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Show 0 oa HEADS UP Friday, May 16, 1986 B5 messier aprntm strSm mH-lkir-s By Barbarann Vessels 419th TFW Public Affairs Office (Reserve) Male mothers don't hold the rare social status did 20 years ago, but their increasing ranks substantiate a world of "no they absolutes," where death or divorce could render a family to single parenthood. This Mother's Day, reser- . vists TSgt. Ron Draughon John Packer unfolded their private lives for a peek at male motherhood and the dual roles they work through daily. and-MSgt- I household in Provo Utah's southern The Packer family is an Wasatch community, 70 miles away. The first sergeant of the 466th Tactical Fighter Squadron was divorced for eight years before he landed custody of his three sons through legal action in Kansas. "That was five years ago," he said with a reflective grain, "and finding baby sitters for my reserve weekends was a big concern. The attitude I ran into was, 'Mr. Packer, if you can't take care of your children, maybe they should be with their mother.' all-ma- I ggg le round "When the baby sitters didn't work out, I decided to drive the to back weekend One home be at night. evening, I trip each day on reserve just sat the boys down and said, 'I can't be here 100 percent of the time and make us a living too. You boys are going to have to do more thinking for yourselves and take on more responsibility.' Vaughn, my oldest, was about 11 at the time, and he became the senior advisor when dad was away. I made sure I was home every night even if it meant getting up to 3:30 a.m. to drive back up to Hill." Instantly, Sergeant Packer began battling for his identity with teachers, neighbors and potential employers. "Everyone wanted to deal with mothers. Fortunately, I went into business for myself after I interviewed for a job and was told I had the best qualifications but probably couldn't hold down the job with three kids to care for. They even advised me to apply for welfare like most single parents did. I was floored and I've been washing bricks for new construction ever since," he said. 140-mil- e On the other side of the coin, the Draughon family suffered the death of Sandra, 34, just three months ago after a kidney transplant. The wing personnel specialist is Utah's deputy supervisor of banks in civilian life, overseeing problem institutions and the state's bank examiners. His wife's hospitalization began in November and lasted through roller-coastcomplications that ended after weeks of intensive care in early February. n The shock of a death leaves a widowed parent with an assortment of personal and dependent plights to work through. "On a scale of one to 10, the children got to a seven after Sandra's death I'm still at a four, not fully accepting that she is gone and often getting back m tne past, ne acKnowieagea. "At first the children were way ahead of me. But I'm still on the learning wife-mothe- ' : h r, er slow-motio- MSgt. John Packer, first shirt, 466th Tactical Fighter Squadron, fixes tacos with the help of Daniel, 13, and Robert, 12, after a reserve weekend. "The boys do as much cooking as I do," the sergeant said. The Provo father took custody of his three sons five years ago. BELOW Tiffany, 8, and Ronald, 5, watchfully huddle next to Ron Draughon, as he dresses for dad, recently widowed, TSgt. ' a Unit Training Assembly, -" ABOVE " 1 frs.y-- curve trying to develop stronger nurturing skills." Relating to the reduced time left for himself, "My first thoughts each morning are 'I've got to face another day with more things to do than I have time 1UI. fTLL xlxglxb, X U gU liU UCU w 1111 a. iuuii xxx xxxjr uuuau cxxxu btsxx xxxjr ot;xx xivrn iuvuji I was to have a good marriage after 15 years." Daily facing the tidal wave of widowhood and the hourly frustration of trying to find needed items, "I finally located the children's shot records and still missing are her set" of keys to the safe deposit boxes. And there are a thousand 'little stumpers,' he chimed, "like which cord goes with what appliance. By accident I find things, like the fondue pot, which was a favorite dinner the kids enjoyed but I don't know where the exact recipes are." Still experiencing first-tim- e efforts like a dozen tries before he made a decent pot of coffee and perfecting how long you soft boil eggs, bathing the children was by trial and error hair consumed an hour of precious time. and unsnarling Sergeant Draughon quickly recognized his lack of skills in anticipating a good inventory for cooking and soon discovered the magic of making lists. "Sandra would do the week's grocery shopping in 45 minutes. Today I have it down to a little over two hours a week and that's progress from the early days after her death," he said. The coincidence of his 39th birthday on this first Mother's Day was a relief, the sergeant expressed, as he aims to focus on what is left, not what was lost. Daughter, Tiffany, yanks on his shirt sleeve with childish wisdom that bandages pain, "Daddy, you should be happy. If it hadn't been for Mommy, you . wouldn't have us." hip-lengt- ;-- . I h (U ' it swwmlts Pcomoiioims To major: Michael G. Bennett, Gary V. Earl, Edward S. Kosiba, 466th Tactical Fighter Squadron; Rand Eberhard, 419th Combat Support Squadron; Craig V. Hansen, 419th Civil Engineering Squadron; Craig J. Simper, 419th Headquarters Squadron; Alan D. Turner, 68th Aerial Port Squadron. To master sergeant: Judy A. Hefner, 419th Consolidated Aircraft Maintenance Squadron; Cikarda V. Riel, 419th Mobility Support Flight; Jose R. Gutierrez, William B. Hoppie, 419th CES. To technical sergeant: Jeanette D. Morris, Harold J. Ray, Eugene A. Rinaldi, 419th CAMS; Douglas H. Drake, 419th CES. To staff sergeant: Jeff A. Gorman, Jay L. Ham-bliKevin L. Luneeford,' Kelly JV Read,' Debra' L: Thatcher, 419th CAMS; Phillip Archuleta, Bradley S. Buck, David S. French, James H.J. Berhardt, David A. Johnson, David L. Ortolani, James R. Stewart, John B. Traynor, Milford L. VanWeerd, 405th Combat Logistics Support Squadron; Stanley R. Burrows, John E. Kertesz, 419th Weapons Systems Security Flight; Davis Guymon, 419th CSSQ; Tamara K. Lewis, Kathleen Michelle, John P. Thatcher, 419th Information Systems Squadron; Crow-deAnthony B. Stewart, 466th TFS; Robert N. 419th CES. To sergeant: Lisette W. Gionti, 419th Tactical Hospital; Joel W. Gurr, Michael Megill, Margaret Montoya, Christopher Mueller, 419th CAMS; Hugh D. Marstella, 419th Headquarters Squadron; David C. Bruner, Jay D. Hackwell, Wayne D. Nuttall, , Jef ofrte AjStarksv Thomas F: Vage sellW. r, n, ' Pel-ley- S Air Force Reserve Priotos y TSat. Tom SevK) it nas Jr., Ross J. Valdez, 405th CLSS; Jay M. Sorenson, 419th CES; Michael P. Silvey, 466th TFS To senior airman: Harry K. Okubo, 419th MSF; Bradley A. Ault, Kelly M. Copley, Jacqueline Earl, Michael Galyk, Alan G. Harris, Lance F. Helsten, Gary R. Hunsaker, Michael D. Massey, Robert L. Morfin, Timothy L. Peterson, Steven M. Preston, Carl E. Schultz, Shaun D. Taulbee, Kim Taylor, Alan C. Thompson, Paul Weaver, Kendall V. White, Brick A. Willard, Arlyn E. Wood II, 419th CAMS; Thomas J. Story, 466th TFS; Gary R. Kuzara, Andrea J. Marciniak, 419th ISS; David Warner, 419th CES; Monica D. Archuleta, 419th Tactical Hospital; Philip E. Brophy Jr., Debra M. Fink, Clinton L. Garlick, Preston Martineau, Jay W. Rees, Janice .: ,;. . . ,v ; Fspencer;-405thCLSS: 'v |