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Show There's no place like home Bean Soup the FHA Banquet or Preferred Sock of the Sophomore Sock-Hop or even just a member of some phlegmatic Pep Club that dressed alike and wore ankle socks and knew the High School Anthem by heart. (It wells up from some frosty sense of duty as deep as their unliberated knees and is probably pro-bably sung with singleness of purpose pur-pose to the Gillette Fight Song. Go team, go. Go for good old Everyman High). Everyone was a freshman once and everyone remembers the cheerless disillusionment he felt when he discovered he left his identity in Levan. Who among the thousands cared that you once won the Regional FFA Essay Contest Con-test with your report on dairy pellets or that you missed giving the opening prayer at commencement commence-ment by only 13 votes? You didn't even begin as an equal because your roommate was already dating Miss Wool of Utah 1969. Your housemother knew Gov. Clyde. Your whole life passed pass-ed before you and you knew you had nothing to top that, not even the cousin who went to a Truman Capote Party. You began to iden- i tify with the World's Largest Single Sin-gle Block Cement Alphabet Letter. Let-ter. Either that or you returned to the womb, as it were, to the security of a hometown notoriety. My own native land, my dear native land, sustained me through many early identity crises. For it is the Birthplace of Gutzon Bor-glum, Bor-glum, American Sculptor and Painter, 1871-1941, Mount Rush-more Rush-more et al; it is the Home of the World Famous Bonneville Cisco Annual Run. Butch Cassidy and the Hole in the Wall Gang once robbed the First Security Bank there. It is the Home of the Lovely and Talented Reigning Miss Idaho, (a former member of the aforementioned Pep Club). It is also the Home of the Lovely and Talented World Cutter Racing Champion Team. One-Fifth of the Nation's Phosphate Deposits are found within a 50 mile radius of my home . I ask you, can the West's Largest Larg-est Beagle Lab beat that? Everything living forms an atmosphere atmos-phere about itself-Goethe You may never come so close to greatness as you are at this moment. I assume right from the go that you are associated in some general way, which is indeed the only way you could be, generally, with this overgrown university. If you are, you are associated with hormonal greatness. This is the Home of the World's Largest Single Sin-gle Block Cement Alphabet Letter. Let-ter. Further it maintains the Largest Beagle Lab in the West; it is the site of the Most Concentrated Concentra-ted Research on Meson Penatra-tion. Penatra-tion. The O.C. Tanner Fountain is here. You can identify with that plenary altitude of greatness where the names of the famous go to the heads of mere men like chilled wine or a Sno-Cone eaten too fast. John Ranger Park. Orson Spencer. Victor Gordon. As if this were not enough to bolster one's estimation of self-importance self-importance (Carlyle said Great Men taken up in any way, are Profitable Company.) consider our location, only miles from Mount Olympus itself (albeit an occidental facsimile) and within sight of the Greatest Natural Inland In-land Body of Salt Water in the World. But this is not enough when you are from somewhere Truly Great, and everybody is. This is not enough when you were once the queen of the Strawberry Festival Festi-val somewhere, and everybody was either that or the prince of |
