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Show 1 LEHI FREE PRESS. LKHI. UTAH POOR EYESIGHT J Tew 1 Little -- OUR COMIC SECTION Events in the Lives of Little Men y l me?" "I'll say," Wmi i Bglli; particulars concerning the financial standing and reliability of his proposed customer. "Indeed," said the clergyman, " can give you no guarantee; I have merely a casual acquaintance with the man." "That's strange," said the merchant. "He told me that he attended your church pretty regular- fl tame WmZn?l f THAT 6IRL She I never saw you in the light of a lover, Dick. Dick You can only see one in the light of a lover, usually in the dark. ? NEXT "Do you think I'm beautiful?" "You bet." "Are my eyes the loveliest you've ever seen?" mouth like "my "You know it." a rosebud?" " and my figure divine?" "Uh-huh.- " "Oh, Elmer, you say the nicest things. Tell me some more." One Must Mrs. Simpton Daughter, let me impress upon you that you should never let a man kiss you. How perfectly silly, Dorothy mamma. You certainly wouldn't want me to have to do all the kissing, would you? "He does," returned the clergyman. "He always gets me to mar- Stray Stories Magazine. so wn "Yes." BATTER UP I ly" r Loquacious Elmer Elmer, do you love "Elmer film actor gave the name of a clergyman as reference in ? busiThe merchant ness transaction. phoned the clergyman and asked for AH, JUST n D A on, Funny fljm Side OLD CUSTOMER ry him!" On the -yf Enough in One 1 Superintendent That new letter carrier should make a good baseball pitcher. Assistant Why? Superintendent He's there with the delivery, all right. "There's one thing I like about that boy of yours, Jones." said Smith, after he had patiently listened to the latest achievement of the child. "What's that?" said the fond father. "He isn't a twin." EVEN A WORM HIGH C'S "You're light on your feet, little one." "I'm sure that's better than be- ing light in the head like you." This Trick Worked The chief was always being pestered by beggars. One man came every fortnight and could not be shaken off. Chief I ordered you not to let that man in! Porter Pardon me, sir, but he (will not be refused. Chief If you knew what he want-leyou would never admit him. What does he wuvt? j Porter THE FEATHERHEADS "1 ( . SAV6UVMOR- -1 NEED A FRIEND BAD V ' r i Introducing L "i-Kl- J VA L Tom Fish Careful, Ed, I've heard that worms turn on you. UCK2?J You Guess It parson had taken for liis text at his young men's class "Miss Keys went to Professor the parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins. In conclusion, he Strum, the eminent pianist." said: "Now, you young men, "How's the touch?" "Pretty strong. Four dollars a which would you prefer? The Ave wise virgins with the light, or the lesson." five foolish virgins in the dark?" The vote was unanimous. IT'LL BE A SHOCK A young d Chief-Y-our job. Sweet Credulity "A man who persists in mendacity can always find some one to believe him." "Human nature is strangely hopeful," answered Miss Cayenne. "Whenever he brings along a new story you imagine ' that this time maybe you will catch him telling the truth by accident." The Brute Miss Modern (to judge): "Not only did he break my heart and wreck my life, but he messed up my entire evening." What the Tramp Saw First Tramp You wouldn't do The Conquest with a mad dog what I saw the woman of that house doing with her baby. Second Tramp What did you see her doing? First Tramp I saw her kissing it. Sood VJMV-M-V MAM MS MAMS v r "I'm the happiest woman in the world. I'm marrying the man I want." "Oh, "Ach, Sandy, the baby's swal- penny!" LOCKING THEM Rub Cuticura Ointment into scalp-l- eave overnight then wash with rich lathering, medicated Cuticura Soap. Helps clear out dandruff, relieves itchy-scal- THAT FOR JIM and promotes lustrous hair growth. Start the Cuticura treatment today. FREE Sample write "Cuticura Dept 32, Maiden, Mass. i 7? look Above Suspicion By Ted O'Loughfin FINNEY OF THE FORCE IjyjYou By Western ver.11 Kwipjwr Union r's up? J i got Tiep J for "Your father seems to object to me on "No. ciples." 'I was worrying about you last night, Jim, dear." "There was no use." "I know, but I always worry over general principles." He says you have no prin- The Restless Mind "You ought to take a day off and go fishing." "No," answered the constant toiler; "I'd rathei stay in the of- fice and think about fishing than be out in a fishing boat 'thinking about work." Empty Like the Desert First Girl Where were you on your vacation? No- Second Girl (listlessly) man's land. BiJfTalo Courier Ex press. ;f" WHAT JhAPPEkJEP? IT PIP f FOBBED BrtrJEV VoU BEFORE Hoa f M?T 1 f ,T ii rltiT have Uppers or Lowers? pfSg lillS gjgg Mom, you said the has your eyes and daddy's didn't you? Mother Yes, darling. VVillio hnHor watrh Wall irmi I him, he has grandpa's teeth, now. Good heal th a nd success go together. W f "How erved, 'Is price?" II Coming Up do you like sir?" there any your difference "What material would you suga bathing suit?" Competent Clrk Do you want it to bathe in, Madam? Bl'TTINKY surfer burning, scanty ot frequent urination; backache, headache, diziiness, loss of energy, leg pains, swellings and puffines under the eyes? Are you tired, nervousfeel all unstrung and don't know what is wrong? Then give som thought to your kidneys. Be sure they function properly for functional kidney disorder permits excess waste to stay in the blood, and to poison and upset the whol system. Use Doan's Pills. Doan't are for tha kidneys only. They are recommended the world over. You can get the genDoan's at any drug d uine, store. egg in "None whatever, sir." men serve it on a slice oi nam. Bug conies Spooners I.Mat that blamed Johnny it. Don't 34-- 38 you time-teste- 1 ) WEALTH AND HEALTH DO fcaby flose, Tiilr-- miiiIii WNU gest for Little Willie i handicap yourself get rid of a sluggish, acid condition with tasty Milncsia, the original milk of magnesia in wafer form. Each wafer equals 4 teaspoon fuls milk of magnesia. Neutralizes acids and gives you pleasant elimination. 20c, 35c Cc 60c sizes. DON'T MENTION IT trifles." I else "You know you can't take your with you when you die." "That's true, and I can't help wondering what some of those fellows will do when they wake in heaven and find that they're no better off than their neighbors." Fatal Thrift "Did you hear about the Scotch gangster getting killed?" "He lit a bomb and hated to throw it away." 3 somebody money "Weel, let him ha'e it tomorrow's his birthday." W , nothing. True hapto a girl who mar- piness comes ries the man wants!" d lowed a that's thri-- ' iuw.. |