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Show OA D2 I I 4 20G8 WxfandiY. HERALD Y 'How are you?' gets compficated 6 MISS MANNERS DEAR if , , ., ; r- - Photos by TINA FINEBERGAssociated Christine Cuoco, of the Brooklyn borough of New York, looks at shoes at the City Opera Thrift Shop in New York on Feb. Press 28. Thrifting Continued from Dl $SX 7 work," Higgin says. "It's kind if, of like 'Cheers' ... They all know me, it's a friendly environment." Laurie Perren, owner of the four Roundabout Designer Closeouts & Consignments stores in Fairfield County and neighboring Westchester County, N.Y., says that some of her top consignors do their shopping in Europe and want to be the first to wear something. That means the following year, when they clean their closet and bring the item to her, the garment actually is in line with the trends. "High-endesigners come out with things the general public isn't ready for until a year later," Perren says. "They will seem really on target the next season because everyone has accepted the trend and is ready to buy it." On the flip side, only the s most people would notice the difference . ? T W rrf 1 .ns ; " v f mm tjs- x-T- Hi; M 1 1 d Petra Becker, of Rockaway, New York, looks York on Feb. 28. seasons never aligned with a growth spurt. She also gets a lot of dressy clothes that children need for that one-bievent and never again. "I have such a big collection ;" of navy blue blazers," she says with a laugh. But she also sells a lot of blazers, along with communion and flower girl dresses, because parents don't want to spend big bucks on something kids will wear once. And she's seen a boost in both consignors and shoppers since the start of the green movement. "It's recycling. ... I hear so often, 'I just couldn't get rid of it, it's almost new or never worn,"' Sullivan says. "And with the cost of living these days, why not save a little money?" fashion-consciou- between this year's pinstripe Dolce & Gabbana pantsuit from last year's "except it's $450 here instead of $2,500." Perren also receives from merboutiques brand-nechandise that didn't sell the first time around. She encourages her customers to visit traditional luxury retailers, such as Barneys New York or Bergdorf Goodman in Manhattan, and then come to Roundabout to appreciate the savings. At the Children's Cottage in Ridgefield, a consignment store specializing in kids' items, owner Maura Sullivan says she sees a ton of unworn clothes because either the kids didn't fit into the items or the at clothing at the City Opera Thrift Shop in New Even better, you can buy they're looking to buy. If from thrift stores that benefit you're on the market for a ' Louis Vuitton purse, there's others many, like Goodwill, are affiliated with charities. probably someone else out there looking to get some cash Whitney Haslam, herself a for hers. consignment and eBay shopSullivan says it's not uncomper, wants to recreate that feelmon for customers to either good vibe online at GetGown. call before coming to see com, which launches later this what's available or to ask her spring. Her Web site will allow people to buy, sell or trade to keep her eye out for somesecondhand clothes and acces- thing specific say, a pink sories. raincoat, size 6. But Barbara Lindsay of Palo "I have a tendency to love to wear a dress four or five times, Alto, Calif., says she has more but then I want to move on to success by just browsing. "I mostly buy clothing, but I a new dress that I love," says Haslam, of Knoxville, Tenn. always look at accessories, fur"You'd be more likely to buy nishings, dishes, knickknacks, a dress if you knew you could all of it," she says. "I go sposell the dress." radically with my daughter GetGown.com also will have because we love bargains." a wish-lis- t feature, so users in detail what can post Intelligence in the animal kingdom Their modification last week a little of the growing evidence that certain animals may possess a moral sense. But we dealt only with chimpanzees and gorillas. Far more extensive are the data indicating that many animal Species possess levels of intelligence that most scientists scoffed at only a few decades ago. The basic problem was the issue of anthropomorphism the practice of interpreting animal behavior in terms of human behavior and insights. Mother birds fed their babies, so we assumed that they were acting from the same sentiments and emotions that human mothers experience. But le explored f Duane Jeffery Science & Society of slender sticks to "fish" for termites (a rather demanding skill, it turns out) is legendary. More recently we have seen some troops of chimps that make spears, chewing and grinding off the ends of sticks to make a sharp point, and then thrusting the spear into cavities in trees where bushbabies (small nocturnal mammals) are sleeping during the day. And for some decades we have been teaching sign lan-d guage and use of "computers" to teach various species of apes to communicate in some form of human language. They lack the vocal anatomy to form our words but otherwise can construct sentences, tell jokes and lies, and invent sensible new words. The champion of this type of activity is Kanzi, a bonobo (formerly called pygmy chimp), who can make stone tools and carries his keyboard with him almost constantly to "talk" to his human caretakers. There are books about Kanzi and his feats. Many readers will want to consult the March 2008 issue of National Geographic for a rather lengthy photo essay large-keye- then came experiments indicating that the mother birds were merely reacting to "releasers" certain signals that triggered their behavior. They would deliver food even to a wooden dummy device so long as it had a certain colored spot at a particular point. We had no way of knowing what emotions the bird felt in so doing, but she would feed the wooden dummy just as readily as she would her own chicks. That led many animal behav- - 1 iorists to the idea that animals were mere machines, responding in programmed ways to specific releasing signals or odors like mere automatons But science is self correcting, and eventually workers had to concede that intelligence, genuine intelligence, is best developed in humans but certainly not confined to them. We're not surprised these days to learn of ever more examples of intelligence among the great apes, chimpanzees especially. They take batches of hard-shelle- d nuts to specific rocky outcrops where there are sequestered stores of appstones to use ropriate-sized as hammers to break the nuts. featuring apparent intelligence in a wide range of animals. Alex, the African gray parrot, had a speaking vocabulary of several hundred words, could count at least to six, could identify colors and shapes, identify similarities and differences between different objects and different types of materials (e.g., wood, metal, wool). Other species featured are sheep (I had to struggle with that one!), orangutans, elephants, crows, certain types of fish and even octopi. And, of course, no such list would be complete without dogs, especially the two border collies, Rico and Betsy, reported a few years ago. Betsy is now said to have a recognition vocabulary of 340 words, and picks up new ones even more quickly than children learning to speak. Lastly are the dolphins, one pair of which has created their own performing tricks and performed them in perfect syn- ' chrony the first time. How did they communicate to do it? And to really stretch down the animal kingdom, the Aug. 9, 2007, issue of Nature indicates that locusts can learn and remember specific odors. Website for News and Information in Central Utah. ; initiated a with my husband about a response to, "How are you?" But since promising I'd prove myself correct, I've developed doubts. He says the proper response to "How are you?" as a greeting from a waitress, clerk, or is "Good. How are you?" I said this is just a nicety and gets a simple nicety for a greeting in return such as "How are you?" or "Good Morning" I say the response doesn't include an explanation,, however well you actually are. He says leaving the "good" off is cold. I said that manners aren't necessarily warm, they're just mannerly. I'm wondering if I'm mixing this up with the simple "How are you?" offered upon introduction to a new person? I mean, instead of saying "Nice to meet you" because you don't really know yet if it is a pleasure or not yet when you first meet someone. Maybe I'm wrong on both counts? GENTLE READER Let's call it a draw. Both of you have the right basic idea, and both of you are slightly confused about wording. Miss Manners finds this understandable, because the wording has evolved through usage without any regard to consistency or even meaning. The important thing is to make acknowledgement when addressed. (Pleasant is neither warm nor cold; just pleasant.) Either of your comments qualifies, although Miss Manners doesn't quite and care for your husband's use many other people's of "good," which refers to character, rather than "well," which indicates health. But "How are you?' is not the same as the conventional remark exchanged at introductions, which is "How do you do?" with no answer given. Yes, yes, the meaning is the same, and they both seem but didn't to be questions Miss Manners warn you? (No answer to that is required.) r V J Judith Martin Miss Manners DEAR MISS MANNERS Is to refuse a table being offered you by a hostess in a restaurant? Is it polite to it OK simply say "this table is not acceptable, please seat us at a nicer table"? I feel like I have stamped on my forehead "Please seat my family and I or my friends and me next to the kitchen or bathroom door." I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me! Just last night my five good friends and I had reservations at this French restaurant. They seated us in a back, room, not decorated, at the kitchen door and another door covered by storage-roocurtains that they kept running in and out of. What should you do when this happens? GENTLE READER Exactly what you suggested: Ask politely for another table. Why would you hesitate? Miss Manners fears that you may be caught up in the popular but peculiar notion that restaurants are more than commercial establishments that serve food to what they hope is the satisfaction of their customers. Instead of fearing that the hostess will retaliate by telling everyone that you have terrible table manners, you should assume that she will be grateful to make your visit more pleasant. m Readers may write to Miss Manners at MissManners unitedmedia.com, or via postal mail at United Media, 200 Madison Ave., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10016. How do I stop nitpicking? Dear Carolyn: do you change ugly quality in yourself? It came out that my younger sister is upset with my "nitpickiness." I often say things 1 feel are helpful, but come across as nitpicking. I say, "Here's a headband " 1 bought for you. And she hears "This is so that when ' you're too lazy to wash your hair you won't look like such a disaster. " Or I'll say "You should wear your hair down and maybe put some of your beMAC lip gloss on" cause my sister is very pretty, but a big tomboy, and I'm jealous of her gorgeous hair and she looks great with minimal makeup and she hears "You look awful." I didn't realize what a habit nitpicking wdsfor me. Although my sisterjaid "It's annot noying."! trunk it's ugly, and I would like to change, but I'm not sure how. feii Carolyn Hax Tell Me About It she's more attractive to herself when she's left to make her own choices. Being right doesn't make it right for you to overrule her taste. Unless of course she asks you to. Please see, though, that it's not just your sister who, given a choice between dressing her way badly and your way well, would choose to look bad. Even people who -- Va. do accept help (with anything) feel more confident, and To get at the nitpicking hab- therefore are more receptive, it, you have to start with the when it's their idea to ask. habit. And to And that means unsolicited get at that, you have to tackle suggestions you "feel are helpthe rationalizing habit, which ful" are helpful only to your starts with the sense of superiority. habit. You're not alone in this, either. Your "helping" impulse Things aren't as dire as and your sister's resistance they sound. But you have both originate in the same humanaged to defend yourself in the same breath you admit man need: to matter. to "ugly" behavior. That's just The only way you're gothe kind of anguishy ing to change this habit is to "I'm so sorry if know this impulse for what it is. Recognize it so you can be you took offense that I didn't intend" that lets you avoid more conscious of the ways vulnerability, thereby stunting you choose to assert yourself, reflection, thereby stunting and do so only when it's your emotional growth. business to (the oversimpliConsider your aside about fied version: when it's about your sister's looks. In one you; when you're asked; in shot, you shift the blame to emergencies). That's the only time it's appropriate, and also, your supposed victim, for lovably not recognizing how conveniently, the only time it pretty she could be if she only actually works. listened to your Put your "nitpicking" to advice. that test and I think you'll ANKH! see how freely, and wrongly, Let's try that again: You your attempts to help have think your sister's appearance crossed these boundaries. This is your business when in fact is the light that will show you it isnt, and so you try to justhe limits next time. tify the meddling as being for her own good. Carolyn at tellme Will your sister look more washpost.com, or chat with attractive to more people her online at noon Eastern with her hair down? Sure, I'll time each Friday at www. take your word for it. But washingtonpost.com. st trying-to-hel- p blame-deflecti- |