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Show n on C The Dally Herald Tuesday, February 2, 1993 Stop preteen from acting like toddler Sifi etrt.SICJ series of choices rather than having it all Life is By EVELYN PETERSEN Knight-RiddNewspapers er ' Q. My husband's preteen son exhibits such gross eating habits and behavior in public that I hate to be seen with him. He argues and disagrees about everything, he leaves dirty handprints everywhere, and he roils around on the furniture, acting more like a toddler than a preteen. His parents do not seem to believe in disciplining or correcting him. "You can't have everything," says comedian Steven Wright. 'Where would you put it? ' ' Silly as that seems, it's not as silly as actually believing you can have it all. Life is a series of choices. Open one door and you will never know what lies behind another. Take one fork in the road and the other remains a mystery. The biggest failing of former attorney general nominee Zoe Baird was not understanding that simple truth. Like many people, she thought she could have it all. She wanted to be a great attorney general and a great mother. As it turned out, she had to choose. If you think there is a sexist slant in that statement, you are wrong. Had her husband been nominated as attorney general, he would have been unacceptable for the same reason she was. Together, they consciously broke die law by hiring illegal aliens to watch their children and perform other household duties. According to Baird, she did it because she thought it was the K.P.,Woodbridge,N.J. A. Preteen children sometimes do act like toddlers. Hormone changes and growth spurts add to their confusion about whether to act like children or teenagers. Acting like a teenager is exciting but frightening. Being a teenager is a new experience with new dangers, hew choices and new demands. Acting like a child is familiar and, therefore, safer, even if it angers parents. Living with his birth mom and stepdad and visiting his birth dad and stepmom may be adding to the problem, especially if the behavioral rules in each place are unclear. Don't fuss about discipline in the other household; you can do nothing about that. Set rules for your house. Children can easily accept the fact that they might have to behave differently in different homes. You need to talk to your husband about setting guidelines or rules that must be consistently followed in your home. Clear expecOREM Utah Valley Commutations for the child's behavior in nity College's (UVCC) Center for your home will give him a feeling Personal and Career Development of security that will help him get is offering a "Successful Life through the confusing period of Management" course beginning adolescence. He may even be act- today. k The course meets ing this way because he wants some rules to give order and se- every Tuesday and Thursday, 9 curity to his life. Let him help make the rules. Have a family meeting in which you honestly and calmly tell him how you feel and he is encouraged ' to do likewise. Have him help set Dear Readers: Don't skip this the consequences for breaking the rules, too. All of you should sign column because you think it an agreement, try it out and have doesn't apply to you. In a few regular meetings to adjust' the months (or years), you may wish n rules if necessary. any you had clipped it out: Dear Ann Landers: I am a Be to make. sure changes you woman and have just been praise him for every diagnosed with osteoporosis. I went to my doctor because I was having a lot of pain in my back. In addition to the pain, I noticed that I f If had lost almost 2 inches in height, 4 and my back, starting at the neck, is beginning to hunch over. It turns out that two of the bones in my By JEANE DIXON spine have not only broken, but For Feb. 3 they have collapsed and are deteriARIES (March orating. 19): Concentrate on career and business natters My doctor told me I have some early in the day. A third party brings of the risk factors for developing you together with an attractive member osteoporosis, which I didn't know. of the opposite gender. Be realistic For instance, I didn't know that about a romantic relationship. since my mother had osteoporosis, . TAURUS (April 20): Move full I steam ahead with a personal project I was more likely to get it. Beautifying your home will give both it My mother, at age 7 1 , suffered a "and your spirits a needed lift. Examine severe hip fracture which left her merchandise very carefully when shoppermanently disabled. Before this ping for bargains. GEMINI (May 20): As you happened, she was active, energetmay have discovered, this is not a gocd ic and young for her age. Today, time to throw your weight around A she is old and frail, uses a walker high degree of diplomacy is needed to and can no longer garden, do gain the upper hand. Maintain a positive outlook. housework or go out with her CANCER (June 22): Curb a friends. She is very dependent on tendency to run on nervous energy and and my brother, and we worry me overwork. You need to calm down and that the next step will be a nursing focus on a few "top priority" tasks. home. Clearing your closets of clutter helps I am sure you can understand you get better organized. LEO (July 22): Stick up for how upset I am. I have a demandstarts to move in yourself if a ing job and need to be healthy so I on your territory. An important finan- - best decision she could make for her children. "I was thinking like a mother," she said. Countless other Americans have made the same decision. But Baird was the only one nominated to be attorney general. A lot of people were rightfully j Ray Recchi - KRT News Service children, she thought "like a mother" rather than like a even after admitting she broke the law. How could we approve such a person as the highest law enforcement official in the land? It was only after that outrage be- general. nomi- President Clinton's nominee nee for United States attorney y- But it is not. The feminist movement was never about having it all. It has always been about everyone having choices. Zoe Baird had hers and made it. Presented with what she saw as a choice between obeying the law or doing what was best for her It's all well and good to say that two people should be able to marry, have children and be good parents without having to give up any of their career goals. In theory, it sounds challenging. In reality, it is virtually impossible. That is not to say it is impossible to be a good parent and still have a successful career. Only tha there are many times when the responsibilities of being a parent come into conflict with one's personal goals. So we have to choose. Every good parent gives up a measure of personal freedom. Anyone who thinks he or she can be a good parent without sacrifice is living in a dream world. were lucky. The point is, Baird defined her options and made her own choices. That's all the freedom anyone gets. True, her sacrifice goes beyond that of most other parents. What she gave up in the interest of her children was her dream of being attorney general. On the other hand, that should make her a strong candidate for Mother of the Year. (Ray Recchi is a lifestyle umnist for the Fort Lauderdale, Fla.) Sun-Sentin- el col- of Successful life management course starting at UVCC Classes focus on enhincreasing career development, developing and improving relationships and ex- a.m.-noo- n. ancing self-estee- panding Linda Johnson, director of the center, said the emphasis has always been on helping people help eight-wee- themselves. The program ?s purpose is to help redirect lives. Through training, communication skills and comprehending personal relationships a person is given the knowledge and skills to make the asser-tivene- ss needed changes. The course is available to anyone interested for a fee of $20 and is available at no charge for single parents, displaced homemakers, families and anyone in a job or life transition who qualifies. For registration or informaExt. 580. tion, call low-inco- 222-800- 0, istieoporosis is preventable disease told me I had osteoporosis, I set out Re-sig- sjjp Ann Landers J Advice Columnist a . - can continue to take care of my family responsibilities. What I haven't told you is that I have two daughters who now have a grandmother AND a mother with this dreadful disease. My doctor has given me a program that will help me prevent additional fractures. But she also has made it clear that there is no cure for osteoporosis. Once bone mass is lost, it cannot be replaced. On a brighter note, she believes that if I follow my treatment plan, my bone loss will occur at a slower pace. Ann, I am writing to ask your help. Please tell me where I can get the most reliable information on how to prevent osteoporosis and how I can keep from breaking more bones. I need this information not only for me, but for my children and grandchildren. I want to start early to help them avoid what my mother and I are now going through. When my doctor y ly g. ' cial issue is involved. Love is grand; get together with romantic partner this evening. 22): Keep your .VIRGO (Aug. composure when dealing with VIPs. A friendly, welcoming approach will make up for any minor mishaps. Put the finishing touches on an important artistic project. LIBRA (Sept. 22): Conflicts could arise in business or in your dealings with authority figures. Avoid sounding confrontational; calm discussion and analysis will help you get your way. SCORPIO (Oct 21): A good day to unite with others and win their confidence. Extra power, influence and wisdom are yours. Actions based on a joint decision will meet with success. SAGITTARIUS 21): In(Nov. novative ideas lead U new career triumphs. They also help you renovate your home and entertain important people there. Be reassuring with worried partners. CAPRICORN (Dec. 2Wan. 19): Financial deals or shared resources are a source of wonderment Rely on a trusted friend. Patience is essential at work; could be in a bosses or touchy mood. 18): The : AQUARIUS (Jan. emphasis now is on developing your professional talents. Focus on projects that promise the largest profits. Loved ones may misunderstand your quiet mood. Offer them reassurance. 20): Career PISCES (Feb. to to Is linked sensitivity your progress domestic problems. Research and knowledge increase You enjoy being in the bosom of ones tonight loved your a r Laundered & consumption, eat a balanced diet rich in calcium and exercise regularly. Women at midlife should see their doctors about their bone health. Dear Concerned: I'm glad you wrote. This is a subject that needs a great deal more visibility. Most people think osteoporosis is a disease of the elderly. This is not true. It can strike women as early as mid-30and men are also at risk. Too many young people today are into a lifestyle that will ensure an even greater incidence of osteoporosis in the future. Teens, agers and pre-tee- ns Medical experts I've consulted believe that osteoporosis is both preventable and treatable. An excellent organization that can give you the entire picture is the National Osteoporosis Foundation, Box A, 1150 17th St., N.W., Suite 500, Washington, D.C. 20036. Write for information and send a large, stamped envelope. d, By SONYA FRIEDMAN Newspapers Knight-Ridd- Zoe Baird steps aside. And rightfully so, even though many Americans do exactly the same thing she admitted doing hiring undocumented immigrants as care-givefor her children. That's the point. It is impossible to ask others to obey the law when those overseeing the law don't adhere to it. Yet, the fact that she did not lie about the circumstances offering " up the information herself to the Clinton transition team and in the end taking full responsibility for her deeds does set a new moral tone. I am always stunned when I read that people who have committed rs heinous crimes pleaded "not guilty" in court. The kidnapping of little Katie Beers from Long Island is a case in point. The man charged in the case, having allegedly secreted this girl in a concrete vault, put her in chains, and attempted to sexually molest her, not only pleads not guilty, but his lawyer also wants him to be seen as a nice guy for telling the police where she was and voicing his concern for her wel- fare. Give me a break! When I was a kid you were punished for doing something wrong. But you were doubly punished for lying about it. In our courts today, there is every incentive for lying and denial, and the attorneys play the game for point of law as opposed to guilt or innocence and what's in the best interests of the community. No wonder there's such serious mistrust of lawyers, and since Zoe Baird is a lawyer, and a well-pai- d one at that, no wonder the voices of America turned against her and her initial plea that she got bad advice from a lawyer. Times have changed from the days of Camelot, when the press agreed not to show Jackie smoking a cigarette or holding a wine glass, or selected not to probe JFK's illnesses or sexual adventures. Today, you'll find out more than you'd ever want to know about someone running for high office. And it's not that we all have to be Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, it's just movie that you can't run an house and run for mayor on a morals platform ... or can you? ed (Psychologist and talk show host Sonya Friedman writes this column for the Detroit Free Press. She also hosts "Sonya Live" on CNN-T- should be ed- ucated about this illness and told: Don't smoke, limit alcohol mmmmwm What Will You Give For Valentines This Year? Starched onroi'v1 v. hand-oomel- y. REDUCTION - - to learn everything I could about the disease, but I have had trouble finding information. Because this is such a common problem, Ann, there must be millions of people like me who need to be informed. Please help us. Concerned in Nashville mm 1993 PRICE Zoe Baird told truth ff outraged when Baird remained came overwhelming that Baird withdrew. Some will find it ironic that a woman had to give up such an opportunity because of a babysitting problem. Some will suggest it is another sign of a sexist societ- For many, those sacrifices are financial. Parents give up new cars, fashionable clothes and dreams of travel to far-oplaces because they have to provide for their children. Sometimes it means giving time as a parent vojunteer to help the child in his or her own pursuits. In Baird 's case, she and her husband decided it was in the best interests of their children to break the law. I won't condemn that, although I don't agree with it. Like millions of others, my wife and I have managed to pursue our careers and take care of our children without breaking the law and on less money. But maybe we least At !! 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