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Show DAILY D2 Freeze out people you can't stand as DearCurolyn sibling girl who tortured daily in junior high is my fellow bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. My coworker's husband's ex, who sued them in court, will be at - GENTLE READER children (never wanted them, slill don't). The problem is that whenever there are family gatherings, the new grandchild is all that anyone talks about! There is very little Hax adult conversation, and I find bored and avoiding myself Tell Me About It family gatherings (and more than a little resentful). How do I tell my mother this without sounding like I'm jealous difficult. This isn't to discount your of the new grandchild? She also continually says to other concerns. It doesn't take a childless person to find kid other family members (used to say it to me, hut 1 told her blather boring, and certainly to stop) how much she wishes being pressured to breed will 1 would have a child. My mom breed only resentment. It's as if everything you've achieved and I always had a terrific reby making a satisfying life for lationship before this. Childless, Having Fun yourself has been erased in and Traveling your family's eyes. I get it. However, all of this, along You sound jealous. That with telling embellishments about your "finally" married will make the part about not sister (yowch), and your status sounding jealous particularly cele- Carolyn Judith Martin Miss Manners By turn- ing down the social temperature, which is normally set at Warm for such occasions. But Miss Manners iasLsts that you understand that there is not simply one setting marked Cold. You may loathe them all, but the offeases are different and require different settings. For the bridesmaid, it is Slightly Cool. Your mouth turns up when you have to say hello to her, but your eyes do not participate in the smile. Then you endeavor to keep at a distance. That should remind her of your grievance, and if she has grown into a different pet son, she will endeavor to make it up to you. The ex gets Cold. All the formalities, but no smile. You do not have a personal grievance against him; you are merely treating him as the sort of person you do not want to know. The hacker (at a funeral what was that all about?) deserves Freeze. You do not greet him, you do not acknowledge his presence, and if he approaches you, you turn hostess declines my offer, I show up with flowers, chocolates or an appropriate small gt.I even mentioned to a table of female relatives how much I enjoy baking and would love to bring the desserts for the next party. However, being told on my invitation to shell out a good $200 for the booze is, 1 think, horribly rude. How can I tactfully resolve this problem and still show up with a festive mood while the rest of my husband's family shows up empty handed? , ly, these are not cooperative dinners, in which relatives or friends agree to contribute. In that case, others would be doing so, and there would have been a discussion jn which you could state your preference. So Miss Manners was about to take off on her dislike of hosts who demand that guests provide refreshments, or, for that matter, guests who demand to do so. This has unaway. dermined the hallowed tradiMind you, all of this has tion of reciprocal hospitality, to be performed without the notice of others. Putting a chill whereby hosts do everything on such occasions is itself a for their guests, but also take ; grievance that will have others their turn as guests. do you reciproBut wait giving you the cold shoulder. I DEAR MISS MANNERS cate? If you spend all your holihave just received yet another days at your husband's variinvitation from my husband's ; ous relatives', is this their way of nudging you to participate? family and this time we are In any case, your insisting bottles of asked to bring on doing so at the next opporProsecco and of course a festive mood" for Easter Brunch. tunity, without accepting any This occurs throughout help from anyone, is your way off the liquor run. Occasionally the year. At Christmas it was three cases of red wine and providing everything will give one case of white. I am sure you the standing to state your preferences when it is not you get the picture. I like to think myself a grayour turn. cious guest and with every other invitation, I confirm my Readers may write to Miss Manners at MissManners attendance and include an ofunitedmedia.com. fer to bring something. If the are various in nature that rather our concept of just what an individual is. A colony of bees, for example, consists of many "individuals" divided into castes. The workers are sterile females who do all the work of caring for the eggs and developing larvae. They gather the pollen, make the honey for the colony's nutritional needs. The drones are males that do little but consume resources, and a few of them fertilize the queen. The queen, of course, is the single fertile female; her sole activity in a mature hive is consuming resources and producing offspring. So there are biologists who argue that we should consider the entire colony as a single individual; the drones and queen are equivalent to the reproductive glandstract. The workers are the rest of the "body." It gets even more complex in termite colonies, with several "8-1- 0 different castes of workers, guards, warriors, etc. And the social amoebae are even more confusing. Most of these organisms' lives are spent as single cells, roaming around ' nam "Any suggestions on what to get my wife for her birth- the day?' I was unhelpful. No suggestions. Should 1 have told them the obvious? Pick up after your kids. Do it for your wife's birthday and forever after. This will tell her that you love her. Then also tell her she's beautiful. Am I a coward for not speaking up? XO ... Dear Carolyn: Two husbands of two friends who have birthdays this week called me, biologists; that is a good word in biology though my mother used to discipline me for using it) contain at least ten times as many cells microbes, mostly Maybe. OK, yes. But you for it could also be a realist to work, it has to be as obvious to these guys as it is to you. And can anyone get this, really get it, second hand? Maybe more important, will these kids ever get the concept of shared burdens (and start picking up after themselves), if they see only one parent clean up after everyone? Because no one else will.' "This week" will be last week by the time this appears, but since your gift idea is evergreen, I'll put it out there. Maybe the people who need it will think it was their idea. i 2006, and New Scientist March 1, 2008: 1380- - It turns out that we are born but from our rather germ-fremothers' vaginal areas we get bacteria as there are human an initial dose of microorganisms. Babies that are delivered cells in our entire body, Since by Caesarian section begin life many of these indwellers are crit ical to us in helping with with a rather different set of microbes, obtained from expodigestion and acquiring nutrisure to other body fluids and ents and minerals, aren't we, like a beehive, also rather a subsequent "infection." And all one which is "90 of us continue to acquire new microbes for at least the first percent microbial"? few years of life, from food Indeed, this relationship and our general environment. probably applies to all multicelSome of these, it is clear, are lular animals and quite likely other forms of life as well. And contributing residents. They we know very little, comparaprovide userui functions tor us and we provide a warm home tively, about it. The National Institutes of and nutrition for them. Strictly Health recently launched the speaking, this is a "mutualistic" Human Microbiome Project relationship. The lower part of our large intestine, the colon, to pursue the subject. Where is thie real palace for these entido we get our "gut flora," as ties. Other microbes are mereit is collectively called? What ly opportunistic hitchhikers. proportion of the critters are The Human Microbiome common to all humans, and which are unique to humans? Project aims to answer scores of other biological questions; What proportion is different interested readers may wish to from one person to the next? And what controls the makeup consult the above sources for a foothold into the literature. It of our many resident companions? These will serve for start- appears that we may even be ers. (I'm consulting Nature health medicines. 449:804f, 2006; Cell 124:837f, I IL Duane Jeffery Science & Society freely just as any other amoeba. But they are sterile. On occasion, however, thousands of them will congregate together and fuse into a single mass of cells, which then produces a reproductive structure complete with reproductive cells which produce new offspring. So what is the "individual" here? g Is it the single cells, or is it the reproductive . mass? Biologists and medical people are beginning to consider something similar about humans. It is well established that we are not made up of just human cells. Our intestinal tracts (commonly called our gut by e, BE 10IIR OWN BOSS ""V, wmmm BfiM I w i I r w I ? CELTIC-FUSIO- ' '7 4fe SLCS PREMIER in opportunity to break away (sounds like you're already there), get over yourself (not so much), make peace with your choices where till now you've sought approval for them, and return to your mom as a fellow adult and a friend. I have to think your little talk with her will go better this way that's assuming you still feel you need to have it. Either way how about some joy for your sister? There ; ; - BAND. N UNIQUE COMBINATION OF JAZZ, CLASSICAL AND ORIGINAL MATERIAL IS A FUSED WITH TRADITIONAL CELTIC-BASE- D MUSIC FOR AN . And Earn " ETHEREAL VOCAL , AND INSTRUMENTAL f ' ' t EXPERIENCE t f ! S300-S50- 0 . each month! f The Daily Herald is currently seeking INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS At to fill a variety of routes. Now you can devote JUST A FEW HOURS A DAY S3 f. and be your own boss. A g can invest just a few hours and still have time for other daytime or business activities. You early-mornin- Plus, you can grow your business by simply increasing your customer base. The more newspapers that are delivered in your designated area, the more profit you can make. Call C2T "vnstar 375-510- 3 today . to start earning more money. MB A tbjermet. T" 2008 lumans as superorganisms I Evident- GENTLE READER traveler long-marrie- d land of Fun suggests ft's not just about a shift in topic. It's about a shift in power. For all those years, were you the one who made good? And now the underachieving sister has seized the attention from you? If your "terrific relationship-w- it h your mom rested on your being the apple of her eye, then the baby might be more of a gift to you than she already is to your family. Take this h and had a child, all within the last three years. I've been happily married for almost eight years with no intentions to have DEAR bration. Today I will see a man who hacked into my computer at a funeral. Can you advise as on how to handle ourselves correctly when we are forced to see people we loathe socially? U Sister's baby upsetting relationships MISS MANNERS the daughter's graduation Wtdnndsy, MiHh HERALD XANGO-'Hg- gt www.heraldextra.com |