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Show Safety.- a good contraceptive BY TOM WHARTON SPORTS WRITER I had the privilege of sitting next to a self-proclaimed expert on football at the Oregon-Utah football game. This guy must have been preparing his date for two hundred football games because he gave her a play by play description de-scription on what was going on. Anyway, I thought it might be an interesting switch to have my date explain the game to me. Here is a girl's definition of football terms: Quarterback what she demands if the coke machine doesn't work. Right Guard her favorite deodorant. de-odorant. Safety a good contraceptive. Touchdown a time to stand up and scream. Touchback her boy friend's got his arm around her. Fullback someone who has eaten too much of her specialty food and is coming back for more. Center where she buys her groceries. Coach the man in the suit coat who screams a lot. End Sweep she's through with her housework. Half-time a time to sit around and watch the band play while the coach does some more yelling. yell-ing. Punter a man with a real athlete's ath-lete's foot. Field goal her life ambition? Water boy an old boy friend who's all wet. Interception her boy friend left her holding the Coke while he went and talked to that good looking cheerleader. I've got a real brilliant girl friend except in athletics. That guy that had to tell his girl everything every-thing really ruins it for the rest of us who wait expectantly to hear our girl friends mutter some new gem as a football definition. |
