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Show Page 26 - THE HERALD. Prove, Ut-- h, Sunday, Probe- - , 1982 Liberated Male . n it Sa i 1 A. I. i , I'M'- - '! i ' Most of the Time We Are Extras 'n Ofier People's Soap Operas By JIM SANDERSON Don't take it so Personally The therapy group listened quietly as a young person named "Jennifer" began her story. She was in fact a male, just beginprocess which ning a two-yemight lead to a sex change. She had not yet had any surgery. It was a chronicle of horrors, of a mother who felt so wronged by men that she tortured and humiliated her little boy and, in the end, convinced him that he should have been born a girl. She was dead now, but the message lived on. The doctor let "Jennifer" weep for a few moments, then said: "We recognize that your pain is very real, Jennifer, and there is something we each can learn from your experience. Whatever you went through wasn't personal. It certainly feels that way to you, but your mother would have done the exact same thing to any boy baby. It just happened to be you." There was a grasp of recognition from "Jennifer," and then a murmuring swept the group as each person adapted that message to his or her own life. Bad things may happen to us, :, ar ... but that doesn't necessarily mean that we are bad. Or wrong. Or inadequate. The world is full of troubled people, but they own their own trouble. Whenever they attempt to imlict it upon us we have to ask ourselves: is this really for me, or could anybody else fill my shoes just as well? It doesn't have to be a relationship like "Jennifer s'' before we ask this question. Stewart Emery says in his book "Actualizations." "Most of the time in life we are no more than extras in other people's soap operas." Often they are so busy acting out their own scripts that they perceive us only as shadowy figures needed to feed them their cues. Usually we see ourselves as the sun in our little universe, with everyone revolving around us. When someone speaks to us we are sure they are dealing with our life, not theirs. But, the man in the car behind me who honks his horn impatiently as the light changes: is he necessarily talking to me? The harried salesgirl who rudely brushes off my question: is she deliberately putting me down? The friend who shows up an hour late without an explanation: is it because he holds me in Probably not. How much eas- ier our casual relationships with others flow when we ask ourselves the question: is this message truly for me? Do I have to defend myself? But especially with those closest to us we have to learn to "disengage," Emery says. To stop taking everything so person- ally. "We can't really touch their essence and have them touch ours until we start listening to what they say in terms of how it affects them." We think of listening as passive, but it should be one of the most active things we do. Most of us listen with a tin ear while we try to formulate our own outflow. After all, aren't we the sun? Isn't what we have to say more important? It never is, until we have listened so well that we know not only the literal content of the words coming at us, but the meaning and feeling behind them. And whether or not they are being read from a script. Jim Sanderson welcomes comments from readers; please enclose a stamped, envelope if you wish a reply. Write him in care of this newspaper. (c) 1982 Sun Features Inc. Tricks Treats For Halloween Tim mil I ll mil nil .11 Halloween was a holiday of treats for 2000 years or so before tricks came onto the scene. The "treat" custom originated with the ancient Druids in Britain and Ireland who celebrated the New Year on Oct. 31 by offering crops to their God. . The "trick"custom evolved from the Irish belief that supernatural beings played tricks during Halloween and this was copied by children. Today's custom of giving snacks o children began during the 1920s, t is estimated that Americans will spend $600 million on Halloween candy this year. The use of apples and nuts is associated with the idea of the harvest. Besides dunking for apples, there is the custom of plain and candied apples for snacks and apple cider for drinks. mI il Phil Shurtleff Photo r Halloween Version of 'Jack and the Beanstalk' It will be a happy Halloween for Ryan Day, 7. The pumpkin seeds that he carelessly threw out in the spring took hold in the earth of his neighbor and good friend, Tom Reese. From a tiny seed, a large pumpkin sprung up weighing about 80 to 100 lbs., more than Ryan does now with a diameter of 61 inches. Ryan is a son of Vickie Day and the late Gerald Day. He is also of Dwight Eslick. the step-so- n Take Some Precautions JS a For a Safe Halloween Simple safety precautions, such as being sure a child's mask does not obscure vision and making sure d cloththe child wears can at ing help make this night, Halloween safe as well as fun for the family Guidelines to ensure "trick or treat" safety include: To prevent tripping, make sure your children's costumes are not too long and have no dangling strings. Check eye openings in all masks. If eye openings are not big enough, be sure to enlarge them with a pair of scissors. Remember, too, makeup is usually safer than a mask. The key is not to block vision. Don't permit children to handle candles or get near flames of any kind. Light pumpkins with lanterns or electric bulbs if possible. All children should carry a flashlight at night. Also, make sure they don't carry any sharp objects, since they could cause injury in a fall. If you can't dress your d children in costumes to protect them from night-tim- e hazards, attach reflector tape to visible parts of their clothing. You may also want to attach reflector tape to both sides of their bag for additional protection. Leave your porchs or any other outside lights on all evening. Before sundown, walk the yard to make sure your children's toys are not left on steps or porches or anywhere someone could trip over them. Clearly identify or mark fences, guidewires and the like to avoid a nasty fall. Make sure your neighborhood is continuously supervised. Take turns with other parents keeping an eye on the block. Also, give your children a list of names and 3j o known by the children. Teach children pedestrian safety rules, such as looking in all 4 i i III II NOW $95.00 SAVE '65P0 Coll 224-94- 04 TO 12 INCHES IN 1 You'll never know until you try c2v- - FALL SIAKIb ihurt. 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Corduroy SI DErilffi - u I Tricot juvenile " Gathered Eyelet Lace 45" Bi.k . yd; Flat Folds 77 yd. 3 DAYS SPECIALS io PRINTS FLORALS & flU 29 1 HALLOWEEN BRUSHED NYLON enrolls the original, exclusive a erne that really works. ' ,1 f BRUSHED NYLON On yd. ,49..1"yd. 08" Seen l3 STRIPES yj Collars - 66e each 1 5 0Ork Urr FALL S As SHAPE-U- P yd. ffO KNITS Show! NOW 10 WEEK -- NUTRITION IN ACTION CLASS VALUE Super Selection Compare at 7.98 yd. to 9.98 yd. Now for fall. REGISTER A REGULAR 5)98 Create your dynamic image! IV STRIPES SOLIDS Phil Donahue 1 0 Den RSvr Burlington Behind Wolfe's 1 9:30-6:0Mini-Ma- ll COTTON VEL0UR 357 East 1300 South, Orem LOSE 1 CIoimi includti 20 Hours of Initruclion, Nulrwrrt Dficitncy Tit, W.ight Anolytii and o Dirt Analym. 9:30-9:3- 0 Beginners and Advanced Register Now! directions before crossing, walking on sidewalks and not on streets, and watching out for cars getting out of driveways. JMwtL 8 Mon.-Sa- t. Grand Central Shopping Center Smocking Soft Sculptured Dolls Candle Wicking light-colore- NUTRITIONAL ANALYSIS CENTER Mon.-Sa- t. 375-481- IS OFFERING CLASSES IN: fruit, cookies, popcorn balls or other homemade treats are given, make sure they are from homes fKJtjf Pvo, 3 Lady to homes where you don't know the occupants. Take precautions with what your children eat. Wrapped treats should be inspected to make sure they have not been tampered with. Unwrapped treats are suspect. If r 250 W. Center E. JOGGING SUIT FLEECE addresses where they can safely trick or treat, and discourage visits light-colore- Orem, 225-312- The FW 2 1300 S. 374 w 12 oi. per yd. riM on U . yd' |
