Show f I 1 THE BALLADE OF THE THIN MAN I 1 can do all that most men do that la in common run of things I 1 shave myself enjoy it too can take a clock and mend its springs can mow the lawn at break ot day full many a poker hand I 1 ve dealt but 0 I 1 ve never learned tho way to wear my trousers with a belt I 1 smoke until the air Is blue and I 1 can blow a dozen rings sometimes I 1 m out at night till 2 like other men I 1 take my flings at 40 baseball I 1 still play the swiftest pitching I 1 can welt cut 0 I 1 ve never learned the way to wear my trousers with a belt at I 1 m a wonder too I 1 am the man that always brings homewards when my sport la through the largest fish the biggest strings what other men can dar I 1 say to undertake no fear I 1 ve but I 1 have never learned the way to wear my trousers with a belt L ENVOI prince it you you re thin as I 1 to day it nature stingily hath dealt with you I 1 need not further say I 1 can t depend upon a belt detroit free press disconcerting candor 1 I was very glad said dr good man to eee you in church last sun day glad and also flattered I 1 had hardly hoped that my eloquence would prove more attractive to you than your regular sunday morning game of golf oh replied the man who believed in being candid at all times it gasn wasn t your eloquence exactly I 1 have recently been having a severe attack of rheumatism in my right shoulder chicago record herald HER CANDID OPINION de auber how do you like my landscape 9 do you think I 1 can am prove it any miss cutting you might try you cant make it any worse why he go the german emperor recently can caled an engagement to take luncheon with prince von hohenlohe bar prince von stolberg deml gerode prince von Solm sUch prince von stolberg rosala rossla prince von salm hostmark Host mar prince von benthell Ben thelm stein and prince von salm salm the people of germany cant understand why he dlan t go it Is probable that he wag afraid of getting hyphenated chicago record herald how she lost her prestige mistress angrily how dare you talk back to me in that way I 1 never beard such impudence you have a lot of nerve to call yourself a ladys maid new maid I 1 dont call myself that now maam but I 1 was a ladys maid before I 1 got this lob wife my dear you have nothing to complain of you have everything that I 1 want what more could you wish tor beaetter Bla etter Nece cary work dacon your alfes away ehe egbert she Is and who Is her understudy her her understudy who darns your bocks when ashes awaya yonkers statesman can such things be she I 1 see a cooking school and a nursery are among the innovations to be tried soon in seattle he and Is there no society for the prevention of cruelty to children n seattle I 1 wonder yonkers statesman broaden him they say that travel broadens a man said the dark woman well I 1 don t know about that r piled the light woman my husband has been a conductor on a trolley cai for seven years and see how thin h statesman THE PEBBLE IN HIS SHOE down along a primrose way where gentle breezes sweetly blew A fared all the day and a pebble in one shoe ills face was blackened by a frown he seemed to bear a nameless dread he heard no music bitting down through leafy branches overhead although the world was at its best with peace untroubled on her throne he carried sorrow in his breast and hopelessness was in his tone down along a primrose way where gentle breezes sweetly blew the pessimist fared all the day and kept the pebble in his shoe S E alser in chicago record herald SHE KNEW THOSE FRIENDS mistress you must get dressed early today to day jane tor I 1 have friends coming to see me jane mum an shall I 1 remove the bumb rellas her only one mrs Crimson beak you ought to be arrested for making me go on ahe street with that same old dress an other season mr well dear probably rearrested be arrested it you went on the street without wearing it yonkers statesman it might have been 1 I think said the ordinary citizen that I 1 have met you before perhaps you have perhaps you have replied the longhaired long haired young man who had at last succeeded la sell ing one of his poems to a magazine chicago record herald HOPELESS editor as a manuscript falls on floor instead of in the waste basket even that basket won t accept it I 1 beaetter Bla etter dangerous hedd dont you believe that de lays are dangerous greene I 1 certainly do I 1 broke down in my automobile the other day and had nothing to do to amuse tha girl but propose to her statesman wants the big ones the major about deml johns are made yearly in this coun try but the largest sizes are am ported the colonel yes we all seem t hanker after imported things don we statesman AN APOLOGY BUT NOT HERS inoffensive citizen who has been trampled upon and nearly had an eyo jabbed out arim slightly deaf perfect lady I 1 dlan t speak inoffensive citizen oh forgive me I 1 thought you said I 1 bee your pardon london sketch |