Show J 1 I t I. I ONLY COOL PLACE night Through the sultry summer Bummer sounds from Cram there came mysterious the direction of oC the kitchen George whispered Mrs MacDougal MacDou MacDou- I there there thero thero Is a bur bur- gal nervously glar filar in the Ice box Still SUIl George snored Wake Wako up r George Do you hoar the In There Is a b burglar downstairs Ice box bOL George brushed ed Imaginary c cobwebs from his eyes Burglar In the Ice Ico b box be ho murmured mur inured thickly Tb Thermometer popping popping popping pop pop- ping out of tube and burglar In ice box Lucky Luck dog And then George expressed himself turned with an old fashioned old yawn and over for another nap Wisdom of a Maid Mald want to wed a aman aman aman A wise girl said sald I man both truo true and good an orphan ho he must likewise b be from his early babyhood On that you know Ill I'll Insist In ln slat so Ill I'll never never- have to take a lot lotof lotof lotof of guff guit about the stuff his mother used to make FUNNY t. t I d She Yes She Yes and hes he's as good as he hels Is handsome He Funny He-Funny Funny he be Isn't behind bars The Brute They tell ten It that hes he's a s savin brute No Io penny can pass him by He even says that a bathing suit Comes too high Wanted to Get Measured Seedy Individual Individual-I I would like tike to get measured for a suit Bult Fashionable Tailor suspiciously suspiciously- At about what price sir Seedy Individual That Individual That makes no difference Fashionable Tailor We Tailor We generally require a deposit from unknown par par- ties Seedy Individual calmly calmly I I do not wish you to make the suit It has been so long since I enjoyed this experience experience ex ex- that I simply wished to get measured An Approbation So you approve of the hobble skirt Certainly replied Mr SirIus Bar Bar- ker I approve of anything that may divert fashion from an effort to magnify magni magni- fy hats and coiffures The hobble skirt Is considerately worn In tn such a manner man man- manner ner that It can obstruct nobody's view In any assemblage Esperanto Phrases for Golfers Why Is Is' Is Bitterly making those hideous hideous hide hide- ous noises Those are not hideous noises Buff Biff I is s expressing his feelings In to He has just missed an easy stroke He Did beard was shaved off so that there thera would be less danger of in in- Then he had two close shaves didn't he HIS WISH ISH I J f r r. r Mike aged fifteen I fifteen I wisht dat d t I could git me picture in do de papers How ought I to go it BUI Yer Yer too old ter be yer would have ter rob a bank The Sportsmans Sportsman's Viewpoint Fishing Is done as a you may bo aware In accord with the yugi pugilists pugilist's law Fishes and fighters are often orten put out By landing a hook In the Jaw Stuck An Illinois man has Invented a safety pin with two points From now on babies will probably be twice as cross Tangible Proof Theres a fellow who thinks pretty well of oC poetry As to how s J sHe He pays good money to Insert Inserts Insert it t In hla hia advertisements 0 THE OFFENDER It Is the person not the thing That t does docs the wrong and ho Who Is behind that which offends Must pay the penalty Is la not The firo Cro that burns the tho house Called Into court to stand And answer for the C crime but ut he be n Who wields the firing brand to death deal The gun that shoots a man to Goes free for Cor what Is done But ho must tako take the punishment Who held the deadly gun The man behind the corporate crime crim Must of oC himself make good The Tho corporation merely does What he directs It should It Tt is tho the person not the thing Who right from Crom wrong must know And ho must suffer for tor tho wrong When hen Justice strikes tho the blow W. We J J. J Lampton In New York Time Times Just a Way She Has Ever notice It queried the man who asks questions on the tho Installment Install ment plan Did I r ever er notice what queried the tho party of the dense part That Thata a a married womans woman's description description tion lion of an Ideal man than Isn't a good picture picture pic pic- ture of her husband continued the theother other ther Here She Is What Is woman Z asked the speaker Woman replied a man In the audience audience-a a married man man Is is an animate animate ani ani- mate being with the power of speech abnormally developed and entirely surrounded by b a dress that buttons up the back The back The Sufferer A Forgetful Sp Spouse use Mrs I Bilkins-I I never saw such a forgetful man In my life ute as you are The clock has stopped again Mr That's Bilkins-That's That's because you forget forget for for- forget get to wind it Mrs Huh Bilkins-Huh Huh You know very well Mr Bilkins that I told you to remind me to wind it and you forgot about it New New York Weekly No Cause for Worry right Into John tramp John a tramp came the kitchen and grabbed a whole pan cf biscuits I had Just made and made off off off-I-am I am frightened to death Dont be frightened dear the authorities authorities au au- au cannot do anything to you whatever happens to him It is his own fault tault NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT v g P i TE R G 1 RC Well Well If It anything should happen to me my wife's father would always take care car care of her Fatman But Fatman-But But suppose something should happen to t your our wife's father Cather Rubbernecks Into Come the garden Maud But Maud was too much wise Oh no no said she the corn has ear earlAnd ears earl And the potatoes eyes No Harm m Done What marry you you echoed the hearted frigid maid Well I guess not Why I wo wouldn't marry you if it you had ten times the money my father father fa ther has Oh well rejoined the young man manin manin in the case you have nothing on me in to that respect If I had half halt that amount of money I wouldn't even know you you The Honest Sailor I thought you said this parrot could speak two languages He sure can mum Nonsense He Ho can do nothing but screech unintelligible gibberish What two languages does ho he talk Bird language and the b of at the in the where he raised His New Point of View Brother Harry What Harry What a pretty girl that Miss Is Sister Bess Do Bess-Do Do you really think so i I J never heard you ou praise her tier beauty before Brother Drother Harry Well Harry Well to tell tho the truth I J never knew till last night that she he h had d money Our Old Friends There are no friends like old friends that we wo knew long ago they never fall fail to tell us things we do not care to know Thoy They tell us we are getting bald or My youre you're awfully gray And Goodness you are looking look looking ing bad That's what our old friends say The Victims Heres some poker dice Bet yon you cant can't stick sUck me mo for the drinks l No I dont don't suppose I can It is 18 s probably your wife and children who would be stuck I I |