a network of parents helping other parents bring some form of change to children who are addicted, physically or verbally abusive, in trouble at school or uncontrol- - wanted to help answer the plea: "My child is out of control and I don't know what to do about it." Though there is a Value Speak look she got almost every time I asked her a question that began with the word "why." "It's an ancient. ..Indian tradition," she said, forgetting for a moment that ancient Native Americans probably didn't have many pots or pans on which to bang. "On the last night of the year, all of the Indians of the tribe would gather to welcome the New Year." In' my mind I could see a huge, illuminated ball dropping slowly over a large tepee. While some Sunday night meetings hav e attracted as many as seven couples, one or two drew no AP Photo Santa Claus gets a chuckle as Chance 12, tweaks his brother Zane's nose after Zane, 4, hinted to Santa that all his old Bir-kic- er brother deserved for Christmas was socks and underwear. The moment was captured by an AP photographer and sent out nation- - relative of the boys saw it and noticed the unusual last name. The relative then called the boys' grandfather. ally. A long-lo- st Tweaking brother's nose reunites family You could RUBY. La. ( AP) call it a winning tweak. Twelve-year-ol- d Chance tweaked his brother's nose while sitting on Santa's lap in a mall. That, and perhaps the hats that Chance and Zane were wearing, caught a news photographer's eye. The photograph, picked up from the Alexandria Daily Town Talk and moved nationally by Bir-kic- ht The Associated Press, may have reunited a family. "I've been looking for family for 30 years," said Edward Roy Birkicht. who saw the photo in the Rochester (N.Y.) Democrat and Chronicle, He tracked down the boys' family after realizing he shared their unusual last name. He reached the boys' grandfa- titer. Fred Birkicht, who ayreed they were probably related. "We're not sure how this fits in, but we know it's family," said Fred Birkicht (pronounced burk-it- ). Edward Birkicht of Rochester said he never found any relatives in all his years of searching. And then the Christmas Eve paper landed on his doorstep. "It was on the top of the second page. I couldn't believe it," he said. He called information and found the Birkichts in Ruby, about 10 miles southeast of Alexandria. Edward had thought he was the end of the Birkicht family line. His call may also let Fred Birkicht close the book on his own family mystery. Fred Birkicht said his father's family split up in the early 1900s after their mother died and he ultimately lost touch with relatives in St. Louis. Edward Birkicht was born and raised in St. Louis. Son's location a mystery to parents, others Dear Ann Landers: Our son went through a divorce five years ago. Since then, his life has deteriorated. He has made a number of bad decisions and experienced some setbacks. We have lived in different areas of the country for several years but experienced a normal relationship through periodic ld family reunion?" Un- Dear Santa Barbara: Tell family members well-meani- self-inflict- visits and phone calls. Two teen-ag- e children were involved in the divorce. They live with their mother and are doing well. We maintain close ties with the children through visits. Our son phoned recently and informed us that he has relocated to an undisclosed state, taken on a new identity, has a job and is startI ing a new life. le would not tell us his location but promised to keep in touch by phone. We agreed to respect his decision and hope for the best. relatives and Periodically, friends inquire about our son: "How is lie? Where is he? What is he doing? Will he attend the next wars. The episode is one more example in the long line of bewildering verdicts. Here's my personal forehead shipper to add to your growing list of litigious oddities: I swear that I am not making this up. My neighbor called to complain hot-coff- How do we respond? named in Santa Barbara Landers Advice Columnist and friends who inquire about your son that you do hear from him, that he is well and happy, and that he has a job he enjoys but hasn't decided jet where he wants to settle. People who push for more information than that are Change the subject. Dear Ann Landers: Justice takes another hit in the judicial pry-iii- that elm bugs were flying from my elm trees into his home and defecating on his curtains and upholstered furniture. I laughed out loud and didn't take him seriously. Then he threatened to sue if I didn't cut down the trees at once. I decided he w as crazy and told him so. A few weeks later, I was hit with a lawsuit. In court. I argued that 1 couldn't control roaming insects and asked, "Why couldn't he just screen his windows?" You'd think this suit would have been laughed out of court. Think again. I lost and had to buy that loon a new couch and new window coverings. P.S. I cut dow n the trees to ensure no further buggy episodes. Park City, Utah Dear Park City: The biblical admonition to love thy neighbor can be difficult to honor with neighbors like that. When are you moving? Dear Ann Landers: I read the r who letter from the receives tons of gifts from parents, teen-age- grandparents and but has never written a thank-yo- u note and doesn't plan to. Tell that brat I have a grandson with the same attitude. I have long since written him out of my will, which means that a great deal of property and other assets will go to the Salvation Army. They always say thank you. Portland, Ore. ts Dear Portland: Way to go, Cranny! I like your stjle. I hope your letter will encourage other relatives to do the same. C.cm of the Day: A conservative is a liberal who has been arrested. rilv. "TAI'RIS (April xourwu) will lake real y incnuilx 2"i: (iellnic now. I )o mil Irx lo force the issue. Yum ciicryx inates. Strike and plax. a loci Unc- health) balance between work (iKMIM (Mux 21 June 2l)i: Weal biii:hi colors and a warm smile today llclpuic oih ers reach their financial jioals will adx.mce jour own as well. A low key meeting allows you to present your iews in a harmonious environment. CANt'KR (June 2 July 22 1: Keep your sense of humor. Others may lighten up if you crack a lew gentle jokes at y our ow n expense Home repairs are a eood millet for excess energy. A siispenselul moxie captures youi interest lonieht. 22 1: Try not to tiet il I.KO iJuly certain arrangements are changed. A b.kkup plan is probably better. You will be in lop form when dealing with Vll's. Romantic part iter responds best lo a common sense approach. VIRGO (Aug. 2.VSept. 22i: A business partnership can be made more profitable. You meet someone wilh whom you feel an iinme-dialrapport. The key to greater progress A dream could pio-.- c prophetic. I. IKK A (Sept. 2.U)cl. 22i: lake somr lime to reflect on your deepest needs Behind-the-scene- s aclixitics inciease. A desire for hue is slronger than exer. Send a Idler, then keep your lingers crossed. Vanquish lincerini! career doubls SCORPIO (Ocl. 2.VNo. 21 1: Il is time to make a dash for freedom. A financial nut ler may seem confusing IVal wilh people xx ho are on the d up. Join clubs and proMake trade-nil- s fessional organizations. w hen necessarv. SAGITTARH S (Nox 22 Dec. 21 Help comes from an older friend. A financial disagreement is likely. Could you he in the wrong? Many job pressures are Make sure xour expectations are realistic. CAPRICORN (IVc. 22 Jan. I'd: Road' blocks could appeal when least exvctcd Look lor another route lo lake. Show mg how ambitious you arc now- would le a mistake: less adventurous souls max not undei stand. AQI ARII'S (Jan. 20-- eh. IX): Not a gmvd day for business negotiations. A l.icllul compromise will help you resolve a dispute between family memlvrs. Refuse lo take sides. Romance looks promising. Travel i best postponed. PISCKS (I eh. 20): IVal wilh family problems hefoie they multiply. Rex is" nig xour household budget will reduce providing xour loved ones cooperate . Take advantage of group support. |