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Show THE DAILY lU'RAltX Provo. Page A2 I lah. Saturday, July 24. Signs a columnist is just trying to finish Before I started writing a weekly column, I didn't give much thought to the nature of the newspaper column as a literary or journalistic form. You prohahly don't, either. I'll bet you don't even know how many words are in a "typical" column. No reason you should. In fact, I'll bet even most newspaper editors don't know. Their concern is filling up a page, and the number of words in a column or story matters much less than the space it takes up. But since I can't determine column-inches on my computer, total word count becomes a very important statistic. Most often, the problem is keeping it short enough. How do you address issues as multi-faceteand complex as t he wilderness debate or soccer-hatrein a few hundred words? Other weeks, for some reason, it's a struggle just to string two sentences together. These cerebral work stoppages happen just often enough that we columnists have had to develop a few tricks of the trade to help get us over the bar. Some of these methods make the writ- - regardless of the subject.) The one line paragraph. The completely irrelevant but hopefully amusing story. Like the time I went to the inaugural Utah Catzz MANIC IMPRESSIONS Professional Indoor Football league game. The evening's best moment came on the opening kickoft The visiting kicker squibbed the ball and the Catzz returner, standing on his own goal line, let the ball skid between his legs into the end zone. The UVSC cheerleaders, lending their services for the night, were standing at the back corner of the end zone, inside the Robert Higiies ing process easier; some serve to maximix the per word. Whatever they column-inche- s do, now you'll be able to recognize them for what they are: Telltale signs of a columnist just trying to finish: I)ng lists that are related to some central theme, but not necessarily related to each ot her. The beauty of this is that each item in the list stands pretty much alone, and the columnist doesn't have to bothtransier with tions and even better doesn't have to craft a logical and cohesive argument (which is hard to do in a short piece. d d dasherboards, apparently thinking they were well out of the way They weren't. The ball squirted straight toward them, and 16 fully armored NFL Europe hopefuls converged at full speed. Those girls went absolutely berserk trying to get out of the way. It was like rats escaping a burning building. Realizing there was no time for a graceful retreat, they went pell-meover the wall. One girl g hopped up into a sitting position on the wall, then threw her legs up and back like a scuba diver as. the first helmets crashed into the barrier. She must have landed smack on her head on the other side. Another jumped up into a squatting position and leaped at the moment of impact like The Fugitive from the bus. I can't convey to you how hard I was laughing. And I wasn't alone. The cheerleaders began to rise, one by one, straightening their hair and recovering their trampled pompons, evincing even more laughter. Eventually, the crowd wiped the tears away to see that the Catzz somehow got the ball out to the 2 yard line. Lastly, the conclusion generally includes some clever "throwback" reference to an earlier part of the column, serving to tie the whole piece together. Incidentally, that makes 579 words. Pretty typical. Rob Hughes is a nist living in Prom. JASON OLSON The Daily Hctali! Executive privilege: Kathleen Kirkham, left, watches as Cedar Fort Mayor Jeanine Cook gets doused during Friday's water fight. Continued from A k. net. 1 girls exacted their revenge, and a tradition was born. "We've just been doing it for so long," Mayor Jeanine Cook said. "No one knows how long. But everyone does know to wear swimsuits or at least something they don't mind getting wet all day." BEEF" i is' ' State wants boaters to pack potties on board LAKE CITY (AP) -Sforest officials are asking SALT tate boating through labyrinth Canyon on the Green people Firm !D Sealy phi pu-bsmJ- il r I .. River to carry a portable toilet. The Utah Division of Forestry, Fire and State Lands is making the request because increased use of the Green River means more human waste is being dumped in the river and on beaches. "Heavy use of the area in the last several years has resulted in an unsightly and unhealthy situation," said Gary Cornell, the division's southeastern area manager. "There is definitely a public health hazard if this continues. It's just a nasty and uncomfortable situation," he said. Human waste is often found buried on beaches and scattered along the shoreline of the stretch of the Green River. And if boaters don't start carrying portable toilets, the division may have to begin policing and writing tickets for the offense, Cornell said. 39 "S Twin ea.pc. Full ea.pc. $79 Queen Set J169 King Set J229 BtY illir Come In And I Register Today! Rtgttttr to wtn fl any Maflrmt Firm location MCMtary Nm4 not bt proton! to win. Compm tat art availaett at all Mattrota Firm locations rtoiitor regulation No purchase of contett rutot and Mutt ba 11 or ovar to 7, 1 ? Posturepedic Firm 299 78-mi- Twin ea.pc. $99 Full ea.pc. $179 King Set $589 (sold in sets only) 1 I THE DULY HERALD I P.O. . Sealy Extra Firm North Freedom Boulevard Box 717, Provo, Utah 8403-071- 7 Orem Bureau 174 West Ccutvr Street Orem, Utah 84057 www.heraldfxtra.com .SSI ( Unified Twin ta.pc. 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"It's the perfect time of year for it, SCHOOLS Continued from Al Century' grants to develop pilot programs to begin to implement the district's Standards and Benchmarks program. The hoped-fo- r $2.42 million tax increase would have funded the Standards and Iknchmarks program. The program is Provo City School District's way to eliminate social promotion, the practice of allowing students who fail classes to advance to the next grade. The proposed tax would have hired tutors and funded summer though. It's so hot." Some people stand on street corners with buckets and hoses waiting to drench passersby but most drag the streets slowly in trucks or looking for the action. "A and some water balloons is all you need on a day like this. Then you chuck your balloons at someone and make a fast getaway," said Monty Allred, 16. One resident drove his hydroseeder up and down the streets with a crew of kids in the back working the hose. 'This is such a great tradition; anything that gets you wet will work just fine," said Josh Allred, four-wheele- four-wheel- 22. Moments later, the kids readtheir weapons as they spotted an unfortunate United Parcel Service driver down the street. The rest is history. ied $88,000 annually for three years. Timpanogos Elementary will receive $92,000 annually for three years. The money Maeser will receive wasn't available because Principal Dale Porter was out of the office until Monday. The schools can receive funding for up to five years if they perform, Sauls said. At Dixon, the money also will fund a science Olympiad and sports such as flag football, e basketball and cinco soccer, which is fast paced with teams, said Assistant Principal Dennis three-on-thre- five-memb- Pratt. "One of the ideas behind it is a either come from school. Only a portion of the federal grant money can be used to fund tutoring, said Principal Erin of Sauls Timpanogos Elementary. The 21st Century grants are for plans aimed at providing after-schoprograms that will reach pxr students. That's why much of the money is being used to fund an orchestra program at Timpanogos and for art arid science activities, Sauls said. But students' academic needs won't be neglected. 'The students are being closely monitored to make sure they are up to speed," Sauls said. 'Those that aren't will be referred to the Homework Club." There will be several instructors there to help, she said. Some students can attend as needed for help with specific items such as fractions, and others will need to attend regularly in order to catch up with their peers, Sauls so id. Dixon Middle will receive lot of kids -parent single- either families mom or dad whoever is the parent is working to 5 or 6 p.m. and school is out at p.m.," Pratt said. "The kids have some two, three hours somewhat unsupervised." e There also are families where the children need after-schoactivities. Dixon Middle's Homework Club will help students develop daily study habits, Pratt said. The early morning Crammer's Club will help students understand concepts before class. The Timpanogos program will be Aug. 2 and the Dixon program in District schools will still begin to implement the Standards and Benchmarks program without funding, said Patti Harrington, assistant superintendent over curriculum and instruction. After talking with parents, Harrington said she was under the impression that the vote was a rejection of increased taxes, rather than the program. dual-incom- -l Guaranteed Twin ea.pc. $159 $1471 Full ea.pc. $239 $21 7 j $799 $6971 King Set aMWlKlmt'vreiutl STORE HOURS: ti l.'i.V l.ih period Queen Set J699 I, MI PHK .k.l.ivi. ami S,minl,u Sun.liu SI KM HUM ION K MLS 1 King Set VukuiI liails Sealy Posture Premier Silk & Wool Plush Queen Set 3y Sat ( .iiil .11 I'lmu, I l.ih. ,1 S.r,,l .l.li. .i l I'd) ikix 77. IWi. I l.ih rtlnlilkhvd illiMrManwsvl I'I,I,.Ih.I S.il in il.i v. I'ulili'i I'omnHimlv Ni'tvMK'i. Int., V.ilh I hiiulv..ni. I'mv... r Twin ea.pc J7M0M yiy-s- I SI'S M.VIkill (ISSN huh liiiiffa, Sunil.iv Hiimifiii ) ii Quti SU '.W J7V5KI.1 ktraa a ar WtJ Sealy Posture Premier ilk i XdVrtislaj Hrl.il drrilun SubwriplHini sad dVlitrr) service Vmroum tor ilcpartnwart not liilid above , rial i -- WATER colum- e free-lanc- J..i.w"' Parkinson Patrick Tanya Nielsen Donnic Welch Tim Coles Brian Trcgaskis Mike llinman Larry Match Kirk Mike . . . HEADS Publisher Lditor .Business Office Manager Director Advertising Circulation Director Prepress Manager Pressroom Foreman Operations Manager OFFICE HOURS Monday through Friday 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Closed Saturday and Sunday Copyright: Puliwer Community Newiptpcn, Inc.. POLICE BEAT A man FALSE ALARM called Provo police at about 8:20 p.m. reporting that his green Ford truck, parked at Sam's Club, 1300 S. University Ave., was on fire. When police arrived they found the report to be false and that the man had locked his keys in the truck. Apparently, the man thought the fire report would be a way to get police to open it up for him, Provo Police dispatch said. The Orem HOT GRILL Fire Department responded to 387 W. 755 South to check out a propane barbecue grill that was on fire at about 7:20 p.m. Residents of the home were able to extinguish the blaze before fire personnel arrived on the scene, according to police dispatch. CHEMICAL SPILL At 7 a.m. on Friday a three-tan- k trailer tipped over, spilling an asphalt emulsifier and water onto the ground, said Lynn " Schofield, acting captain at '. Provo Fire Station 1. Schofield said the trailer's landing gear sank into the dirt, causing the trailer to tip over. It took nine firefighters until 9:30 a.m. to he ; get the spill sand-dikesaid. The trailer's third tank; was filled with waste oil, but it did not spill. The ; Environmental Protection Agency and Utah County ; Health Department verified the ' spill was cleaned up. ? |