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Show Saturday, February 6, lets down when son does stand u One of the great joys of parenthood comes when your children begin to discover their senses of humor. And one of the great tragedies comes when you discover they don't have one. Get out your handkerchiefs. This week's episode is a real heart-breake- r. The newfound career goal of my son, it seems, is to become a professional stand-u- p comedian. And his mother and I have been given the painful job of Test Audience. Granted, the boy is still in the process of honing and perfecting his act (most of which is borrowed from the book "101 Bug Jokes"). But I am beginning to suspect he will never be hired as the opening act for Frank Sinatra. Or Frank Sinatra, Jr. Or my wife's Uncle when pressed at Frank, who barbecues, wedding receptions and other social gatherings does a impression of a cat choking on a hairball. The problem seems pretty basic. Although my son has borrowed The Dad Zone is supposed to go like this: "Why do skeletons hate horror movies? Because they don't have any guts." In performance, my son's version ends with, "Because inside of them there aren't none of any ... um ... anh ... stomachs! Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it?" (In both cases, my wife and I not only pretend to "get it," but also fake laughter. If we don't, the lad automatically assumes he's wasting his formative years in the company of numband frankly, kids are skulls much easier to live with when they're fooled into thinking you're at least half as bright as they are.) I was filled with hope the other day, though, when I overheard my son treat his mother to the latest addition to his comedy repertoire. "Hey, Mom," he said. "I made up a new joke! Listen to this. What kind of bugs do dogs like to chase?" "I give up," my wife answered, gamely playing along while preparing for the worst. "What kind of bugs do dogs like to chase?" near-hysteric- enough kiddie joke books from the library to understand that the funniest are comprised of 1) a set-u- p and 2) a punch line, he doesn't understand that 3) it is imperative that they remain in that rs order, and 4) one should have some remote connection with the other. "Why did the bee with hives go to the doctor?" he will ask, clearly anticipating no less than a standing ovation. "Because he liked honey! Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it?" Sometimes, the boy gets the structure right but botches the content. One of his favorite two-line- rs al "CAT-apillarGet it? Get it? Get it? Get it?" I was stunned. Both setup and punch line were present, in their s! correct and order. Even better, the gag elicited brief but genuine, unforced laughter from his audience of one. Flush with success, my son ran outside to impress his best friend Brian with this, his greatest comedic achievement to date. well-connect- ed "Hey, Brian," I heard him yell. "What kind of bugs do dogs like to chase?" "I dunno," Brian answered. Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it?" siAfter a stretch of stone-col- d his Brian offered lence, critique: "That's not funny." "CAT-apillar- s! "Oh, yeah?" the boy countered with the speed of Henny Young-ma"My MOM liked it!" There's another important thing this kid needs to learn about comedy: Your mom is your best n. The Greeks and Romans lived near the Mediterranean Sea about 2, 000 years ago. They are still im- Prometheus and Pandora . My pick for this week's top. book at the Provo City Library is something a little different than usual. It's a cookbook . Every body goes on a diet at one time or another maybe this book will help. "Weight Watcheis Favorite Homestyle Recipes"has been compiled by Weight Watchers International. This is a colleciton of 250 delie cious, recipes chosen in a contest among Weight Watchers members, staff and magazine readers. Each recipe for has been kitchen-teste- d maximum nutrition and taste, and minimum fat and calories. When modern-da- y pirates seize a group of wealthy Americans on a yacht in the China Sea, the President must organh ize a offensive to rescue them. This is the initial plot for Richard Herman's latest thriller, "Call to Duty." The result is a novel spanning 50 years of military action. It is fact, not fiction, that Joe Foss won the Congressional Medal of Honor as the Marine's top fighterpilot in World War II. This, however, was only the first of several other remarkable achievements to follow in later years. In his autobiography, "A Proud American," Foss reflects on the 'top-guachievements throuchout his " . n" life. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in Alaska the Last Frontier? Ron Strickland traveled across the length and breadth of this vast state talking with people from every walk of life teachers, hunters, artists, pilots and politicians. The resiTlt is a book called "Alaskans" that presents a unique and telling view of life in Alaska in the words of real Alaskans. ' Throughout history, the Philistines have been among the most maligned people on earth. In their book, "People of the Sea," Trude and Moshe Doth-a- n try to correct "three thou sand years of bad press" by painting a different picture of these people. Their book is the first popular account on the that he fell in love with her right there. He asked her to marry him and come to his kingdom in the underworld and be his queen. But she loved her mother and the beautiful Earth she lived on, and she didn't want to go with him to the underworld. Hades didn't care. He wanted her with him. So he swooped her into his chariot and carried her down into the underworld. Persephone was scared and very unhappy. The underworld was like a great cave that went on forever, all dark and shadowy. Oh, how Persephone longed to be with her mother and run across the bright green - Page B5 I'U, This week's top library pick will keep readers 'weighting' high-tec- Edited By E.D. HIRSCH JR. United Feature Syndicate The ancients had a story that explained why there are bad things in the world. According to their myths, Prometheus, a powerful giant, loved mankind very much. And Prometheus saw that men needed help to stay warm and to fight the many fierce animals around them. So he went up to the workshop of Hephaestos, the god of fire. Prometheus stole some of Hephaestos' fire and gave it to mankind. When Zeus, the ruler of the gods and heaven, saw this, he was very angry, because fire was supposed to belong only to the gods. Zeus became envious of men, who now had fire. So he made the first woman, called Pandora. He made her very beautiful and gave her a golden box. He told her never to open the box. But when Pandora got to earth, she became very curious about what was in it. So she opened it, and out flew all the bad thngs in the world. Things like pain, and disease, and mosquitoes, and earthquakes. Only one thing stayed in Pandora's box. That was Hope. Hope is the one thing that keeps people going, despite all the bad things in the world. Zeus was still angry at Prometheus for stealing fire from the gods. So he bound Prometheus up and chained him to a tall cliff, where a great eagle clawed and pecked at him. Some say Prometheus was bound there forever. Others say he was eventually freed. THE HERALD, Provo, down-hom- Greek tales explain wo rid s di scoveries portant because they gave us many of our ideas. The way our government works comes from Greece. It's called democracy. The "demo" part of democracy is taken from the Greek word for people, and the "cracy" part of democracy is taken from the Greek word for power or rule. Put the two words together, and you get ' 'the rule of the people ' ' exactly what democracy is. 1993 subject. v Downey At the Library It is ironic that the release of Carl Rowan's highly acclaimed biography of former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall should coincide with Mr. Marshall's recent death. It can be said that Thurgood Marshall profoundly changed America when he won the landmark "Brown vs. Board of Education" school segregation case in 1954. Justice Marshall was truly one of the towering figures of the American judiciary system, in addition to being the n to serve first on the Supreme Court. Rowan's book, "Dream Makers, Dream Breakers," is based on dozens of hours of personal interviews and a friendship with Marshall that spanned 40 years. Given the events of recent days, this book has become increasingly more important reading. African-America- Finally, the Provo Library has recently added several new magazines and newspapers to its collection for your use and enjoyment. Some of these new titles are: "American Demographics," "American History Illustrated." "Aloha." "Arizona Now, ' "Art of the West," "Buzzworm." "Common Cause." "Reason," "Southwest Art." "Success," "Tightwad Gazette," "Utne Reader," "Weather-Wise,- " and "World Monitor." Newspaper additions are: "Idaho State Journal" (Pocatello) and the very popular "Investor's Business Daily." Any of the books may be borrowed from the Provo City Library if you have a current Provo or Orem library card. Other local libraries in Utah County may have them as well. above-mention- ed fields. Soon her mother, Demeter, noticed she was gone and raised a cry of alarm. Demeter searched and ALONE: searched for Persephone and she couldn't bear to be without her. She asked the other gods if they had seen her daughter. Apollo, the god of the sun, told her he had seen Hades carry Persephone off to the underworld in his chariot. Demeter became very sad. She no longer went to the great feasts with the other gods and goddesses on Mount Oympus. She no longer cared for her beautiful Earth or the bright yellow grains that were her treasure. She went off by herself to weep for her daughter. And the Earth became cold and bare. The golden corn died.' Soon the people everywhere became hungry, because they had no grain or fruit to eat. And so Zeus, the ruler of all the gods, told Demeter that she could get Persephone back from the underworld. And he told Hades that he would have to let Persephone Demeter and Persephone go, so that the Earth could be Demeter was the goddess of the bright again. But Hades didn't want to let her harvest, the gatherer of ripe fruits and vegetables. People loved De- go. He loved her, too. So he gave meter because she was kind and Persephone a magical pomegrangenerous and gave them plenty of ate, a fruit red on the outside like food. It was because of her that an apple but full of small seeds on the inside. Becorn and other grain grew in the cause Persephone ate part of the fields, and the earth was green. Pemeter had a daughter, called pomegranate she had to stay in the Persephone, whom she loved very underworld with Hades for part of much. One day Hades, the god of every year. And during these the underworld, was riding over months, the Earth gets cold, winter the Earth and he saw Persephone. comes, and the plants retreat into She was so beautiful and friendly the Earth, just like Persephone. as she was to everyone she met But when Persephone returns from fruit-cover- ed Curiosity made Pandora open the box into the world. that released all the bad things Hades, spring comes and flowers lustrations. "The Olympians: Great bloom, and Demeter makes the Earth bright with her happiness. Gods & Goddesses," by Leonard This, the Greeks thought, is why Everett Fisher, (Holiday, 1984). the Earth is cold during the winter, The ancient Greeks' beliefs about and warmer in the rest of the year. their gods and the Titans are deIN YOUR LIBRARY: If you scribed in this book. Children ene color illustraenjoyed these stories, check out joy the these great books. tions, which appear almost D'Aulaire's Book of Greek "The Firebringer, and Other Myths," by Paul and Ingri D'Au-lairA Great Stories," by Louis long(Doubleday, 1962). favorite with children and (Lippincott, 1968). Fifty standing adults, this volume presents the legends include Norse and mediestories of the gods and goddesses val European tales in addition to the classic Greek myths. This is of Olympus. "Demeter and Persephone," best for advanced readers. retold by Penelope Proddow, "In the Beginning," by Vir(Doubleday, 1972). With vibrant ginia Hamilton, (Harcourt Brace color illustrations, this book is an Joranovich, 1988). Twenty-fiv- e n excellent introduction to this creation myths from around the world are artfully illustrated. This myth. "Bulfinch's mythology Colbook includes a variation of "Panoring Book," retold by Steven dora's Box," among others. Older Zorn, (Running Press). Sixteen readers will enjoy reading these on myths are adapted from Thomas their own, but it is best used as a Bulfinch's literary classic and ac resource by adults for younger il children. companied with full-pag- e, Unter-mye- r, well-know- ready-to-col- or (Continued from Page B4) know it's not that they don't love their children. ... It's purely a cost factor. They can't afford to spend '' any money on day care. A long pause follows when Caldwell is asked when she would feel right about leaving her daughter, Maggie, home alone. "It's almost something that you just know," she said, adding that she would feel comfortable leav ing her daughter alone "if she knows she has to be cautious and has instilled that fear that we've all had to learn. "She knows how to dial a phone and not to let in a stranger. But when you have an emergency, you've got to keep your head ... (and) kids panic when they're too young." One of the major factors "in leaving children alone is the unavailability of affordable child care," said Ed McManus. a spokesman for DCFS. Just last month, the state announced a program to put $14 million into a program to help provide day care for about 1.200 children from families around the state." Private groups also have stepped in. Realizing that more kids maybe left alone for various periods of time, they have developed programs to help kids who are left home alone. low-inco- The American Red Cross, for instance, offers a course called "Home Alone" that is "designed so that time spent home alone can be safe and constructive," said Jan Malloy, superv isor of safety and health programs for the Red Cross' chapter. Last year, more than 4,000 grade school pu-- . pils throughout the Chicago area participated in the program. Some Girl Scout troops offer an Re- -' "On Your Own: sponsibility" patch. It's aimed at first through sixth graders "who are on their own most days after school, evenings or weekends until a parent gets home from work,", said, Jane Carter, assistant executive director of the Sybaquay Girl Scout Council, which covers 50 Illicommunities in nois. The media attention that the ' Scboo case has attracted angers some whowatch the flood of cases in Cook County Juvenile Court. "Although I consider that to be a very serious matter, we deal with cases day in and day out w here kids Mid-Ameri- After-Scho- north-centr- are abandoned, ol al physically harmcJ, sexually abused, where sufficient services are not being provided to the families and the minors," said Brownfield. "And there's no outcry regarding that." In many cases, abandonment is defined not by hours or days that kids are left alone, but by what provisions, if any, a parent or guardian has made for the children. Signs of times: Hand signals help deaf Dalmation spot orders By MARK JEWELL Associated Press Writer - It was a SPOKANE, Wash. match made at the dog pound, but seldom has a cbg found a more suitable home. Juliette is a deaf Dalmatian. Everyone in the Eisenman family can hear but they all know American Sign Language. Now that includes their dog, who was taught to reit spond to nearly 30 signs. And accident. almost by happened When the Eisenmans went to the animal shelter and came back with then about 9 months old Juliette were apprehensive about they how to control the rambunctious pet, who had already gone through several owners. "When we first got her. she really was unmanageable," Eisenman said. Mrs. Then the Eisenman boys, J.J., now 9, and Aaron, 7, taught their petASL. Jody Eisenman learned sign language preparing for her career working with developmentally disabled people. Her husband, Michael, a computer programmer, learned sign language from he." while they were dating to expand his linguistic skills. Marriage and a family meant their children would learn ASL too. So maybe it was inevitable the youngsters would try it out on Juliette, now 4 years old Besides, they had found conventional obedience training limited. "We wanted to have her function in the home as a family pet more than teach her tricks," Mrs. Eisenman said. The boys began with the ASL two fingers placed in a sign to sit chair position over the other hand. With repetition, and a gentle downward push on the dog's haunches, Juliette learned to sit simply on seeing the sign. The dog has since learned nearly induced by do," 30 other signs biscuits, when necessary. Now when someone make, uie, sign for "out," Juliette heads to the door. When they sign "Where's your bone?" the dog looks for her bone. When they sign "I love you," the dog snuggles her head against the signer. Experts say many deaf people commonly use sign language with their pets. And Terry Ryan, a dog obedience trainer in Pullman who has written books on the subject said she wasn't suprised to learn of Juliette, because hearing dogs learn standard obedience commands mainly by relying on visual cues. commu"Dogs are said. "They nicators," Ms. Ryan communicate with body lannon-verb- guage." al Juliette's ability became public when the dog and the Eisenmans attended a clinic here in December that tested dogs with suspected hearing problems. When the experts saw the Eisenman boys signing and the dog's response, they were awestruck. "Dr. (Jeff) Watkins and 1 just looked at each other in disbelief when this child started signing to the dog, and she understood completely," said Michael Moore, an associate professor of veterinary medicine and surgery at Washington State University. He who ran clinic with Wat-kin- s, the free one-da- y a local veterinarian. "I was amazed," Moore said. "But then I asked myself. 'Why not? Why can't a dog learn to understand sign language?' " The Eisenmans proved owners need not give up on deaf pets, Moore said. Juliette's deafness is relatively common in Dalmatians because of inbreeding. The typical reaction to the birth of such dogs, Moore said, is '"Poor Fido is deaf.' We'll have to put him to sleep.' That's just not true . You can teach the dog . " Allen Gardner, an expert in animal communications at the Unisaid in a versity of Nevada-Rentelephone interview he needed to see the dog in action to know o, whether it really understands American Sign Language. Animals sometimes seem to understand signing, but may be responding to other visual signals, such as facial expressions, he said. However, scientists have long known that dogs respond to both verbal and visual signals, Gardner said. And many deaf people with pet dogs communicate to them by K signing. .Animals possess a tremendous ability to communicate, he said. |