Show CAPTURE OF AMELIA one evening last winter as I 1 was impatiently walking up and down the platform at a paris pans railroad station waiting tor for the express train I 1 received 1 4 tremendous thump on the back I 1 turned around and lo 10 and behold it was my wend friend jacques I 1 where are you going I 1 he asked I 1 to nice 1 I am ain going to nice too that Is first rate we will travel together the train had in the meantime arrived and arwe as we went to take our places in the coupe we WB passed the postal car 1 I like to be employed in one of those postal cars with all those dirty letter bags they have to stand up all the time too I 1 should think they would bs be tired out I 1 remarked yes it is not agreeable to travel in one of those cars I 1 traveled miles to ia one of them once and I 1 dont think I 1 ever suffered as much in my life how did that happen its a right funny story let us get our places and then ill tell you yon all about attl it we got into the coupe and jacques told the following yarn wh whish I 1 think is worth TV repeating y at the time to which I 1 refer said jacques 1 I was acquainted with a certain blonde countess you knew her because several times I 1 caught you trying to flirt with her she sha was living at that time at her villa near var her name is amelia wo we used to write to each other daily I 1 wrote to keep her thoroughly informed of the fact that I 1 loved her madly she wrote to me because life is very tedious out in ia the country and she had bad to do something to kill time her letters were rather cold and I 1 was much afraid thit that she was not going to make much of an effort to reciprocate my affections just at this crisis I 1 was carrying on a correspondence of pretty much the same character with another lady whose name was vas not amelia but louisa and who was war living in normandy A nige nice man you are 11 it is the prerogative active of innocence to project the initiatory bowlder boulder bow lder 11 responded jacques lighting a cigarette 1 I suppose you yon mean to quote that ho he who is without sin among you should cast the first stone just so resumed jacques Jacq nos miss louisa this normandy correspondent of mine was no countess neither was she a blonde we had reached that point in our correspond enca when she felt it incumbent on her to inform TOO me almost every day that sho she loved me for myself alone I 1 replied very coolly and indifferently for I 1 was desirous of giving her no encouragement whatever I 1 was trying to give louisa what is known as the cold shake but I 1 wanted to do it genteelly as a gentleman should 1 11 I presume the countess cou is the one that had the most money I 1 remarked cynically you yon are arc a good guesser the countess was very wealthy and louisa was not poor Lou louisae isaI 1 I did hate bate to go back on her it was not her fault faul t nor cor mine either tor for that matter that she was impecunious pectin lous there was something about her looks that reminded me of the countess and jacques sighed heavily what has all this got to do with the postal car you shall hear both of these correspondents spon dents of 0 mine had the mania to send me orders to fill hardly a day passed that I 1 did not have to buy something and mail it to them I 1 was at paris you know and they were in the country I 1 was eternally hunting bunting up samples of dress goods and sending them by mall mail well one morning I 1 got two letters one full of love and devotion from louka she also wanted me to pick out a sample of merino and send it to her the other letter was from the countess it was a very gossipy sort of a document but there was noth nothing ilig gushing about it she also desired me to pick out some samples of silks and mall mail them to her louisa was merino and the countess was silk bilk with a big S that was the difference between them 1 I sat down and composed two love letters one ot of them however without much love in it the other letter the one to the countess amella amelia was running over with affection and hints at suicide the one to Loui louisa sawas was philosophical and noncommittal non committal very much so indeed As I 1 had something to attend to I 1 hurried to a dry goods store selected tho the patterns and put them with the letters in the envelopes and put them in fit my pocket just at this moment who should I 1 see sea driving di iving past la in his bis buggy but my friend maximo maxime ile iio called to me to get in I 1 lid did so and just as we were passau passing the postoffice posto post fike office it occurred to mo me post the letters yes I 1 begin to understand 1 I got out bought two stamps stuck one ot of them on the letter to tho the countess shoved it through the hole and was about to do the same tor for louidas Lou isas epistle when I 1 felt faint I 1 gasped for air I 1 had addressed my lay letter to louisa to tho the coun tess at var and posted it in ray my hand was the letter to the countess countes with the samples aples sar of silk addressed to louisa in normandy you were ana in a fix f never NN as lit in so hideous it a fix alx in all my life U unless aless I 1 regained that letter it was all up ill with tho the beautiful beautiful countess who as I 1 told you was as rich as she was pretty yes you told me she was quite wealthy not only I 1 was really ilas pera tely in lovo love wi ill her besides I 1 went r right ight into tile and asked the clerk to hand me out tho the letter the clerk acs began iu to cross examine mo me and intimated that I 1 was a candidate for tile the lien ien As my illy answers did not suit him lie refused to hand out the letter I 1 remembered remember cil that I 1 had a friend who was a 1 high official in ill the rost office department I 1 jumped into in ion a back and was driven to liis his office odice ile he was not in then I 1 went to his residence I 1 found him explained matters and armed with an all official document drove back to the postoffice post office ahr mail was already nade up and on oil board ti the io postal car I 1 jumped aboard just n r q i tho the train moved oft off the postal 0 officers aers in the car vinder under the iho impression I 1 was trying to rob hurled uie me to the floor and while one kneeled on my breast the others choked me and searched mo me for arms As soon as I 1 got a chance to speak I 1 showed my document and explained pla ined profuse apologies were offered land and accepted however my collar was torn off and my clothes suffered in tho the scuffle did they give you your letter the car was packed up to the roof with sacks of mail matter the official said eaid I 1 I 1 my dear sir from four or five hundred thousand letters you can cant t expect us to pick out ont yours besides wo we are forbidden under any circumstances to deliver any mail en route what did you do there was nothing for me to do except to grin and bear it I 1 took it seat on the mail bags in order to rest myself and think tile sacks were not as comfortable as it a pillow they seemed to be full of hard and irregular shaped articles mixed up with letters I 1 wondered it if it was possible that I 1 was sitting on the identical dag bag that anat contained my letter to the countess perhaps there was nothing between me and that accursed dechi ment except an el eighth lith ot of an inch of leather and I 1 whistled quietly thou art so near and yet so far 1 I should think jacques that your conscience would have troubled you I 1 no my conscience did not trouble me but my stomach made me wish that I 1 j were dead there is no doubt that I 1 suffered internally I 1 am very sensitive o ab about out smells and the car was f full ull of them there was evidently something rotten in ml ar as tho 06 ilice department is concerned concerti ea lowet that damp leather judging by the smells in the car the people of france were in theli the habit abit of sending limburger Linn burger cheese sausage seasoned wil with garlic and the like 9 through the malls mails it was very warm damp weather the motion of the cars made things worse inside of 0 me in order to be more comfortable the clerks removed their shoes at last the crisis came on I 1 needed f resh air my bosom heaved convulsively convulsive lv how I 1 wished I 1 had not eaten that hearty breakfast oh amelia Am amelia elial I 1 I 1 groaned how little do you know how my bosom heaves for how little litile dost thou dream what sacrifices I 1 make on account of my love tor for thee you must have enjoyed yourself very much on the excursion that was only the beginning of rny icy sufferings Buffe rings resumed jacques after the spasms and convulsions in my breast had subsided owing to the vile smells and the racket I 1 could not get a wink of sloop until about 3 in the morning the clerks kept distributing mail all night and do you believe it when they came ame across that letter they woke me up to show it to me but refused to give it to me I 1 could have murdered them did you get it at last to cut things short when we got to lyons the postmaster was very polite but he be said he could not let me have the te letter because the order was not countersigned counter signed by the postmaster general I 1 kept right along with that letter undergoing all manner of exposures and hardships until it got to var n m aich Is in a very small country town I 1 had to ride to that place on a wagon without any springs alongside of the driver the letter bag containing that internal infernal document I 1 bala bad written to louisa and addre addressed sed to the countess amelia being under tile the seat beat I 1 could not bribe the mall mail carrier as I 1 had only about twenty I 1 francs ranes in my pocket I 1 intended to make it a final dual appeal to the postmaster advar at var and it if successful return tronco to paris the more I 1 thought of this plan the more I 1 became convinced it would not work var was only a few miles from the villa of 0 the countess you now gossips these country people are in a few days tit at most tile the countess r suld heir bear that it a strange gentleman from parts paris without any baggage except a gold headed beaded cone cane had bad arrived at var varand and had obtained from the postmaster a letter addressed bolier to her from the description she would know who it wits was that would never do I 1 learned that half an ali hour after the mall mail arrived at var a letter carrier set out on foot with tile duill tor for the the countess and the ini immediate I 1 e vicinity I 1 determined to get my letter front rom the carrier by hook or crook that was a nice way to get to I 1 ilia lie i penitentiary 1 I knew that well enough but rather than have amelia read the letter to louisa I 1 was willing to take any risks on our arrival at var the bag contain containing iu my illy letter was turned over to the I 1 went to the local tavern and got a square quare meal I 1 saw the letter carrier start start out on the road to amelias villa I 1 joined him and we soon becaas baciu i quite q in 1 I familiar ile he was a dull stupid amant I 1 had a flask with me and afi eal taking 9 a ahva small all al I 1 afthim drink myself he took aa balthy 1 thy pull 1 u 1 I 1 art at it I 1 encouraged him in 11 d debauchery ban pery and in passing pa asing through a v q ago age I 1 set get era em up again atter after two mol moi pulls at the flask he was beautifully dru dr ik and staggered helplessly coming t tc i gully I 1 tripped him up lip he fell like t log A moment more an and d under the afee elext ot of helping him up I 1 had opened i ie bag and secured that long sought lettl letter and shoved it nto into my pocket I 1 lie heard ar I 1 anoise and lookin looking up I 1 saw a dog cart r tj there was a I 1 lady ady driving I 1 felt mys myself f turning p palo 1 all over for the lady was other than the countess amelia bersI herself lf she recognized me but at first she wits was too astonished to speak I 1 thought to myself old boy it if you have got any presence of mind now is your time to show it V great god screamed amelia what has happened hoddo you come to be in this condi condition tiou I 1 ja jacques amelia do yoi believe in omens night before last abile hile I 1 was writing to you von I 1 heard you gall 11 my name three lines times I 1 j A As s I 1 said t this h Is t tears ears ran d down own m iny y cheeks cheAs for f 0 r 1 had caught a fearful cold and pulling out my handkerchief to wipe my eyes out dropped that accursed letter I 1 grabbed it arain ar ain ill shoved it into my pocket r 0 44 A you hoshnie hesh ine nie call your name J jacques acque sl asack amelia her eyes as largo as saucers with amazement yes A amelia and I 1 left on the next train just dressed d as I 1 was to come to you I 1 thought it was one of those mysterious cerious warnings that notify people of the death of loved ones and amelia oh how bow hove I 1 love you yoland and here I 1 dropped iowa down in the mud on my illy knees the rest of the story is short 11 continued jaecques Ja Jaa eques ques 44 amelias 1 eyes wed with tears leafs tit it this proof of my illy devotion and although I 1 looked like it a tramp tr she asked me to get in the dog cart with her I 1 lid did so and before wo we got to the villa she had consented to be become come my wife that my friend is the story oi of our marriage I 1 have told my wife nil all about it and she laughed until I 1 thought she would have acs ics I 1 really thought I 1 should have to send for a doctor translate slated J from the german by alex aiex E sweet |