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Show It's best for a mother to tell her daughter and for a father to tell his son the facts of life. , '.,.e , by Jean Komaiko " X.-- Sei education from the neighborhood gang comes to your child In a smutty and secretive manner. miiiim mmimmmllimmtmmmm iifii iiihp m mi gm t 'T ; : 0 Ur-if- S 'XwA ... Hi 'L." h. - YOUR About Sex?"!' " V leaving it to his older playmates, you're shirking your responsibility as Jj you're ,1 FATHER b c, ' 1 alone In the living room. There was a pause in the conversation, and finally the father said hesitantly, "Son, I think . . . maybe we had a talk about sex. It's time ';kay, JJaa, saia we ooy, wruu woum yuu like to know?" What Father said, next has never been recorded, but it's a safe bet that his sex lecture ended right there. Father's intentions were good; but unfortunately they were years too late. .Like so many other adolescents, his son had already learned the facts of life from his older playmates. What about you? Have you resorted to the time-wofable of the stork? Or left the story of life and birth to the neighborhood kids? Or are you depending on the school to fill in for you? Who is going to tell your child about sex? Authorities agree that this is your job as a parent, and that it is as important as teaching your; child to use.. a spoon or share his toys. They also agree that if your family is a happy one, and has a healthy attitude toward bodily functions, this should be a fairly simple and relaxed experience. When does or should sex education start? There is no one answer, since each child, is a separate entity who has many qualities all his own. These are the' intangibles which make him respond to pain, head colds, ideas, or pressures in his unique way. . His attitude reflects yours ... ' Your child's attitude toward sex depends greatly on you. Don't appear shocked by his questions. rn , ' , , Nq one can predict whether your baby will , notice his body and the bodies of others during his period or whether 'he will sail through this stage oblivious to sex, differences. These things are relative, the unknowns of your child's particular rhythm. But one thing is certain. His future peace of mind about all things having to do with sex will be influenced greatly by your own feelings on the subject If you're relaxed, he will sense this in your answers to his questions, and he will feel comfortable. If you seem shocked or anxious, you may instill in him a sense of secrecy about sex. Unfortunately, many parents still feel that "nice people don't discuss" these very normal : things. A few even wind up talking to a psychiatrist. Like the lady from Vermont, who explained with, great concern, "Doctor, I simply cannot train my child." What words do you use to describe the toilet toilet-traini- ng " -- : . FAMILY WEEKLY MAGAZINE SEPTEMBER S. I'M N . In many neighborhoods, an older child may t .... parent If, on the other hand, your little one I has brothers and sisters, you can safely bet that his silence means he already knows. In case you're wondering how much, check with the older children. If the child does come to you to verify his facts, pe sure that any mistaken information is corrected promptly. alad just entering his AND SON "."T . . and Timmy's bodily functions?" was the first question asked by the psychiatrist. Shocked, the mother said, "Why, none! We never talk about these things in our family!" Even worse than Timmy's mother b the parent who feels obliged to tell the whole truth at once to a tiny child. This is like feeding an infant food too rich for nim to digest. It is frightening and overwhelming.' c Helen Ross, one of the country's great psychoanalysts for children, firmly believes that parents generally read far too much into their children's questions. thinks with his body as well "A as his mind," she says. "When he asks tie first big question (and almost all children are interested primarily in Vhere thebaby comes from') he is seldom ready for the'real answer. I think parents would be wise to say, Mommjr brought you from the hospital.' At three or ' four, most children, having seen pregnant women, can understand about Mother's tummy. A year after that they may understand about the seed or ova. At any rate," says Miss Hoss, "if they seem to ask the same question many times, don't be disturbed. They are simply seeking reassurance and trying to absorb the things you've told them." . ' two-year-- old Some basic rules to follow answer your child's questions before you have a chance to. When he comes home over- whelmed, be loving and reassuring. Don't belittle his informant who may have twisted the facts; simply say that the other child is young, too, and may have been confused. One of the real dangers of letting the neighborhood gang , do your teaching for you is that your youngster may learn about sex in a smutty, secretive way. , With most children, the serious questions about sex come when they're between five and twelve years old. At this period, a child's interests are directed out toward other people and he can best absorb the information. Don't be upset, though, if your adolescent refuses to talk about sex. By his teens, he's embarrassed and anxious to get his postgraduate education outside the home. Answer all the questions that come your way, and when you don't know, say so. If you can't bring yourself to answer the questions, entrust this responsibility, to a special friend whom he loves. Today, too, psychiatrists believe that it's more comfortable and less embarrassing if a father tells his boys and a mother tells her daughters the very special facts of life. If you need a good book for support, Sidonie M. Gruenberg's The Wonderful Story of How You Were Born will help you explain the story of life. A grandmother with many years of experience, Mrs. Gruenberg has written a book which you can' read to or with your child. If ,he wants to read it alone, let him. But don't drill any child on what he's learned about sex. And finally, remember that you will make some mistakes. Conscientious parents always have tried to breathe beaifty into the story of birth and love and life. In small ways many have failed. But they have more than offset their sntall failures , with the larger success of .accepting the responsibility to teach their children about sex. , , The process of telling the child the facts of life should follow a few basic rules. Let him ask the- questions, but answer only what is asked and make it sweet and simple. But what about the child who oesn't ask? Don't accept his silence as indicating a lack of curiosity, for all children are curious about sex. Some, sensing a parent's fears, may wonder If a child suppresses his questions for years, you might be wise to speak to ycur doctor and get his advice on what to do. - . - For a free list of authoritative books and pamphfeti on sex education, write Family Weekly, r 79 N. Michigan 1 Ave., Chicago I, III. |