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Show Askew view How to be a freshman by Mike Whitney Becoming a freshman at the University Uni-versity is a little like going out on your first date. It is essential that you play it cool, so that nobody will suspect you're completely confused. con-fused. First of all you have to dress the part. You must appear accidentally slovenly, which takes a lot of planning plan-ning and forethought. Wear levis with paint stains on them, sandals (without socks) and a flowered shirt and nobody will ever suspect that you're not a degenerate sophomore. soph-omore. I might mention, in case you were wondering, that the costume cos-tume described above is appropriate appro-priate for both men and women. The right major can contribute to your coolness. Political science is good, art is even better, and you should at all costs avoid business or engineering (for the men) or horn ec. (for the women). However, if you are stuck with pre-med. or nursing you'll just have to do the best you can. Even if you have an uncool major ma-jor you can still take philosophy and political science classes and then sit in the Huddle and discuss what you've learned. Which brings me to the point of where to hang out. The Huddle is the "in" place for cool students. You should spend as much time (cut class if necessary) as possible there discussing existentialism and civil rights and things like that (the actual topic is of no importance as long as it is cool). Smoking is cool, but for the men who don't smoke, you can carry around an unlit pipe. If you do smoke, rolling your own is tops in coolness. As for drugs, you don't have to actually use them, just talk about them. If somebody ever asks you outright if you use drugs just give some noncomittal reply like "Speed kills." or "The heat's really on right now." Reading material, which you don't necessarily have to read , add greatly to your c o f" You should carry around a c;f a Camus novel or anundergr newspaper such as the 17 Barb. Both at the same tifi Ha.ns also important. It does have to be long as long J messy. Bnlcream, Aqua Net are o this season. 1 As for activist pollitical groun, hketheSDSortheProgressB bor Party you should talk aboui them a lot but you should avoid, all costs joining any of them' If you're going to be really cool you have toworkatbeingapatheticand uninvolved. So there's a rough outline of how to be cool at the University Follow it and I guarantee not only will you gain the reputation of being a wild eyed radical (or haps even a long haired Bohemian tops in cookness),but that you will' flunk out of the University within two quarters, which is about as cool as you can get. |