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Show DAILY Sunday, July 20, 2008 HERALD C3 TODAY IN HISTORY OWYBONE Go ahead, panic who drove to Idaho from Minnesota in a large rental RV capable of traveling as far as 11 feet on a single gallon of gasoline. Ron brought his column was originally lished Sept. 21, 2003. Every pub- so often, I head Valley, Idaho, have friends there, and because Idaho contains large quantities of nature. The problem is that my friends are never content to sit around with a cool beverage and look at the nature from a safe distance, as nature intended. No, my friends want to go out and interact with the nature in some kind of potentially fatal way. Frenzied suicidal outdoor interactivity is big in the Sun Valley area. Everybody you see is wearing a helmet and those really tight shorts that outdoorsy people wear to" ensure that their personal characteristics are visible from Mars. There is no outdoor activity too hazardous for these people: They climb sheer cliffs barehanded; they ride bicycles down steep ski slopes; they leap off mountainsides and soar hundreds of feet in the air suspended from what appears to be a cafe awning. I suspect that sometimes, having run out of other dangerous things to do, they go out into the forest and run headfirst into 1 Dave Barry ity. One time, my friend Ridley talked me into climbing way up an absurdly dangerous tree, a tree that was surrounded by family and his small dog, Leo. "Never travel without a small dog" is an old frontier saying, and Leo showed why in the town of Arco, Idaho. They had stopped to (surprise!) get gas, and everybody got out except Leo, who remained inside the RV to perform the vital canine function of jumping up and down and yipping at everybody to come back. While doing this, Leo managed to press the button that locks all the doors, leaving Ron and family locked out without the keys. Good boy! Anyway, when Ron and I got to the Salmon River, our guide, Lloyd, had us put on Spiwetsuits and life der Man-styl- e jackets and helmets. We were feeling manly and outdoorsy until Lloyd pointed out, quietly, that our helmets were on back- middle of an inspector's visit, he came upon a live snapping turtle in the restaurant's main sink. Said the inspector, "I had to sit down and gather myself before I could speak." The manager said he had seen the turtle outside and had brought it in for safety: "It was wrong that we put it in the sink." I Oops! (1) A June accident with nitric acid at the Albion Chemicals plant in Belfast, Iran's leaders and quote Quran, the country's multitudes of young adults are embracing New Age as exemplified by the best selling books and sold-ose'hiinars of motivational guru Alireza Azmandian, according to a June Wall Street Journal dispatch from Tehran. Though young adults in Turkey and Egypt have stepped up their religious fervor, that is not so in Iran. Said a aerospace engineer: "Religion doesn't offer me answers anymore," but "Azmandian's seminar changed my life." The Oprah Winfrey touted book "The Secret" is in its 10th printing in Farsi; yoga and meditation are big; and advertising abounds on the virtues of feng shui and financial management. While self-hel- -- Northern Ireland, caused the release of an ominous cloud, but authorities said it was predominantly nitrous oxide, otherwise known as "laughing gas." An Associated Press dispatch reported no unusual "giggling" in the area. (2) A scheduling accident at the Eagle Trace Golf 1810, Colombia declared independence from Spain. practice our paddling skills. In a few minutes we found that by stroking our paddles on the left or right side, forward . or backward," we were able ' to have absolutely no effect on what our kayaks were doing. Our kayaks were taking direction only from the Salmon River, which was telling them Go Downstream Now! So we did. In a few minutes, we hit our first rapids, which were officially classified as a Class 3 rapids ("Not Always Fatal"). I made it through, using the veteran kayaker technique of closing my eyes, so that the river could not see me. I will not humiliate anybody by naming names here, but Ron fell out of his kayak. Fortunately, Lloyd rescued him; otherwise Ron would have drifted all the way to the Pacific Ocean, getting repeatedly spawned on by aggressive male salmon. After that, the river got calmer and we did pretty well. In conclusion, kayaking is a fun sport that I recommend to everybody who has a sense of adventure and a good HMO. I plan to do it again. Maybe I'll see you out on the river some day! Assuming my eyes are open. . Content does matter ? 1861, the Congress of the Confederate States began holding sessions in Richmond, Va. One year ago: President Bush signed an executive order prohibiting cruel and inhuman treatment, including humiliation or denigration of religious beliefs, in the detention and interrogation of terrorism sjspects. Tammy Faye Messner, v.'ho as Tammy Faye Bakker helped her husband, Jim, build a multimillion-dolla- r evangelism empire, then watched it collapse in disgrace, died at age 65 near Kansas City, 1871, British Columbia entered Confederation as a Canadian province. 1917, the draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1944, an attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler with a bomb failed as the explosion at Hitler's Mo. Today's Birthdays: r 73. Sen. Barbara A. Mikulski, is 72. Actress Diana is 1944, President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic convention in Rigg is 70. Rock musician John Lodge (The Moody Blues) is 65. Country singer T.G. Sheppard Chicago. 64. Singer Kim Carnes is 63. Rock musician Carlos Santana is 61 Rock musician Paul Cook is 1976, America's Viking 1 robot spacecraft made a successful, first-eve- r landing on Mars. (The Sex Pistols, Man Raze) is 52. Actress Donna Dixon is 51 1977, a flash flood hit Johnstown, Pa., killing more than 80 people and causing $350 million in damage. Rock musician Mick McNeil (Simple Minds) is 50. Country singer Radney Foster is 49. Actor Frank Whaley is 45. Rock singer 1988, Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis received the Democratic presidential nomination at the party's convention in Atlanta. Chris Cornell is 44. Rock musician Stone Gossard (Pearl Jam) is 42. Actor Reed Diamond is 41 Actor Josh Holloway ("Lost") is 39. Singer Vitamin C is 39. Actor 1988, Iranian leader Ayatollah Khomeini accepted a truce with Iraq, even though he said the decision was like drinking Simon Rex is 34. Actress Judy Greer is 33. Actor Charlie Korsmo 30. Singer Elliott Yamin ("American Idol") is 30. Actor John Francis Daley is 23. Country dancer Julianne Hough is 20. Actress Billi Bruno is 12. is poison. Ten years ago: Russia won an $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. A smoky fire broke out aboard the cruise ship Ecstasy just 2 miles from the Florida shore, forcing the ship's return to port. Five years ago: Gen. John Abizaid, the top commander of coalition forces in Iraq, predicted Actress-singe- Sally Ann Howes is 78. Rockabilly singer Sleepy LaBeef Rastenburg headquarters only wounded the Nazi leader. by Chuck Shepherd kids to two gangs. Wedgies in the news EUGSNSA walked into a Comerica bank in June, gave the teller a robbery note and claimed he had a bomb strapped to his body. A nearby customer overheard, In July, the Utah Supulled out his licensed 9 mm preme Court ordered a new trial for Erik Low, now 40, handgun and told Webster: "You are not robbing this should a have that ruling jury bank." Webster insisted: "But considered the possibility of a I have a bomb." The customer: lesser crime than manslaugh"I don't care." Webster then ter in the 2003 shooting death of a man who had just 15 quietly sat down in a chair, where he remained until police seconds earlier during a fight given Low what was described arrived. (1) nine-stor- super wedgie. User-friend- ly Course in Broomfield, Colo., in replace the dictatorial regime of Saddam Hussein. President Bush welcomed Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi to his Texas ranch for visit. Ben Curtis, an a two-da- y unknown PGA Tour rookie in his first major championship, won the British Open. Thought for Today: "No man can resolve himself into Heaven." Dwight L. Moody, American evangelist (1837-1899- The Associated Press HOROSCOPE as a violent wedgie. (2) In June, window cleaner a on Australia's Gold Coast sury vived a plunge, suffering only a broken arm and, from falling on his harness, a June caused insufficient time between the end of an early morning junior golf association event (kids age 7 to 12) and a The continuing crisis noontime charity tournament I Randall Popkes, 41, and his sponsored by Shotgun Wilson Joshua Williams, 22, were lie's strip club, with scantily clad dancers cavorting around arrested in West Des Moines, the course. One mother told Iowa, in May and charged WUSA-Tthat her little golfer with an attempted safecrackasked, "Mom, why is she only ing at the Des Moines Golf and Country Club. A security wearing underwear?" officer had noted their license plate as they sped away after Family values a frustrating session in which I Spare the Gun (Hammer), they had cut into the safe but could not open it. In fact, they Spoil the Child: (l)Darrell had left behind a note for man- Walker, 30, was arrested in agement, according to the Des Bartlesville, Okla., in May son told after his Moines Register: "Expletive police that his dad routinely you and your safe." shoots him (and his younger I At press time, a court in considerwas sister) in the leg with a BB gun Greece, Athens, if they misbehave. (2) Robert ing a challenge brought by Cisero, 46, was arrested in three residents of the island of Lesbos in the Aegian Sea to ' Medford, Ore., in June after prevent a Greek gay and lesbi- (according to police) he hit an organization from referring his teenage daughter in the ankle with a hammer to feign to homosexual women as lesbians, arguing that such usage a "skating" injury, for which insults their heritage, since Les- she could get a prescription for bos residents have traditionally pain medication, which he then been called "Lesbians." On the commandeered. t The New York Daily News other hand, Lesbos was also the birthplace of the poet Sapreported in June that members of gangs such as the Bloods pho, a heroic woman among begays and lesbians for her early and the Latin Kings, who references to her love of other come parents, are routinely having their babies "blessed" women. into their gangs in religious ceremonies in which the swadYikes! dling clothes are the gang's The Panda Chinese Restau- colors. (The Bloods call such rant in York, Pa., was already babies "Blood drops" or "Blood stains.") The Daily News dein trouble in an early June city scribed the parents "teaching with sanitation inspection, chubby little fingers to make demerits piling up because of accumulated grease, insects in gang signs" even before the the seating area and rotting let- toddlers learn to talk. One Episcopal priest said he has tuce, according to a York Dai"blessed in" about 300 such ly Record report. Then, in the months as progress was made in creating a new government to On this date: the corpses of squirrels that had fallen to their deaths while attempting to ascend it. On my most recent trip, my friend Erasmo talked me into Whitewater kayaking. Erasmo lives in Stanley, Idaho (population: Erasmo), where he runs The River Company, ward. After we turned them an outfit that sends tourists, around, Lloyd gave us a briefwith guides, in rafts and kaying on how to kayak, which aks down the Salmon River, mostly consisted of what to do if you fall out of the kayak. which is very scenic and also What you do is: Don't panic. the same temperature as liqThis is the same advice I've uid nitrogen. Erasmo insisted been given in every sport I've that I'd enjoy riding this river in a kayak, a small boat that ever tried. Just once I wish the I Dave Barry is a columnist boulders. You laugh, but this is gets its name from the Eskimo guide would say: "If something for the Miami Herald. He is continuing a leave of goes wrong, flail your limbs probably a growing sport, with words "kay," meaning "boat," its own monthly magazine and "ak," meaning "that should and scream in terror." Then I'd absence from writing his feel qualified. not be occupied by anybody weekly humor column. Write (Rock Butting). to him clo The Miami Herald, After our briefing, Ron So inevitably, when I'm in who is not a licensed Eskimo." One Herald Plaza, Miami, Idaho, my friends involve me Joining me on this adventure and I got into our kayaks and Fla. 33132. in some insane outdoor activ- was my cousin-in-laRon, pushed out into the river to News of the Weird U.S. forces in Iraq would grow in coming July 20, 1969, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin became the first men to walk on the moon as they stepped out of their lunar module. WARNING: SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR SERIOUS PEOPLE This classic Dave Barry that resistance to the 202nd day of 2008. There are 164 days left in the year Today's Highlight in History: Today is Sunday, July 20, research projects (1) In May, NASA sought subjects for a study into the effects of microgravity on the human body and offered each participant $17,000 to lie in bed for 90 straight days. (2) In April, England's University of East Anglia advertised for subjects for a study of whether a natural compound found in cocoa could cut the risk of heart disease among diabetic women; the participants must be willing to eat chocolates every day for a year. People different from us I (1) In Augusta, Maine, in June, Marshall Crandall was sentenced to serve nine months in jail for violating a domestic protection order by reuniting with his girlfriend, even though the woman pleaded with the judge, arguing that the altercations were mutual and that it could just have well been she who was charged with assault that night. Said she, "I picked him up three or four times and slammed him on the ground." (2) Scott Sullivan, 35, was arrested in Van Buren, Ark., in June and charged with kidnapping and assaulting his mother. He told police that he got upset when he learned that her dog had killed his pet skunk. Update I Artist Martin Creed won Britain's 2001 Turner Prize for his highly acclaimed installation of a light bulb going off and on indefinitely in an otherwise-empt- y room. His latest exhibition ("Work No. 850"), at the Tate Britain in July, consists of a runner sprinting through one of the galleries every 30 seconds. The museum's director described Work No. 850 as a "compelling," "lyrical" piece that "upsets any preconceived ideas" of moving through an art space. News of the Weird's most recent encounter with Creed came in 1996 when he released his "Sick Film," consisting only of shots of people vomiting on camera, and at the time, he said he was considering a similar film, to consist only of people performing an even less tasteful bodily function on camera. Fine IV, 39, Least competent criminals Not Ready for Prime Time: According to police in Canton, Mich., Joseph Webster, 54, ? rrr of our readers hold a management position at their place of employment. points of the law The U.S. Supreme Court reaffirmed in June that defendants have a constitutional e witright to nesses against them and must get a new trial if denied that right. The challenger was Dwayne Giles, who had tried during his trial to keep incriminating statements by his girlfriend out of court, in that she was not available for him to The reason for her unavailability was that she is dead, and Giles was being tried for her murder. Hence, her statements suggesting Giles's motive cannot be used in court. cross-examin- cross-examin- CELEBRITIES LST VJNDA 22): You will (Sept. t. be enticing, so spend time with the one you love. If single, get out and meet potential partners. Your intuition will prevail with emotional matters and love can certainly take you on a joy ride. 5 stars LIBRA You must be a lot more unique if you want to get ahead financially. You have the creative foresight but your practical side doesn't want you to take a chance. Stop waffling change is good, whether you like it or not. Being practical is good but take a stab at doing something different. A little ambition can take you a long way this year. Your numbers are 9, 11, 18, 23, 32,45 Happy Birthday: SCORPIO (Oct. 21): Don't trust anyone who is offering too much or give in to an infatuation that will only lead to trouble. Focus on positive changes or picking up information or skills. Connect with people who can use your services or talents. 2 stars ARIES (March 21 April 19): Don't limit yourself because you are avoiding unsavory conversations about bothersome emotional issues. Get these matters out of the way. If unattended, the situation harder to clear up. 3 stars SAGITTARIUS e (May21-Jun20): You may feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities but put these matters aside and put your heart, your love and your feelings first. Enjoy and rejuvenate today. d Don't give in get and position yourself to win. 5 stars CANCER 22): (June Take in a seminar, tradeshow or something that sparks your interest and you will avoid a partnership problem that may arise. Someone from your past may still be of interest to you but don't let this jeopardize your current situation. 3 stars 22): Let the generous Leo lover rise to the surface and enjoy to the fullest your relationships with friends, family or a lover. Emotions will be strong and the opportunity to express your feelings will help you find out where you stand with others. 3 stars LEO (July t. 22): Get together with old friends or call an you still think about. You can catch up and put to rest many issues you have questioned over the years. An opportunity awaits and will VIRGO (Aug. (Nov. . good. Try something unusual that can spark your imagination or take you in a new direction. Don't limit yourself because someone doesn't want to take part in the activity or event you want to try. 4 stars CAPRICORN 19): (Dec. 22-JaPersonal investments and matters that concern your home and family relationships should all be on your mind. Someone may oppose you at first but, once you explain your reasoning, it will be OK. 3 stars 18): (Jan. Emotions will be difficult to control. This is not the time to start a war but rather a time to be passionate, kind and compromising. A problem will surface if you have been completely honest with someone you care about. 3 stars AQUARIUS 20): Get serious about your personal life and your plans for the future. Make a commitment and stick to your goals. Be open and forthright about what you want and what you need from the people around you. Use diplomacy. 3 stars PISCES (Feb. Birthday Baby: You have a unique approach to life. You are charmand serious ing, about your beliefs. You are realistic, reassuring and ready. Eugenia's Websites: astroadvice.com for fun, eugenialast.com for confidential consultations Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at http:NewsoftheWeird. blogspot.com or www. NewsoftheWeird.com. Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTipsyahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679. .OOKIN FOR COUGAR STATS Where else would you advertise? 2atty&Hcrolfc www.heraldex tra com . 21): A little adventure will do you TAURUS GEMINI 20, 2008 develop through someone from your past. 3 stars BORN ON THIS DAY: Josh Holloway, 39; Chris Cornell, 44; Carlos Santana, 61; Diana Rigg, 70 y 20): Don't (April give in to a bully. Saying no will give you the power to put a stop to being taken for granted. You have more to offer than meets the eye, so don't be so quick to give your services for free. 2 stars )U!Y .ww.cougarbli!". r |