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Show Pize 32 - THE HERALD. Provo. t'Lah. 194 9. Sunday. September There's Nothing to Eat house especial: v when my were in mother or mother-in-lait They would wait until I had assumed my F lorence Henderson pose ol a loving mother and wife Then they would appear and whisper, "Grandma, thre s nothing to eat around here ... EVER'" It never ends The hrst letter you get from your child at college will have one theme starvation. "There's nothing to eat here. Please send food." (This, in spite By ERMA BOMBECK The baby manuals would have yua believe a child's first v orris are Ma Ma" and Da Da Don't you wish. The first word is "No." followed in two weeks by the first complete sentence. "There's nothing to eat." "There's nothing to eat'' is an expression older than dirt. It is possibly the greatest guilt line eer written. It'll play anywhere and is guaranteed to bring a mother to her knees begging forgiveness. That is why children have learned how to stage it. choreograph it and adapt it to whatever audience they are playing to. Perhaps the most familiar performance is the one staged hourly in front of the refrigerator door. A child will walk into the house, mechanically pull open both the doors to the freezer and refriger- ator and scream, "There's t 1 of Parents of Tvins Meet Chamber To Hear T Air..- - t m ,r. ''. . 7 '! p m a' .hf "74 Ciutfiou-- ; ir,r-rr- 1 jumped on their plate. "There's nothing to eat " is a g'eat line whenever a mother appears late from an afternoon where she has taken a little time for herself. She will find her children in a pathetic tableau huddled around a bare table with bloated stomachs, warming their hands over a candle, whining, "There's nothing to eat." My kids always played in the noth- ing to eat." To a child, nothing is considered edible that is frozen, packaged, wrapped in foil, needs to be heated, cooked, identified, or has not danced on television. Anything edible would have walked to the front of the refrigerator and . M.e l at V . w - ; Hr-.rc- . o:v.!r, L.n;!v i ii: i :rv-- ; Hu-r.'- the ar.J s -r nounced aiisw el Ms Hleh re- iK H-- .i Social on troups the Orern Provo in area The meeting is open to all of mothers and mothers-to-btwins. For any questions contact club president Kathy w e iud her h t ot pur-.,- j ai i Master . n I'tan at -- 11 Commu-Advocac- A r.it I r v tx rr.jr.agt-- !' - Her duties at Orern O'emmj-n;tH.xpital enta.l the Medical Social Services. Ass. stance, and Educa!;:r..l and Support Pro rams to individuals and ::! w t- Work d i ree ira.Vr court W is ot her (.1 to Parent I&rnut Aui.J ii." It will be an ir.nr-iiu- i setting with questions ana n Erma Bombeck B.i - j ui i in Development Coordinator tor Provo City. Location will be anThe Women's Division a. so T".Ji"--.tj- l li. t n M- i jir sreaKer ijur-- i i l. The Women's Division ot the Provo Chamber of Commerce will meet Thursday at r.uon to hear from M.ke Majewski. Economics the fact that the average r. w li r.f t "... .t- Majewski weight gain among college tresh-meis nine pounds a year, And for mothers who work outside the home, food bulletins are issued every 15 minutes via a telephone call. There s nothing to eat tor breakfast, nothing to pack tor lunches and nothing in sight for dinner. As for the woman who doesn't leave an assortment of snacks by the door, don't even -- : ( Young at 6 ports they made almost Syui) protit from their first "Trash to Treasures" sale held recently this summer. They wished to thank all those who donated items lt,r sale and time helping during the Sdle. The Division appointed Dawn Cowan and Merlynn Barrus to head a committee to look into the library situation in Provo. think of calling yourself "Mother.'' my son's apartment the other day, I opened the door to his refrigerator. There was nothing in it but a calcified egg roll and a box of cereal hiding out from the roaches. "There's noth- lIi IjlIjJj lIjJCO- - .jJGij-i- - In They also discussed how to help a place where visitors could safely walk at night without problems from some young people who "prowl" Center Street in the evening ing to eat." I said. He replied. "Eve been telling you that for wouldn't listen." ViiUll make downtown Provo years but you 0Mj!B The third item on the agenda was related to Academy Square j 9- - Do You Suffer From Dangling Participles'! By LISA JENNINGS Some questions cannot be answered with the help of reference - Do WASHINGTON (UPI) suffer from particiyou dangling ples? Are you baffled by whether to use "that" or "which"? Do you misspell words so badly that you don't even know where to start to look for them in the dictionary? Then help is a telephone call a away at manned hotline proby grammar fessors at New York's York College that offers advice on grammar, word usage and spelling. English Professor Joan Baum founded the program three years ago with Alan Cooper, English books. On the question of what courtesy title to use for vice presiden- tial candidate Geraldine Ferraro Baum Miss, Mrs. or Ms. said she encourages the use of CM10ES ingly shocking questions. She finally was told she could be arrested for making obscene calls. At Kiddie Kandids You Choose The The hotline is open Monday through Thursday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. EDT. Collect calls are not accepted. Package 'A' Ferraro's own pitch is strongly to a woman's constituency for whom the Ms. has become very important," she "Ms. department chairman. "We are all crazy people," Baum said of the educators who volunteer one to four hours a week during the school year for the hotline. "What's in it for us is an education." The York College volunteers receive two to three telephone questions a minute from a room stocked with more than 70 grammar books and style manuals. Baum said the hotline has received calls from secretaries who disagree with their bosses, reporters, lawyers, screen writers even people playing games. "It's amazing hew many people play 'Scrabble' on the job," she said. Because there are rarely absolute answers in grammar, Baum said they can sometimes only give preferred answers to questions. "Our service provides answers when it can. When it can't, it provides alternatives, reasoning and information," she said. No reference book is favored over another. The correctness of the answer may depend on the audience. "It's a matter of tone and rhetorical context," she said. There are basically two types of people: prescriptive, those who adhere to more conservative rules and avoid jargon, and descriptive, those who tend to accept jargon that is technically wrong but widely used. widow. Hakim reassured her it is proper to continue using her husband's first name in most cases. Baum recalled a young girl who called and asked "What is sex?" Hakim gave the Websters unabridged definition but the girl kept calling back, asking increas Sizes And You Want SPECIAL MONEY SAVING PACKAGES Ms. said. The hotline has gotten calls from as far away as Great Britain and Nova Scotia. "People mostly call anonymously," she said. "That way they don't have to feel stupid." Baum said her staff is sometimes wrong and sometimes callers disagree. One physicist called to ask if there was a word, "redder," meaning, "more red." The word "redder" is listed in Webster's Unabridged Dictionary as "a comparitive of red," Baum said. But the physicist argued that it was impossible for a red to be more red, so the word should not exist. Eleanor Hakim, a writer and York teacher on the part-tim- e Rewrite staff, said the most popular question is almost always whether the period goes within a except in quote or not. It does England. "One woman won a $100 bet with her husband on that one," she said. Hakim aiso told of a widow who called, distraught because a friend had told her it was improper to use her dead husband's first name. "Forget him. He's dead," the friend had told the Poses B' Package Package 28.10 8il0 'C Pockaqe 'D' 4s,7 3- -5i7 5!7 all.t. 8 Wolletl depoul ot $7 95 it required at time ot jitling more tor groups. 5lightly Crioose from individuot picture or packages A YOUR CHOICE M3 95 ONLY ' Greater Money Saving Values Natural Color Choose From Up Professional Quality Guaranteed 'j WAV 5 Days We Want People Interesting people make 373-505- Orem Salt Lake & Ogden REGISTER YOUR CHILDREN OUR BIRTHDAY CLUB. 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