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Show November 25, 1953 SIGNPOST Page 8 Don't Look Now But Happy Thanksgiving ANYTHING GOES (Do You Know Mow to 'Kiss Well, kiddies, here we go for another sparkling issue of Anything Goes. I received several letters, and since they were all mostly of two general type questions, I will not answer the individual letters, but will make a general analysis of both questions. The first question had to do with the advertisements that appear in the town paper regarding people who are picked up on traffic violations and other misdemeanors. The question was how to avoid the publicity. Why not look at it this way? The largest newspaper in any city has about ar, 80 per cent circulation, which means half of the people subscribe to or buy a paper. One-half of these people who get a paper don't see the article about you. One-half of those who do read it, aren't interested. One-half of those who are interested don't know you. One-half of those who know you don't bslieve it. And the rest, who do believe it, aren't worth your friendship, so don't worry. I hope that answers the question adequately. OSCULATORY EXERCISE The second question raised in most of the letters concerned that very enjoyable osculatory exercise known more popularly as kissing. Most of the questions had to do with the different types of kiss. This reporter hopes that the following analysis will be helpful. First, there are three don't on kissing: Don't kiss a girl who is over 80 years old, because the wick doesn't need turning up, and there isn't any more kerosene. Secondly, don't kiss a girl whose false teeth are not in tightly because you will be wearing a set of teeth over your own. Thirdly, don't kiss a girl who is wearing a heavy veil because it is just like eating soup without taking it out of the can. Now let's consider different types of feminine lips and how you should handle each situation. First, there are the athletic lips that are puckersd in a hard doughnut-like ring. This same type sometimes holds her lips in such a tight straight line that you can get the same effect from kissing a crack in the sidewalk. The way to control this is to ask her a question, and when she relaxes her lips to answer it, don't lose any time. Second, there are the lips which are very thickly painted, and here you have got to watch out for skidding. This kiss should be made with deliberation, because if you rush into it, you might slide off her lips and swallow her earrings. This isn't too bad unless she is wearing the long dangly kind. You will find these to be most indigestible. CORNET KISSING Next we have the girl who holds her lips so they look like the bell of the cornet. She usually closes her eyes and remains motionless waiting in anticipation. Obviously she is an amateur, has no technique and knows that there will usually be no encore. Be very careful that you don't shape your lips the same way or you will be so very far away from each other it would be better to write. The way to work with this type is to tell her something funny, and when she starts to smile you are in like a flin. Next on the list is the girl who converses during the kiss. Her lips are usually as dry as a sphinx's nose, and who is usually talking out of the side of her mouth when you are trying to hold a kiss like a famous screen lover. The remedy for this is very simple. Just hold her so tight that she can't breathe, and when a woman can't breathe she can't talk. By the way, be sure to let go before she passes out. OPEN MOUTH KISS Lastly, we have the girl who leaves her mouth partly open when you kiss her. You must be very careful with this type, because you may get bitten, or even worse, fall in. If you handle this type by waiting until she has to swallow, and then planting one on her lips before they have, time to sag apart again. With this information you should be protected against all slips of the lips except the ones which lead you to the altar, which simply means that you have learned your lesson in kissing too well. Hasta la vista till next time, and don't forget to send your problems to "Daddy". , That's What If Says! "Once Upon a Time," many years ago, there lived in "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" a "Girl in Satin". Her "Father, Father" would not let her go out with men. But, the "Girl in Satin" had a "Secret Love". "Many Times" he would meet her in the "Mission of St. Augustine" and they went "Dancing in the Dark". One night, they went to aa "Carnival". They "Were Having a Good Time" until a great big man hollered, "Hey, Joe!" You haven't had your picture taken for the "Acorn". "Oh" "Relax" "Mister Peeper", "When the Hands of the Clock" strike two "I'll be Walking Behind You" with "My Love, My Love". So "You, You, You" can take me to the Central Building. "Joe!" and the "Girl in Satin" left the "Carnival" and walked "From Here to Eternity." Dear Editor: I am writing this letter in regards to the parking facilities I with which the school has supplied 'us. I'm sure that the parking lot could be improved. For instance, a j person not knowing of the various hazards that lurk there,, might i unsuspectingly come in the entrance (without coming in at an j angle like the experienced user does), and smash the whole back end out of his car. Then, if said person is lucky enough to get into I the lot, he might immediately dis- jappear into one of the many chuck holes scattered liberally ; throughout the lot. Then, if he is exceptionally fortunate and gets .by these first dangers he usually i finds all the parking places are taken. It is my opinion that with the student body the size that it is, j there should surely be better parking conditions. I am sure that jwith these things improved, it ! would make Weber even more pleasant to attend. Sincerely, I Ray Frost. Los Viajeros-Planning Party The Spanish Club recently elected officers for the remainder of the quarter and planned for a Christmas party. Stanley Hammond was elected president, with Anne Brown, vice president, Thomas Wardle, secretary, and Audri Montgomery, reporter.December 22 has been chosen as the tentative date for the Los Viajero's Christmas party. Officers have planned to go caroling to Mexican homes, break the pin-ata, and eat some Mexican food. Several students have been singing in various organizations throughout the vicinity in Spanish. They are Thomas Wardle, Anne Brown, Thelda Moore, and Stanley Hammond. Weber College students are invited to Annex 1 to see our display of Mexican articles. L. D. S. Wish A Happy Holiday Lambda Delta Sigma would just like to say "hello" to all the students and wish them well in their studies, as the quarter nears its end. We hope that all' of you have an enjoyable Thanksgiving week end with plenty to eat, but remembering the spiritual value too. Tonight is the Thanksgiving banquet. There will be plenty to eat as usual, turkey with all the trimmings, and a fine program. Our thanks again goes to those who helped in preparation for this banquet. A sincere thanks to the officers of Lambda Delta Sigma and the hard work they do in planning and carrying out the party plans. We appreciate all they have done and all they are doing. tiiiiiiiMiuitii niitiiimi niiiiiiiiiiiiaiiiiiiiiiiiiaimiiiiimaiiiiii in iiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiaiiiimiiinniimiimiiir CHARCOAL GREY SPORT COATS Charcoal Grey Tweed Sport Coats, combined with Charcoal Grey Flannel Slacks for the sharpest outfit on the campus. $35 to $50 I RED M NYE CO 1IIIIIIIIIIIIDIIIIIII Dllll IIIIIIIIUIiailllUIIIIIIDIIIIIHIIIIIDIIIinilllllOIIIIIIIIIIIIOIIIIIIIIIIIIOIIIIIIIIIIIIDIIIIIIIIIIIIDinilllllta Club News From B. Y. U. "You know, if it weren't for lessons, we'd have time for all the social events around the campus." This is an often quoted and very-true statement, but it would take more than heavy studies andactivity-filled nights to keep the faithful members from attending the bi-weekly meetings of the Weber Club. There were so many familiar faces, it seemed very much like Weber. The party was really done up in a big way. It was begun with a program, followed by games, and ended with dancing. Brisk cider and flaky donuts were served (sounds good, huh?). With enthusiasm such as the members of the Weber Club have, it is almost certain to be the biggest and best geographical club on the campus! It is said that, "In the spring a young man's fancy ..." But you know, girls, think about it all year round, especially down here. Yes, here at the nation's leading matrimonial school, I have had three proposals already. My landlady proposed I pay my November's rent, my roommates proposed I spend 20 minutes less in the bathroom each morning, and my psychology teacher proposed I crack a book before he cracks one on me. Vaya Con Dios. Clyde Hull. Alpha Rho Dares To Be Different We're'not bragging or anything, but this year Alpha Rho's second "Rush Party" was a slight bit different than those held by the other men's clubs. Strange as it may seem, not one person staggered out to the dance floor and fell on his face. The punch was not "spiked" and yet everyone seemed to have a good time. Stranger yet, not one girl's face turned red because of an "off-color" joke. The M. C, Doug Middleton, gave very courteous introductions and told some "tame" stories. (In fact, he doesn't know any of the other kind.) i Yet, some of our jokes did draw laughter, especially a humorous reading given by Carol Smith. Although Alpha Rho's second Rush was unique to a degree, they were not bothered the following morning by remorse or "hangovers". Last Monday, the 23rd, a group of stout-hearted men rushed to the home of club president Bill Mur-dock and pledged their love, life, and money to the association of Alpha Rhovians. Alpha Rho is extremely proud of their choice group of pledges and great plans are being made for the nearfuture. Dear Editor: For some reason or other, when I started teaching journalism this quarter there were only nine students in the class. One of them withdrew, leaving eight naturally and, incidentally, myself in what is in some circles called a situation. You see, it takes as you well know more than eight people to put out the Signpost, especially when you remember that those eight have other things to do, other papers to write, other laboratories to belabor, and other assignments to bring to fruition. Now my problem, Mr. Anthony, is this: How can I get a few more students to enroll in this most fas- icinating of classes and thereby not only serve the school on the paper ibut serve themselves in' the matter of improved writing. Not only that but they will be laying the foundation for an entirely new vocation. They will, as it were, be laying up for themselves treasures in heaven which in their hour of need will prove as manna to one starving in the desert.And speaking of deserts, the course is . certainly not, if you'll pardon the expression, dry. So talk it up, will you, among your fellow sufferers here. Tell them a candle is shining in the dark, that for all the rain that falls in other classes many beautiful and heart-warming flowers are blooming for the picking in journalism. Respectfully, L. C. EVANS. SCHOOL SI'I'PLY HEADQUARTERS Steve's Office Supply 416 24th STREET For The Holidays . . . DANCES, PARTIES . . . BUY 2464 Washington Boulevard 7 SEE MATT OR GRANT FOR THE SHARPEST PAIR OF SHOES YOU EVER HAD ALWAYS THE SMARTEST & LATEST IN MENS SHOES S BUEHLER-BinGHflm i |