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Show B6 Page THE HERALD, Provo, Utah, Saturday, August 22, 1992 niece drives columnist dlaffy Teen-ag- e Being a total sports dolt, there was a time when I would have been perfectly happy to sire nothing but girls. Seemed like the perfect gender to me. With luck, I'd never have to show them how to throw a football, explain the rules of ice hockey or fake my way through a discussion of Wilt Chamberlain's scoring record. On or off the court. But now that I have a daughter. I occasionally wonder if mandatory operations for toddlers is such a bad idea. By sheer coincidence, I'm sure, this thought springs to mind whenever I'm in the company of my sex-chan- niece. her parents had the brilliant idea of hair spray and boy, was she installing a private telephone line thrilled when Santa came through in the girl's bedroom. Since then, with a full crate of the stuff. She she has emerged only for hair remained thrilled, too, until when the supply was exbags of spray, loans and double hausted. Durkett a cookies (the modGod knows what she's using ern teen's primary source of sustenow, but she still has a national nance). The rest of her waking monument growing out of her hours are spent locked in her skull. I keep waiting for the day The Dad Zone room, ear to horn, comparing the she trips and impales somebody buffnessgeekinessgrossness ra- with it. Or snags a passing jetliner. tios of her Jason du jour with the I'm telling you, this kid's upper seven children they were going to Jasons du jour of her girlfriends forehead is a disaster waiting to (all of whom are named Stephanhave together. happen. Oddly enough, my niece's taste Anyway, not long ago, my niece ie). could converse with any adult on This is a true story. My niece in hairstyles does not seem driven any number of topics. Today, once saw a TV promo for the old by peer pressure. If she believes in anything, it is in the unparalleled however, her vocabulary is exclumovie staple, "The Stosively comprised of five words: ry of Alexander Graham Bell," loveliness of her tresses. No matter "Boy(s)," "buff" (used to de- and promptly entered the time and where she is or what she's doing, g scribe exceptionally date in her appointment calendar. she will always manage to find (unbuff boys), The inventor of the telephone, she SOME reflective surface in which boys), "geeky" (unbuff boys of figured, MUST have been buff. to admire it: a window, a spoon, a d plate, a freshly exceptional geekiness), and "JaEven if he wasn't named Jason. table. she coffee of name son" (the every boy I don't know if she actually saw knows). the movie, though. She was probaThe last time she looked me in No matter the subject you try to bly too busy laminating her bangs the eye during a conversation, I discuss with her, all or most of into what looks to me like a We're COMMUvery these words will find their way into reasonable facsimile of Grant's thought, "Hey! But NICATING!" no, my misthe conversation. Bring up the Tomb. This is a She was take. popular hairstyle just using the reflecsigning of the Declaration of Indeand with-i- t adotion in my baby greens to check the hip today's among pendence, for example, and she lescent girls. I like to think it altitude and position of her dippity-dwill opine that Benjamin Franklin springs from a sense of youthful was geeky and Thomas Jefferson patriotism, but it's more likely a Seconds later she was back on was buff, but even he was symptom of an undeveloped mind the phone, gabbing about her latest compared to Jason. shellacked in Aqua Net. Jason. And I was at Sports World There was no escaping this parFor Christmas, my niece's most U.S.A. buying my daughter a ticularly cruel variation of Chinese Water Torture until recently, when desired gift was a year's supply of mid-Januar- y, MJ jth l r Hichcsl chocolate-chocolate-ch- oi late-nig- Don't get me wrong. My niece is a great kid, more often than not. And at her absolute worst, she's no more difficult to deal with than the average messy, pouty, lazy, d, know-it-a- ll d, teen princess. It's that average level of difficulty that frightens me. Yes, I'm sure that when my son is 15, I'm going to wonder why I wanted to raise anything but a eunuch. But as a former adolescent boy myself, I'm at least familiar with the territory. Females are as mysterious to me today as they were in the third grade, when Maria Brickman sent me a mash note during morning recess. By lunchtime she was going steady with Brant Parker and naming the ip Fudge-a-Ram- ht good-lookin- "guh-rossssss- !" Lemon-Pledge- o. guh-ross- ss 1950s: (Continued from Page B5) can Demographics, said My pick for this week's top book at the Provo City Library is "Hard Drive" by James Wallace and Jim Erickson. Subtitled, "Bill Gates and the Making of the Microsoft Empire," this corporate biography should be of particular interest here in Utah County. Gates, of course, was of Microsoft, and at the age of 36, has become one of the most powerful figures in the computer industry. (He also is reportedly worth a cool seven billion dollars)! "Hard Drive" chronicles Gates' rise in the industry from a computer whiz kid to a software giant. John Saul's first novel, "Suffer the Children" sold more than a million copies when it Howard Dawnsy er At heart-wrenchi- was published in 1977. More than a dozen additional bestsellers have followed, with his lat- est titled, "Shadows." This new movel of psychological is set in a secluded mansion a school for exceptionally-gifted children. This is Saul's most terrifying story to award-winnin- se date. If you enjoy historical interview this week. "People basically want the same things out of life," she said. "They want a home that they own, in the suburbs, they want to get married and have children. That's as much a the Library tlyn Duncan was shot and killed, The police termed this girl's death as a random shooting, but to the members of her family, the circumstances just did not add up. "Who Killed My Daughter," by Lois Duncan is the story of a mother's search for the truth behind her daughter's mysterious death. Lois Duncan is also the author of more than three dozen books, many of g . them How much do you know about Canada our neighbor to the north? A couple of books new to the Provo Library may help broaden your understanding of this vast nation. "O Canada" by Jan Morris is a delightful travelogue to each of 10 important Canadian cities or towns which illustrates that Canada is truly a land of contrasts. In his book "Oh Canada! Oh Quebec!" Mordecai Rich-le- r takes aim at what he views as the world's most unnecessary political crisis: the Separad tist Movement of Quebec. Our baseball book of the week is by the late Ring Lard-ne- r. More than any other writer in this country, Lardner has come to be associated with the game of baseball. "Ring Around the Bases" is the first collection of 12 of his finest baseball stories. fic- tion, we might suggest "Duchess of Milan" by Michael En-ni- s. While the states of Italy battled during the 1490s, two young women vie for power as they interact with such notables as Leonardo da Vinci and Columbus. Edwin Meese III was a trusted confidante and central figure in the former Reagan administration. In his book, "With language-obsesse- Reagan: The Inside story," Meese tells how events really transpired in the innermost rooms and hallways of the White House. (Recommended for Republicans only). On the night of July 16, 1989, while driving her car in Kai- Albuquerque, in a telephone goal now as it was Reading selection details rise of Microsoft empire then." The biggest change she found was in crime: "I was surprised we were really are so much worse now, at least in terms of reported statis- tics." Some of the increase may just be more reporting of crimes. Crispell said, but homicide rates are up and that is a crime that has always been reported. Better technology may be partly to blame for more killings and drug crimes. Automatic weapons and chemically produced drugs are much more available now. Other crimes may just be getting more attention. Child abuse and incest simply weren't talked about years ago, Cris- 2 ' vz-v-- v h rift L i U II II If $ There is a politi- cal theory that i suggests T ers ! that vot don't care about issues and that they make their decisions about voting based on slick television commercials and the pell noted. Some of the endorsements of opinion leaders. Therefore, this theory goes, azine include: The 1950s were the golden age of the family. Actually, the decline of the politicians must pander "Myths of the 1950s" discussed by the mag- the big bucks it takes to run traditional family began in the 1950s. In 1950. 79 percent of households contained married couples. That fell to 74 percent by 1960 and to 55 percent by 1991. In 1950. 52 percent of ae 1970s. People were more religious in the 1950s. The share of Americans adults who belonged to a church or svnagogue was 73 percent in 1952. 70 percent in 1978 and 68 percent in 1991. The share of adults who attended church in a typical week peaked at 49 percent in 1958 and had fallen to 42 percent by 1991. Women didn't work for pay. Women's participation in the labor force rose from 34 percent in 1950 to 38 percent in I960. True, married wom- en were less likely to work; only 25 percent did in 1950. Currently 59 percent of married women work. There were few illegitimate children in the 1950s. The share of births conceived before married has more than doubled. PACs and special interests for billboards and fluffy ads. But Richard Eyre has a different theory. He believes that voters care deeply about the issues and that they vote for AP Photo house- holds included at least one child under age 18. not much more than the 49 percent of 1991. And households were not all that big in the 1950s, averaging 3.3 people. In 1991 the average household was 2.6 people. The 1950s were a bcxmi time for babies. During the Baby Boom years of 1946 to 1964 women 15 to 44 avcraaed more than 100 births per 1.000 women. The birth rate started falling in 1964 and has hovered between 65 and 70 births per 1.000 women since the to the a candidate who forcefully talks about solutions to problems. ladies First lady Barbara Bush holds up a likeness of herself done by a child during a visit to the Texas Children's Hospital in Houston this week. Mrs. Bush spoke to the Republican National Convention Wednesday night when the theme was family values. Lost youth shouldn't be a lost cause attention to my gums? When did my dental bill begin exceeding my MasterCard, and when did my At the beach recently, while I back begin to hurt more often than e suit before my head? When did I start to read adjusted my sticking my toes in the water, I articles about menopause? And recognized what denominator I when did my doctors stop being share w ith other women my age: older than I am? We are the ones tugging dow n the I did not notice the imperceptibottoms of our bathing suits. ble changes. One day, I had my We are young enough to wear entire future ahead of me: the next, bathing suits but not to feel fully I turned a corner to find that my comfortable about the styles in course had been set for the rest of which they come. We are busy my life. I did not notice a turning sucking in stomachs that never point, and I feel slightly cheated used to stick out. the way I do when the weather Although I am not obese, lately I warms suddenly and I don't get to have wondered: When did I stop wear my spring clothes before being thin? When did my children starting on my summer. grow too old to provide an excuse Obviously. I knew my youth for the 5 pounds left over from was waning the first time the newspregnancy I was going to lose? paper boy called me "Ma'am." And when did I stop trying? But something about bathing suits Because I have a summer birthmakes me realize how the years day, this is the season I find myself have flown. I have been a wondering about my transformaparent for nearly tion closer to middle age. I have nine years. My would s been to enough be insulted if I decorated his birthlately to know that the greeting day cake with Big Bird. My card jokes about being halfway to already is getting junk 80 aren't funny. My friends are not mail, and he has written his first school report using National Geoyet getting face lifts, but their husbands are getting vasectomies. graphic. For me, all the signs of growing Each year, tacking fractions and I remember are onto their ages, here. don't up just when they first appeared. are in a hurry to three children my When did I start paying serious grow up. I prefer to stall. By TERYL ZARNOW Orange County Register one-piec- 40th-birthd- ay par-tic- ce It has been a long time since I worried about pouring syrup into each square of my waffle. I realize that getting to bed on time is more important to me now than to my children. Children believe that the only time you should sit down is when you are eating; the first thing I do at the park is look for the bench. Once, before I even had children, a cousin asked me if I could remember when I used to have fun. Back then, I thought the answer was obvious. But recently, my youngest asked me to play police with him, and although I faked it, crouching on the floor with toy cars, I didn't really know how. I can organize activities for my children, but I'm not so good at playing anymore. Whether this means I am not fun anymore, of course, is a different matter. I prefer to think there is hope; I prefer to believe I have a young mind trapped inside a mature body. So what if the gymnasts I watched during. the Olympics have more muscle tone in their toes than I have in my entire body? My mind is flexible and young. I prefer to believe that as they grow older, my children will appreciate how savvy their mother really is. nt Voters want to hear a candidate talk about qualifications and principles before they make up their minds. They want a governor who protects working them from special interests rather than for those interests. jj Make your choice by II II II direct comparison. Watch the first two EyreLeavitt Debates: Saturday, August 22, 4.00 p.m. on KTVX Channel Sunday, August 23, 2.-3- p.m. KXIV Channel 1 Richard Eyre i 4 j REPUBLICANGOVERNOR Paid for by Citiicnt (or Utah R.Eyre Chin : , ! |