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Show 6 FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, THE DAILY UTAH CHRONICLE 2002 p"" VR4 ,p,w f--- n n mm f JW """V . F f CHRIS YEATES Chronicle Feature Columnist "Transit ridcrship is hard to predict. It's really a crapshoot." Steve Swan, UTA Service Planner, 9172001 How naive can one man be? Very. My first day of class, I hopped smugly into my slightly unkempt Geo Metro and drove up to the U determined that, like Y2K, this The Biggest Stomp of the Year! whole parking controversy had been dramatically embellished. As I nearcd the U, the truck in front of me careened over a divider and pulled into a church parking lot. Apparently the driver had spotted a parking space. I, myself, thought this driver must be paranoid. Surely there would be somewhere closer to park. (I believe the actual closest parking spot that day turned out to be in the parking garage of Crossroads Plaza.) Upon discovering I had been overly optimistic, I quickly developed a new plan. I would park in the University Bookstore lot, attend my classes, buy a few books at the end of the day and use a validation sticker to avoid any additional expenditures. But again I had underestimated the cost of attending the U. Not only had my textbooks well exceeded my last paycheck, but the was sticker validation time stamped, and, alas, I had to fork out more money to the nice girl behind the little white booth on my way out. I drove home dissatisfied. I had avoided TRAX until now, but apparently fate wanted a recluse like myself to step aboard public transportation. My father, a t, was as thrilled Friday January 1 8 8pm-Midnig- ht Union Ballroom Sponsored by Delta Chapterof Sigma Gamma Chi L 0 S S .nn TRAX-cnthusias- A Let handrail. day miracle of soap and shampoo, but I wouldn't necessarily be seated next to them. I considered happily the chance that I might be seated next to a young girl who was majoring in fine arts and pleasantly reading Dostoevsky. Yes, I thought, I had underestimated TRAX. Surely it would be a relaxing and convenient experience. How naive can one man be? I now believe that TRAX is actua diabolical ally experiment to see how many human designed bodies can actually be compressed 0 into a Siemens train (a number, by the way, which is surprisingly high.) I, myself, was stacked neatly atop seven other students, sandwiched happily between a brunette and a blonde. I am So Okay. exaggeratperhaps ing a bit. Her breasts weren't that big and the brunette had bad breath, but the point is still relevantis it worth being herded like cattle to the U for this international carnival of athletics? I mean, in all honesty, by the time the train stopped, I had some poor fellow beneath my armpit. I'm not making this part up. I was surrounded by students and worried that I might fall over. I needed a nice-smelli- ng SD-10- nice-smelli- big-breast- ed The only could reach one was to above arm some other kid's put my head and hold on. If I thought my experience on TRAX was dreadful, what must that poor sod have thought staring at my armpit for 15 minutes? Eventually, the train did make it to the U. I stepped out smelling delightfully of 12 other people. This odor problem had other implications. Later that day I made a halfhearted attempt to flirt with a girl by telling her she smelled nice. This was slightly embarrassing because her fragrance, as I was informed, was primarily the result of being crammed up against a woman who had been wearing very expensive perfume. It was also embarrassing because this girl turned out to be a boy. But, you know, he smelled nice and, bundled in all this winter attire, how could I tell the difference? It will be an interesting semester, anyhow, to see how similar students and sardines can be, to see if professors arc prepared for "tardics" to enter the triple digits, to sec if Gov. Mike Leavitt might warmly welcome us to park on his front lawn and ferry us down to the I way U in his SUV. I doubt that last bit will happen. But, until we find out, we can only look forward to smelling one another as we are packaged neatly aboard the UTA crapshoot. Chris welcomes feedback at: cycateschronicle.utah.edu. others romp alxHit in the snow for mere medals. On January 23rd, you can play in the while stuff (or MP3 or DVD players! And you don't have to wear anything sequined or made of x the TRAX opened as he was the day my sister was born. He kept telling me how great it was (TRAX, not birth). So, perhaps, I began thinking, TRAX would not be so bad. Sure, aboard the train there were bound to be smelly people who had yet to discover the 1 lycra. It's U Winterfest 2002 Snow Daze from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the Olpin Union! Get your team together (all U students, faculty, and staff arc eligible) for the Ice Sculpture competition and limed Relays in the five-perv- snow. The best combined t , t n -- yen 1 I..,; . ' w, t - - j t : i tm T.V J'? I - . .. iJ f M sane from all events I I. wins either an MP3 or DVD player for each team member. The team's sponsoring organization will also win i party in the Union Recreation free (Center. lliere'll also be drawings for tickets to U Medals Night and a tasty Winter Barlecue at noon. Plus, lit at Campus Recreation will have some of its cool winter gear on hand for demonstration. For more information, call SCULPT, RACE, AND PLAY YOUR WAY TO AN MP3 OR DVD PLAYER jLvmrjiPFOT musmmzL A. January 23 9 AM Ice Sculpture Competition Judging and Xintc IWbccue PM: Snow Rehy Race 3 PM: Award NOON: Noon-- 1 January 23 585-689- 1- -3 VMt I |