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Show t PAGE -- I THE HERALD ' Published by (he Herald Corporation, E. C. Rodgers, president, at South First Wist StProvp, Utah, daily. Entered as second-clas- s matter at the postoffice in Provo, Utah, Member of the United Press Association, NEA Service, Paine Editorial Service, and the Jamea O. Scrlpps Newspapers Telephones Business office, 455;' Society reporter, 107; Editorial If you do not receive your paper before 6 p. m. telephone 495 and a copy will be delivered tc your residence. room, 494. i 1; - 7 - J i) I OWiV OME) WEFT AMO t ' WAO E. HAD tO , l. . AMORNMWEMEMStR I Jz-- 1 ' I am moved to this lyric outburst because for a month now wife and daughter hove been hounding me to get a haircut; In the hills I let my locks run at large, and my whiskers grow until they irritate me; every man wouldt like to do that men like to sort of thing; if yeu ladies Imagine-thashave twice a day. yeu have us all wrong; Jthe shaggiest, moat unkempt, fellows I knoTit are. bankers and I doctors .and preachers on fishing trip. ,lv ,. i For eighteen years the wife has been constantly heckling' me over getting my hair cut, and my neck shaved, and now daughter has reached the criticizing age, and she la going to nave her dad a suave sheik thl enlp- - of or die squawking) you know--whdaughter of mine had the gall to tell me to do? She said I. must quit having my neck shaved round, and must iet my hair gradually ran" down under my shirt; my neck continues to get shaved around an4 around; a feller has' gotta show some authority BILLY around the house.' ' " Do you suppose I can buy me a red necktie? Guess again, brother, a as the heart pant-et- h red necktie hanker for I guess again; just naturally I will wear for a salt lick, but unless I desire to start paying alimony N.r no crimson ties. ,7 ... ' 'y My notion of being dressed up is to get a nice coarse Scotch, tweed mixed Scarlet among its heather suit, with some green and yellow and and bracken; surmount this with a brown derby; put on a pair of light tan brogana, with fancy stitchings; si crimson Scarf and green silk box; that is a natty combination, I hold; hold everything; what do I 'wear? I, wear a suit of modest bankers' brown, a gray fedora, dark brown shoes,-sto match, gray tie, and have a nice brown hanky tucked in the upper ' coat pocket; which same pocket was made to carry a pipe and nothing-els- e, ': or I miss my guess. ; . The wife even puts my fishing hirt in the wash; vision that, now. at ' am, ' p a. T -- OAimb-They . -- , ghgimg-tcrdispja- - ' t- - bt ' : ( . blackbirds are scolding and ckaitcrinr.anl making plans fnrlcryng. 10 lei ,. U; J uoougaies tv,. . . v me Lnm l lit ". f cai , n Ui.J liic vitraL Licii auuiiL .TV, miun.., II imni miu pem-u: ana, mat s an i emotion u tnev Know ine summer continues tnousancis oi mites awav r i thr i rn r neverj T'ieuir vou, iujoliis are nere dui 11ine ena oi summer t in But what -annoys' uS la has. left. them sing spring songs only. The the idea that always blocs of women great be-acres f goWen rod glow with color, and the trees are 1 are weepers and other great blocs ' of them, are laughers ; fall fashions. nd that all women ate differ are Jate good smells, grapes, peaches, ent from all men and have differ Everywhere there ripo tipples and even the brown earth turned up by plows. ent emotlon8-a- n4 think dif ferently In countless farm houses, canning is in progress and the and so forth Which Is all poppycock and shelves in, miles of cellars soon will be laden with peaches, Just another humaH; Illusion like plums, poars and spiced delights that we knew when we were the Illusion that; Charlie Chaplin Is a great artist or the Prince of . Sartorial Serfdom not, (Hill Billy1 views, in his dally stories, e his. own. They do necesbarily, coincide with hose of this newspaper. EDITOR.) , By HILLBILLY. ' Nbw I know a fellow1, by heck, I " Who won't shave the back of his neck; "s I f He says: "What I can't see 1, Does not bother me, u so why shove the back of my neck?" but anyway eomje of the- writers said that women, would sooner cry than laugh and other said that Subscription terms By carrier In; the county, 43 cents the month; $5.00 the year in advance; by mall in the county, $4.50; outside they'd sooner laugh than cry but the old query Is like so ,;. .,,'.. r: i' county, $500. many questions it can't be . an swered In a general way N. Gunnar Rasrousori, editor and manager; R.,W. Goodell, managing, . anyjhora than you can "explain editor; N. C. liicks, county edjtar;, J. A. Owens, advertising "manager, why girls shut -their eyes when they're kissed October ' The cleverest answer to that last Letter from an" oJJ boy back East to an qld "boy question we ever heard was ' V Because she's thinking' of her V- out. .West ,, , V sweetheart far, fai;'away!'r!, which seems a terribly trifling Aatos roax by and.the white crosses tfiultjply along the inougnc to occupy space in sucn column as this highways,, , Men flying vp in the blue, pay droning tribute learned to invention, and so - we talk about a change. October sun stuff:but about thkf" 'laugJtwr-cr- y shine ei goiueri, just as it has been in all the Octobers tne as a matter of fact there's no world has known,; Over in Uxe pasture thousands of young difference between lauehinir and ' i KJ HlfKr ' SECTION JWQ . By Williams r :c-- - vC ' MAKE We' have been reading an argu.about 1'. whether woroeji would "sooner laugh' than' cry and It's our personal opinion that they would rather do both if they could '', accomplish the feat , ment U Mf 'J JLM By Jim Marshall ' "proVO EVENING HERALD THURSDAY, OCTOBER 18, 1928. OUT OUR WAY THE OBSERVER 50 i . I V " ) TIP OF TONGUE This Date in Oiir American History . John Redfieid: "The "onlyTaste we. have not acquired Js the taste for milk." : "" " '' "7 OCTOBER 18 DeSoto fought . Indians - r southern Alabama. , 1540 in S. Parkes Cadman:,-J'A-Dr. 1631 Massachusetts limited sufIt is Saturday. There is no school. A quartet of adven Women cry more than aienr-n- ot promiscuous kissing, what decent to resemble a piece of frage to church members. turers are working their way through the tangle of tinder- - because they're women but wants girl two wore The Prince of Wales for centuries men have posed tried .for licked by all kinds and 1838 Roger Williams rock PRO0-CATIONsalt, "bTilsh. which fringes the Big Marsh. Taey have- just-knledother S hats while playing gdlf the .. as big, strong fellows who can con hersy. of cattle?" conditions j -' passing ofwho down answers Uol their emotions a snake with the assistance 1963 Con. Grant assumes oharga- day, a soTTTelCTbfTWalklng friendly dog the fairways and asUff-brimme- d of western armies. and have told women that worn- to the name of Sport and wags its tail until one would think o chapeau for making shots. Wo- . Harry Langdon, screen comedian: 1892 New telejilioM have had a good ? ft. Jirejlweakfit yes selt itndre that the. appendage would wear out nderIf -- he- puts on to medicine - service begun. ,,T to demonstrate that weak- euppemd -That canoe may be tippy W,D (Copyright, 1928) unifrom when he comes to the wa- show is my early record.? My fathS R6m by breaRIngoutlnld loud obi Howdy, folks! Ilewlngs, will ter holes? Toimg Rufus forgot, , to its home under the roots of the giant elm. Also they have frequently " DIAGONAL STRIPES '. er decided on paint, and I decided never come? THo'U remember Best time payday on the show. Father travn ma n es men while in. the abandoned orchard and have stand by crown of an looted the apple-treThe d merely The craft is npsot! Edwin W. Ely Is head of the with iron-Jaand set lips Tf usbrush, but I'd disappear. He black hatters' plush hat la swathed found the fruit to their, liking. " the vision of of to practice simplified knew where find me, for I would in a . V' d ing to shed a tear The surest sign that you have made ot Is a guy who can United States Rureau of Stunrd An The world is theirs. The sky is blue.They have pene- be carrying a banner for a medi- grosgrain and satin piece this is supposed to show that benefited by your vaeatton-- is your Joined ribbon, " could ; he You'd Commerce." when remember of buy : Department cine show or trated the wilds unafraid. They carry apears with the points men 'are largo, brave animals and ability to eat ham hocks and cab-Sathings around to make diagonal stripes. It it for 10 cents to think the division would take a to a companyhanding enough dog meat women of are that blackface frail thine3 poor, a like In tied, kerchief for breakfast. an and ancient shotgun. They would hardened in the fire, front, with-th- e ' last two days. day off and simplify that title. .: v without any emotional control short ehds flaring; -wish and bears without hesitation. . a that They " fight dragon We'd rather be an acrobat ' - The name of the new president The melancholy days are come, s catamounts still roamed the woodsy . ; On the other hand men have al1 Than anything on earth - y N is of the of Mexico. The Fortes "Kmilio saddest Gil, year,' considered themselves sole Especially when we're dressing The crickets and grass-hoppe- rs sing mildly. The cold, ways; ' man no Ice is Here's true more, TIs the pronounced "heel" hoping custodians of the huTnaff' sense of 1 In an upper Pullman berth! ' But, gosh! the coaf man's here! the new president never has to take clear nights are slaying them m millions. humor and so they burst forth Into It runs on and on and all that man can do with his inventive laughter at every opportunity Horticultural Note: The plant - Art Shannon. to. his Gils. -- woman has always been told that wiU engage the most attention genius has not stayed the Great Plan Several gentlemen of our ac' she's' a poor dolt who can't see a among householders . the .. . X X X X X who had been planning Joke-anquaintance d so after about a doien next six months will be during the heating In1 You ' FiinLLb,U8lness tr1ps t0 st Louis and They swing over by the woodlot and appraise the chestnut centuries she has come to believe plant., their minds t. t changed is 3C afrail to laugh fc . and hickory trees. The blight has spared a few chestnuts, On at the last minute and went to -LISTEN: Some AND, women so to and come when the adventurers plan forays CAMPUS ASTIK WITH r may like to holes in his New York and St Louis instead. and some may , Hubby found som you want frost has done its work. They know the country as you know Mke to cry laugh MADCAP YOUTH! but it's our opinion "You haven't mended stockings. Boston A popunewspaper citing the palm. of your hand. They can take you to the crchard that all them would rather eat thpse?" he said to his wife. : u "Did you buy that coat you prom-- j lation figures of 799,200. claims where thando either Rollicking Collegians Return to f where the late apples are sweetest. Theyxairshow-yoS i ftghth place among the cities of the ' .1: asked. she lsed me?" Classic ; HaUr United-State- s. . the sassafras bushes grow and the hillside where young A.. Substantiation of "N no." I by 4he C wMergre ejisiarela he iound in may and theurred bernerm ?Well, If you don't give a wrap, Boston Red Sox. : the late fall. ive a darn. I don If you are warlike, they wiu build you a bow We Them -- Montreal Star. out of dry elm, and there are 10,000 cattail arrows bristling When Lofs wifourned into a Nature has provided that fish, r in the marsh. pillar of salt, she probably was ,Yoif want They know where the rabbits are most plenti-- l because of their many enemies, f driving on the wrong side of the CERTV8 CHOICE ful and the home of musquash. They are friendly. If you shall be among the greatest repro- Hiiiicient street 'IgTV V!llfel riSJ "I am going to marry Getry would join the band, you have only to forget your years. . ducers In existence. A nine-Inc- h and I don't know what she WlU'.&Z$a Quick i Now they are climbing the hill, crawling under a rail spawning brook trout will deposit I f :A 5 '.lTi'iHa . sees in me." 3,000 eggs at one time and a 1 f ence ma loves her she told an3then with a whoop, they race toward a weather about she "Well, twelve-Inc- h smelt more than 40,000. pet dog becKwse it is so homely it Sour, Stomach f beaten building which was there when my grandfather was a fascinates her." "For some time I used soda .for I boy. It is the old cider mill, and as life is lived in the country, Tns fish and game bureau of Cali. WE GIVE I Youngstown Telegram.' gas and sourness. Then I tried VAJ 'JT J f boys are welcome and there is no charge for a skinful of nec-- fornia has established a "duck ho- Eii.ni .i?C&i-J- : find than Adlerika better it far and at Buena Vista, lake.. Ducks - The above tar. The air i3 heavy with the odor of crushed apples, and spital " The Cleanest place in Towa " 1 soda." Ed McNeill photograph, "t7 UP TO AUNTIE and made sick by drinking by Staff Artist I Oscar Gastritis, ..I Adlerika relieves stomach gas the ancient citizen who is pouring fruit into the press grins alkaligeese, l f S ;l I t'V.LVy "Have a cigarette, auntie?" water, were taken to the shows 1 of gay young blades "What! Smoke a and sourness in TEN minutes. ActLi and remarks j "Help yourselves ; the barrels over by the fence "hospital." where pons had ' been and a groupmisses NS cigarette! Why Y. U. the oa - BOTH upper and lower B, on madcap ' ' ing ;' constructed and where they were rather kiss the first man that T V are riper." The couple In the fore I'd .7 old campus. .removes matter it waste bowel, food and fresh water. Among along!" are planning many Jolly comes would Straws for the gentlemen. Even a musketeer in the given I. But have a clgaret- - you never thought .Was in your sys "So ine along birds were some that had ground and croklnole, ramesof tem. Let Adlerika give your stomcroquet t not sacriiice his dignity when he bellies been crippled by shooting, and while King's Guards does while Ite waiting." you're Corner Fourth IjVest and Center S the other couple are deep fat ach and bowels a REAL cleansing down on a bnrrel and sucks and sucks with a musical jingle. many of these recovered, also, and a discutwlon Panther. Pitt of the Varsity bean bag see how and much better feci you I ainTt were able to take to wing. In this team. Heigh-ho- ! A gasp for breath and a voice is heard: "Jirnroi-ne- e times what It will 'surprise manner, a great many birds are are ahead, to be suit!'.merry , Co. Adv. it THE DATE FIXED Drug ,:' just good!" Baved which would otherwise die Photo by H. R. Merrill. "When was the frost last first is school there Illness of or be devoured MIt Saturdayand today. Isjio -by prowl 'K. fr !;iV-''- ing animals generally the fate of We don't care which party wins yearf -' .. Ll Yrslloppyr"September the eighth." . . Injured "Ones. v; the election, just so It puts a pro "Are you sure?"" hibitive tariff on patented pencil "Positive. That was the date of Free Birds snarpeners. my wife's, reception." Chicago News. drlaahloncd-glrll- o Is Esther McDame; 1 7 FLYING CLOUD ' She stUI likes to'" wine-crai i The Interest In the Byrd and Wilkins "What's yonr name? Padding. Shop 4)1 Antarctic Expaditlon has prompted tame, ask me again and I'U rv r. tell yon the same !" a lot of speculation and inquiry Prof. Diggendelve, who knows lenities--ap- t abourthrfhttng-dif- f : neaTjreVcrytfttHgrsttyr append iclt is be incountered. by these, intrepid HONORED BY THE POISON ' was known in Egypt thousands of airmen. For one thing, many peo CLUB .'' ; " K years'Tago, altho people look upon ple re airaw that an airplane will M It as modern luxury.' not fly well in intense cold and asHermann. who was Herman was 'Hardtack Hemmandhaw, sume assume the fliers that 1 grave ) onanimously eiee-te- d writing a son with the title, "I risk from, this causa, ajooe. ; .' to '. memop(i-shi- p Wish I Was In Florida," has deIf cold was the pnly thing Bj-rtn the rolson cided to change it for' something and WHine hmi to worry about ' ' Ivy Cluhi: last jnore convincing. $ they'd consider their trips already are Chinese Mr. Hardcompelled by girls night successful. If anything, cold helps ": "s '; i f tack Is JLh& rcnial law to have their hair bobbed. That the aviator. By a famUiar prlnct,-pl- e r would be a great way to bring kamotlit who back of physics, cold makes the air Plants riant aim. long "hair In this country. heavier and better able to support flower in his NEXT! window a loaded plane. .Cold also decreases box while his neighbor Is on his the danger of storm, clouds or fog . o & filer's worst enemies. It's usual vacation. : How-t-calm and when clear it's intense ly c Pr' 1$ The danger from cold ' Lft Gee Gee'saVs the fellow who 1 lx Veins comas after a forced landing. So thinks ha is the "whole cheese" . long as Byrd and WHkmscan re- turns out to be a piece of Rub Gently and Upward Toward aain aloft they'll not worry-abo- ut UM the Heart As Blood In Veins the temperature about them. ' , ' I That .Flow Way Another to good suiway commit ' ' ? ? cide is to turn a corner at "high r"4' We repeat: J7bere is Np Substitute Many people have become des I speed when there is no comer Room have because been led pondent they 1 for Experience li:. rto believe that there is no rtmedy j that will reduce swollen veins jind ' A tramp knocked at our door GETTING UP NIGHTS IS , t tf 4 i H b inches. t yesterday," said a smoker, grin- - NATURPS nftWrSFR ClflMAI will get a If orig ning at the recollection, "and asked Jos. F. Roedefeid. R30. Baden Sta--, inal you bottle of Moone's Emerald Oil my wux who. answered the knock: t 14mi, Me. first-clas- s 'Ma'am, I wonder if I could cut Says, I will tell or write about mv (fuU strength) at any drug store and apply it night and sr you grass for. my breakfast?' relief complete with Lithiated morning as directed you will quick ' said the "Sure,' 'I'U send t -V frau, Buehu(Keller Formula). How I ly notice an improvement .which , out salt and penner for it. rlpht was relieved of getting up nights wilt continue until the veins and stway." and the terrible burning. Noticed bunches are reduced to normal.' a change in 3 days." It acts on Moones Emerald Oil bladder as epsom salts do on bow- less, yet most powerful is a harm i germicide els. Delves out foreign VfHOOPINGCOuGH deposits and and Jwo Ounces last a very long lessens excessive retime. " ao ' Indeed, acidltyrThls powerful" is Emer but helps to n. i, I i duce paraxyms vt coughing. lieves the Irritation that causes get- ald Oil that old chronic sores and ting up. night. The tablets cost ulcers are often entirely healed and 2c each, Doi i May an4 Wallace McDonald, screen stars, have decided to call it "atrilrugroreeT KelTer" anyone who is disappointed with Laboratory, Mechanicsburg, Ohio.-o- r its-u- se can have their money rea divorce and. start, over. ..Misa May is now Miss Helen McDonald in Schramm-Johnsofunded. locally at Schramm-Johnso- n puvate uxe. W IT HiJlmm Jm Um4 Drug. ;dvJ Drugs,V -- Adv. X , X X X ' Wales is a bum horseman X ' ' ; ' BARBS ce or : TJ: York-Chicag- ral'a """v" V-- TT . uneven-brimme- ws three-cornere- old-tim- er . ge min-strels- .''. ' " HliZJJIllilUD i,' . . ' Drive Before Drive , Fnmilv aillllj FirpiHp lt-r- th-fir- -- - ' st ::: GOOD o . ; i v I i YV&f-- lygjEi lvkPT' y il TIRES Sell theclaira--i9-raplyyprvide- - , Gld-dlg- ad t'aJ ' . ! SERVICE Better Than Soda for Gassy Accurate - IT K V ; In : : ; - youl.-Hadq- . A- As the Again SCIENCE employing the most thods progressive m( r. of 'refining, an marketni(T Bobber ck I t.y-IVY A ill d - .v---S- or rair deaimg 7 i Conoco Has mainlainedT its . t, ly-co- Reduce Varicose ld. fV? 1 t 4 it i In Smoking - VC'- " ' &tve6 m: ''.-'- ,- THE u J MOTORFUEL " -- 1 v;. V Vapo Rub V cilil . two-oun- W - ' " -- uiat n Co,-';.- pStartin 0 Acceleration 3Powerand Mileage |