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Show it 1hniai.Urefel.ltM Tte Daihr utaft CkrMiclc JASON WOOD The Sixers' Shawn Bradley: a big, goofy waste of cash is something inherent to professional sports. Integrity athletic achievement does not simply appear like wet spots on June Allyson's bloomers. However, many pundits will argue that the exorbitant amounts of money involved in pro competitiveness have infringed upon the games' virtue. Although likening pro sports unto Janie Skeezemore in the back of an El Camino is not without its truisms, the admirable qualities of athletics have not been prostituted businesses sports have become. by the multibillion-dolla- r The big dough aspect of sports has made for some ridiculous shit, though. Take for example the case of Shawn Bradley. Not too long ago, the future circus geek from Delle or Tooele signed a $40 million contract with the Philadelphia 76ers. n Touted as the most athletic possibility ever, to LDS embarked Australia after on an mission Bradley one sole season with Brigham Young. Following two years of sitting on his ass doing administrative duties and eating casseroles at members' homes, he returned. At which time God told the ol'. weight guesser to go pro. His Take is 400 K. So Bradley was off to the City of " Brotherly Love. The Sixers' bean counters probably raised the Maalox stock after watching Bradley's summer practices. He was skinnier than a coke freak on Top Ramen and he was get Perhaps they neglected the fact that their big boy led to second in the 1991 WAC regular season title the Utes. And the only reason the Y. won the tourney is because Tyrone Tate choked. Additionally, the Philly drafters seemingly did not see the way Walter Watts slapped Bradley around like John Daly's wife. A harbingerial specter in Laramie. Bradley was simply not ready to compete with the likes of Olajuwon, Robinson and Ewing. Hell, he can't play with Pace Mannion or Bart Kofoed. The Sixers jumped the gun on tne sweet dork from Clive. They should have let Bradley train for a couple of years with Jimmie Walker while he collected g book. God's Bank would royalties from his still be in on 10 percent of the take. contract is up, he might By the time Shawn's well have becpme a player of Fred Roberts' ability. I do not think, however, that Roberts pulled in seven bucks an hour this season. Disney will make a film about the Bradley Sixers entitled Blank Check 2: The Big Philly Blunder, and Shawn will move back to Grantsville to make a living picking apples from really tall trees. The Sixer management will die in a Wacoesque stand-of- f, thinking how stupid they were to pay that geek 40 mil while they let the Jazz get Hornacek. See you in the finals. ting knocked around. Seriously. Never fear, said the front office. Bradley will become the franchise player we're banking on. All he needs is time. After his first season has come to a premature end due to injury, the hopes of the Sixers have been realized. Although the franchise Bradley will most likely help is Barnum & Bailey. V BYU chase--behin- Disney will make a film about the Bradley Sixers entitled Blank Check 2: The Big Philly Blunder ... if d heart-warmin- six-ye- big-ma- Chronicle Editor In Chief n For the mill Bradley collected this year he racked up four bursts of tears, two points, six injured joints and 22 whines per game. Did the Philly scouts take into consideration that Bradley's basketball experience before directly entering near-seve- the NBA consisted entirely of games with pick-u- p Aborigines on Go against the grain. high-scho- ol Intramural Report With Dave llosiclc Intramural volleyball teams are chasing season ending Cut down on salt. tournament championships tests Sun Block. begin for indoor soccer Indoor soccer Tournament action begins with the Bruts facing Dick's Body Parts, with the squads. Co-R- Volleyball ec Testing each other in the winners bracket finals will be the Floor Play bunch and Sun Setters. Fighting it out in the losers bracket will the Independent team and Alpha American Heart Association be- - Beta Shoppers. Collecting wins in winners bracket semifinal contests were the Floor Play team and Sun Setters. Floor Play silenced the Independent team and it was the Sun Setters besting the Ceemies. First round in losers bracket action saw the Independent team dash the title hopes of the Drug Spikers and the Alpha Beta Shoppers ended the tournament stay for the Ceemies. Men's volleyball the CAS team claim- $195' LONDON It was ing honors in the winners $222 bracket with a win over the MILAN $222' $222' $255' $325' $325' Sun Block team. Survival will be the name of ROME $325 VIENNA $325' PARIS FRRNKFURT MUNICH MADRID LISBON ORIENT SALT LAKE GOLDEN EAGLES VS. FORT WAYNE KOMETS FACE OFF AT 7:00 PM roiDAy NietiT FANATIC FAMILY RELAY SCHOOL SPIRIT RELAYS TOHVO RT from LRX $659 TAIPEI RT from LAX $699 Hound Trip RT from LM $749 leslrtlionsHaii Quarterfinal action Friday begins at 6 p.m. with the United Team tackling the Yellows or Dead Owls. At 7 p.m., the Norwegian Vikings take a shot at either the Bruts or Dick's Body Parts. The 8 p.m. action will send the Independent team to the court against either the Gubernaculi or Scrubs. At 9 p.m., the Wonkers will defend the net against the winner of the Pagans and Last Quarters Left Overs. Titles will be on the line on March 11 at 6, 7 ad 8:30 p.m. in the HPER gym. For more information, conN-1- tact the intramural office at 581-379- between the hours of 7 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Mon.-Fr- i. Spurs fall to become Jazz' latest victim offlMO) ooarau YO YO'S TO THE FIRST 2,0004- - 'I! Left Overs. Special to the Chronicle 4 Antonio Spurs to end the game and registered. their seventh consecutive victory, 106-9The Spurs led 0 when Dale Ellis hit a baseline jumper from 17 feet out. That, however, would be the last lead for the Spurs. 26-1- Discount Posses HONG HONE Gubernaculi tangling with the Scrubs. The Yellows will try to put more points on the board than the Dead Owls and the Pagans take a shot at Last Quarters The Utah Jazz outscored the San for Eurail Coll the game in losers bracket action as the No Fear team and tournament action is set to Q Q Q y ar HOT 943 DJ DANCE PARTY TICKETS ONLY WITH SCHOOL ID $4 Apply SATURDAY NI6HT X96 BEACH PARTY ON ICE ON-IC- E LIMBO CONTEST PRE-GAM- E BEACH BANIf WIN mD2 - MIGHTY DUCKS RETURN" MOVIE TICKETS WEAR YOUR BEACH ATTIRE AND RECIE VE $3 OFF ANY TICKET! i 6. 82-8- After a Jazz timeout, Jeff Hornacek led the final charge that brought the Jazz the victory. He hit a three-poishot on the first possession after the timeout to give the Jazz an 83-8- 2 lead that they never gave up. Hornacek helped to increase the Jazz lead when he threw a behind-the-bac- k pass to a streaking John Stockton to boost the lead to nt dp 3 85-8- After a 2. basket by Vinny Del Negro, Hornacek hit an shot as he was being, fouled. The off-balan- KLLFtiOTlCtSCXS K5HE2ED13L-lf- l milf vntiHi iKikIaiivVI' Mill subsequent free throw would put the Jazz up 4 and they would coast from there. 88-8- |