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Show Tuesday, March 23, 1999 8 - The Daily Utah Chronicle Don't Forget to Get Wacky MAGICWORKS WEST PRESENTS Ladysmith Black Mambazo Dennis Hinkamp The Utah Statesman (Utah State U.) of the hardware simultaneously the plumbing gods and cursing to "Turn off the myself, chanting main water valve first, turn off the main water valve first," when I noticed I was standing in the Y2K I was walking out store, the other day canyon. To the west was a mountain of Tuesday March 23 Hall Kingsbury and Kingsbury Tickets at the Hall box office 0 outlets or charge by phone at or 581-710- all ArtTix 355-ART- S TlMfO ONLINII SLC.MACICWIIKS.COM Two Tickets per Student ID hi food barrels, gallon water buckets. To the east were and jugs generators and propane heaters. Yea, though I stood in the valley of numdorkness, I fear no four-dig- it in three zeros. ber ending My own Y2K prediction is that come Jan. 1, 2000 we are all going to be stuck with a lot of rolled oats, round bricks of crystallized honey and rusting Coleman generators in our basements. Not to worry, though, it will be a great legacy to leave whomever has to clear out your house when you go to that swap meet in the sky great after-lif- e or telemarketing convention in the netherworld, whichever your current lifestyle yields. Superfluous storage is a genetic trait in my family. My family was Y2K compliant when Y2K compliant wasn't cool. A couple weeks ago I used the last sheet of the last roll of Grandma's Saran Wrap. This is only consequential if you know that grandma has been dead for more than 10 years. This was not the fancy new cling-fre- e and microwave safe but the good, kind that requires d and extraordinary patience coordination to use. It troubles me that I am either a Saran Wrap d glutton or that Grandma Y2K by a mere nine months. I was relieved to find out that when her belongings had been distributed, the cache of plastic wrap had actually been distributed among several fam kind-guara- 5l)J nteed ed eye-han- miss-time- f ily members. So, in fact, grandma had a personal stash of plastic wrap that would have lasted well past 2005. Not bad forecasting considering that at the time she started hoarding things there weren't many computer chips to worry about. I'd like to credit her with being at least as astute a prognosticator as Nostradamus, but I know better. Grandma didn't fear 2000. The year 2000 was to be the solution to, not the cause of, all our worries. People would be zapping their molecules around the universe in Star Trek fashion or at least flying their cars around town. The idea of eating dehydrated food in a candlelight basement was a reversal of fortune far beyond her comprehension. Grandma just liked to have food around the house. It was a monument to her shopping skills; dusty pyramids of cake mixes, canned beets and instant mashed potato flakes. Who needed fresh food when you could buy tasty cakes with the shelf life of Shakespeare? Of coyrse, she also saved old before newspapers recycling became a badge of hipness. Her reasons remained locked in her mind as a final mystery for our family to solve. We had hoped that there were General Electric stocks or new $20 bills hidden somewhere in this mess. But no. She also saved the corners of potato chip bags to use instead of toothpicks or dental floss. She wasn't trying to save trees or corner the market on used newsprint. She was just wacky. In the end, this turned out to be a gift far more valuable than any of the stuff people hoard. Wackiness will get you through Y2K, sour rela- tionships, insipid government, enraged drivers and just about any 100 life sinking fastballs at throws you. Put it on your mile-per-ho- mega Get wacky today. U-Wi- re L, University Bookstore would like to thank Coach Rick Majerus for the time he spent signing books and meeting his fans at the Bookstore March 8th. Thanks Utes, for a Great Season! Coach Majerus' autobiography My life on a Napkin is available at the University Bookstore. Bookstore University tnosie Aelection, mote i&uuce. UNIVERSITY OF UTAH NICK AND HELEN PAPANIKOLAS SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION DEADLINE EXTENSION Monday, April 5, 1999 Requirements: Completed and signed application preferably typed. A supplementary sheet for the "additional information" required. U of U transcript, including Winter 1998: must have at least 30 U of U hours. Transfer work must also include your "Summary of. Transfer Credit." This is available from the Transcripts Office, 250.SSB. Two letters of recommendation. It is the responsibility of the student to ensure these letters are forwarded to Ethnic Studies. Students are not eligible for a scholarship unless they are matriculated at the University of Utah and plan to comacaplete 12 units for each semester of the 1999-200- 0 demic year. RETURN THE COMPLETED APPLICATION BY DEADLINE OF MONDAY, APRIL 5, 1999 TO THE ETHNIC STUDIES PROGRAM OFFICE. 112 CARLSON HALL FOR INFORMATION CALL 6 581-520- |