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Show Page 2 SIGNPOST May 21, 1954 SIGNPOST BI-WEEKLY PUBLICATION ASSOCIATED STUDENTS OF WEBER COLLEGE 402 Moench Building Phone.Weber College 3-8431 Signpost Extension OGDEN, UTAH Editor Audri Montgomery Feature Editor Lois McDonough Sports Editor Ken Hull Photography Editor . Neil Evans Cartoonist Paul Farber Society Editor Sally Powell Reporters Vance Pace, Bill Murdock, Ed. St. Clair, Duane Ozmun, Barbara Roberts, Ted Kubota, Marilyn Arnold, Kay McDonald, Sally Powell, Sally Colohan, Sig Pont, Nancy Sanders, and all club reporters. This Is The Bitter End "And then the books shall be opened and they shall be judged accordingly." Biblical writers must have known about what goes on during the last two weeks on the Weber campus when they wrote this little line. Just when, the suntanning and tennis gets the best we have to tramp up the stairs to the library and break out with the books so that when test week comes along we'll all get a straight three point average. Teachers all claim that they don't believe in giving tests, but call them what you want, they're hard, they take a couple of hours to finish, they include everything you've heard about all quarter, and teachers judge your final grade from their results. . You've got a few days left, everybody, so if you want to have the kind of grades that mother wants you to have, there's still time to get on the ball. Anything Goes Don't Let This Happen To You By SIG PONT Up and at 'em! Let's spin again. I was looking at the statistics column the other day in one of the local papers and noted with alarm the rising divorce rate. In hopes that this will not happen to any of you who are planning marriage, . I would like to tell you about a friend of mine. This Is How It Started It was funny how he first met his wife ... he just opened his wallet and there she was; free and foot loose and the rest of her could have stood some tightening too. Her greatest asset was his imagination. I was under the impression that she worked for a photographer, judging from her development. And her clothes . . . why, her dress fitted her to a T, especially around the L.S.M.F. She worked for Park & Tilford; she was a candy mechanic . . . she used to tighten the nuts in the peanut brittle. My friend? . . . he worked in Gimbel's basement, but after four years, he was still no bargain. He finally lost the job on account of illness; the boss got sick of him. Hot Mama! Ah, love . . . love is the quest, marriage the conquest, and divorce the inquest. He really loved the girl and wanted to be the father of her child . . . but she didn't want to be the mother! He asked her to run away with him and get married, but she complained that she was tired and that her feet hurt, and he was so tired he didn't have the strength to collapse! They did get married though, standing in two tubs of hot water; it was sort of a double .ring ceremony. They got married early in the morning, figuring if their wedding wasn't a success, they would have the rest of the day to get a divorce. His newmother-in-law greeted them on their return from their honeymoon. Mother-in-law . . . that's a gang- buster in a two-way stretch! And their honeymoon? . . . well, all I can say is he never had so much ! without laughing. Incidentally, his mother-in-law is on a diet . . . ! right now she looks like Miss j America and half of Canada, too. The Morning After After the marriage things real ly began to happen. His wife was awfully jealous; she didn't like the j idea of him being friendly with j Mae West, so he finally had to ! stop Mae from saying "Come up i and see me some time". (Besides j he got all worn out from climbing those damn stairs!) And his fa-j ther-in-law ... he was always sticking in his two cents too and he usually borrowed that. i Money! Money! Money! His father-in-law was an FBI man . . . fat, bald, and ignorant. His ancestors had Indian blood in them; one of them was Chief Hockawristwatch, a Pawnee. That family was really stingy; her mother was closer than two coats of shellac, and her brother . . . when he took his girl out, he wore wooden shoes to remind her they were going Dutch. My friend told me that his wife always reminded him of a Congressman always in-introducing new bills into the house. They agreed to go 50-50 on their income; it was a sad day when my friend found out that she meant $50.00 for her and fifty cents for him. She wore a wedding ring to show SHE was married, but he had to wear last year's clothes. Reno Ahoy! She finally decided she wanted a divorce. She charged him with reckless driving; he was driving another woman. Of course, if they were smart they would have stayed married just to be different. After the divorce, his wife said she felt like a new man. My friend waited for a long time for that divorce. You see, out of consideration for their son, they decided to wait until he graduated from law school so they could give him his first case. My friend wanted his son to have all the opportunities that his father never had, so they sent him to Vassar! The only part that my friend didn't like about divorce is the alimony . . . that's his idea of taxation without representation. Kind of like buying oats for a dead horse. I figure my friend got the best of the settlement though. His wife got the house, the furniture and the children, but he got the maid. He still sees his wife; though they're divorced, they're still human.Well, so much for my friend. You know, I always believed that people shouldn't get married until they were ready for it, but after hearing that story I believe in young marriages ... if a girl must marry, she should do it before she's old enough to knowbetter. CORRECTION: That wasn't Dex Farr in the picture last issue with the pie all over his face. It was none other than Elliot Rich. 'Scuse us! We're In! Anthony's 'Sign Post' MARILYN ARNOLD Guess what? Ye Olde Signpost has finally hit the big time. After hearing about the sterling attributes of the world famous Signpost, Ray Anthony promptly got on the ball and arranged a number by that name. If you cherish and love (with all your heart) your school paper, you should purchase that cool record and play it three times a day on week days, preferably after meals, and four times on Sunday. This is a big step up the ladder of fame for Weber' College. Undoubtedly this is the humble beginning of the greatest mecca of music in the world. A mass movement has been advanced to have phonographs installed in every room at the new campus, which will play "Signpost" all day long, and cannot be turned off. The Signpost staff has sent a letter to Ray Anthony complimenting him on his fine taste. Sez Who Sig Pont (?) You Guess By Nancy Sanders The question asked this time was "Who do you think Sig Pont is?" Rebecca Galle- gos I don't know. I have heard lots of rumors. Some say Art D e B o e r, others say Niel i); W i Evans or Duane ' . Ozmun. What I ' ' . : : would like to know is where .' does Sig Pont get his informa- ' tion about kiss- " think he writes a swell column though. Barbara Don- a I d s o n You . hear so many dif- f ferent things. I think it could be Duane Ozmun. The reason is because he is such a good writer. Darwin Van ing and chickens crossing the road? Roger Co o k Well, I'm sorry but I just have so many lessons and so much studying to do that I don't have any time to think about who Sig Pont is. I really r H i ) F1 III DeGraaf Whoever Sig Pont is he really must be in the know. And he has to be a student because the teachers don't know from nothing. It might be Art De Boer, but then he doesn't have any time to write it. COLLEGE BLUES JUNE SKU I II t ml WWpOlSgil to classified sectoi) Cellar Theatre Scores A Hit 'John, Mary' Dean Broadbent in his role of John Lawrence shocked the theatrical world with his performance in the Cellar Theatre's latest production, "John Loves Mary." Dean became so engrossed with his testimony of battle experience that he was caught with his pants down. The action of the play became so involved in the two lovers, that John Lawrence and Mary McKinley, played by JoAnne Wood, were hardly aware of Senator McKinley, Darwin Van De Graff, and Mrs. McKinley, Colleen Miller, entering upon the scene. The delightful comedy started out the action when John married his best friend's girl, Lily Herbish, played by Ruth Roelink, whom they had both met in England during their tour of duty in the Army. The marriage was the only way that John could bring Lily to America to Fred. The plan would involve John getting a Nevada divorce, leaving Fred and Lily marriageable.What A Mix-Up!- Fred's wife, however, dropped the bomb into the whole idea however, wth her newly arriving son and her mutual affection for her husband. The two were trapped between John's breaking romance with Mary and a bigamist suit with the law. The whole thing moved along in the same light humorous vein until John was forced to spill all to his family-in-law. The whole thing turned out fine when it was discovered that the two weren't married legally. So everything ended happily ever after. Cast Members The other cast members included Lawrence Gee as Oscar the Irish butler. Gary Heninger portrayed the conniving lieutenant of the old company who rather like his Seagram's Seven. The Red Cross executive, George Beech-wood, was played by Jerry Brown, and the General, Harwood Biddle, who gave his all for the cause was played by Ronald Jenkins. The whole cast gave an excellent interpretation of the popular play. Away Ve Go! 7cr i - t: t i p.. iL.,-Zi:?zzwr . . -,. - ...., -d Dick Maybe, Mariene Morgan, Pete Miller, Judy Johnston, Karen Hansen, and Kay Bingham were among Weber students who went to Lagoon for the Frosh-Soph outing. FOR SCHOOL SUPPLIES, GREETING CARDS, AND OFFICE EQUIPMENT SEE WEBER OFFICE SUPPLY CO. 325 24th STREET |