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Show Rebers Realities Who Me, For Mayor? By ED REBER Why don't we all just step inside in-side the office of that famous non-political non-political animal, Phil Hansen and see them prepare for a report of one of his investigating committees. Me: Uh, Mr. Hansen, just what is the committee to report? Him: We're investigating the possibility pos-sibility of selling liquor by the drink for the first three glasses, and only giving the fourth on the condition that the customer also buys a bottle. It's a possible compromise com-promise solution. Me: How do you mean? Him: Well, we figure the conservatives conser-vatives (in southern Utah I think they are just called Mormons) might accept the liquor by the drink proposal if they are assured that more revenue will come in by way of taxes. It is surprising how the economic significance can dwarf the moral one. Drinkers as a whole might be initially opposed to it, but we figure if we can get it past, nobody is going to complain about the law after his third glass. Me: My gosh, that really sounds great. Him: Yes, we feel that one of the greatest goals this office could attain is to have the Mormon , Church and skid row as joint supporters. sup-porters. Me: Just when is the Committee going to report? Him: Not for about four more hours. We are taking care of a few minor preparations right now. If you'll excuse me John, don't put that blue spot on my desk chair, do you want my suit to look yellow? And raise that boom mike at least three feet we need a more casual atmosphere. ' And now, did you have any more questions? Me: Well, I just thought I'd ask your opinion about the candidates which have declared for the office of-fice of mayor. I suppose you know that you have been suggested as a write-in candidate? Him: Why no, I mean, that's nice, but of course you know my feelings about that. I try to avoid controversial issues that might influence in-fluence people politically and of course I wouldn't want to say anything any-thing about the declared candidates, candi-dates, unless it was to note their obvious lack of real legal experience exper-ience in government. But I don't want to get involved in that and then write-ins are always hard to carry out, but it would be a noble gesture on the people's part to show that they could really affect politics on a grass-roots level. But I'm not really interested in politics, but I might mention that my last name is spelled with an "e", I think there is a Phil Hanson in town and it would be tragic if everybody, well, you know, bal then I'm really not concerned. I left him then, since he was , ing some sources to find out wht , newspapers had the widest distri- bution. Well, I guess we ought to believe him, whatever he is trying to say. |