Show 0 6 Er The me IA four f s f i in child rearing It 4 r By Dr Robert G Vincent VincentA A This column appears on a bi bimonthly bI bb monthly basis in the Vernal Express for the purpose of or helping answer concerns and problems of an emotional nature which the residents of the basin area may be ex experiencing IF YOU the readers of the column have nave any concerns regarding the psychological health of yourself or someone else methods and techniques of the mental health profession or other Issues relating to mental health work I would appreciate a card or orletter letter detailing your concerns and Ideas I will attempt to answer them in future articles No names will t be given Your inquiries can besent be bei besent i sent to me In care of the Vernal Clinic 75 North 2 West Vernal Utah Several years ago go when hen I worked with the Salt Lake County Detention Center I listened to a good friend discuss Ithe the secrets of a year 25 career 1 v in working with some very disturbed children He said saide c tJ that for him four F's had to bei be i kept in mind When working with I children The four F's were X fair firm friendly and funny 1 v A COMMON statement I of often ten tens I s hear from youngsters in int t t JV-t at counseling is that tha t they feel their f par parents arent aren't fair That J f fy sometimes means that the rules 1 haven't been clearly discussed and agreed upon Sometimes it means nu ans' ans that parents paren s have T 1 f Supplied applied the rules inconsistently h are are washy wishy-washy 1 ls Sometimes youngsters feel 10 w 11 w that another child in the family r. tie is given preferential treatment and andis is able to getaway get get away with with Whatever Wh the cause li jih j the youngster comes s to mistrust the treatment he lie e is getting This This' W j serves I to undermine the ther thet r t r r relationship tion between the parent 4 and child Discipline measures v oj l i Q W become ineffective Ss AP to fill B Being ing firm and consistent i builds trust and confidence inthe in n inthe the i relationship between A A- parents and children n. n In some some n jit h has si been beem been fir demonstrated i 1 that when parents and teachers are are e bot both i firm and warm they can expect a higher degree of I appropriate behavior hi n the children and increased productivity Being Bring cold and permissive l leads ads the child to become anxious and C f unsure unsure Children need consistent stent firm limits administered by warm caring adults BEING FRIENDLY means sharing oneself with the child I l Iwas Iwas was discussing this recently with a friend who admitted that he did not spend enough time with his sons He described himself as a commercial father The only time I 1 joke and talk with my kids Is during the commercials on TV The rest of the time Iam lam yelling at them to up shut-up or get out of or the way Children learn a great deal about how how to to get life by following the models they see sec in the adults around them It is therefore extremely important to share time with our children teaching them Important skills about living being a friend to them A sense of or humor helps Sometimes serious situations can be helped by using a little tittle laughter Children are children and sometimes do things which are serious but amusing Youngsters are forced to lie tie when they fear unreasonable retribution from their parents It is important therefore to maintain an atm atmosphere phere of openness in order that communication can occur Once when planting a new lawn a father was was about finished when he noticed his three year old pulling a rake across a newly planted area leaving deep footprints and tearing up the sod He could have chastised the child but instead ch chose e a smile and a a thank you recognizing the childs child's desire to toTO help TO THESE four I would I-would like to add love and respect These are ingredients that make the others work work- Love and respect must r be expressed bythe by bythe bythe the adult and perceived by the child Parents sometimes have havea a reticence nce to express love Hugging and kissing talking of their positive feelings toward the child is felt t to be un un- un- un comfortable We are too often prone bone to criticize and not to praise Parents Parents' m must st become comfortable with ith expressions of tenderness tenderness' ands and concern rn for forth th their ir children n They must also check out the child's feelings toward th them m. m A discrete daddys daddy's girl or Who loves you or Hows it going to a achild achild achild child will check out the relationship and helps to establish in the childs child's mind the importance of expressing love |