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Show Jrhmily Waclcly April 28, 1963 fl ' .A'.' -- " r"1 Hope waves to imaginary welcome party as he steps from Russian jet (right) at Moscow airport. Deadpan (below), he tries on fur hat at GUM department store. ' I v Sii ' , - 'A ""j :: 1 f - . ' .! won't keep you in suspense. We had I a it very successful trip to Russia. We made back. i vX We found only two kinds of hotels in Russia. The prerevolutionary type like the National, and the new hotels, which look exactly like the National. We were assigned to the Ukraine Hotel, which was an exception to the rule. We were amazed at how modern it was. The Ukraine was completed in 1957 and looked like a Japanese copy of the Waldorf rtoria. The first five floors re lobby, which may very 9 well have been elegantly furnished. Ill never know. The entire time we were there, most of the furniture was covered by sheets. The people's upholstery is not to be abused. Not even by the people. When it comes to crowding, the Moscow elevators begin where the New York subways leave off. The elevators belong to the people, and they all try to use the same one at the same time. In the d trips I made up and down, I don't think my feet ever did touch the floor. It was my -- i r 1 20-in- ch . 1 ding, Kru!" On leaving the room, n 1 get more from a motel on Highway 66. lly room was one of the more lavish ; it had a piano, singularly out of tune. K also had a television set, which was largely, responsible for a joke that was widely quoted. After I finished unpacking; we played the popular Russian tourist game, ."Search for the hidden microphone.'8. The tv set with all its wires was a very suspect place, and we searched it thoroughly without finding anything. Back in the States, a reporter asked if they had television in Russia, and without thinking I replied, "Yes. But it watches you." That brings us to a question that I've been Were we spied on? asked many, many times. Were our rooms bugged ?p Were we tailed ? Truthfully, I don't know. After all the stories you're told and have heard, you expect to be. Whenever I entered my room, I'd pound on the wall and yell, "Testing! Testing! One! Two! Three Am I coming in loud and clear ?" And whenever we were discussing anything that might in any way be misinterpreted, one of us would look up at the ventilator and holler, "Only kid- J 30-od- Always the entertainer, "Bob performs before U. S. Embassy personnel in Moscow. first intimate contact with the Russian people. And this much I learned: garlic outsells Arpege. In trying to describe my suite, I find it difficult to be fair. To a visiting fireman from Pinsk, it might seem rather luxurious, but the average American would expect something more from a big new hotel in the capital city. He'd expect and I'd sign off by facing the wall and shout, "That concludes our broadr cast for this afteraoonrWeiiowpresentnrinter' lude of organ music Be sure and catch tje late, late show, same time, same room." Actually we were half --joking when we did this, but it was a joke only because there was a possibility that the Big Bear was listening. We were told that the entire 13th floor of the and monitorhotel was loaded with ing equipment We had no way of knowing whether this was true or not Stairway doors were locked,' and the elevators had no button for the 13th floor, which is pretty suspicious. On the other hand, neither does the Beverly Hilton, which leads to an obvious conclusion : either the Russians are superstitious, or Conrad Hilton has a mighty interesting record collection. tape-recordi- ng W'Ex knew that all the interpreters were representatives of the government and presumably high in favor. Naturally, we expected some hard-cor- e zealot who would drown us in a sea orprbpa She was a shy, quiet girl, proud of her country and her jobl I don't know whether it was government policy or Larissa's natural reticence, but she showed absolutely no curiosity about the United States. She did ask where we were from, and when we told her California, she said, "I understand the weather is lovely there." Which proves that the Here's what happened when this irrepressible comedian visited the Family Weekly, April 2S, ISSS |