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Show ' Friday, December 31, 2004 DAILY 'HEIAIO 12 fc taken to i hospital, where his condition rapkily worsens and contiiuea to worsen until nobody thinks ft can get any worse, but somehow ft does. In other international news, Afghanistan's historic first democratic elections go off without a nttch, except for an unexplained 27,500 votes from residents of Palm Beach County, Fla. Speaking of elections, in ... Barry Continued from Bl fragile national psyche: Janet Jackson's right nipple, which is revealed for a full of a second dur-- ' three ing the Super Bowl halftone show. This event is so traumatic that the two teams are unable to complete the game, with many players simply lying on the field in the fetal position, whimpering. Elsewhere in politics, feisty Internet : genius Howard Dean drops out of the ' Democratic race after losing 17 con-- : secutive primaries, despite leading in every single exit poll. In entertainment news, the hit of the winter is Mel Gibson's wacky film romp "The Passion of the Christ," although critics of product placement object to the scene where Pontius Pilate can be seen holding a Diet Sprite. On the cultural front, the mayor of San Francisco attempts to legalize ' same-se- x marriage, which outrages those who believe that marriage is a sacred institution tht should be entered into only by heterosexual people, such as Britney Spears and Mike Tyson. Speaking of fighters, in HBSBSHBi- - November feel-goo- d march 53-sta- 1 -- 7 John Kerry sews up the Demo- - cratic nomination with primary : victo-- ; ous Abu Ghraib prison, showing U.S. soldiers repeatedly forcing prisoners to look at the video of Janet Jackson's organiright nipple. As human-right- s zations voice outrage, President Bush yows to "punish whoever is responsible for this, no matter who it is, unless of course it is Donald Rumsfeld." Congress vows to hear holdings. John Kerry, looking to improve his image with Red State voters, shoots a duck. The big entertainment news in May is the final episode of "Friends," in which Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe suddenly realize thai that they are, like, 53 rjes in California, Florida, Illinois, Can-- ; ada, France, Germany and Sweden. Kerry's closest rival, John Edwards, drops out of the race, but Dennis Ku-- . cinich stays in, saying that he intends camto keep his idealistic grass-root- s paign going until either all U.S. troops leave Iraq, or Dennis finds a girlfriend. In other political news, Russian president Vladimir Putin easily wins despite exit polls indicating the winner was Howard Dean. On the legal front, a federal jury convicts Martha Stewart on four counts of needing to be taken down a peg. In what many legal experts call an unduly harsh punishment, a federal judge sentences Stewart to be the topic of 17 consecutive weeks of Jay Leno jokes. Speaking of punishments, in... ... the 2004 US presidential efec- tinn mmnaiifn which has been B tinZ , on since the early stages of the Cher Farewell Tour, finally staggers to the. finish line. John Kerry easily sweeps to landslide victory m the exit a poOs and has pretty much picked out his new cabinet when word begins to leak out that the actual, physical voters have elected George W. Bush. Democrats struggle to understand how this could have happened, and, after undergoing a harsh and unsparing conclude that redtate residents are morons. The post election recriminations and iiame-callin-g continue for more than a week, until finally the public, realizing that there are still important issues that affect the entire nation, returns its attention to the Scott Peterson trial, which finally ends with the jury ing Peterson guilty of being just unbelievably irritating. Meanwhile, the condition of Yasser Arafat, already worse than anybody believed possible, somehow worsens still more, until it becomes so bad that Arafat no longer responds to a medical procedure known technically as the Hatpin Test, at which point he is declared legally deceased. NBA . In sports, a Pacers-Piston- s " game in Detroit turns into a riot after Pacers star and rocket scientist Ron Artest, hit by a cup thrown by Fan A, retaliates by charging into the stands and attacking Fans B, C and D. Explaining his actions later on the "Today" show, Artest says he thought he "saw weapons of mass destruction." Speaking of sportsmanship, iii... . much-anticipat- years old. Speaking of final episodes, in ... . more than a year questioning hundreds of witnessesTand reviewing thousands of pages of classified documents, concludes that the attacks were "very bad" and "better not happen again." Congress vows to hold hearings. Meanwhile, in another blow to the U.S.-le- d effort in Iraq, Uruguay announces that it intends to pull its troops out of the coalition. Informed that it has no troops in the coalition, Uruguay asks if it can borrow some. In sports, Lance Armstrong wins his sixth consecutive Tour de France, overcoming the hardship of having to pedal hundreds of kilometers with hostile French persons clinging to his legs. Speaking of sporting triumphs, in ... es of plywood. Damage is extensive, although experts say it would have been much worse if not for a dense protective barrier of TV news people. In other bad news, the Department of Homeland Fear, acting on credible information, raises the National Terror Index Level to "EEEEEEEE," which is a level so high that only dogs can detect it. Speaking of alarming, in ... September ... Florida's weather woes worsen as the Sunshine State is battered on . consecutive days by hurricanes Irving, Jonetta, Karl, Louanne, Myron, Naomi, Orville, Peg and Quentin. When it is finally all over, many Florida residents are completely hairless, and shards of Walt Disney World are coming down as far away as Montana: The federal government, reacting quickly, sends a third sheet of plywood to Florida, and promises that a fourth will be on the way sooa On the legal front, a judge drops rape charges against Kobe Bryant on the grounds that "the Scott Peterson celeb- trial is hogging all the cable-Trity legal analysts." In medical hews, former president Bill Clinton experiences chest pains and is rushed to New terian Hospital, where, in a five-hooperation, surgeons successfully re-move a glazed doughnut the size of a catcher's mitt. Speaking of the National Pastime, in .. . Au&ust Juno ... Greece hosts a highly successful Olympics, with the USA winning ... former President Ronald Reagan dies and embarks on a weekkxig naall the gold medals, at least the ones ... the Federal Communications '' . tional tour. Also Commission levies a $495,000 fine shown on TV. Fears of terrorist at hitting the road for tacks prove unjustified, most likely against Gear Channel Communications the last time is Ray Charles. for a 2003 incident in which Howard President Bush meets with the pope because the terrorists, like everyb7 N else, are watching women's beachl ' Stern, on his nationally broadcast raand, in impromptu remarks afterward, dio show, exposed his right nipple. describes him as "a great American." leybal The only major controversy John Kerry, campaigning in Michigan, involves the men's gymnastics gold 4 Meanwhile, in another blow to the U.S.-le- d coalition effort in Iraq, Spain medal, which is won by American Paul strangles a deer. withdraws its troop, Sgt Juan HernanOn the economic front, there is good Hamm, despite exit polls showing t" dez. As violence in Iraq escalates, critshould have gone to a South Korean; news and bad news. The good news ics of the Bush administration charge On the political front, the Repub- - k ,i 1 is, the US. economy has generated that there are not enough U.S. soldiers 250,000 new jobs. The bad news is that beans gather for their national cony g f in New York Qty, which $ 80 percent of these openings are for over there. Administration officials welcomes them with open armpits. But heatedly deny this, arguing that the . cable TV legal experts needed to specreal problem is that there are too many ulate endlessly about Scott Peterson. the hot political story is the allegation by a group of Swift Boat veterans that Iraqis oVer there. Speaking of jobseekers, in ... In economic news, the price of a John Kerry exaggerated his Vietnam gallon of gasoline at the pump reaches accomplishments, and that in fact his boat was, quote, "not particularly $236.97, prompting widespread concern that there is something wrong ... John Kerry is formally nominated swift." with this particular pump. Congress at the Democratic convention in Bos7 In weather news, an unprecedented vows to hold hearings. ton and, in his acceptance speech, tells series ot hurricanes Arme, Barb, the wildly, cheering delegates that, if he Chuck, Deb, Ernie, Francine, Gus and Speaking of things gone wrong ... is elected president, his highest priority all head directly for FloriHarkxta will be "to develop facial expressions." da, causing millions of Sunshine State - On the terrorism front, the federal residents, by longstanding tradition, to . . . world outrage grew in reaction stores in an efcommission charged with investigatthrong to home-supplfort to purchase the two available piec- to photos taken inside Iraq's notori- ing the Sept. 11 attacks, having spent April , j -- V ur July October ... the Boston Red Sox, ending ah 86- year drought, defeat the St. Louis Cardinals to win the World Series, defying exit polls that had overwhelmingly picked the Green Bay Packers. John Kerry, campaigning in North Carolina, kills a raccoon with a hatchet. Abroad, Yasser Arafat collapses and Hay y A HOLIDAY TREAT FOR iriMI EPA fill Vlff M HMUSON, MUNAK-TV- ii , TUCSON WOT Hair fort when she missed Karh, and Pettigrew thought other pet owners might feel the same. "I have a personal understanding of how it feels to lose a beloved pet, and we strive to treat every fiber entrusted to us as if the pet was Visiting.' We work very hard and with the greatest Continued from Bl Lhasa Apso, Karly, died. Pettigrew created a scarf from some of the hair she had saved from brushing Karh.; Having the scarf gave her corn- - December world is stunned ... the by the unbelievably shocking and astounding and totally unexpected news that some players may have taken steroids. "Gosh, exclaims baseball commissioner Bud "Bud" Selig, "this could explain why so many players suddenly develop 200 additional pounds of pure muscle and, in some cases, a tail." On the military front, the president, in a move that sparks international outrage, announces that he is sending Ron Artest to Iraq. Meanwhile, Yasser Arafat continues to worsen. And he is not alone. As we look back on the events of 2004, we some times get the feeling that the whole world js worsening. It would be easy to become depressed about the future, and yet ... "... and yet we are not. As we approach the end of the year, we find ourselves feeling hope, optimism, and a warm glow of happiness. Why? Because we Ve been hitting the eggnog. We recommend you do the same. But whatever you do: Have a happy new year. ll care to send the pet back home as soon as possible and in loving" r condition,'' she said. A majority of VIP Fibers' f business is with dog hair, though the company has trans- -' formed hair from cats, sheep, alpaca, bison, rabbits, hamsters, ; cows and even horses. Cus- tomers come from aaoss the United States, Canada and over-- ; seas, including England and Indonesia. s Pettigrew devotes a section -of her Web site to discussing tjie merits of spinning pet hair ? into yarn. Yarn spun from dog : hair, in particular, has been con-sidered good hick in the past,and Pettigrew writes that it's 80 percent warmer than sheep's wooL Besides, while a dog has f . 5 1 UMffl&S'Wea 2 SFANSHI mi 12.' 4Q$ San lot II31KS8YXWROII I PQ CKXA&ttOVO 1FISM777 UXITMOm theatre fop showtimes. no passes M Spanglish ONK'KMOM NSSCUFOa WTOSOXSU 115 Mitt Ml IBSmUfrntt. or discount cowws accepted.. A comedy with PG-13l.-- ?; - language all iU own. a. NOW PLAYING spent life living indoors, being bathed and well fed, sheep typically live outside, where their wool is exposed to the elements and all manner of bugs, ticks and lice. "Better yarn from your pet than from a sheep you haven't met," is Pettigrew's catch-phras- e. The transformation from hair into a scarf or blanket isn't cheap. Miller paid more than $200 for the creation of the yarn and another $450 to have his items knitted. Willey's scarf was $95. , The two avowed dog lov- ers both said the expense was worthit. "They will be listed in my obituary, let's put it that way," said Wflley. CHECK LOCAL DIRECTORIES FOR THEATER INFORMATION Sorry, No Passes Accepted For This Engagement. fS XnS' If f THE vT u LIFE AQUATIC 6 sheet minimum tt aim4 Ask about other fer """jj Keapuatic.com nimixii t iubk win mwa eanwunoi eraucHiioiitnciww SPECTACULAR!' CARMIKE - Ms Cuk. USA TODA- WYNNSONQ -- 12 4925N.ED6EWATERDR-PflOV- TYOBIGTllOSUPr f ZISSOU STEYE torn, M0 PASSES. 764-000- 9 BHrTHOEPEl- LEONARDO DiCAPRIO mum suss km .THE. m CVMAWfW0V0 AVIATOR .mm wot am lt.H mm m ama hwr j V uvTt ff. i mm WYNNSQNQ12 001) 1 .Bill" . 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