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Show 10 THE SUMMER UTAH CHRONICLE JUNE 20, 2001 WEDNESDAY, aker L osses Bring Out B est Bad Behavior ERIC WALDEN Chronicle Sports Editor ! woke up two days ago feeling like a few dozen members of a troupe had used the space between my head and my shoulders for their personal, private practice ground. I'm pretty sure it's called a neck, but the intense pain I've been feeling has reduced rny ability to think coherently to the level President r Dubya, who, on his trip to Europe, made the amazing discovery that all them people in Spain speak Mexican, too. Vhat a Not liking to draw attention to myself, let alone be perceived as the whiny, wimpy weakling I actually am but haven't yet been labeled as, I've tried to downplay the whole situation. Unfortunately, it's been incredibly easy for my colleagues and friends to notice. The fact that I only flipped off half the people who walked through The Chrony's Sports Office on Tuesday, rather than the whole lot of 'em, was a dead give wooden-shoe-cla- first-eve- ty for the Lakers in order to understand what could cause me to act in such a fashion that makes a 3 year old who's made to go to bed when all he wants to do is watch his Scooby Doo video for a time seem mature by contrast. Think of the movie "E.T." Remember that scene where Elliott and the alien are inside the scientists' lab, hooked up to all the machinery, where they're so in synch with one another, so inseparably linked that they're registering the same heartbeats, the same brainwaves, the same vital signs? That's me and the Lakers. When I was a little boy, every Lakers loss was tantamount to the death of a relative. Actually, it was probably a lot worse, since I never really got to know any of my extended family too well. Who needs cousins when you've got Kareem? Anyway, I thought that, with the hefp of time and perspective, I had outgrown my excessive and ridiculous emotional attachment to a professional basketball franchise embodied by a group of personalities and lifestyles further from my world and reality and comprehension than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery preferences (incidentally, what the hell is up with that nose?!). Clearly, as Game t against Philly demonstrated, that is not the case. As the Lakers blew a away that something was terribly wrong. So, given my inability to undergo the proper medical treatment (I hear the Dean of Students d clog-dancin- g frowns upon downing bottles of tranquilizers with a few swigs of hard liquor while actually on the university's premises), I have been quite cranky, surly, cross, irritable, petulant, irascible, crabby, querulous, grouchy and cantankerous. And given all that, I still haven't even come close to approaching the mood I was in during Game i of the NBA Finals between the Philadelphia 76ers and my Los Angeles Lakers. First off, just let me preface what I'm about to say with the admission that I know exactly how it sounds for me to bemoan the sour grapes-is- h Lakers single Playoff loss after they just won a e NBA title and set A new record for best postseason winning percentage in the process. I care about their failure to become the first team in NBA history to go through the Playoffs undefeated as little as I care about your aunt's classboyfriend's sister's daughter's mate's pet rabbit explaining its preference of iceberg lettuce to romainc. Are we clear on that? My point is simply that you have to have the proper appreciation for, and context of, my affini third-consecuti- ve second-consecutiv- third-grad- e BASEBALL imiinimiini m lead with about 2 minutes left in overtime. I was roiling on the floor, kicking the couch, throwing anything within reach, using every curse word ever known to man and making up a few new ones, just for good measure. In retrospect, I could look at this infantile tirade and be embarrassed and ashamed that it was precipitated by such a seemingly inconsequential event as a poor performance by my favorite pro basketball team... But why would I? Fortunately enough, the neighbors were not at home to call the cops, and none of my roommates or friends were around to watch the game and be subsequently put off by my behavior. Then again, all who know me recognize me for the loon I am and are biding their time for the authorities to put me in my proper place among all the other loons. My future in politics aside, though, I guess I justify and condone my behavior with the premise that, in this era of apathy and indifference, at least I'm being passionate about something. Who cares if it's only a dumb sports team we can't all save the whales. Besides...in lieu of finding those damn doggers and feeding them their shoes, I've got to direct my energy somewhere. Eric welcomes feedback at: mn MMiiiMiineiM T mil . i ma. continued from page 9 3 TASTE THE GREAT TASTE OF OUR t "-- vy r. I Chicken Salad ''"''Cife"'''''''''' 9 ggfy"--"- 8" V -11- 11 1 " that Major League Baseball has an interest in our guys." Despite being taken in the latter half of MLB's Draft, each of the three U players obviously felt good about their opportunities to one day reach the big leagues. Shclton, last year's MWC Player of the Year and a Second Team led the Utes with a .374 average, home runs (good for 12th in the 19 RBI and 22 doubles. The 66 nation), catcher, who played just one year for the Utes after transferring from Salt Lake Community College, was taken in the 33rd round by the Pittsburgh 1 " f 1 jii 1 1 . X A. Pirates. The Utes also had two pitchers drafted, righties Bailey and Palmer. Bailey, who was 5 with a 6.70 ERA, and went in the 31st round to the Anaheim Angels, while Palmer, who was 5 with a 5.91 ERA, was snatched up in the 41st round by the St. Louis Cardi- r 7-- nals. ewaidenchronicle.utah.edu COLUMBIA DailvUTAH PICTURES CHRONICLE continued from page 9 HlflTE YOU AND A GUEST TO AN ADVANCE CREEN.NG ON WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20 tip-to- IN HOLLADAY ft! TV Vi, model, actor and siisgsr Tyrese got his big break wbes he appeared In a commercial lor what popular sett drink? Stop by the offices of iitah Chronicle located in the T&a OsS.y SfnSon Eulltiicg, Room 236 besinniog today, Wednesday, Mm 20" at 12:09 PM and tell us the correct answer, la exchange, you'll receive a complimentary pass lor two to see Passes good while supplies last. One pass per person per household sponsors and their agencies are not eligible Mo purchase necessary No phone calls please THIS FILM IS RATED "FT FOR STRONG SEXUALITY, LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME DRUG USE. PHOTO ID WILL BE NECESSARY FOR ADMITTANCE. A PARENT OR ADULT GUARDIAN MUST ACCOMPANY CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 17. Participating OFEHO WEDNESDAY, JUNE I MMHBMMB.WWKMmBM 27 believe it is called is too easy. Let's just say I closely examined p the whole course. It was in shape, but my game wasn't. After my hot start two straight bogeys I'm thinking my nine on the par-- 4 third hole is what sent me under. You know how they say this game is all mental? I'm convinced that once my ego took a shot to the jugular, my chance at claiming the title was gone. Who put that pond there anyway? But then came my glory. After a mile-hig- h tee shot that went maybe 100 yards, I crushed a shot over a little lip and into a gully. My approach to the green was flawed. My chip uphill must have caught a stiff wind, or maybe I was pointed in the wrong direction, because my shot ended up in a different area code than I wanted. I would have to shoot again to reach the green. I hit a fine chip that rolled five feet from the pin. Goosen had his turn, now I would have mine. I calmly drew back my putter, and like a champ, sunk the easy shot. Five shots, on a par. five. That's right, a par. It's irrelevant that even a plastered John Daly could eagle the hole with one hand tied behind his back. I got a par. I didn't care that, on the same hole, my little brother nailed a putt for birdie; I hit a par, the day was a success. I shot a 55. No, not over 18 holes, that would be good. I shot a 55 over just nine holes of golf. Carding that kind of score, I might be able to grace the roster of a JV golf I high-scho- ol Travis Palmer elected to go the pro route rather than return to the Utes. team maybe at least be the team caddie. If I was in the U.S. Open, there's no way I would have made the first-da- y cut. Actually, .I'd be surif prised they didn't ask me to leave y after seeing me my first triple-boge- couple holes. I tried to piece together why I had done so horribly, except for the obvious fact that I had no talent. My drives had been alright, except for when I would hit into the weeds, which was, like, every hole. Come to think of it, I didn't have a decent drive all day. Onto my iron and woods work. Decent, but still subpar. Wait, there was the drink I hit into, twice. So the irons were crappy. My chipping was decent, when I drew good contact, which was sparse. And then there was my putting. Ah, my putting. Let's just say I can relate with Goosen are tricky. those I guess the reason I didn't do well is that I have no strengths in golf. It adds up. I learned something valuable from my experience Tiger Woods I am not. Next time, I would just rather pass on a game in which I can be embarrassed by two 15 year olds. Getting beaten by 13 strokes in heat isn't my idea of fun. I'll pass on taking the pseudo-sposeriously and save the honesty for retirement. Not until I get wrinkled and I can call putting around in a motorized cart and swatting sticks at undersized balls quality exercise will I ever again take a serious approach to the game. jRory wecorneseedbacfc at: five-foote- COACHES continued from page 9 Big Sky Conference Team in 1 3 So. His coaching resume1 is a bit more prolific than Collet's, though. He has coached professionally since 1990. including stints on the '92 Mexican Olympic Team, and personally directing six different a'diletes from six different nations at the '96. Olympic Summer "Gaines. On the coliegiate level, he joined the WSU staff four years ago and has coached 10 and two track A . cross country In that time. ewaldenchronide.utah.edtj rs rt The Daily Utah Chronicle is currently accepting applications for sports writers. If interested, apply Union 240. |