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Show C'T mils MARCH 11, X L theBeat 4 Phil Elvrum Takes The Mic The man behind The Microphones discusses his new live CD and upcoming Kilby Court show 2004 thelieel Shh.lts a 'Secret Window' Sexy man Johnny Depp stars in a new thriller REDHERRIFJCp MPAA Announces New Ratings he age of the knowledgeable film-goe- r has finally arrived. The Motion Picture Association of America has announced a new rating system, with at least one for every letter of the alphabet. Films may even be eligible for more than one, so now is the time to familiarize yourself with them. The MPAA offered the following descriptions of each of the ratings. by Jeremy Mathews Rated A ' - ' ' ' v x ' it . r - - i I M f ' , , : this 't rating means 'adults only' and replaces the 'NC 17' rating. Now works of art with explicit scenes can be ostracized for this rating instead of ? - f- f" --A Rated B "Requires brains to view. Contains either a complex plot or subtitles." Rated C "Extreme cleavage." Rated CCP "Penises appear, but only in the context of a concentration camp." Rated CTG "Includes at least one scene in which a car drives through a pane of glass. The glass is preferably carried by two men walking across the street, but could also be in the large window of a building." Rated D "Either Dick Van Dyke or a penis appears outside of 'CCP' context." Rated E "Includes enough large explosions to satiate a pyromaniac." Rated FFA "Includes an obviously fake foreign accent." Rated GIR-- 2 "Guy in a room for two hours." Rated "Guy in a room, smoking, for two hours." Rated GS "Geriatric sex" Rated GWS "Your girlfriend wants to see it." Rated HSTAV there's a vagina." "Holy Rated IYLCYCSAT "If you look closely, you can see a tit. Rating holds promise in the growing DVD market of freeze frame and zoom without the annoying VCR lines." Rated JESFYT "Just enough swear words for the film to still be suitable for young teenagers and pretty much anyone who buys a ticket, since the theaters only ID for 'R'." Rated JBEQC "Contains just barely enough questionable content to only be suitable for young teenagers and older. This rating is reserved for independent and foreign films that are ? i ' " . 'NC-17'- ." ' . A "As per Roger Ebert's proposition, ; - ! - t " if; -J.-, ft 1 GIR-2- S SALT LAKE CITY PLAYS IMPRESSIVE ARRAY OF HOST TO AN TATTOO ARTISTS s, matemore enriching than 'JESFYT'-rate- d rial, but that didn't have studio lawyers carefully altering the content to get a specific rating. Rated KKK "No people of color, Jews or Catholics." Rated LMLYP "Features music by Ween." Rated MIR "A remake of a classic thriller whose main difference is clear sounds of masturbation while Norman Bates spies through the peephole." Rated NV "Contains no violence." Rated O "Modem-dahigh school version of Shakespeare's 'Othello' with hot young actors." Rated PE "Contains a nondescript plummeting end to the villain in order not to upset the kids. Reserved for Disney cartoons." Rated Q "Questionable storyline. Applies to films such as 'Mulholland Drive' in which the actual story is indecipherable." Rated R "The director managed to get the studio to allow him or her to go beyond the 'JESFYT' requirements." Rated SC "A situation comedy." Rated SGBPNWYT "Semi-goobut probably not worth your time." Rated T "You don't have to look closely to see these tits. Also a popular rating on the DVD market, as it was on VHS." Rated UW "Utterly Worthless." Rated VWAP "The violence actually has artistic purpose." Rated W "Contains women." Rated X "Fun for the whole family." words 1 - by JAMIE GADETTE , - Above: Christian from the German parlor 0815 Tattoo covers Rocky Patel's new tattoo to protect the skin from infection. Top main photo: Erick Amenta won the competition for best sleeves, which include tattoos that wrap around the arms, legs and other wrapable areas. y d see herring, page 86 Below: Kim Bumpus won the Best Overall Female prize for her art gallery of a body, which might explain why she has no shirt on. photos by DAVE WEISS In 30 years, senior citizens will not only be distinguished by such typical trappings as polyester slacks and prescription sunglasses, but also by their H...H1.IIHH .mi. y 1., I skin, sagging and drenched in faded ink marks of a genera- tion intrigued by the tattoo. Although certainly not a new phenomenon, the revived interest in body modification extends past an alternative nation. C.J. Starkey of Lost Art Tattoo likens the industry's current boom to the fervor surrounding more socially acceptable fads. "1 think it's bigger in a Justin Timberlake way," he said. "The underground has gone mainstream." Starkey, who along with Nate Drew helped organize this year's first annual Salt Lake City International Tattoo Convention, is more confident in the long term appeal of the ancient art form. Although not a tattoo artist himself, the Virginia native spent his formative years surrounded by the subcultural enterprise. He understands the secret behind its staying power: "Sincerity and good work is able to prolong itself and last over time." When Starkey first moved to Utah five years ago, he wasn't certain if the highly conservative state would help cultivate his theories on tattooing. It only took one sign a Slayer poster emblazoned in flames for his original conceptions to dissipate. Standing outside the Heavy Metal Shop, Starkey glimpsed a potential audience for tattoo art. Five years later, he and Drew set off to recruit some of the world's best artists to purvey the burgeoning market. For three days starting Feb. 27, Salt Lake City residents were invited to witness a spectacle unlike any other event held at the Salt Palace convention center. Starkey worked hard to ensure the landmark occasion yielded a positive experience for all involved. He and Drew went to great lengths to provide visiting artists with a favorable impression of the city, noting that many conventions offer little incentive to return. Many of them house guests in bad hotels far from the urban center, distanced from evening entertainment "We wanted to dispel Utah myths, such as those that you can't get a drink here," Starkey raid. Their diligent efforts paid off, even to the extent of attracting Sabado, a Japanese artist who had not appeared at a convention for seven years. The elusive craftsman turned out to be an amazing presence. see tats, page R2 Japanese artist Horizakura, from New York City, practices a traditional tattoo method. case you couldn't guess, Surat Lertpiriyapong's bodysuit won the Best Overall Male prize. In |