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Show i j7)r May 31, 2001 Q dealing with marriages and jobs," he said by Mary Galbrafth aflDD(ol Q5 Hilltop Times staff It's been a year since Lorraine Vernon lost her son to a wound. gunshot Her son, Jeremy Merrill, was a talented perfectionist, Summa Cum Laude University of Utah graduate and a former student body president who was working as a probation officer in Yuma, Ariz. He wasn't addicted to drugs, nor did he have a problem with alcohol. But his marriage of seven years had ended and he'd just divorced. "Having been a divorcee, I felt the depression he was going through self-inflict- ld Those are two major ones that seem to ' Loved one's death leaves family members asking 'why' self-inflict-ed morning when I went to work. I had plans to do things. I had a class scheduled, but I didn't go. I knew it surrounded my son somehow, but I just wasn't sure how." Vernon said her son had approached coworkers for help. But because he was doing well at work and "had so much going for him" fellow officers thought he was not at serious risk. "They were afraid of bringing it to his supervisors because of repercussions. They didn't believe he would do it At work he was doing fine. He was functioning," she said. "In his line of work I don't think they handle depression very well. He was worried about the consequences of seek- ing help. There are certain professions that don't think people should get depressed or seek counseling." Vernon said while there may be certain signs leading up to suicide, there are no stereotypes. She said in one suicide survivor's support group she met a psychiatric nurse whose husband had committed suicide. The husband was also a psychiatric nurse working with suicidal young adults. Vernon said despite being surround by professionals who were aware of the signs of never suicide, his friends and saw symptoms. co-work- for. Sondrup said major depression and substance abuse play large factors in Air Force suicides. Self-defeati- ng ; was more in relationship to a divorce," Vernon, who works in the Contract ing Directorate, said. "I've heard that it takes years to recover from a divorce and so 1 felt that the depression he was going through was normal given the circumstances." Vernon said looking back, while she encouraged Jeremy to seek counseling, she regrets not pushing the issue. "The weekend that he killed himself I felt the need to be home," she said. "I should have called him. I didn't, and I regret not doing it I knew the time that my son died because something woke me up in the middle of the night. I did not leave the house from Friday night until Monday hit people the hardest" Sondrup said depression is also a major factor in suicides and suicidal thoughts. He added while each situation is unique, there are some general signs family memcan look bers, friends and 1 VyCV IkrfA AB-"-- 1 , 1 Jeremy Merrill In happier times She said the impact suicide has on family members and friends left behind is life-alterin- g. I Jr A VSi the family has been dealing with his death on an individual basis relying on their faith. "You can deny it, you can accept it, but you don't get over it," Vernon said. "You still have the 'if only would have, should have' questions." Vernon spent three weeks away from workbefore returning to the office, which she said both helped and hindered her grieving process. "Some people didn't know how to handle it. Some people didn't know what to say. Other people I felt were nosy and wanted to know how, why and those types of things," she said. "People tend to think that because you're back at work you're functional and the same person you were before this happened. But you're never the same." Pam Day's son Jason died Oct 18 when he shot himself. "He left no note," Day, who works in the Logistics Management Directorate, said. "It was totally unexpected. There was no reason for what happened. His friends were all totally shocked as well." Day describes Jason as the "sunshine in their family" who helped keep life in perspective. She said he was very compassionate and enjoyed playing hockey, golf, the saxophone, snowmobiling and going to Lake Powell. Jason was the youngest of four children. He had two brothers and a sister. Day said "I think what's helped through the whole situation is the support of family and friends," she said. Day added it's OK to discuss what Jason did and that he's gone. "People wonder how to approach you or what to say," she said. The important thing is just to show up. It just helps to know that people care. It's harder when people avoid you or stop talking to you and you feel ostracized. It's OK if they don't say anything but are just there." (See related article, page 16.) Day said she returned to work a week after her son's death, but her husband initially worked part time. Day notes it was easier for her to stay busy and deal with Jason's suicide a "little bit at a time." She said although she returned to work, focusing was difficult and her thought processes were different There's no right or wrong way to grieve," she said. "It's a permanent change in your life. It leaves a huge hole in your heart" . Daryl Sondrup, Family Advocacy Outreach Manager, said suicide is the second leading cause ofdeath for enlisted Air Force personnel. He said many times problems cluster and become overwhelming for an individual. Those problems often fall into categories behaviors might include alcohol abuse, drug use, maiming of self and neglecting medical concerns or regimens. Sondrup said changes to watch for include; a drastic change in a person's mood, behavior and thought patterns; apathy and verbal statements. He said over 50 percent of the people who com mit suicide have told somebody. He notes there are three factors mental health professionals use to determine suicidal tendencies: perturbation (subjective distress on a scale of one to nine the point where an individual can't function) , lethality and inimicality (when a patient's lifestyle becomes his or her own worst enemy). "If the person is going through a lot of stress you have to really watch out," he said. Talk to them. Even ask them 'Have you thought about killing yourself?' A lot of people are afraid to do it because they think it will give them the idea. But it doesn't. It actually helps them to be open." Sondrup said significant or potential loss (such as a spouse through a divorce or losing a home through bankruptcy) can trigger suicide. "Suicidal ideation lasts for a limited period of time. That's why intervention is crucial during this time. If you miss it then the lethality goes a lot higher," he said. "When a person decides they're going to commit suicide, their mood comes up. They start feeling better and move out of their depression. Why is that? Because now they've made up their mind and there is no ambivalence. All that's lifted. They don't have to worry about things anymore." Sondrup said among men the most common method of suicide is by firearm. Hanging and asphyxiation by car exhaust are also common methods. Among women, overdosing on pills is the most common method, although suicides by firearms are becoming more frequent. Sondrup said suicide is represented by all levels of society, and it's a fable that all suicidal people are mentally ill. He said most are just extremely distressed, unhappy and in need of counseling. t Seeking professional help won't end military career by Mary Galbraith Hilltop Times staff and Leigh Anne Bierstine Air Force Surgeon General Public Affairs . Mental health professionals are debunking the myth that seeking help while experiencing suicidal thoughts will negatively impact an Air Force career. "Because so few of our airmen seek professional help, we must as a community share in the responsibility of aiding our fellow airmen in times of distress," said Lt Col. Wayne Talcott, Chief of the Air Force Suicide Prevention Program at the Air Force Surgeon General's office, Boiling AFB,D.C. Therewere30 Air Force suicides during 2000. A majority were young men, with the highest rate occurring among those no longer married. Most suicides occurred e in residences. According to Talcott, only 26 percent sought Mental Health services within a month of their death. Daryl Sondrup, Family Advocacy Outreach Manager off-bas- at Hill AFB, said suicide is the second leading cause of death for enlisted Air Force personnel. Compounding that concern is the stigma that seeking help at Mental Health will end a military career. "If military members were dying because a virus was the second leading cause of death, we'd have everyone trying to find a cure," Sondrup said. "With suicide we draw the curtain and keep it hidden." Sondrup briefs incoming military personnel about services at the base Mental Health office. He said when he asks briefing participants if they'd schedule an appointment at Mental Health while experiencing emotional stress almost all express concern. He said most fear someone will think they're "crazy." "You see very few officers coming here because of that stigma," Sondrup said. "But craziness has nothing to do with Mental Health. Ninety-nin- e percent of the to Mental are Health who not people go crazy. They just need some guidance, education and coping skills on dealing with a situation effectively." The Surgeon General's office has some suggestions to identify individuals who may need professional help: Be aware of airmen experiencing feelings of hope-- lessness; Ensure front-lin- e supervisors are sensitive to the needs of their airmen; Accent mutual responsibility for one another (buddy care); Recognize during times of transition (arrival and departure) airmen need additional support; Be sensitive to airmen who seem isolated or alone especially during times of stress; Emphasize that it's OK to seek professional help, and mean it; Follow-u- p and ensure airmen are satisfied with the helping services they receive; Establish a collaborative relationship with mental health providers and encourage support until the problem is resolved; and Remember a failed referral to mental health services because of perceived negative career implications is unwarranted dead airmen don't have careers. , |