Show THE CITY OF N 1 YORK experiences of the genius in tae great metropolis received with outstretched arms and effusive welcome wish my mi ma could see me now encounter with monsieur rat pat meeting lifee till a friend new york is ia the first city of america and in the cities of the world nut tile the new york world but bill just the world she ranks racks third or next to paris she derives her name aiom the celebrated new york ch chewing cheline ewine 0 gum gum and is famous throughout th the e len lenth length th and breadth of this republican land for her wild game bulls and bears being extremely numerous even on wall street new york is the houie home of broad way a and nil other freaks of nature arald arr among lD which we recognize nize the dude a peculiar biped th that at infests all great cities ard at times cities that lire are not areat the policemen of new york speak irish and receive 60 00 00 per month for their ignorance besides what they can squeeze out of the saloon e bu business siness on the side they ate aie as brilliant a set of numbskulls numb skulls as brass buttons and blue cloth ran can make arid and what they dont know is quite considerable sharks and confidence men ate are more in evidence in new york than bibles and good morals are in Ch chicago leigo Sped specking hing of sharks and confidence men rem reminds in ds ill me e 0 of f my q first t ma j I 1 belle belie ev vr fi for dr a tim lime e atlease at least e a s I 1 was the most noticed man in new york naturally I 1 am not vain aud esteem almost as naught daught the notice paid me by the world but I 1 must c that thai in this great american Amei ican metropolis I 1 felt just the least bit puffed vp op and I 1 found m myself wil wishing ahing ou on more than one 0 occasion eca sion that my mother and my friends sister could behold me strut down broadway broad way or through ye ve bowery entire strangers with high silk hats and toothpick pick shoes and clean shirts stopped me on the streets and shook my hand and asked how my fulk were getting on out wet west they gave me cigars and invited me to drink champagne and eat oysters and one old gentleman dressel dressed with a glass glaes eye and a heavy gold chain xv wanted anted ere cne to get into his carriage and drive out to his bis villa to dine while lie he wrote letters of introduction for me to notable men of europe gladstone and shakespeare ancl joan of are arc I 1 guess I 1 ask aik him my heart warmed to this thil man liue lilie unto a brother I 1 wanted to take him in my arms and shed a tear of gratitude on his white vest would I 1 go home with him and dine with his hia wife sod and dau daughters aters would I 1 honor his bis humble abode with my presence would I 1 would a german drink beer would a fich fiah swim or a sailor chew tobacco nl well ell I 1 guess yes and the way I 1 barked my shins was in ray my hurry to get in his hig carriage my aly toe slipped flipped from the sharp shari step which peeled me like a carrot from ankle to knee I 1 1 was up ill in in a minute and about to make a second attempt with my friends fiends assistance when who should tap me on the shoulder but a clerk from the tha hotel who wanted just it a word with me and who accordingly led me off to one side judge my surprise when the man who appeared so anxious to bask in my presence in the sunlight of my countenance for a few hour hours jumped into liis his carriage and drove off kofl as though suddenly remembering lie he had been tant for the doctor why does nt nl he be wait I 1 asked what is the reason he rushes off that way because lie cause said gaid the clerk lie knows me and is af fraid ile he is one of the biggest shar pers in this gr or any other city all lie he wanted is is your money and had you gone with him he N ban bac c had it or your life weeping jerusalem Jerus ilem can this be true it certain certainly v seemed like it I 1 shook the clerks writ and went anav to have mv hair combed and my beard trimmed I 1 took off roy my store clothes clot lieB and donned the unchristian christ Lin habiliments of a new york flude dude I 1 purchased a walking ine stick that like goliath Goli alha is spear handle would compare with a weavers bearn beam in size I 1 pot got an eye glass aud and assumed that idiotic expression so characteristic of chilt class of gf animals I 1 was trying to ape I 1 practiced four fourte tem n hours on saying 0 ah and dont cheit know and other expressions equally een ns spess I 1 bought a silk hat and a light over overcoat coit cut strai straight ht like a nimit gown own and two inches shorter than m undercoat and with pantaloons long enough to admit of rolling rollina up at the tha bottom when it was gainin raining 7 in london I 1 sallied forth to el electrify alack what a change I 1 pranced from one end of broadway to the other without once being topped stopped no ko one enquired after my venerable fattier father and the folks at dunakin villa vill rivers of humanity passed and no one said come and dine upon leaving the hotel the clerk smiled a beautiful smile emile aud and said you 11 ll do I 1 I 1 did I 1 took 1 a I cab and rode out to central park m got out at the zno zile and stood and m munched the end of my stick slick ana watched for deflect no one noticed me I 1 frit felt lonesome lone bome and so walked over where the monkeys were caged A nearsighted near sighted old gentleman with a green umbrella um biella from the creek somewhere I 1 pre sume fume offered me a peanut I 1 said gad ad and walked on over by the bear pit wab waa a knot of people lio 0 o I 1 went there and in a few moments saw a chance of repaying the hotel clerks kind kindness nes by doing a similar act to an a fellow mans anao N 1 saw raw him sitting off on 1 a I bench poorly clad with patches of mortar and red brick dust hanging to his hia clothes while from his firmly est lips protruded a clay pipe black with age and an inch long iong 0 A frenchmen hman unacquainted Ld with it h the me ways ways of the people thinks 1 I a sure lure prey to these shar pers unless warned in time ill do him the kin kindness duess and so walking over to him I 1 touched touched him on tile the shoulder and said 1 I beg your pardon but ru coay v I 1 I 1 hai have e a few words aith you an it its a words yo ye want is it id be a poor divil indeed to deny the boils of ye as many as ye ve want to well then my friend I 1 proceeded you are a stranger in a stran strange 0 ge land and arra anay y from your native home you are unacquainted with the ways of your new york cousins cousine and stand in constant peril of being robbed and perhaps murdered these 1 less well v ell di ased gentlemen around here lire are sharks out and out sharks sir sirl and when wh they 6 e a man dressed as you are they begin at once to plot and scheme to possess themselves thema elvea of his riches whatever you do dont do it do not accept i invitations no matter mailer liow how pressing to champagne dinners dont do this I 1 eay for if you do you are lost re he turn to your bour hotel at once wash wah your face comb your hair and put on clothing such as you see bee we roe dressed bedin in and you 11 ll never be noticed reject this advice and you are done for that poor fellows face was a study at first interested he then became so alarmed that fear and terror stamped every linean line amrit of his big handsome face IM hair of 0 that rich golden hue hae that indicates more than anything else hi high gh and noble birth stood erect aak arile ile his great gnal liquid eyes looking like shamrock from the ruined walls of blarney on the danube bunged banged out like warts his face swelled and changed color and with lis n nervous r shapely lapel y fingers clutching a young club of about t fifty pounds pound 3 weight eight vr lie ile was the very wy picture of dread and consternation I 1 was about to light my iny cigarette on his noie noi e when his pent up tip feelings folina alief in a I 1 burst ot of eloquence that was simply I 1 wish my readers could have bavo mm that miu man I 1 should like to see him again behill iron harp bars however or through a pair of field glasses I 1 up in the hospital two days later as from a troubled dream of which saint patrick and loly virgin and dom theaven dude dode nas all that hat still lang through gli my fertile brain ut of course i wanted to see brooklyn bridge I 1 wanted to walk over it and stand in dreamy contemplation on the exact spot where the immortal washington stood when lie he comp composed oed that sublimely sweet song son 1 I stood on ane bridge at midnight and the clock was tolling lolling the hour weare not told which clock it was that told hi hina so much but I 1 think we are safe iu in concluding 1 it was one of the four O 1 clocks 1 I 1 saw peeping above the grass raes in greenwood be this as it may the thought is a pretty one oe and cornea comes as the result oblong of long g and hard chinkin th thinking inkin g well 11 went down to the bridge and a as it was just a few mornings after my experience with that base ungrateful heathen in central park and I 1 was antill feeling sore and put pui out with N ith his treatment I 1 concluded to ride over it only costs two cents but as I 1 was dentless cent less that morning I 1 poked a dollar through the little ticket window it was wag marvelous how the lace of that ticket man brightened up as he pushed the dollar back with a toy fully satisfied look and yelled go and gel t et it chan changed ed I 1 I 1 remon remonstrated remonstrate strat 4 d with that man and told hirn him that I 1 meant no DO harm all in tile the world I 1 wanted was to live to see my mother airala again get away from the window h he screamed if you had any sense sens you t expect us to change a dollar for a two tiro cent fare 1 I 1 was cool and calm I 1 always am in the face of danger I 1 looked into the Vill villain aill s eyes eves and remarked thou 0 seller of tickets display eth a wisdom surpassing that of solomon in standing behind those bars wailer thus thu sd dressing we me know of thou collector of tolls tells thou sitter at the gate of customs that had I 1 hid had any cents I 1 would hive have given you two and gone on rejoicing ile he looked stern as I 1 ported parted ray my helm and went borrud during my stay in new york the suspension bridge was wa a source of never failing interest to me lt construction is a marvelous marv elou achievement in my tecona only to napoleons march across the Alleg haries into italy I 1 am I 1 I 1 tony sorry I 1 have fir forgotten gotten its exact 1 I 1 dimensions for I 1 know that they 1 who it ill have time to read this or anything else I 1 may write will 1 never have hare heard ot of bess ess have seen it but to convey convey to nay my readers an idea of its magnitude I 1 would say that it is some gome less than 50 0 miles ion long 0 by lil 16 wide and it cost coat less than 1 00 right hight in the center of this miracle in iron and stone and new york where it is feet more or less above the waters surface I 1 ran nto into the arins anna of brother hard e of our town a regular man ol 01 the world practical and farseeing faree eing as a telephone post Ilard scrabble v va a the naano man of fall all men I 1 wanted to see true and confidential lie he had made the acquaintance of evera every conti conri dence man in the state arid and so fresh in his big green old age that green goods men from dan to 13 raie la would to take him at par nover never did his dear old lace face seem 0 o good to look upon silas hard scrabble cr abble how do you do what are you doing here well sir mister im if I 1 knowel ye for the I 1 lands sake how you exchanged ie ec changed hanged I 1 reckon youre a regular city chap i by this time and wear a whilo chirt every every day well sw sir tilda will be powerful glad to see you ashes down there to tin hotel lookin after our satchels ani shingi the she dot last dast to leave em eln fur lur I 1 fear soune some 0 them slick chaps would run off with em I 1 was vai juat a fig gerin through my head lie 1 d kind of on how many peaple 1 would pass here in half an lic hour and hain surprised I 1 all the lation out 0 roe me and so FO the llie good oll oh soul run on telling me ino all about himself I 1 and his bia tilda and the latest news from Pu itin minville ville until I 1 just had bad to lo his waist or all of it I 1 could get my arm around it was just bust like his practical old head to be counting the noses on the bridge brie and though I 1 helped hini him for half an hour 1 I 1 have forgotten the exact n number limber I 1 feel safe eats in sayd saving hone bolever bo vever ver that it was not more than than I 1 it millions think of it il if your physician doesn doean t t object what an enormous human riv river e r flo linas we over this bridgit brid go every twenty four hours and chii you consider the myriads of people who do pot PASS over this bridge and add them to those who do why the figures are simply appalling and theraby then by adding those who have crossed and those who have not to those who may cross and those who anav may not you may may gain some idea of the vast ben benefit betic this bridge his been to the world I 1 dont donn think you will however NOD RES suir |