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Show Thursday, November 28, 1929 THE MIDVALE .JOURNAL WHY HE FAILED A young man undergoing an e:s:nmlnatlon was asked to des<'rlbe different electric batteries. among them one named the Daniel cell. Bls reply was: "About Daniel's cell very llttle Is known, but It Is generally supposed to have been o bear den furnished with lions. As Daniel Is dead and the lions are dend, what on earth Is the good of raking up an old story?" .. Need less Paiur . JUST TO GET THERE '1 By ELMO SCOTT WATSON ECENT press dispatches carried the news that Dr. William P. Rothwell of Pawtucket, R. I., has caused to be c11t on 9 huge boulder in Oak Gro>e cemetery In that city, where he will be buried, this Inscription, '"l'hls Is on me." Known as an eyer-generous twst, Doctor Rothwell has said "This is on me" so muny times while paying the check that he wants It to be his last word. When be dies, be S'd S, he Wants DO nJOUrning among his friends, and be believes that the familiar words on his tombo;tone will bring smiles to them Instead of sor- row The Rhode Island dottor Is not the first to write his own epitaph and to do ·it In a half-jesting mood. Perhaps the most famous of all American ·epitaphs was written by that first great A%1lerican, Benjamin F'ranldin. at the• ...age of twenty-three. It was: The Body of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN prm ter (like the cover of an old book, And sdlpp .. · nf It" lettering and gildIng) Llc3 here food for worms; Yet the work itself shall not be lost, F'Or lt will, as he believed, appear once more ln a new And more beautiful edition Corrected and amended by the Author. His •o~~ishes were not t•espected by .nls family who thought that some other epitaph than this, which reflected his career as a printer, would be more llppropriate. In the case of Robert I...onls Ste>enson, however, It was different, and upon Stevenson's monument in Samoa appear these beautiful lines which he wrote: Unaer the wide and starry sky, Dig the grave and let me lie, Gla<l dlcl I live and gladly die, And I laid me down with a will. This be the verl'!e you grave for r.1e; "H.ere he lies where he longed to be, Home Is the sailor, home from sea, And the hunrcr home from the hill." The self-chosen epitaphs of two other famous men are nearly as well known. Hilaire Belloc, the historian, chose for his: WJ.en 1 am gone, may only this be saidIs sl ns were scarlet, but hIs books were read. •<>n the tomb of the poet Gay In Westminster abbey appears this couplet which be wrote: Life Is a jest and all things show it. 1 ought lSO once and now I know lt. A walk through an old cemetery will reveal some Interesting facts about the things which people wish to have known about them after they are gone. Especially Is this true of the epitaphs written during the Colonial days in America and the early days o the republic. .Many of them warn the "friend" who is passing of the certainty of death and judgment. In some cases the passer-by is haileu us "passenger" Instead of friend, as wit- ~ipe Out Fowl Pest The heavy hand of the government ff'•l so emphn tlcally upon the lnvasioa of the United States hy an allen foe that within two mcnths of the invasion the foe ~Yas ext ermi nn tee!. 'l'he foe in qtlP>:tlon wns one of the most dr(!:uled of foreign diseases from the farmers· point of vie\v-the Europenn fowl pest. It wns 1Jiscovered when several fnrmrra In .Morris county, New Jer- Perhaps the strangest tombstone In the world, shown in the photograph above, stands in Highgate cemetery in London, England. It is a marble piano erected "To the . memory of My Beloved Husband, Harry Thornton, Age 35, A Genius Who Died Oct. 19th, 1918." His epitaph also Includes this stanza from a poem by the composer, Puccini: Sweet thou art sleeping Cradled on my heart, Safe in God's keeping, While I must weep apart. nei"s the following from a cemetery in Elizabeth, N. J., dated 1181: Stop. Passenger. here lie the remain!! or a woman who exhlhlled to the world a bright constellation of the female virtues. On that memorahle day, never to be forgotten, when a British foe Invaded this fair village and tired even the temple of the Deily, this peaceful daughter of Heaven retired to her hallowed apartment Imploring Heaven for the parilon pf her enemies. In that sarred moment she was by the bloody hand ot a British ruffian dispatched like her divine redeemer through a path of blood to her long wished-for native skies. A good example of the combined "historical" and "admonitory" f'pltaph is found on the monument of Elihu Yale, founder of Yale colege, wlllcb reads: Under this tomb !yes !nterr.. d Elihu Yale of Place Gronow, F.:sq., born 6th April, 1648, and dyed the 8th of July, 17 21, aged 73 years Born in America, In Europe bred, In Africa travelled, and In Asia wed, Where long he lived and thrived, in London died, M11ch good, some 111, he did; so hope all's even, And that his soul thro' mercy's gone to heaven. You that survive and read, take care For this most certain exit, to prepare, Where. blest In peace, the actions of the just Smell sweet and blossom In the silent dURt. Many of the Colonial epitaphs were long·w!nded affairs, but the prize goes to the bi'BSS tablet, dated 1778, which appears on the walls of St. Peter's, the oldest church in Bermuda. It reads: "What do you walk so mu<'b for, Jim?" "To get to the place!! 1 want to go to, Bob." Tho' not enreglstered on this tablet are forev~r engraven On the loving memory of his surviving friends. He died .ran'y 9th, 1178, aged 63 yeans. If the epitaph chosen by the Rhode Jsland doctor seems a bit flippant, he has plenty of precedent for this kind ot jesting. John H. Klppax, a Chicago man, has made 11 collection of unusual epitaphs, some of which would seem to be more appr4}prlate !or 8 joke book than a graveyard. Thel'fl Is the epitaph of eleven-year-old .l\Iary Jane in a cemet<.>ry in Cape May, N. J., . l 1 w hIC 1 rea< s: She was not smart, she was not fair, But hearts with grlet for her are swell In' And empty stands her little chairShe dle<l of eatin' watermelln. In the town of Burlington In the • I Bll.YE R ll.SPIR il\T ~ S. the trade mark. of Bqer Mamlf&ctura of Monoacetieac!destu of SalleyUeac!d See the Point? A porcupine tay sleeping Bob etopped to pluck a quill; He got what he was afterIn fa.,t, he got his fill. Wins Wife as First Prize! 1 While It La•ted l\11-s. noward-Wben my daughter tlfst married she lived at the rate of $50 000 a year. !!irs Jay-How long did they keep It · 1 up 1 1 Mrs. Howard-For their seven-day wedding trip. A Word to the Wiae Knicker-That florist surely keeps In touch with the slogan. ''Say It Wltb Flowers." Knocker-What's his method? Knlcker-Sends a bunch of forget· me-nots with each bill. same state appears this one: Here lies the body of .Mary Ann Lowder, She burst while drinldng a seldllt~ powder. Called from this world to her heavenly rest, She should . have waited till It etfer\'esced . People are often too patient with pain. Suffering when there is no need to suffer. Shoppingwithahead that throbs. Working though they ache all over. And Bayer Aspirin would bring immediate relief! The best time to take Bayer Aspirin is the moment you first feel the pain. Why postpone relief until the pain has reached its height? Why hesitate to take anything so harmless? Read the proven directions for checking colds, easing a sore throat; relieving headaches and the pains of neuralgia, neuritis, rheumatism, etc. You can always count on its quick comfort. But if pain is of frequent recurrence see a doctor as to its cause. VF you don't think your whole life Jl can be changed by chance, read this. It is the story of a young man who was pretty well down and out, but he figured he might win a prize if he took some advice. "As far back as I can. remember I had been a weakling," says Mr. Calvin L. Floyd of Orlando, Florida. "A headache, it seemed, was to be my life companion. I was always dizzy in the mornings. Nothing I ate seemed good for me. Then I attended a health lecture in a sanatorium and the physician talked on 'faulty elimination.' That was certainly my trouble. One of the patients asked him about Nujol. He recommended it highly. l decided to • one bottle to s~ if there was anything in what he said about natural lubrication for the human body. "Long before I had finished the first bottle my 'companion-headache' was gone, No more tired out feeling, I get a real kick out of life now. B) the way, I almcst forgot to tell you I found a new life companion, tool" Huh! "1 can't sleep at night," bPgnn the man with a long tale of woe. "Well, that saves you from having Mr. Kippax Is the authority for this baj dreams," snapped his intended one, although he does not say where victim, as he l:mrrie!l on.-Cincinnatl It may be found: Enquirer. Here lies the body or Deacon Speer. Whose mouth did reach from ear to ear. Summer Reading Stranger, tread lightly o'er the sod "Did you do much rending while For If he yapes, you're gone,-by cod. you were on your vat'ation 7" "Yes. a whole lot." This one comes ft·om Connecticut: "\\'hat dirl you read?" Here lies cut down llke unripe fruit "Mostly sig11pnsts and route num· The wife of Deacon Amos Shute: bers."-Pathfin!ler. She died of drinking too much coffee Anny Dominy eighteen forty. Perfectly simple, wasn't it? Mr. Floyd just learned the normal natural way to get rid or bodily poisons (we all have them) and nature did the rest. Wl1y shouldn't you be well? Nujol is not a :medicine. It con· tains no drugs. It is effective, so you will be "regular as clock-work.'' You can buy it at all good drug stores in sealed packages fer less than the price of a couple of good cigars. , Begin toda.y. Millions have founcf'. that Nujol makes all the difference ~ in the world. Nujol will make you; feel fine and you can prove it. A DRESS FOR EVERY DAY A similar one, over the grave of a form<.>r slaYe who lived in Savannah, Ga., tells the passer-by that: Many a life changed by a message like this one. Here lies old Rastus Somminy Died a-eating hominy In '69, anno domini. In an Indiana graveyard there Is this brief record of a tragedy : Here lies I Killed by a sky Rocket In my eye. In an Ohio cemetery Is an inscrlp tlon, often quoted, which reads: To the Memory of George Forbes, M. D. Whom Jiving A singular complacency of manners joined with many useful talents and eminent virtues. Render'd highlY estimable Blessed with a con vtvlal d isposltl<>n Jn the cheerful hour of l!locial festivity He shone !rreprehenslble And an agreeable companion Ever assiduous in furthering good humor and the enjoyments of sociality friendly to mankind His endeavors to mitigate the evils of life which t>~ bore himself with temper and philosophy were not alone confined to the healing art. Long exercised by him with mucb reputation But were likewise exerted In composing differences Restoring friendships Interrupted And promoting Peace, harmony and mutual good understanding .Among his fellow men Having acquitted himself with approbation In the several relations or life As he had II ved, respected and beloved, So he died. Lamented and regretted for those virtues And many others which Fixing Hia Clan ''How is that comedian?" Here lies the body of William Gray "A woman In the audience dislo.. Who died maintaining his right of w~y. 1 cated her jaw.'' He was right, dead right, "Laughing?" As ha sauntered along, But he's just as dead, "Yawning." As If he'd been wrong. sey, reported a strange disease which had broken out among their chi<>kens. Prompt Investig-ation of the first re. ports which were reeeived in June, disdosed that the clreaded [It'S! had reached this country. \\'ithin two weeks all lnfPsted fowls ancl numher11 of others whieh hll(l been exposed wet·e rlf'stroyl'd, and after a month without further reports of the dis· ease, the federal tlffi<'ials were con· vinccd that the outhreal; harl been suppressed while ln the stage of outbreaking. Her Day Off Man'a Vanity l\Ir. Dadmnre--Mother won't bt There are two oe~:asions when we home to dinner this e\·ening, hone~·; men thirrl; we look splendid-when we so you will have to take her plaee. rig up In evening clothes nnc:l when we Little Ethel-Do you menn I won't hn\'e on the regnlin of the Grand In- hnv<• to be polite and re~pectful to 11 side Doorsla mmer.-- St. Louis Globe- i you 1 Democrat. I Dieting Wisdom He told the eoul\ lt. dish up a lot Who Is 1\'ise? He that learns fro10 nt unappt>ti:r.ing messes. every one. Who is powe1·ful 1 lie that When asl;ed why, he explained: govcms his pnssions. \Yho Is rich? lle ·'To mal'e It easier for m~ wife. She that is content. \\'ho is that 7 Noi.Jody. lias to refuse evl'rythlng." -Frankl in. Under th111 l!od And under the:,e trees Lieth the bodY of Solomon Pease. He's not In this hole But only his pod; . He shelled out his soul And went up to his God. "'She snys she hu!l 11 dress for Jay In the week." "Yes. r·· sl'en It, dear." What could be more appropriate than this one, written for a Long Island (N. Y.) carpenter: ever~ fot j~ Model A Owner's Note He pa><Red the cop sans- any fuss. Hft passed a load ot hay, He tried to pass a swerving bus. And then he passed a way. No wonder he sawed short life's span For long he was n (n )ailing man. llrief and to the point is this from Schenectady, N. Y.: No Favoritism Husbnnd-Ail you think of Is clothes. Hn\•en't you any other thought than dresses. dresses, dresses? Wife-Yes. let me finish. 1 need two hats. a coat and some shoes.Lustlge I<iste. He got a fish-bone In his throat And then he sang an angel note. And here Is an old eplt.tph, date unknown, which In these modern days of motor cars and reckless drivers should be a warning to all of us. Especiall: Is it reeommended that "Pedestrians, paste this In your hat!": It may be the nttte stomacli: if may be the !:owels are sluggish. No matter w}..at coats a child's tongue, its a s.1fe and sensible precaution to give a few drops of Castoria. This gentle regulation of the little system soon sets things to rights. A pure vegetable preparation that can't harm a wee mfant, but brings quick comfort -even when it is colic, diarrhea, <lr similar disturbance. And don't forsake Castoria as tlie child grows older. If you want to raise boys and girls with strong systems that will ward off constipation, stick to good old C as t o r i a ; and give nothing stronger when there's any irregularity except on the advice of a doctor. Castoria is sold in every drugstore, and th!! genuine always bears Chas. H. Fletcher's signature on the wrapoer. 'Does yottr mirror reflect rottgh,pimply skin? THEX USE l ! I J.nd l1ave a clear ~!.:i11-! ANOINT the affected parts wi:h Cuticura Ointment. I Wash off in a few minutes ·with Cuticura So::.p and hot , -~ warer and continue b.1thing. Pimples, rashes ami all forms/ k~ of skin trm,blcs quickly yield to this trc3tlncnt. Ointment 25c., 50c. Soap nc. Talcum 25c. S,mpie ench free. .11.t/J;.:u: "' Cuticura." Dept. B7. 1\!aldco, ~i..,s\acbust:tts . .... Jf.·.~ .// _...r1 ... _____ ---· ----------- ----------- |