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Show The Park Record A-14 Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues, May 7-10, 2005 MORE POOS ON M A I N STREET By Tom Clyde • Critters in the news the threat the giant woodpecker poses to nuclear power plants. "If one of those things got working on the reactor containment structure, we could have get into thai, given Utah's history with our cold radiation leaking all over," said an unnamed fusion scientists, though it docs bring to mind the Homeland Security officer, who was sure that the old joke, "What do you call a scientist in re-appearance of the bird after all these years Arkansas?" "Lost.") ... Well, anyway, scientists in "almost certainly had an al Qaeda connection.*" The Arkansas have confirmed several sightings of the woodpeckers of mass destruction, or Wads, arc probird in the swamps of southern Arkansas. It has tected by law, so they can't shoot them. "We'll just been presumed extinct for 60 years. There have have to let the radiation take care of them if they been at least eight reported sightings, and some attack the reactors. It would be viewed as a suicide have been captured on videotape. One particularly mission." compelling videotape shows the bird perched on the I'm all for the recovery of endangered species, shoulder of Big Fool while attending a pirale- and coming back from "extinction" is impressive. themed pool party. But if one of those showed up at my house, it wouldThis is no ordinary woodpecker. It is said to have n't be endangered for very long. In other critter news, local lawyer Jim Kennicott a wingspan of three feet, and run 19 to 21 inches long. The local name for the woodpecker is the sent me an article on Germany's special forces corps "Lord, God bird" because that's what people said of trained weasels. Il seems that the Greek island of when they saw it. I suspect they said something Lemmos has been over-run with rabbits. The rabbits more colorful than that if the giant woodpecker are devouring the local grain crop, and seem to have started working on their houses. Had il been invent- a weakness for the vine as well, wrecking havoc on ed a century later the bird would probably have local wine production. Wheat you can do without. been known as the but wine is another "chain-saw bird." The matter. The rabbi is South being the kind • • \Ne had a very active woodpecker are nocturnal, but of genteel place that it Greek hunting reguis, they couldn't call it season in my neighborhood this winter I lations prohibit huntthe "Holy #*%@" bird didn't have any damage to my house, but ing at night. So what's in polite company. a Greek fanner to next door, the woodpeckers basically do? From the photos in They turned to the Tribune, which stripped the siding off the second story... the Germans, who look doctored to me, it The insurance companies found the have a squadron of is indeed a beautiful trained attack weasel and impressive bird. claims amusing, but not covered." There is a local con- ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ mercenaries who can be parachuted into nection to the Lord. Lemmos and turned God bird. Former Utahn and somelime-Parkile Ian Gumming is said loose on the rabbits. The Greek farmers estimated to have donated a million bucks to the research they would need only about 10 weasels, which efforts that resulted in the re-discovery of the bird. means cither there aren't really that many rabbits, Lord, God indeed. What do you suppose a wood- or these weasels are some kind of mean S-O-Bs. But the German weasel mercenaries don't come pecker is going to do with that kind of money? We had a very active woodpecker season in my cheap. Apparently each of the little soldiers of forneighborhood this winter. I didn't have any damage tune would fetch $5,706 for the mission, plus they to my house, but next door, the woodpeckers basi- take off all of August for vacation. (The article, cally stripped the siding off the second slory. from Deutsche World, didn't say what the weasels Another house has a hole in the gable end you could would do with the money, but some suspect a tie to shoot a basketball through. Another cabin owner illicit dealings in Russian nukes.) returned to open his place up and find that woodAs an alternative, the Greek farmers arc looking peckers had beat him to it. They had drilled clear at bringing in some cut-rate Australian weasels, through the wall and moved into the kitchen, along which apparently work cheaper as long as there is with numerous other woodland creatures of the plenty of Victoria Bitter available. Bui the rodent variety. The damage in some of my neigh- European Union has tariffs to protect iheir local bors' houses is going to run a couple of thousand weasel industry, and it was not clear if they could get bucks. The insurance companies found the claims the Aussie weasels into the EU without a lot of amusing, but not covered. annoying paperwork. My contacts at Homeland Security were quite And these are just.your standard issue, gardenvariety woodpeckers - the little redheaded guys interested in this whole idea and said, "We have who aren't much bigger than sparrows. As I've visit- mercenary weasels, too. Well, maybe we do. And ed with the neighbors, there is only muted enthusi- maybe we don't. But we could have mercenary asm for the re-discovery of a woodpecker the size of weasels if we wanted them. We are not concerned a Labrador retriever, with a beak like a Sawz-all about the growing weasel gap. North Korea does mistakenly plugged into the 220v circuit. Lord, God not hav'6 weasels, we're sure of thai." imagine what that would do to your siding. A woodMaybe we could send them some of those giant pecker that size would turn the rafters into Popsicle woodpeckers from Arkansas. slicks, eating whole log houses for lunch, and finishTom Clyde is a former city attorne) • and author of ing off the concrete silo for dinner. "More Dogs on Main Street. "He has been a columnist Down in Arkansas, they are trying to evaluate fe?r The Park Record for IS years. ews comes from Arkansas that the ivorybilled woodpecker is not nearly as extinct as N previously thought. Scientists in Arkansas (I won't J 2 am - 3 pm Adults $32.95 , ,f. 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EXPERIENCE. DISCOVER>;| X H E CABIN , GUEST EDITORIAL Opinions are expressed. Now what? By JOHN MATRO Park City In his April 30 letter in The Park Record, John Tuerff compliments the Summit County Board of Commissioners on listening to the homeowners voice their discontent al the April 27 meeting regarding Ihe proposed Aspen Highlands (AH) project. The commissioners may have politely listened but it remains to be seen whether or not they will respond appropriately to the dozens of reasons that homeowners presented for disallowing the Knight brothers' environmentally degrading project. The meeting was held because homeowners vigorously protested the bad decision made by the Snyderville Basin Planning Commission, whose members almost unanimously approved the project after almost unanimously saying that they wouldn't approve the proposed density after the last public forum, as well as in private talks with homeowners! The April 27 meeting was also the first time that homeowners were able to publicly present all of their objections because the Planning Commission limited their speaking time at previous public forums. The adjustments that the developers made to the original plan were trivial and should have been in their original proposal, bul, of course, the game demands that the developers hold back their best offer so as to be able to pretend that they were being flexible. Top ROUT Iinda McReynolds, Ptful Schenk, Ruth Dntpldn Bottom Row Dennis Hanlon, Moire Rosol, Kaiin Gage An All-Broker Office of Recognized Leaders in Park City and Deer Valley Real Estate. As an independent, high-volume boutique brokerage, we offer objective advice on all properties in Park City and Deer Valley. Please stop by our office in the heart of Upper Deer Valley at Silver Lake Plaza. Or call us at 435 615-7110 deeryBlleytlwdparkcity.com Silver Lake Plaza P.O. Box 2370 € • Park City, Utah 84060 The real bad guys in this are the three Knight brothers who recently elicited the ire of the entire adjoining community by closing a trail, running through their properly, which had been used by the public for over 30 years and wildlife for centuries. It's now open for the sake of appearances during these proceedings and for political purposes, but until just recently, it was closed and people were ready to start a riot. In order to get county approval for their high-density housing project, which is six times the base density, they must give the public some benefit in return. Besides maybe promising to water the non-native plants that Ihey will substitute for the thousands of native species they will uproot, and a few other trivial concessions, they are agreeing to re-open and improve the trail running through their properly! I think that this is a good example of "cheek." This is the major community improvement that they have to offer, besides improved access by a fire department that doesn't even staff the nearby Summit Park fire station. How can the AH development proponents claim that they are adding value to the community when hundreds of people have spoken oul against the project and only one or two people supported il al all previous meetings? Proponents of ihc AH project have had the opportunity lo garner support for their cause but haven't done so. Why? Because ihc overwhelming majority doesn't want their community and wildlife desecrated by high-density housing. The AH development opponents have a list of over 400 signatures opposing this project. Where is the proponents' list of signatures? If the proponents of the AH project cannol get the citizens of the impacted neighborhood to agree to the project with over 400 signatures, then their community enhancement claims arc bogus. These are the facts that the commissioners need to consider - the fads that future litigation may be based upon. The only acceptable adjustment is to reduce the density to the legally allowed base density of seven units. The environmentally damaging evidence supplied hy numerous individuals, including the biologist Keith Clapier, is clearly against destroying this area. I have doubts, though I still retain hope, thai the Summit County Commissioners will act in accordance with the dozens of reasons that the homeowners presented for disallowing the Knight brothers' offensive project. But drawing on previous experience with such commissions, people in my neighborhood, to no avail, protested the Wildflower project, which erected houses on a ridgeline viewable by everyone in Jeremy Ranch. They also failed to stop construction of the Moose Hollow gated community, which placed mansions on a ridgeline in Ihe middle of pristine wildlife habitat and are also a community eyesore. In these and many other projects the county has set damaging precedents that can be used to justify other proposals such as Aspen Highlands that should have been dismissed when it was presented two years ago. Though these decisions were made by previous boards, it clearly demonstrates the mindset of Summit County politicians. And that mindset seems to be based on fear of litigation instead of doing what's right. '^Throughout 2005, The Record will celebrate and reflect on the last 125 if years (while looking forward to the next) and we'd like your help. Those [ who have anecdotes to share about working at or reading The Record are encouraged to send them to 125anniversary@parkrecord.com. Send your letter to the editor via e-mail to editor @ parkrecord. com |