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Show H a HERALD DAILY Sunday, March 18. 2007 TODAY IN HISTORY MfBOiE WARNING SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR SERIOUS PEOPLE Some words of wisdomality anti-wa- to "Ask Mister this fascinating statement: "No long letter from someone supporting the dog ban." goat was found in the trunk of Tim O'Marra sent in an a vehicle when an officer re. by the foremost leading world authority , article from the Skagit Valley sponded to a complaint on East on the proper grammatorical (Wash.) Herald containing this Avenue G at about 120 p.m." sentence: "Suspecting the acTODAY'S WRITING TIP: usagality of English, both oraltion was suspicious, the officer In writing a resume, make 1 ly and in the form of words. g In this ordered both of them to raise sure that it is "up to date" and column, f which appears nocturnally, we their hands." reflects current economic conanswer the grammar and voChaz Liebowitz sent in an ditions: article from The Miami Herald WRONG "I am currently cabulary questions that are on the minds of many Americans that begins: "Davie police are comworking for a 'dot-cojust before they pass out. searching for a man with a pany." handRIGHT: "I am currently livToday, as is our wont, we begin with our first question: gun to rob a convenience store ing in an appliance carton." GOT A GRAMMAR QUESQ. You have a wont? Wednesday." A. Yes, but we comb our TION? Your question is very Several readers sent in hair such that you cannot see an article from the Richmond important to Mr. Language it. h A. In grammatical terminolPerson. concerning a dump-trucdriver who Q. With regards to the old ogy, "who's" is an interlocuI Dave Barry is a columnist spiritual song, "Gwine Jump "dropped more than 59,000 tory contraption that is used to form the culinary indicative pounds of processed human Down, Turn Around, Pick a for the Miami Herald. He Bale of Cotton," why is the excrement on Interstate 295" tense. is continuing a leave of EXAMPLE: "You will never and was charged with "failure absence from writing his singer gwine jump down and to contain his load." turn around first? guess who's brassiere they weekly humor column. Write A. He is hoping that he Sue Colson sent in a "Pofound in the gumbo." to him co The Miami Herald, "Whose" is the past paramili- lice Blotter" item from the One Herald Plaza, Miami, gwine pull a hamstring, and Port Aransas (Texas) South Fla. 33132. somebody else gwine have to tary form of "whomsoever" and is properly used in veteripick the bale of cotton. Jetty, consisting entirely of Q. I work in Customer Sernary interrogations. EXAMPLE: "Whose gwine and I vice, and my are having a big debate about spay all them weasels?" whether we should say that Q. I am a writer for "The your call is "very" important to Sopranos," and I've been arguus, or "extremely" important ing with one of my colleagues to us. We argue about this all over the correct wording of day long! My question is, now some dialogue. I think it should do we stop these stupid phones be: "Bleep you, you bleeping from ringing? bleeper!" Whereas he insists it should be: "Bleep yourself, you A. Someone will answer your question "momentarily." bleeperbleeper!" So I had him Q. I am a speechwriter for a whacked. A. Now he bleeps with the leading presidential candidate, fishes. and I need to know which is correct: "integrity OUT the Q. Are you going to flawazoo," or "integrity UP the grantly pad this column with wazoo." actual examples of language A. We checked with both usage sent in by alert readers, the Oxford English Dictionary as is your wont? and the Rev. Billy Graham, A. Of course: David Davidson sent an and they agree that the correct word is "wazooty." article from the Tybee News Q. I have trouble remembercontaining this statement about ing the difference between the the mayor of Tybee Island, Ga.: words "whose" and "who's." "He also said an older woman Should I put this in the form of suffered a broken hip when a a question? dog pounced on her and read a Welcome Person," . A award-winnin- r Dave Barry Times-Dispatc- k News of the Weird tility, according to a January Wall Street Journal dispatch. I TV evangelist Darlene Bishop (Monroe, Ohio) had lawsuit a wrongful-deat- h filed against her in late 2006 international visitors roam- by the family of her brother, ing their toxic, fetid urban hells who died after a battle with d as voyeurs on travel throat cancer, which the famtours. "(T)hey want ily says Bishop convinced him to come and take pictures ... (on his deathbed) that he had tell their friends they've been defeated through her ministry to the worst slum in Africa," la- of prayer. Before her brother mented one resident of Kibera was stricken, Bishop's main (which has one toilet for every healing example was herself, in that she touted prayer as 1,440 people), speaking to a Reuters reporter in February, having enabled her to beat her but a March Smithsonian mag- own breast cancer, but she later conceded that she merely azine piece quoted a Dahravi believed herself stricken and tour entrepreneur as promisthat no formal diagnosis had ing to show "the positive side of (the) slum" (for instance, the been made. (Bishop's brother was a prominent country and community spirit that discourages street beggars, in a nation western songwriter, and the otherwise teeming with them). family members are contesting his considerable estate.) New York Times, Latest religious vi agency-arrange- messages n I The University of fired two employees last year after they had prayed at the cubicle of a and anointed it with prayer oil and in December the two filed a lawsuit over the terminatioa The school said that "praying, shouting andor chanting over ... belongings a without her knowledge and consent constitutes harassment," and that rubbing down the cubicle frame with oil showed "disregard for uni-- ; versity property." Everyne Shatkin and Linda Shifflett was said that the on vacation at the time, but they declined to say why they thought she needed the benefit of prayer. Britain's Home Office decided recently, in the course of remodeling at the Brixton prison in London, that, because of Muslim inmates, all the toilets so that should be users would be respectfully facing perpendicular to Mecca as they answered nature's calls. In China, meanwhile, several multinational corporations, along with the government's television network, said pigs they are in advertising and promotion even though this is the Year of the Pig in the Chinese zodiac. The Han Chinese majority regard pork as their premier meat and the pig as a symbol of happiness, honesty and fer Texas-Arlingto- ; , ( ; ! ; t . equate" (San Jose Mercury News). (The dogs romped through the Covered Bridge complex in Marietta; the son was found to be emotionally under the spell of a sadistic adult molester; and the federal government's marijuana farm was not producing enough for medical research.) Cultural diversity moners' brides on their wed- ding eves. Today, that battle is fied. Least competent United States. In 1977, Marien Ngouabi, the military president of the Republic of the Congo, was assassinated. In 2001, John Phillips, who the Mamas and the Papas and wrote its biggest hits, died in Los Angeles people Novelist (27 books) David Eddings, 75, accidentally destroyed his Carson City, Nev., garage and part of his next-doo- r office in January while he was flushing out the gas tank of his idle sports car. He said later that his intention was to remove the gasoline from the car to reduce the fire risk, but then he saw that some fluid leaked onto the garage Questionable judgments had floor. For some reason, I Two solutions to "bulcuriosity about the leak lying": (1) In November, a (water or gasoline?) caused him to light a piece of paper mother (with her two daughters and a family friend in tow) and toss it onto the puddle, just rushed to a school in Charlotte, to find out. "One word comes to mind," he later told the Ne-- . N.C, to defend her vada AppeaL "Dumb." son, who had been complaining of bullying. (Logically, a defense by one's mother might Recurring themes not put an end to bullying.) (2) The South Korean government News of the Weird has forcommenced a pilot program in mally retired the category of household-hoardin- g March to supply stories, kids for but apparently Ann Biglin of bodyguards West Yarmouth, Mass., has an who complain about bullying additional problem: hoarding (to be funded by private donain her automobile. Police istions). However, the bodysued her a citation in February guards would not actually sit after her car jumped a curb with kids in class. I Seattle parents of and knocked over a light post, which Biglin explained was "Ashley" announced they have decided to give her intensive due to "several old coffee cups" hormone therapy, which will and "assorted pieces of trash" that might have accidently likely cause her not to grow fallen and hit the accelerator. beyond her current stature 75 pounds), in that she However, police found the has a likely permanent brain seats filled at least chest-higwith trash. A Boston Herald impairment that prevents her from almost all of life's activiphoto showed the driver's seat ties (walking, talking, eating, uninhabitable, and its story described the mess as "mountains keeping upright). The parents of trash" that came down as an decided that, since she requires constant care, their incentive to "avalanche" on her accelerator. take her places and engage her Thanks This Week to H. would be increased if she were of a manageable size rather Thompson, Tom Barker, and adult. than a Jilly Dybka, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Desert) is 43. Rock musician Jerry Cantrell (Alice in n Chains) is 41. Rock Miki Berenyi is 40. k show host n Queen Latifah is 37. Dane Cook is 35. Rock musician Stuart Zender is 33. Singer Devin Lima (LFO) is 30. Rock singer Adam Levine (Maroon 5) is 28. Thought for Today: "It's easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you singer-musicia- Rapper-actress-tal- Actor-comedia- at age 65. Ten years ago: Bulldozers began clearing away rocks and earth for a Jewish housing project in disputed east Jerusalem, triggering Palestinian protests. Labor designate Alexis Herman got a generally favorable reception from Democrats and Republicans alike at her Senate confirmation hearing. haven't got a thing that's the Lord's test." Mahalia Jackson, American gospel singer (1911-1972- ). The Associated Press HOROSCOPE EUGENIA CELEBRITIES SUNDAY, MARCH 18, LAST, BORN ON THIS Queen Latifah, 37; Vanessa Williams, 44; Brad Dourif, 57; Charley Pride, 69. Happy Birthday: Pick and choose what's important to you this year. Overspending and overdoing will get you info trouble. Think twice before you decide to incorporate changes that may not be that well thought out. Someone will question your motives and your financial situation. Your numbers are 16, 20, 27, 33 39 46. ARIES (March 19): There will be pleity you aren't aware of so, before you make any decisions, take a attitude. Do not travel to areas that are not safe. Not having the proper paperwork may lead to complications. 3 stars TAURUS (April This is a great day to volunteer your services. You will hook up with people who show an interest in other things you are working on. You will be lucky in love today so improve the relationship you are in or .look for a new one. 4 stars DAY: wait-and-s- h I Among traditional rituals still celebrated (1) Tinku, in Bolivia's high plains, pits two tribes in Sacaca each February in daylong drinking and all-oDespite the bloodshed, Tinku survives, helped by President Evo Morales's support for indigenous cultures. The mayor of Sacaca called Tinku "a sublime, beautiful act," in a February New York Times dispatch. (2) And at the Historic Carnival of Ivrea, Italy, in February, nine "teams" battled in commemoration of the centuries-olrebellion against noblemen, who enjoyed deflowering com- that Ward appeared maybe to be having a seizure, in that his arms were "thrashing around," but police found that that was just his reaction to an illegal inhalant, which was not identi- s' Alarming headlines (1) "Feral Shin Tzus Roam Georgia Condo Complex" (Science Daily); (2) "Son Gets Six Months, Probation, for Dismembering Mother" (WINS Radio, New York City); (3) "Judge Rules Government Supply of Marijuana Is Inad- by Chuck Shepherd waged by people pelting one another with oranges (this year, more than a million). I The U.S. Border Patrol has for three decades worked with a small group of Native Americans (Navajos, Kiowa and Sioux, among others) who call themselves the Shadow Wolves and who proudly use ancestral techniques to help track down drug smugglers and human traffickers along the Arizona and California borders with Mexico. According to a February Reuters dispatch, the Wolves can detect "barely visible scuff marks" on the ground and know how to follow trails of tiny fibers. Reuters, The Kibera neighborhood in Nairobi, Kenya, and the Dah-rasection of Mumbai, India, are two of the planet's most appalling slums, but residents have recently discovered well-of- f Five years ago: Thirteen-year-ol- d Today is Sunday, March 18, the 77th day of 2007. There Brittanie Cecil two are 288 days left in the year. days short of her 14th birth- ' Today's Highlight in History: .. day, died two days after be- - ' On March 18, 1937, some ing hit in the head by a puck 300 people, mostly children, at a game between the host Columbus Blue Jackets and were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, Calgary Flames; it was apparTexas. ently the first such fan fatality On this date: in NHL history. One year ago: Thousands In 1766, Britain repealed the r of Stamp Act of 1765. protesters took to In 1837, the 22nd and 24th the streets around the world, president of the United States, marking the third anniversary Grover Cleveland, was born in of the U.S.-le- d invasion of Iraq. Students and activists clashed Caldwell, N.J. In 1922, Mohandas K. Ganwith police in Paris as demondhi was sentenced in India to strations against a government six years' imprisonment for plan to loosen job protections civil disobedience. (He was spread across France. Former released after serving two Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was laid to rest in years.) In 1940, Adolf Hitler and his hometown of Pozarevac in Benito Mussolini met at the Brenner Pass, where the Today's Birthdays: Actor Italian dictator agreed to Peter Graves is 81. Composer John Kander ("Chicago is join Germany's war against 80. Author John Updike is 75. France and Britain. In 1959, President EisenNobel peace laureate and forhower signed the Hawaii mer South African president statehood bill. (Hawaii beF.W. de Klerk is 71. Country came a state on Aug. 21, 1959.) singer Charley Pride is 69. In 1962, France and AlgeActor Kevin Dobson is 64. rian rebels agreed to a truce. Actor Brad Dourif is 57. Jazz In 1965, the first spacewalk musician Bill Frisell is 56. Actook place as Soviet cosmotor Thomas Ian Griffith is 45. naut Aleksei Leonov left his Singer James McMurtry is Voskhod 2 capsule, secured 45. Singer-actres- s Vanessa L Williams is 44. Olympic gold by a tether. In 1974, most of the Arab medal speedskater Bonnie nations ended Blair is 43. Country musician their embargo against the Scott Saunders (Sons of the GEMINI (May21-Jun- e 20): You may think you have some pretty good ideas but someone will question what you want to do. A partnership will undergo stress due to money matters and dishonesty. Take a look at your strategy and rework your plans for the future. 2 stars CANCER (June 22): Now is the perfect time to make alterations at home or to do something special with loved ones. Someone may want you to put in extra hours or contribute to something that doesnt interest you. Do not hesitate to say no. 5 stars LE0(Juty23-Aug.22):Yo- u may feel like traveling or getting involved in a group that offers a different philosophy. Avoid both for now. Your motives are off and you must question if it's due to your feelings for someone you met recently. 3 stars VIRGO (Aug.23-Sept22- expect the same in return. Don't let things escalate too far off base but do address the situation maturely. 3 stars t. LIBRA (Sept. 22): You have to be lighthearted today and make plans to have fun with people you enjoy. You'll be enlightened just by talking with people whose expertise is in the area you want to pursue. 3 stars SCORPIO (Oct 21): Take a break, get together with other creative people, have fun and enjoy yourself. Romance is in the stars so plan something special A chance to promote what you do is likely. 5 stars SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-D21): You have to be care- ful what you say to whom. Something you least expect will come back to haunt you. Avoid exaggeration and making promises you aren't likely to keep. 2 stars CAPRICORN (Dec22-Ja- n. 19): You'll have some brilliant ideas regarding your future and what you see yourself doing. You can develop something new or lay out the plans for a business you want to start. Take control and you will realize what you want to do is possible. 4 stars 18): AQUARIUS (Jan. You may need to back down if someone is questioning you today. You don't have to give in to pressure and you don't have to make a decision if you arent ready to. Don't let your emotions get the better of you. 3 stars PISCES (Feb. 20): The more upfront you have been, the more favorable a response you will get in return. Avoid taking on too much or stretching the facts. Anything and everything is possible if you stick to a budget and game plan. 3 stars Birthday Baby: You are sensitive, original and in tune with whatever goes on around you. You can be remarkably insightful observant and eager to do things your own . way. , You 2007 ): wont have too much room to maneuver at a personal level Own up to anything you've done wrong but ' Eugenia's Web sttes( astroadvice.com for fun, eugenialast.com for confidential consultations ' . n People different from us Advisors. Brian Ward, 29, was arrested in St. Oairsville, W.Va., in February after a student's ' parent saw him acting strange while parked across the street from St. Oairsville High SchooL The parent reported at http:NewsoftheWeir Visit Chuck Shepherd daily . blogspot.com or www. NewsoftheWeird.com. . Send your Weird News to WeirdNewsTipsyahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL33679. www.heraldextra.comyellowpages |