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Show University Men: Woo That Queen But Play To Win By GEORGE RAINE Chronlcla Feature Writer It is the goal and often repeated re-peated pride of many college males to woo and win a college queen. But how does one go about this task? THERE IS NOT a section devoted de-voted to such a campaign in the freshmen orientation package. pack-age. Fraternity pledge classes receive only hints of technique from bragging brothers. Realizing this instructional void, we launch into an exposition exposi-tion detailing operational procedures pro-cedures which will eventually lead to the union of two lonely hearts. IN OUTLINE, the shivering freshman works up the courage to call a sorority house, asks the girl for a date, plies her with schnapps and chocolates, and, finally, under a full moon and ankle deep in snow on the front porch, busses her cheek a thrilling climax to a well-planned well-planned and deftly executed chase. First, one must reconnoiter and know the enemy. WHAT ARE HER favorite dishes? Does she smoke filter tips or straights? Is it bourbon or scotch? Become familiar with the object's ob-ject's fat girlfriend, the one who belches after her third soda. Wheedle with phrases such as "I like big women, someone to hold onto," or "I think 'Vogue' modelsare ugly, not enough of them." AFTER GARNERING the information in-formation needed about the college col-lege queen, one is now ready to make the first phone call. "Hello. Is Miss Campus there, please? Miss Campus? This is John Smith." (It is better to give a false name, preferrably the one used by the student body president, so that the object ob-ject will immediately melt before be-fore its grandeur. Also, if there are any repercussions to the eventual union, her lawyers will be thrown off the track.) . "MISS CAMPUS, we have advanced trig together and I have been admiring you from afar." (Here is- the needed dash of poetry.) "I should like very much to escort you roller skating skat-ing this Saturday night" Now the initial date is set, one must turn his attention to self-evaluation. Sartorial excellence excel-lence may not make the man, but it helps in achieving his goal. BUT ANSWERS to questions of dress must be found solely by the individual, depending on his taste, so we won't go into further detail here. He wishes only to point out the necessity of such an evaluation. Take flowers the first date, and give them to the house mother. Get her on your side, for she can poison a sorority girl's mind against you with one word. AFTER SKATING for several sev-eral hours, be sure to anoint your underarms with a strong deodorant. To offend would be fatal here. Then take your date to a quiet bar. Hint that the thoughtless tinsel tin-sel of noisy (and more expensive) expen-sive) clubs grate against your etheral sensibilities. Smoke a briar pipe, study the paintings on the wall, trace lines through the wet circles left by your glass, and remain deep in thought.' "What'cha thinkin'?" the girl eventually will ak. Move morose eyes to meet her smiling ones. "It's this life," you say. "What do we have, we two? No love remains in the world. There are wars and rumors of wars. There is hatred and greed and filth all around us. Do you know what I'm searching for, would give my life for?" (Continued on Page 2) i Men Woo That Queen (Continued From Page 1) SHE WILL SHAKE her head. "An oasis," you say, answering answer-ing your own question. "An oasis in this land of borish un-think un-think where I can have peace. I am looking for one other person per-son who is sensitive and has a need to be held and comforted." ALONG THESE lines you steer the evening's conversation. conversa-tion. Treat her to a glimpse of your soul. Talk to her as if she were a real person. Toward the end of the evening, eve-ning, after several drinks, she will look at you and say: "You know, Charley, you're different from anyone I ever dated. You really care about things." AND SHE WILL place her head on your shoulder, getting her powder all over your Brooks Brothers. Now you will hold her closely, close-ly, ostensibly like a comforting brother, and you will have won. |