Show 0 THE NEW ROMANCE Kiss me but do not muss my hair Nor bo be so much In has hasto hasta to Your arm arm my my frock If touched will tear- tear To put about my waist Love me but wisely tears and sighs sigh I loathe and fear tear to see ace A A. tortured brow and Jealous eyes Bent angrily on me Tell mo me you love me mc If It you must Remembering once said That Iteration breeds disgust And fervor Is Ill bred And Ill I'll give siva you OU a 0 lovo love discreet For pM passion lon With pallor wrinkles and crows crow's feet Turns pretty women old I Life Discouraging The learned savant camo came to the struggling student My boy he advised laying a n kindly kind Iy ly hand on the young mans man's shoulder bum burn midnight oil all If you would rise In this world I 1 burned midnight oil all and now I am am drawing a year The struggling student sighed Seems like I cant can't strike the pace ho he responded lugubriously I burn midnight oil every night and dont don't draw anything but mosquitoes REAL WORK Q r I 1 1 M kd cs tt I- I t 1 Ci O C e Ak It- It Politician He Politician He didn't care for tor work so 60 he married a woman with money Policeman Policeman Living Living easy now I 1 Iguess Iguess guess Politician Politician Politician-No No she's so stingy with It tt that he has to work harder than ever Summer Night Comedy They sat under a sh sheltering palm watching the roof garden musical comedy George whispered the poetical maid will will will you love me till tm tho stars grow old They are already old my dear responded George as he watched some of the stars on the little stage at the other end of the garden Just So There had been a family row Well remarked the alleged head of the house a man learns a few things when he gets married Yes sir a man lives and learns e ns That may be retorted the feminine feminine femi feml nine half of the sketch but tho the school of experience doesn't bar co co- eds Willing to Investigate My new refrigerator has a temperature temperature temper temper- constantly In the neighborhood of the freezing point said Colonel Stillwell Th The visitor who was warm and thirsty looked up with great Interest as he Inquired Have you you er er have you any proofs Oh Where 7 Most men are pleased who wear new duds As often otten has been noted But wheres where's the man who buys the suds Buds Because his tongue Is coated WISE MAYOR i The Politician You Politician You said before you wore wire elected that you would share your last dollar with me lIle Newly Elected Mayor Mayor Mayor-I I know but its it's going to be a long time before I get down do to my last dollar The Sole Defect You say that man has no bad habIts habits hab hab- its Only one me his habit of boasting that hat he has none The Bitterness of Damo Damocles lea Damocles Damoc es saw the sword suspended by a hair Shucks ho he cried my buttons have hung bung that way for months mouths Thus it may be inferred that he I was married MOTHERS MOTHER'S ADVICE I 1 1 am nm not satisfied to bo be dependent on my father for every farthing I need I wish to be Independent said the ambitious girl to her mother Should you go t to earning your own living you would have to be the obedient obedi bedi ent servant of any employer you might have always at his beck and call always always al al- al ways ready to do the bidding of your superiors and having not an nn hour you could call your our own replied her mother That would bo be horrid objected the ambitious girl I want to be Independent independent In in- dependent of pa but Ill I'll call caB no man master and I shall want my own way In everything Oh that's easy said her mother Get married Wanted a Dinner The seedy individual cautiously advanced advanced ad across the lawn to the spot where the prominent citizen was holdIng hold hold- Ing down a rustic rustle chair Pardon me sir began the tho s s. s 1 i. but the unemployed workingmen have appointed me a committee of one oneto oneto oneto to request you to address us at the theto to town Nn hall tomorrow night Well I guess I can replied the p p. c. c who never ov overlooked an opportunity opportunity to pose as a public speaker By Bythe Bytho Bytho tho the way what sort of an address would you people like I think sir answered the commit committee tee tae ue boys would appreciate an after dinner after dinner speech more than any thing ching else I Wanted More I The president of the Trust company who long had been trying to I persuade the billionaire to become a depositor was explaining to the latter the facilities of protection which his hla company afforded Now here he said convincingly pausing In front of two immense doors Is our famous vault Its It's made of armor plate steel six feet two inches thick is fireproof waterproof and burglar proof The billionaire sniffed with disdain The dickens he snorted I 1 can find hundreds of vaults like this Haven't you anything better I want a vault that Is cashier proof Good Rest Yeast Yeast Yeast-I I understand your brother is getting a needed much-needed rest Yes Yes his wife wiCe left for foi forthe the country four days Yonkers ago ago Statesman LEFT A MARK OF AFFECTION h J e i i 3 Ah John said the wife to hex hei recreant spouse when you remain away from me I miss you But when But when Im I'm here Then I dont don't miss misi you Bang Take that The rolling roiling pin landed unerringly For the Disappointed Inventor The man whose machine Doesn't rise Will never fall tall fallOut fallOut Out of ot tho skies Both Were on Time Too What member of the class can mention one memorable date in Roman Roman Roman Ro Ro- man history the tea teacher her asked with Cleopatra ventured one of the boys Speaking of Women Him Him Generally Generally speaking a woman Is Is- Is Her Her Is Is what Him Him Generally Generally speaking An Angel She knows the secret of or her worth worth- Of Ot that theres there's no denying denying- So Bo though she has no wings benel herself She keeps the money flying Cynical The heroine of this novel said sald to the hero In the fourteenth chapter i 1 1 hate you I hate you I hate you YO be married soon Just Could Not Be Right What makes you believe you could succeed in selling him a gold brick He has been accepted to serve on the jury three times The Nuisance Tom Tom Did Did you have a Jolly olly time at atthe atthe atthe the reception last night Jack Jack No No there was a young man present who tried to be funny Fame Earnest Earnest Are Are you acquainted with I Burkes Burke's Speech Conciliation Con 1 on I W Walter No Walter No but bu Im I'm very fond of 01 his Bottled Stout Stout Columbia Jester Metempsychosis Diner Diner Change Change that chicken soup to turtle Walter Waiter shouting shouting- Malce alP Ial that chicken turn turtle I |