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Show u Pane - 16 THK HKRALD. Provo. Utah. Thursday Januarv 22. 1987 Baker, Schultz reception on Friday Classified advertisements won't give greatest results for finding true love By RUSTY BROWN Classified ads, on the other hand, give lookers some control over the situation, enable them to define what they want and assure confidentiality through coded box numbers. An indication of their popularity among the country's approximately 30 million singles is the 300 ads a week in New York's Village Voice and the "Only Hearts" ads that run five days a week in the Chica- - I'm so glad I'm no longer a DWF looking for TLC from a DWM. Translated that means a Divorce White Female looking for Tender Loving Care from a Divorced White Male. This shorthand is used by some of today's singles to advertise tii em selves to each other in the classified ads of magazines and newspapers. They pay as much as $23 a line (New York magazine's rate i and average at least six lines to say things such as: "Beautiful tall social worker, 28, seeks evolved male. Please no polyesters o a or neanderthals. must." In the early 1970s, when I was woman divorced, no or man would dream of trumpeting their attributes and inviting responses from strangers. But a funny thing happened on the way to the '80s. Personals became de rigueur in looking for Mr. (or Ms.) Right. In short: Singles bars are out; classifieds are ads, "indicate a quivering sensibility or a rakish, humorous personality, perhaps with a naughty hint of life in the fast lane." Never mind what the authorities say. I just read the "Strictly Personals" in New York magazine and was appalled at the braggadocio and superficiality. Can you believe this? "Down-to-eart- h pilot, sensitive, clever, attractive, owns one pair "We all know the bar scene stinks. You stand there like a piece of meat. People who speak to you look around not paying attention. You go home, ask yourself, 'Why did I do this?' Then you take a Valium and yourself to sleep." cry in. After receiving 75 responses from an ad, one woman concluded: We all know the bar scene stinks. You stand there like a piece of meat. People put out cigarettes on your blouse. People who speak to you look around not paying attention. You go home, ask yourself, Why did 1 do this?' Then you take a Valium and cry yourself to sleep." go Tribune. The Washingtonian has several pages of personals every designer jeans, three pairs Levis, seeks exceptionally national magazine called "Intro," which specializes in topics of interest to singles, boasts 40 pages of classifieds per issue. In addition, there are at least three books with guidelines on how to write an ad about yourself. Authorities say the most successful week. "slim, tive,"' "sensitive," "smart," "handsome," "talented," "successful." And "fun-loving- ," one phrase always appears: "Photo please." Women advertisers, I noted, are equally conceited: "Smashing redhead savvy, sane, slim and fine sense of humor, with graceful, healthy outlook, early 40s, seeks attractive, bright, slender woman who likes small planes ... and heavy contact with gorgeous green eyes." I think that guy's an airhead! Here's another that gave me pause: "This Week's Special: A e offer, this being the first and last time I'm making myself A one-tim- And "Spicy, smashing widow seeks solvent, Jewish sportsman." This makes me wonder how I would have inventoried myself when I was on the singles scene. Would I have sent out photos and called myself "an intelligent, witty woman of substance"? Or would I have been honest, admitting that I'm often stubborn and cranky, have flabby thighs and a weakness for stray dogs? What if I had advertised for a tall, blond millionaire in good physical shape? Then I might never have met balding Bill, who sits up with me when I can't sleep, washes dishes and worries if I get home late. I have no quarrel with trying almost any new method ot meeting people. We all know that every DF and DM is faced with the problem. But, somehow, you can't advertise the spirit of love in a classified. that evening from graph at a time and make another assessment of that situation: Paragraph 1: She can't give her adversary instead of helpmate and partner. It would be the final straw, alienate him and derail that gravy train the avaricious wife has ridden so long. So, dear Ann, I say you goofed. That woman may find out what she in the divorce wants to know court and live miserably ever after. Thanks for letting me sound off. Florida Man Dear Florida: Let's start with Paragraph 4. You assume that just because a man is a lawyer his affairs are in order and legally correct. Wake up, Buttercup. There are plenty of lawyers out there whose affairs are in a mess. (Same story with physicians. Often their families get the worst medical care and the doctors themselves aren't in such great shape.) I say a woman has the right to know about the family's finances. If her husband refuses to tell her she is justified in suspecting something is amiss. My advice to "find out on your own" was good. I stand bv it. name and address because "There's enough trouble now." Paragraph 2: Here we find the cause of the trouble: They've been married 30 years and she has nagged him all the time about money. Paragraph 3: By her own admission she has everything she wants or needs. All she has to do is keep house and stop nagging him. Paragraph 4: He is a lawyer. According to paragraph 3, he is both prosperous and generous. Log- ic tells us that he knows what is needed to leave her financially secure in case he precedes her in death. The man's professional expertise would ensure that his estate would be in order and legally correct. He has told her not to pry into his financial affairs. You advised her to do just the opposite: "Seek advice from a banker or an lawyer." Surely that would cast her in the role of an Ann Landers out-of-to- 0 -- FABRICS i Bl 3ALc! ft J PRICES GOOD UNTIL SAT. JAN. 3 1ST lOOO's ON SALE! OF YARDS 45" MARKED DOWN FABRICS REDUCED DURING OUR AN ADDITIONAL 50 ct Her fiance graduated from ALREADY HAVE FROM 20 TO TO Y.CLOSE REDUCED 70o OFF THE THE 50? PRICE! ORIGINAL 45" BEEN 60" WIDE 60" TO WIDE REG. PRICE TO Booklet offers advice r MAKE IN AND A If you have trouble making a distinction you need Ann's book Keel's Champion Oxford TO 45" BEST SELECTION HAVE IN CLEARANCE NAME BRAND SHOES 228 E. 1300 S. PARKWAY CENTER. OREM OPEN: I WTZT?" 9:30-- M-S- 6 o MICC IITAU MCA (Official Preliminary to Miss USA and Miss Universe) AGES 17-2- 4 Judged on: Judges Interviews, Swim Suits, Evening gown competition j j. J4. )f Date. March 28, 1987 Place: Raddison Hotel, SLC . PRIZES VALUED AT OVER $3,000 Free Information: Send Name, address, city, lip, and call (602) age to: PO Box 8668, Mesa, Arizona 85204 or 827 0408. For Kids' o sf as s JWiSSlk OUR LARGE CLEARANCE CLEARANCE PRINTS, RED HEART QUILTER'S TEMPLATES TAILOR TOWN 1.99 PANEL 8.98 YARD FABRIC 45' 2.98 EA. 1.49 24.98 4.98 19.98 2.49 BOARDS THE PACKAGED EA. 89' RUG YARN FURS FOLDERS - NOW ORIG. ITEM REG. TO m 14.99 SMLluMffl MmWiL 'WmiSfy rWfi $MMk QUILTS AND CUTOUTS WE $19 RACK FOR THE ONE GIFT BABY AND JUVENILE YOU'LL FIND Reg. Navy White $s SELECTION OF FABRICS, PATTERNS AND NOTIONS! WIDE BROADCLOTH mm SEE OUR v 43" 111., 60611. o SPECIAL YOU LOVE FROM 49 EA. d, SALE BLENDS Y VALENTINE'S i&P COATS 99 REG. let, "Love or Sex and How to. Tell the Difference." Send a long, stamped envelope with your request and 50 cents to Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11995, Chicago, Don't flunk your chemistry test, advises Ann Landers. Love is more than one set of glands calling to another. VALENTINE'S FABRICS DUAL DUTY THREAD IN BLISTER PACKS POPULAR COLORS Craig Alan Schultz Synda Louise Baker 2.98 4.98 YD. LINE STOP QUALITY t v "S Springville High and LDS Seminary. He is attending Utah Technical College in Orem. He served an LDS mission in the Philippine-Manil- a mission. ' The couple will live in Provo where both are employed. RED OUT! FAMOUS ft WARM COTTON OR C0TTON-P0LGREAT FOR SHIRTS JACKETS & BLANKETS THESE QUALITY FABRICS ; FASHION BROKERS FLANNEL PLAIDS AND STRIPES ON SALE! HUGE CLEARANCE SALE! ft Hill The bride-elegraduated from Orem High and LDS Seminary. She is attending Brigham Young University. self-estee- IIP CLEARNACE H at the m. NOTIONS JANUARY ( 0 Dear Ann Landers: How does one cope with intense envy? My mother had it, especially toward her relatives. I hated that quality in her. And now I have it. Is it hereditary? Please tell me what to do, Ann. Sick of It is eating me up. Myself in Belleville Dear Sick: Envy is not a genetic disease, like sickle cell anemia, but attitudes can run in families. Daughters tend to imitate their mothers. People who are satisifed with their lives are not envious of others. What in your life makes you feel good about yourself? Are you generous, kind and giving? These qualities are rewarding and they generate 7-- 9 Springville Museum of Art. The event is open to all friends and relatives. Bridal attendants are Debra Baker, Koleen Whipple and Jodi Coon. Best men are Steven Schultz,. Rick Bertelsen and Mike Cronqu-is- t. Women have rights to financial knowledge Dear Ann Landers: I was disappointed by your advice to "Frustrated in Arizona.'' the lady whose husband chose not to disclose the details of his financial worth. Please reread her letter one para- - r fun-lovin- accomplished, attractive man." Bio-phot- ' available for a sensitive, attracg female." tive, slender, Certain words, by the way, are overworked in the ads: "attrac- Synda Louise Baker, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Reed S. Baker, Orem, will marry Craig Alan Schultz, son of Mr. and Mrs. Richard D. Schultz, Springville, Friday in the Jordan River Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-da- y Saints. A reception will honor the couple EA. 9.99 EA. 1.77 EA. 6.99 99 EA. EA. EA. EA. EA. EA. EA. tffilib. Mm itTOrl I I I Mm y I M u hi g,l 'frAYvNJ I The bet election of notion anywhere! ll iVpk Wf 'wM flVW5wrv f1JPw tVii IT I ; l' Hv fmucftWTMlA f jl ItXi Or Men. l IV i A Fri. Boys 000000 WINTER SWEATERS VALUES T0 $4ao-cherr Colle9e-Mslvy Garland and ' 9:30 Men' PHONE M0N-FR- 226-245- 5 10:00 to 9:00 SAT 10:00 to 6:00 PHONE CEEB 292 - 2202 UNIVERSITY MALL 5 PONT MALL OREM BOUNTIFUL J. nr 1 l 7. Sat. 10.6 A JLU Great plaid prin,s-Size- SM ,0 Xl- By Silver I f II V $7 B m j.,,- -. V JAUKUS Spur. 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